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Anger Management

Cath111CCath111 Posts: 3,702
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:41 AM in Lighten and Brighten
Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves It

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make
I found the number and dilled it
A man answered, saying
I politely said,
'This is Chris Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
and hung up
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled
and slammed down the phone

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
and hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking Spot Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number
A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial,)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said,
'Yes, it is.'
I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said,
'Yes, I live at 234 Oaktree Blvd , in Waveland
It's a yellow cottage style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked,
'What's your name?'
He said,
'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said,
I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up,and added his number to my speed dial, too

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call

Then I came up with an idea..
I called asshole #1.
He said,
I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked,
'Are you still there?'
I said,
He screamed,
'Stop calling me,'
I said,
'Make me,'
He asked,
'Who are you?'
I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said,
'Asshole, I live at 234 Oaktree Blvd , in Waveland ,
a yellow cottage style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up

Then I called Asshole #2
He said,
I said,
'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said,
'You'll what?'
He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 234 Oaktree Blvd , in Waveland ,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Waveland .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Waveland!!
I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew

NOW I feel much better
This anger management stuff works great!



  • I got to say thanks I needed that laugh. I love it.

    Here a big (((((((((((((( >:D< ))))))))) for making my day

  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    I love it! =)) I want one too! =))
    Jim :))(
    p.s. Your killin me! =))
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Oh that hit the spot Cath. Thanks. :-)
    What a shame Caller Id was invented... ;-)
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,858
    whats that all about?
    To me, I have found an effective way in handlng it.

    When ( am on the road, I have some very basic demands.

    1. I am king , no body is allowed to be in front or in back of me, nor either side.

    2. If some one breaks one of those rules, I immediately stop my car singing and go into attack mode. First its a number of horn beeps, then followed by steady horn and flashing lights.

    3. My final act of anger management is to get besides the person and proceed to give them the appreciate finger!

    Boy does that help with my pent up emotions
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • You do know that,
    Everyone that drives slower than you is an A$$hole.
    Everyone that drives faster than you is an Idiot.

    It has been this way since the invention of the wheel...heck, probably since we learned to ride horses!
  • Thanks I needed that. =))
    If someone tics me off on the road, I like to conspicously follow them home so that they know i'm there, I stop outside they're home, watch them get out of the car, wait until they look my way and make sure they see me writing down (what they presume is their licence number) on a piece of paper.
    I drive away knowing that for the next week or so, they'll be nervous that the police (or some burly husband) is going to turn up on their door step.
    I always feel better after that.
    The trick is to make sure they can't see your licence plate though. :))(
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