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as Salt-N-Peppa so eloquently put it "Let's talk about sex"

I know this is a touchy topic, but an important one no less. I was wondering if anyone else that has chronic pain has a problem with their sex drive. I don't know if it is the pain itself or some of the medications or a mixture of both, but ever since I have been dealing with pain, I have no sex drive. I am married so needless to say, this really puts a damper on our relationship. The thing is, once I actually get past the "not feeling like it", everything is good, but it is getting there that is difficult. Does anyone else share this issue that is willing to discuss it? I am ready to pull my hair out with all the added stress that this causes. Lauren. ~X(


  • Hi Laur En Pain,

    Since my latest back and neck issues I also have no drive whatsoever. I think part of it is the meds, part of it is the fact that pain is exhausting, and in my case, as bad as my spine is, in the back of my mind I'm a bit fearful of doing some more damage! Yes, I am crazy,LOL.

    I am very fortunate that my husband hasn't pressured me at all. He sees how I am in pain constantly and doesn't push the issue.

    Maybe talk to your OBGYN and see if there are some hormones out there that would be safe to take. I'm pretty sure there is even a cream you apply to the skin that increases the sex drive. Just a thought. Good luck.
  • Hubby & I are reduced to mostly talking about sex lol But seriously I am in the same boat you are - always tired from the pain and the meds and always worried I will do more harm. Also like you once I just do it ( so romantic lol ) I am glad I did and wonder why I waited so long :?? BUT then it's a long wait again......... sooooo I think it's about "getting over it" more often - like the logo says "just DO it" lol ;)

    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • well i'm glad to hear it's not just me. not glad of course that we have to deal with such issues, but glad i'm not alone. it does put a lot of added pressure on a marriage and it sucks. I honestly think that if sex wasn't such an issue for me, my pain would be a little easier to deal with. My husband doesn't "pressure" but i always still know he's thinking about how much it sucks not having it and sometimes that is just as bad. i do feel bad but at the same time, dread the few days after because i just hurt so much worse. The other thing that i have noticed lately is that it feels like my metal hardware from the fusion is like digging into me or something, like there is something under me digging into my back but it's really just the screws (no pun intended) and stuff I guess. ;) LOL. I guess i should probably talk to my surgeon about that huh?
  • In my case, "Not tonight, I've got a headache" applies every day. Every day since I was in the seventh grade. That said, when I came home from the hospital immediately after my fusion, it was all I could think about, a reaction I'm told is not that unusual. Did that happen to anyone else?

  • so glad someone posted this. My hubby and I are also going thru this. I have no drive at all. The pain, meds, peri-menipause. i feel so bad for him. I try to do my duty but I get so sore and the pain is 10 times worse after. Is there a book out there sex positions for spineys?
  • men also feel this way because of the meds?
  • dmoonchild is so right! If there isn't a book out there, someone should write one. It is such a pain, literally and I think I am probably so boring in bed because I'm afraid to move the wrong way and kill my back. Aside from the pain though, sometimes I seriously think that I could go the rest of my life without having sex and not even care. I know that's just the meds talking because that's what causes the lack in sex drive for me, but that's a terrible thing. I feel so bad for hubby too. I really wish there was a way to just flip a switch to make me want to.
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