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down in the dumps

pete81241pete81241 Posts: 1,194
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:37 AM in Depression and Coping
one week ago i got out of surgery and was doing pretty well. yesterday when i heard a friend was banned i went into a funk. i woke up in the middle of the night and couldnt sleep. this is the third buddy i've lost by them being dismissed. i need support. any suggestions?


  • sorry didn't know you had surgery last week, what did you have done ? im here if you want to chat x
  • i had laminotomy plus scs insert done a week ago yesterday. here is link to scs story....thanks

  • Hello pete - how have you been? Not great from the history, but I trust your healing. Since I am seeing you here more?

    I don't know -the fall for me is kind of one of those seasons that is about change, dramatic change and so I guess it gets reflected in our personality.

  • Dumps are a really smelly place to be -- the odor alone should bring you around -- lots of old pizza, hamburger and chinese food leftovers, baking in the sun, ewwwwww! Only thing attracted to a dump is flies, buzzards and raccoons.

    :''( Okay, I sent you a PM cause I didn't understand your post -- didn't know if you were taking about losing a personal friend to death OR taking about losing a buddy on this site. After one cup of coffee, I think you were talking about this site. If so, do you have the person's personal e-mail address or info to continue corresponding.

    You know Pete sometimes I correlate our lives to throwing out a game of pick up sticks -- everything's sort of okay until the wrong stick is pulled out from underneath us. You are too beloved by people on this site to let you wallow in the dumps for too long. You will always meet new buddies because of who you are -- I know I can't relate to you man to man but the girls will be here to bolster you until another buddy comes along.

    Just a few days until you meet with the SCS rep - right? How's the stimulator working for you now? How's the back pain from the laminectomy?

    You'll be back to getting your beauty sleep in no time -- daytime naps can be pretty great too!

    Thinking of you and sending you a >:D< .

  • So sorry you have lost buddies on the site. We do get attached to people here.

    I hope you feel better soon. I enjoy reading your posts.

    Best wishes to you,

  • That is a low place to be. I hope the SH can lift you up as you support so many people on this site- Sorry you lost a (another) spiney friend on here. Is there anyway of getting in touch with them otherwise? I know that we can't give post our personal email address but did those dismissed give you a contact through a PM?

    Smile Pete- smile at all the great things you do and all that you mean to SO many of us here at this site!

    Have a better day!!
    Shannon ~
  • Hang in there buddy, I know you'll pull out of it! Just wait until that SCS is all dialed in, from what I've read you'll be loving it!

    It is tough when you get on to find a friend has been banned, I hope you're able to connect with them in another manner! It's probably even worse when you've not been on in a little while due to surgery. I hope we can continue to fill the void some and I hope you will be able to hook up with them again.
  • We still love you!... Hang in there, this close to surgery it is easy to keep getting in the depressed rut, over darn near anything.

    Not that you don't have a reason to be bummed about the buddies getting banned. :(

    It's not like we can control the actions of others. Simply the way things go sometimes.
  • thanks for being there for me. boy i'm going to need something to even out my moods. i hope its just the reaction from the surgery. one minute i'm high and then i'm low. thats not usually the case with me. but you know you get pretty close to people on this site and when all of a sudden they are gone you really get upset. i have talked to plenty of people today who cant understand lately why some folks get banned. i hope everyone here is being treated equally....hang in there wrambler and have a decent day....pete
  • You should not measure yourself by those you feel you have lost. True friends would not be so foolish as to do things that would get themselves banned. True friends would heed the warnings given and abide by the standards, if not for themselves, but for the continued support of their friends.

    Just my opinion anyway.

  • Hangin there Pete, you'll find your way out of this funk. Hope the SCS is working!!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Pete
    You are My Friend and I think Alot of You.!

    If you only knew how many people you have helped.
    You are always their when I need a encouraging word.(even when your are in pain that does not stop you from being their for me) and I have seen so many times your good words that you give to others.

    You are a Special Person Pete.

    You have helped me with many issues not only spine problems..(you mean alot to me)
    It is not fair when we lose a friend on here and specially when we don't know why?
    I know how it feels to lose a friend on S.H.
    I can say I have lost a few.One was banned, and after I found out why..It was still hard but I understood.

    The worse ever was when my S.H. Friend Ben(Agriman)
    had passed away.I felt as if he was my next door neighbor.We talked every morning while having morning coffee.
    So many times my family has told me to be careful and don't get to close to your s.h. people.
    I still find myself getting close to people. because that's just me. You already know that of me Pete.
    I'm sorry you are in a sad way..
    Marigold still hanging in there, gonna take walk around house and get another to put in the green and white vase.
    I will be sending you a P.M. Maybe I will call it a P.L.(letter)HaHa
    I want to tell you I do appreciate all you do for me and for what you give to others.
    Not many other Petes out their like You.
    sending you a smile to help the pain
    sending a hug to help the funky feeling

  • I've known a few people who have left on their own accord and I miss them but some have returned again. Sure they should take time away if they need the space but it's tough when someone leaves of their own not getting the support they need or despite many warnings do not understand why they're being banned. With thousands of members here there's always going to be misunderstandings. It's sad when someone doesn't heed to what's asked of them as it seems like they were here for support just like ourselves. Hopefully someone will be in touch with these former members and let you know how they're doing. I hope you're able to get some sleep soon. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I'm sorry you're feeling down and that you are missing your buddy. It's a tough time when you are also recovering from surgery and things can feel out of whack for a while. We here for you and we'll do our best to cheer you up. You are so kind and generous..no wonder why you're so popular ;) Well, I hope the SCS brings you relief so that you can get back to doing the things you love. Hang in there buddy, take care >:D<
  • i'm in that hyper mode right now trying to understand why people who seem to me to be good spineys get banned. i have talked with management and have been told theres a lot that goes on behind the scenes that doesnt show up on the posts. a person may seem fine on a post but in communication with the managers there are major problems, even abuse by members. i will probably recover from all this unhappiness and thanks everyone for all the understanding. i just hope people are treated equally here. sh should continue to be a safe haven for those who need help and support. i think that anyone who has input on this should contact the mods. and that the mods in turn should treat people equally and without favoritism.
  • pete81241 said:
    ... that the mods in turn should treat people equally and without favoritism.
    As part of the team working with the mods, I would just like to address this concern.

    You can't even begin to imagine the amount of thought that goes behind the discipline actions taken with different members. Typically there is much discussion, and no one takes this job lightly. We are well aware that everyone on this site is in pain, (as we are), and that pain can influence the actions of the members. So we tend to be more lenient than a lot of other on-line forums. Perhaps that is why members feel they can get away with inappropriate behavior, sort of the I got away with x, I'll try to get away with y and z and see just how far I can push. As a rule 99 percent of the membership here has a respect for rules, uses proper forum etiquette, and is considerate of the other members. For those who don't follow the rules, the mods have to take action. This IS NOT EASY!

    What is stressed time and again though is: Does the behavior of member x harm the integrity of spine-health? Is the behavior misleading to the general membership? Is there a continued violation of forum rules after a warning has been issued?

    I understand that you are sad to lose friends from the SH site. We are sad that people use behavior that forces the mods to take action.

    Please be assured that the administrator, the mods, and the authority members all work together to keep things fair here. Typically if there is a violation, a PM to that member explaining the problem is sent, well received, and the behavior never happens again. That is the kind of behind the scenes stuff that the general membership here does not see, and it is time consuming and mentally exhausting at times. When the violation continues to the point that a member has been banned, it was not a sudden decision, and every effort to maintain "fairness" has been made. We are not perfect, but we are all here doing the best job we can, donating our own time and at the same time dealing with our own medical issues.

    I hope this helps you to see that we do our best to be fair with all members.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • sometimes these things happen and its hard when you have known them for a while. You still have me. I hope your stimulator gets the proper adjustment so it starts working for you and you feel better. We all think so much of you here your so encouraging to everyone please feel better soon.
  • this post was inappropriate. my emotions carried me away. i became too upset. time to calm down. i will seek another forum...
  • Hiya BIG BIG HUGZ >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< , How are you feeling today? :? You know i am always here for you buddy O:) You are in my thoughts >:D<

    Angie xx :H
  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
    Hi Pete

    Sorry you are going through a bad time at the moment, but why feel you need to find another forum?

    All sites work in the same way, those who break rules get banned, this is a good site with fair admin, moderators and lots of members support.

    I hope you stay part of this wonderful Spine-health site.

    Take care


    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • Dear Pete,

    Some food for thought?

    I believe that true friends will share the good things and the bad things with us, in an attempt to reach out to us for support and in some situations... guideance.

    Given the information provided from two members of Authority on this thread, I believe any true "friend" would have confided in you... regarding the warning messages they received. If the friend did not share with you the warning messages they were receiving... being banned from Spine-Health would definitely come as a shock.

    In my mind, I would be questioning why the "friend" didn't feel comfortable confiding in me... so I could help them understand why they received warning messages. Maybe they felt embarassed or ashamed to tell you... or perhaps they didn't take the warnings to heart and just pushed them aside. I do believe you are a person who wouldn't judge a friend who came to you over something of this nature, as you would carefully listen to them and offer up advice.

    Maybe this is why you are stymied right now, Pete.

    Had you known ahead of time about these warnings... being banned would not have been such a surprise to you. And you know what? Being the person you are...chances are you could have talked to the person and guided them in the right manner, to where they would still be a Spine-Health member.

    Just some thoughts...

    I do hope you are able to keep in contact with friends who are no longer a part of Spine-Health.

    Take good care, Pete.

  • pete81241 said:
    i will seek another forum...
    Pete, I hope this doesn't mean you're going to leave s-h? I hope not! You are so well-respected here, and you posts are thoughtful and informative. I hope you're feeling better today.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Please don't leave SH because you've lost friends who've been banned. You're a valuable member here who has added so much friendly support to people in the weeks you've been here.

    Don't forget what I said after your surgery--the anesthetics they use and the steroids you are given (if still taking them) can have a profound effect on your moods for a couple of weeks. But that is temporary and you'll feel your normal self again, just give yourself a little more time.

    BTW, I don't know why you think this topic was inappropriate for you to post. Maybe you were told this was not appropriate by a mod? Whatever made you think that way, please don't let it bother you enough to leave. I don't think anybody would blame you for sharing your feelings respectfully, as you did. Hang in there, friend!

    EDIT Just to avoid any chance of misunderstanding--my comments should in no way imply anything negative about the administration of this board. I want to go on record as being in full and unquestioning support of the admin/mods/authorities who have the stressful task of maintaining order in this forum. You do a great job and are very much appreciated.

    I'm just appealing to Pete to not let disappointment or frustration make you leave this forum. We need you and your upbeat and friendly support!


    2009 Foraminotomy C6-72010 PLIF L4-S1Multi RFA's, cervical inj, lumbar injLaminectomy L3-4 and fusion w/internal fixation T10-L4 July 17Fusion C2-C5 yet to be scheduled
  • I want you to take the time to consider everything that has been said and done, then make your decision. Based on the help and the respect you have here on thi forum I am sure you will again make the right decision. We all have bad days but we must not act in haste. You have been wonderful to me and I have been honored to have been a part of spine health. I would hate to think that you would choose to loose all of us because one of us has been banned. There are so many more people out there like me that do need your kind words and you encouragement,and if you leave now, well I think you know what I mean. As a favor to those of us that do need you, please reconsider. Thank you either way I will always be grateful to you. From your spiney friend Linda
  • Pete - whatever your decision - you are respected!

  • Hope you stick around. Please don't think your post was inappropriate! Sometimes we just have to let it out. Nothing wrong with doing that here, not as far as I am concerned anyway!

    As far as being down in the dumps goes, don't feel lonely, look around, there's lots of us here! :D
  • well one day away from site and im back
    thanks linda, wrambler, david, angie, kelly ,ref, liz and inchworm for wanting me back. just think i'll hang around and try to improve this site. oh by the way banned member hollie just went in for gall bladder surgery. i will keep you posted on her progress.
    i may start printing up some ONE FREE OF PAIN DAY cards for everyone . much like those get out of jail free days in the monopoly. when i have cards they will be free for all members...lol
    guess my steroids are swinging me the other way today because my mood is better...take care...pete

  • You gave Me a Big Smile... and that is just what I needed.
    Thanks Pete..
  • So glad to see you! :D

    2009 Foraminotomy C6-72010 PLIF L4-S1Multi RFA's, cervical inj, lumbar injLaminectomy L3-4 and fusion w/internal fixation T10-L4 July 17Fusion C2-C5 yet to be scheduled
  • So glad to see you haven't left us and are feeling better. Thats good to hear. Lisa
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