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How can HELL be any worse???

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:36 AM in Depression and Coping
Hello everyone,

I am here as a last resort. I do not know what else to do.I am a 32 year old male who was in a car accident a little over 2 years ago where a guy ran a stop sign and slammed into my vehicle going 60+mph. Immediately I knew something was wrong. The first thing I remember feeling was a shock in my lower back. I went right to the ER to make sure I was ok, and they said that I had muscle atrophy and obviously recommended that I seek a specialist. After a few MRI's my Dr. said I had herniated/bulged discs in L3,L4, and L5SI, degenerative discs in mid-back as well as a torn rotator cuff and arthritis in my neck.

Now, what needs to be stated to understand what kind of condition I was in prior to the accident is that I have been in excellent physical shape my entire life. I played soccer for eight years and Ice hockey through college. Of course I have had the usual muscle aches and stiffness, but nothing painful and never anything that stretching and a little Motrin couldn't handle.

Now, after 7 MRI's and countless injections, PT, and most recently a Discogram (9/28/09) I am now in worse shape than ever.

Aside from the pain and the inconvenience of trying to find time for treatment while juggling work, my kids and a minimal social life, I feel that I have hit a dead end. I am in jeopardy of losing my job in management and have a wife that is about as supportive as a jockstrap on a camel.

My life is systematically falling apart. I do not know what to do. No one in my life seems to know what I am going through. My wife downplays my pain and tells me that I need to find a way to work through it and keep working 50-80 hours a week. My pain has increased since the Discogram three days ago, and now I rely on a cane to help me get around the house - mainly for going up and down steps and bending over as well as getting up.

I am sure that I am not the only one who feels alone and misunderstood, but right now I feel as if I am on my own.

I feel guilty bc I cannot do all of the things I used to do with my kids, and do not want them to pay for my constant pain. How can I be a good father if I can barely tolerate the pain or do the things a father normally does with his kids..?

I used to be a fun person to be around, full of vitality, but now I am a recluse with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I am depressed and overwhelmed with my chronic pain. My wife seems to have given up on me when I needed her the most. I do not know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thank you for reading, I look forward to any help or ideas.

- Disconnected



  • Welcome to Spine Health. Well if nothing else, at least you have the support of the members here. Sorry to hear that you are struggling at home. It is an unfortunate common theme with spine issues and chronic pain.

    Discograms are notorious for creating pain that lasts a while. Is your doc treating your pain at all? Have you contacted the doc who ordered the discogram and let him know about the pain? When do you meet the doc next to find out the results? Is there a plan of attack for treating you?

    It's important that your doc know's what is going on with you, physically and emotionally. It's all part of the package when it comes to treating a person's pain. Don't settle for "sucking it up" and "being a man". Pain is pain no matter who you are or what you do and you need to do whatever it takes to get that pain treated.

    Anyway, sorry that you are here, but welcome none-the-less.

  • "C" is right, all of it.

    Some of us are lucky and get a spouse that supports us 100% forever. It seems though that most of us do not get those!

    You don't say how old your kids are, but if they are old enough to understand just try to be honest without scaring the crap out of them! Oh, yeah, don't be surprised if they come up with some hurtful things to say from time to time. My youngest once told me I had used up all the sympathy I was entitled to! Took me a few days to get him to understand how hurtful that line was! You can always be a good father, just not the same as before. That can be very hard to adjust to. I went from 190lbs to 255. From mountainbiking with my sons every night and weekend to a recliner. We can learn to be as we are. Hang in there.

    We have to fight for our pain control when we aren't getting it. So, remember to fight.
  • chronic pain takes its toll on the entire family. After having surgery it seemed like every time my kids seen me, I was in bed- made me rethink my day- rest during the day and be up and about when they get home. I am sorry your wife has given up on you- its just that she doesn't understand your pain and all that you feel and what you have lost. She doesn't know how to make things better for you. When a person tries all that they know with fail, they just turn away. You may not be able to do the thing your use to do with your family and activities but find different things to do. You were active- get a WII for the entire family to play together. I know its not the same- but give it a try. If you use to play tennis, bowl, cook -whatever- you can do all the stuff on the WII without hurting yourself and have a sense of being involved with your kids again. I bet you all will be laughing in no time- laughing makes a person feel better!~
    My heart breaks for those with chronic pain and the spouse walks away- its a sad deal- but you can find someway to rekindle it. Have a picnic in the living room floor if you aren't able to leave your home. Order her some flowers online and have them delievered- Find the things that do make you feel good again. Chronic pain isn't the end of the world and you CAN overcome it! Keep your head up- I am 100% sure Hell is much much worse!
  • I was in horrible pain fro over 5 years with L4-L5 and endured the injections, etc. Has your doctor recommended surgery. I am like a new person since surgery. Better every day. Surgery was in Feb. 09.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    Disconnected, while everything may seem so dark and gloomy right now, the most important thing for you to do is maintain a positive and upbeat attitude. That you must do at all costs.
    Once we give into the pain and our physical problems, then everything starts to cave in.
    What has your doctor told you in terms of your options?
    What kind of medication are you on?

    Remember, there are so many kinds of conservative treatments, you should exhaust them all, maybe more than once.

    One driving force that you should keep in your mind is your family and how you want to be able to do so much more.

    Many of us have been restricted due to one or multiple surgeries. We may not be able to do all the things we did before, but we find ways to compensate.

    Waking up to sunshine is so much better than other alternatives. I wont lie, its not always easy, you might get real frustrated, but its all worth it.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Give more info on what the plan of action the drs are doing and meds.
    Yes, have your wife visit us. Take her to drs with you.
    We are here, 24/7 someone is here from all over the world.
    Please don't feel alone.
    You're in my prayers like everyone here!
    We have to have support to get through it, one way or another.
    Good luck to you!
    Hell has no fury and neither does the pain.
    But you can survive!

    Winston Churchill -
    If your going through hell, keep on going!
  • That's rough you're not getting any support from your spouse. I brought my husband to the PM Dr. to talk to him and I thought my husband understood better after that but as for support it has to come from within. Kudos to you to keep working through all the pain. You're children will be glad you're there for them. That's what's most important What has the Spine Surgeon's opinion of the discogram results? Keep us posted. Please let your Primary Dr. know how you're feeling and perhaps they can help you. Hang in there. Positive affirmations to myself has always helped with me getting though another day. I wish you less pain days ahead. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • that Hell is full of constant "10/10" pain for me personally, which is why suicide cannot be an option. I am sorry that you are suffering so, there are lots of us that can commissurate with you on how life-altering back injuries and pain can be. Hang in there, I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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