For the longest time I refused to accept my disabilities, my doctors, specialist were trying to make me under stand that there is nothing medically do-able any more,
I always hoped that one morning I would walk up and I was me again.
The pain medication I was taking did keep the pain to some degree at bay. It never took it completely away. There was always pain.
The medication I took, got me through the motion of life, the mechanics of life, but was slowly robbing me of the essence of life.
My whole existence evolved around Pain-pain meds- and their consequent side effects.
Lack of sleep, constipation, always being in a fog.
Never having the energy to do much,
My whole focus was getting through the day,
I assumed, I was the only one affected by my chronic pain –I was mistaken!
Turns out; everybody around me was just as affected.
I felt I was always misunderstood; my words were not good enough.
I constantly had to justify my action or the lack there of.
I hade to do something..Things were getting out of control.
We all had a sit down with my pain doctor,
My family asked any question, they wanted answered about me and/or my pain,
I let the doctor answer,
Believe you me it carries a lot more weight; if the same words came from a doctors mouth, then from mine.
I remember some of the question;
My parents both in the seventies asking the doctor if I’m going to become a drug Addict.
My son asked if I was going to die,
My wife just simply asked;
“Please tell me when am I going to get my husband back?”.
I will be honest with you; it was not easy for me, to sit back and listen to them,
to see the desperation on their faces.
I never realized how much it affected them.
At the end of the day, my pain situation did not change,
Now when I take my pain killers in front of my parents I’m not questioned any more,
When I have one of my flair ups and my pain levels are extreme,
My kids know, this will not kill me,
leaving toys on the floor so I could trip over them will
As for my wife, well let us just say; we are optimistic. And we take it one day at a time.
Understanding the situation with the “correct” information is, one of the most important step in the recovery process
This is my way saying, "thank you " to all those who help others.