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Desperately need to vent

newhouse17nnewhouse17 Posts: 133
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:38 AM in Depression and Coping
Hello everyone,

My surgery was six months ago and I’m feeling very depressed. Some of the symptoms have returned and doc said that there is not much more he can do besides control the pain with meds so I have to learn to deal with what god has given me. I was a very active person up to June of 2008 when running with my pit bull did my back in for good. Since then I have not been able to do much besides sit around and be bored out of my skull. I though there was a little hope with surgery (May 2009) even when they told me this was salvage or damage control and not to get my hopes of having my normal life back. I did not want to accept that because I am a very stubborn person but it looks like they were right after all. Damn!!!! So here I sit depressed as ever!!! I walk two times a day and that’s even hard, legs feel like jello when I return home. I am so sick of others asking how I’m doing because I feel like their only asking out of politeness and not because they really care. How many times do you have to hear someone complain before you’re sick of it!!! The only ones who understand are the ones who have gone through it themselves. I have alienated my friends because of my injury, and spend my entire day home by myself. No one calls because they don’t want to hear that my back hurts. And then there’s always those who occasionally see me with a cane or wc on really bad days who say “did you do something to aggravate it”, no idiot, I had major back surgery, it’s never going to get better!! People think because I had surgery that I should be out running marathons already. And please don’t say it still early in the process, doc says I will continue to heal but I have to realize that I have a long list of limitations because of the nerve damage in my legs.

Most days I try to put on a good face at 3:00 when my kids get home from school and try to be a normal mom until 9:00 the whole time hating myself because all I want to do is lay down because I’m in pain. My husband is a great guy (way better then most) and tries to comfort me by saying "it is what it is and we are going to get through this together." But I feel I’m cheating him out of a chance for a normal life. He has taken all household responsibilities on himself besides working a 40 hr a week job. He’s even afraid to touch me because every time he does, I end up laid out for days at a time secretly crying to myself. I can’t do the normal everyday things that others take for granted. I have no one to talk to about how I’m feeling because their all sick of hearing it and my husband has strong views when it comes to the word “depressed”. So where does that leave me? If it wasn’t for my children, I would have driven my car into an oak tree by now but my luck I would live and be worse off then I am now!!(won't do anything stupid). I’m going to ask doc for stronger pain meds and maybe a tends unit to see if that helps. Thanks for letting me vent everyone. Being depressed is new to me and it’s great to know that I’m not alone in this struggle.


  • hi!! :H you are feeling very sad and down and i can read it all through your post. :( i am sorry to hear that for you... depression is so hard to come out of without a little help sometimes. have you thought about some anti-depressants? talk to your doctor.. pain medication in itself can lead to depression and i hear of some problems with your intimate life... everything takes a hit it seems.. ~X( thanks goodness you have an understanding and loving husband.. mine, of 29 years, is my best friend and takes such good care of me.. you and i are both very lucky. :X please do some reading on the forum and see what kind of info you come up with as far as your pain problem goes. good luck and stop by anytime to vent or chat or just to have a good laugh!! :D Jenny :)
  • Here's wishing you some relief in the near future. Depression definitely goes with chronic pain.

    Its very difficult to put on the "happy face" for others, very stressful. Most of us have dealt with it at some point, maybe always since the pain started.

    Talk to your Dr. about depression medication. Hopefully this can help.

    As for alienating friends due to boring them with details / talking about your pain: don't!!
    When others ask how I am doing, I just say fine. If its a close friend or family member, I just say, not good, and leave it at that. Anyone wanting more info will ask.

    This is a tough road to travel, its like we need to reinvent a part of ourselves (and our thinking) to fit to what limitations we may have. But this can open doors to something new and wonderful.

    Keep posting if you need to vent, or feel free to PM me anytime; just typing your feelings and getting them out can be very cathartic.
  • Sometimes it is very hard to talk to friends and family about just how low you are feeling. Depression is a very big hole and most people need some help climbing out of it. For some people it is anti-depressants for others therapy is better. Please speak to your family doctor. While he/she can't fix your back he/she can help with how you feel about yourself.

    Having suffered from depression myself I know how back pain can bring you down. You do have buddies here who are happy to listen to you vent, so don't worry about feeling alone here
  • Not being able to return to previous activities can be so depressing. I'm dealing with major depression from my limitations also, but I'm finding that I need to be thankful for what I do have. We both can walk -- I see so many folks in a chair or people who manage to walk with severe limitations and I am grateful that I can manage mostly on my own steam, occasionally with a cane. It sounds as though you have a wonderful family. Take refuge in them. Don't be afraid to let them know you are not the same as you used to be. Be open and honest. Children can be very forgiving and pitch in when least expected. I wish you all the best -- I do understand.


    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • Thanks everyone,Im having a better day today. Kids home for the holiday and lots of big hugs.Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own problems that we don't think our kids see and hear things but they do!!I am going to as the doc for some help and try to be thankful for all the wonderful things that I have in my life. I like the post about reinventing my self.I am not much of a hobby person due to my athletic lifestyle but what the hell, maybe I'll try knitting or jewelery making. There's a whole new world out there for me and I just need to find something that peeks my intrest. Thanks again everyone and I'll keep you posted on my progress.
  • i was a happy go lucky chap 3 years ago {even though i had back pain } it was no where as bad as it is n ow .so i know how you are feeling and all the worry that goes with it ..i can't offer you any advice apart from to get as many pain killer as you can for your condition and try to manage your pain as best as you can ..i know that is easier said than done .all i do is sit on my recliner when i am really bad and do something when i am not as bad ..what ever i do i am woken with pain after 3 hours sleep ..its hard work to keep going but we must .feel free to pm me anytime
  • all in the same boat together. That is one of the great things about coming to this forum. We all really do understand.
  • Oh, yes, it can be needed at times and here is as safe a place as any to do it.
    not that I ever need to vent.... L)

    I walked out the back door today and when I reached into my pocket for my Jeep keys found only my work keys, yeah, the door to the house was locked, no one else home....Searched for a way in, nope. Tried looking up the neighbor lady 1/4 mile away who has our house key, could not get through google fast enough to get the number on my Bberry....arg. Neighbor lady DROVE by as I tried to flag her down! she waved and honked the horn as I was waving yelling STOP!

    My poor devoted wife drove home and opened the garage door to let me in. I know have my spare Jeep key in my work bag....

    My ipg pocket is on fire today for some reason. My back is starting to hurt and I am now seeing the down side of Bipolar. yay.....vent away indeed.

    Oh, yeah, I am also supposed to see my PM on the 18th, work requires me to get a full medical release or permanent restrictions at this point. Nothing to worry about at all, venting done. Not complete mind you but done for I think I am butting in one someone elses vent, sorry.
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