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steveb43ssteveb43 Posts: 26
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:41 AM in Water Cooler
I for one think this has gotten out of hand. For the most part there are good ppl in chat. My wife as well has back issues and wanted to come in to chat and talk so i made her a screen name a while back, 3 times since thursday she has went into chat to talk and get some info that i could not give answers to. 1st cpl times in the room went fairly well few exceptions of rudeness but all in all was good. Yesterday on the other hand wast just plain rude. I will not mention names in here that,s just not right but she went in and all she saw was ppl making fun of members that were not in there. I know this first hand cuz i was setting at screen while she was trying to type. I am a big fan of chat and go in alot to chat with friends ive made and try and help new ppl that are new to the room. but after seeing how my wife was treated in the room i will not be in anymore nor will she. support and friendship is what it is suppose to be about, not rudeness and let see who we can gossip about today while they are not here. take care all



  • Steve,
    I can understand your frustrations with chat. However, without knowing who the offenders are and at what time it is occurring it is kind of hard to detect it. There are 24 hours in a day and to sit and read one of those logs looking for comments would take hours on the mods behalf. Which keep in mind they are not paid to do it. The site is free to use so the site is not going to pay someone to sit and read daily chat logs. If you give the time of the events then it is rather easy to go back and see what was going on. That information can be given to any mod in form of pm. But basically the site relies on all of you in chat to police yourself. There are multiple rooms setup for a reason, so as someone doesn't like what is going on in one room they can move to another room. The problems in chat seem to be on going.

    Lately i think many chat users are communicating on some of the IM systems such as yahoo and those conversation are being carried into SH chat, which it has no place here. From what I understand a lot moved over to those sides so they wouldn't have rules, and now they have communicated there without any rules and feelings are getting hurt and now it is brought back to Sh. That is why there has to be rules. In Sh chat members know the rules, but there is nothing we can do for what goes on in those other IM systems and gets brought back here. So once everyone moved over there and had a free for all, with no rules it is kind of hard to go back to the rules side. But as always if there are rules being broken in chat the proper actions will be taken to assure that it stops. So if no one is willing to come forward I am not sure why the mods would be expected to read hours and hours of logs to see what is going on. Save your logs one night before you leave chat and go back and read one, and you will see that is just to much to scroll through. I am sorry your wife's feeling got hurt and that should never happen but like I say it would be solved should we know whom was the problem.
  • I didn't leave SH chat because I wanted somewhere to go break rules. I left because of the members who deliberately were causing tension from gossip, ganging up on certain memebers,and using duplicate names that can be created during an active chat session to play games with members. Not being very computer savvy, those who are can have a field day playing mean pranks.

    Steve ...I'm sorry that experience happened to the both of you, I have chatted with you and know that you are the kind of member that is important to keep as a chat friend.

    Take care.
  • Steve,

    I guess I've been in there at the wrong times, or dunno. What you're saying though, I have heard others as well say - Mary left too for similar descriptions. This bugs me as chat has always been fun and at times too of course, a source of support or feelings from others in similar boats!

    I will admit from some of what I've read of late, if I click on "Who's In Chat" and don't recognize most of the names I stay out. Why? During the week I am limited on time since I am on day shift, and if there are a lot of people I don't know, well I busy myself in the forums for a couple of hours and hit the pillows. Weekends I go in there mostly for now. If I see what you are describing, I have NO problem capturing the "bad behavior" and giving it to a Mod on here, no problem at all! Please don't stop coming in there Steve. You are a really good friend, and I will MISS our chats!!! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • What bothers me most of all of this, is not who or why people come and go, but the selfishness and immaturity that tends to be the driving force behind so many of the issues in chat. We all are here for so many different reasons, and all have our own very unique situations. But there are common threads that tie us all together, yet somehow people seem to always forget about that until they feel as if they are the ones being slighted. Too many times I have watched people who claim to be in chat to offer support to others, ignore those in search of information and support because they are too wrapped up in their own games and agendas.

    Naturally everyone has their days when they are the ones in need and simply don’t have their own strength to be someone else’s support. But there are those I have watched pursue their own agendas for months without ever offering more support than “Hi. What’s your spine issue?”, yet they are the first to berate others for doing the same. And even worse those same people feel the need to take problems started elsewhere not only onto SH but other venues where they feel the need to deny others support because of their need for drama and insistence at participating and perpetuating foolish, immature games.

    If not for 2 or 3 wonderful people that were consistently in chat during my first few months as a member, I would not have continued to even bother with chat. Those few people were the only ones to offer support. From day one was not interested in playing into the drama and certain members’ needs for constant attention – and I mean attention in a negative way, not that they simply need support like most members – and because of that I stayed out of chat when certain members were in the room. Then I got to a point in my recovery where I was doing well and felt it was important to share my positive story as well as offer any other support I possibly could. And I will continue to do so regardless of what other issues may arise, or who comes and goes.

    Personally I refuse to let any drama or games keep me from providing whatever support and information I can to others, both on SH and elsewhere. SH is a place for support and information - not for drama and childish games. I’m sorry some feel the need to abandon SH, but know everyone has their reasons. Hopefully those that have left because they did not feel support can either rely on outside sources for help, or will find their way back and not the few “bad apples” spoil the bunch. I am grateful for the friendship and support I have found here, and hope to always have the opportunity to offer the same to the others.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,877
    awalker819, your post just summarized what the Spine-Health CHAT is all about and that there are those that behave like school yard children.

    Working with Spine-Health for the past 4 years, I've come to realize that there are those members, that are more interested in the drama and chaos they can cause then they are in their own medical situation.

    Again, thank you very much for summarizing the Chat Problem
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    I'll second that motion Ron. awalker summed it all up. There have been times when I felt like what am I doing here. People are all different and we can not change that. We can change ourselves though. As many here I have quite a few issues with my spine and other parts of this worn out body. But it is very rewarding if I can offer any help or support and someone can benefit from it
    rather than talk about my problems.
    We can always peek in on "who's in chat" and if there is a personality issue then I'll check in later. Sometimes we can interpret words in a way that were not meant to be, so I take that into consideration before I respond. I respect steve42 on his decision but I'll miss him as others that have left here.
    I have met a lot of nice people in this chat room and I have never been on any chat other than S-H. If I were to ever offend anyone here I would hope they would tell me about it and not leave this site.
    To the moderators and authority, thank you for all that you do!
  • I dont usualy post but i do chat'' And i am amazed how easy it is for a person to summarise up chat by describing how it should be in chat, and whats apropriate and whats not, but at the same time not following any of the above rules and not aply it to themselves. Its as if do as i say, not as i do. Person can post and say all the right things in there post, but i know 1st hand dont follow it and are part of the problem ..After being here for 1+ years now, i have seen many drama played out and seen woman team up against others.Nothing personal but chat seems to consist of mostly woman.Few of us man stick around who can hadle the drama.Of course we try to put a stop to it, even if we have to take some heat for it from the few that could not parade there nonesense in sh chat. I am old enough and smart enough to know not to bring my personal issues to spinal health. We all get along in sh that are here about chronic pain and spine issues. Its the few bad aples that parade about some issue they had on yahoo chat and brought it with them to spinal health because they cant get enough of it. If you had a disagreement with a member that you chose to ad to your yahoo list or fb friend and the friendship went sour. Dont come crying wolf in sh about it and spoil it for others that dont care about your drama there and are here along with me sufffering and trying to get through the day with pain. I have received vulger attack in my inbox and have reported it in sh. And this person as well was someone from yahoo thats a member here that felt it was apropriate to bring her issue here to sh. And this act brings nothing but drama to this site. These are the few that need to grow up and act like a suport group. But then again they have nothing to bring to the table in sh to help anyone but there needy self.Until those people are aware of there actions and realise some of us are in serious pain and are lifers to pain and made this our safe zone and share our surgery outcomes with new people. Those few bad aples will always be nothing but pretending to be suporting. We deserve beter and those few bad aples deserve less attention. This is not a popularity contest as some seem to think. And i am clear that few of those bad aples dont fuffer as most of us here in sh and just cant make that connection with ones in chronic pain and are simply here for the wrong reason.I learned to respect many here in same situation as i am or very similar and help any one in any way i can. I think most that know me well enough might know this already.I have listened to a lot of bleeding hearts suffering along with me. And i am discusted with the few that act like they are in high school and make the mods job harder where they actualy have to moniter the room as if we were still in highschool. Sincerely yours; Alexhurting
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
    What you say is very true, it is so difficult to read certain posts knowing what has really been going on.

    I think we have to be so careful when giving out information, and telling people personal things about ourselves. That way there is no possible way an employer could be contacted, if that did happen.

    I have also been on the receiving end of the nonsense, it came out the blue and there was no clue to why apart from who I speak to, so I know how childish this is.

    I use SH daily I have made some wonderful friends, and hope to continue. It is sad we need to be monitored but if that is the only way it keeps troublemakers out, then that is the way it has to be.

    Thank you to all the mods that are trying to keep the chat running for those who genuinely need it

    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
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