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Who else lives alone?

IvorymoonIIvorymoon Posts: 44
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:40 AM in Depression and Coping
I've had back troubles for many years, two herniated disks that are now worse.... both disks are now gone and I have DDD and arthritis. I am 53, my parents have both passed away, I have no kids, and I am single. No relatives in the area, and what relatives I have left are elderly and live over 2 hours away. My best friends also live about a couple hours from me, altho I do have a couple friends in the area, however they are busy with their own lives, and I don't think they realize how miserable I really am.

Anyway..... how do you cope with your pain and depression when you are all alone? I am also trying to find a job that I am able to do, but because of my health issues (I also have severe IBS) I am not having any luck. I used to have a very good job at a local hospital, I have an Associate degree in Health Information Management, but because of my health troubles I lost that job, and lost every job I have had since then. I get assistance thru the county for rent, but that doesn't go very far and my landlord (I rent) has threatened to evict me for just being $200 late and only a few weeks late. I have filed for social security disability, and I have a disability attorney, I already got my first denial, but we appealed and are now waiting to see what happens next. I just don't know what to do in the meantime. I took a part time job, only to find out it is making my back much worse....

I'm trying to hang in there, but I am feeling more scared and more alone, and more worried about my future. Being alone doesn't help..... so I was curious as to who is alone and how do you cope? I have pets and they are a huge comfort, I couldn't have made it this far without my pets.... but sometimes it's nice to have a human to talk to.


  • and isolating when you have pain problems and can't be the "friend" that your friends want you to be.
    I know my son often feels like that. He only has 1 friend that he can depend on if he is really in need. We spend a lot of time on the phone and Skype. He says it really helps him not to feel so alone. I live in England and he is in Florida with no relatives near him.

    He has no pets but has 2 little boys to take care of and he says he couldn't manage without them.

    Maybe you and your friends that live far away could talk over Skype. It's free and it is so nice to see the person you are talking to.

    Hope you hear something soon about your SSD. My son got his in 2008 and even though it is very little it still makes him happy to be taking care of his boys.

    Good luck to you and give your pets a hug!

    Peggy x
  • Thanks Peggy! It gives me hope to hear that others can manage too. Seems that my two best friends who are so far away just are not internet users at all, or, well, not very often anyway.....unfortunately. So, I am not sure if they'd get into Skype or not. But it is a very good idea! I'd love to do that.

  • have you thought about a service dog? i am training my own now, and it's hard, but so awesome. he is a great help to me, and a great friend.
  • Hi there snookie, I do have two small dogs, they are my whole life and have gotten me thru my darkest days.
    I don't know what I'd do without 'em.
  • I live alone as well, and though technically I didn't when I had fusion surgery In October 2009, I probably actually would have been better off if I had. Instead I had to deal with a very painful and ugly, breakup (and subsequent move), and was actually alone most of my recovery, both in and out of the hospital. The worst were my first 3 or so days home after the hospital when my ex left me alone, unable to get out of my recliner on my own, and sick as can be from withdrawals. In the end, it probably made me stronger and all of that...but it was just really, really rough.

    Some how I made it through all of that and am doing fabulously now, but I have to attribute a lot to the SH chat and the folks I met there. I didn't stumble onto the forums or chat until after my surgery, but since then I have formed some great friendships, and just being able to chat with people that could relate to what we go through as "spineys" saved my butt! And even though I'm clear of the worst hurdles, it still helps to be able to vent or even listen to others and offer the support that I once needed.

    Hang in there. It's rough, but try to focus on what you DO have rather than what you don't!
  • Hi Renee (my mams name is Renee!)

    I havent been on this forum long...

    I dont live on my own, I live with my partner. But I do spend a lot of time on my own (I know that isnt the same thing). My partner works really long hours and I am on the sick (again) due to my back flaring up.

    I spend Monday - Friday on my own, most of my friends are online friends as I moved away from my RL friends.

    If you ever want a chat and I'm around please just send me a PM, though I do live in England so we might not cross paths that much.

    We have a dog called Pennywise (she is a West Highland Terrier) and two cats called Pish and Moonie.
    They have saved me on some very dark days, so I understand what you say about your dogs.

    I am an animal lover.

    Anyway, that turned into a longer post than I thought.

    Take Care, and hope to speak with you soon.

    Ellen x x x
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    I don't live alone. But I feel for anyone who does. Maybe going into the chat room may be good for you. I don't because I can't type and I'm too slow. Also My p. m. psych. gave me some info on a online or telephone group therapy, where they conference call. If youre interested in that. P.M. me and when I get home in a few days I'll get the info for you.
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Training my service dog (we are still very early in the process) I have found to help a lot. i do not live alone, i live with my boys 10 and 12.since I have been hurt they have had a lot of problems with me being at home alone. Their dad committed suicide in September, which has made it so much worse.

    My boys are the ones who encouraged me to do this, we have always had pets, they knew I could train the dog, and they wanted to be able to spend the night away without worry. So we volunteered at the SPCA until we founf the right dog.

    I have found this to be so diferent than having a pet dog (I have a pet, a min pin). So much more rewarding.

    Maybe with the dogs you have, you could start doing some different training? We have started target training, with the end goal for him to turn lights on and off (then we can expand from there).

    If nothing else, I have found that this is a great distraction, the bonding is so much stronger, and when i am hurting we can do training that doesn't require me to move. At the same time he loves it, and that makes me happy. The end result is that i will have a dog that migrates my disabilty, which will make all parts of life easier to deal with.
  • I live alone and LOVE it!! I also suffer savage pain 24/7.
    I am divorced and have been for sometime. I have no one to answer to, do what I want when I want. I do not have to pick up after someone else. I prepare my meals when I want and have what I want. I am never lonely and have lovely neighbors that I visit and they visit and call me. Friends also drop in and call.
    I do have family but none live close to me so I do not get to see them as often as I would like but we do talk often and they come send a few days with me every summer. I do have family but have no children.
    I am a happy person and never depressed.
    Best of luck to you dear.
    Cheers :H
    Patsy W
  • In reading your posts I got a real big reality jolt. I have been on here complaining about my pain and how long I have dealt with it and still having pain after the fusion.
    I feel like such a crybaby. My heart goes out to all of you that have had to deal with this surgery alone. I have a wonderful husband, not perfect but so caring, and have my 4 dogs. One of them has to be put down tommorow, as she is 14 and has lost her contol and I just cant deal with it anymore. As much as I love her, I think with her not being able to see and this, and arthritis, it is for the best.
    You all have had so much heartache,and I just wanted you to know that I care, and will be there for you if you ever need someone to talk to. I am up alot at nights, my pain keeps me awake alot. You are all strong people, and I admire you. I dont know what I would do in the same situation. I hope that you all have some releif from your pain today and in the future! Love, Robin
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