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Why does my life SUCK?

TraseeTTrasee Posts: 571
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:41 AM in Matters of the Heart
I know that's a stupid topic. But I have had one of the worst days. On again off again bf is off again. Even after asking me to marry him, he has no respect for me or my feelings. And this was too apparent during an argument that blew out of proportion tonight and I said I would just go home ( was at his house ) and he refused to help me carry my things to my car. Now this wasn't just because I am lazy. I had a boatload of stuff there and was way over 10 lbs My current limit of course, and he said F**K your back. So of course for me that was the last straw. I got my stuff and cried all the way home.

I could never be so cruel to someone I said I loved. Ever. So there goes another relationship down the tubes. I don't know what it takes to maintain a normal relationship anymore. Men have become foreign creatures to me and I swear I just want to be single now for the rest of my life. I cannot take having my heart broken over and over.

Just venting.



  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    Wow sounds familar. I have lost relationships due to my spine problems. Number one you acknowledge the fact he does not respect you.....so why would you want him?
    Dont settle for less then you deserve!!! Men became aliens to me along time ago.lol. There is nothing worse then a broken heart or so it seems at the time. I am sending a big hug your way.
    good luck
  • It is his loss not yours. I only know you from the post and those beautiful uplifting PMs you send me. I don't have a lot to say, cause for one thing I am a man, so I get thrown in the same pile as this loser, (pun intended). I understand fighting, but the making you hurt yourself carrying your stuff goes way beyond childish it is cruel. I can only imagine what other cruelty he had in store for you latter if you had married him. So better to know now that he is a pile of dung, that not only can't appreciate a good catch, but is willing to hurt you not just mentally, but physically. Wow, take some time for yourself. Man I'm pissed now. If you want to PM, I don't think I can sleep, and at least I can give you hope that some men are not total, man it is hard to not cuss in this post,piles of crap. I'm not perfect, but like wow. I just hope you did not hurt yourself physically!
    -i am so sorry sister
    -better to find out now
    -don't you dare let him con his way back!

    -Yeah, we all need someone we can bleed on
    Yeah, and if you want it, baby, well you can bleed on me-R,S.
    -your concerned friend norm
    (p.s. I am a man, but I am not an ass!)
  • u don't deserve to be treated like that, walk away, take care of u an lets hope he meets his match, he will wish he never treated u so bad.
    at least u got more room to spread out in bed, no snoring or smelling feet or bottom noises to deal with now
  • Now that's just cruel. You deserve better than that. No man should say that at all and know he still has you in his life. Relationships aren't easy but it's about respect too. You're number one and time to look out for yourself. I'm sorry this happened tonight to you but he should be supportive. Obviously he's not here for you. If you want to continue with him it's best to see a Counselor or the Minister who's going to marry you for some advice. Gentle hugs. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    I'm sorry that happened to you. For him to get mad is one thing. But to possibly cause you physical harm is cruel! good thing you found out before you said "I do" I hope you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on in your life. He showed his colors don't accept a feeble apology. Move on!
    good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Thanks for the replies and support. I really don't think I can ever see him again and not smack the crap out of him. Or shoot him. He actually just called me and said I make him feel like I am controlling his house. I was just like WTF?? I treat his home the same way I would treat anyone's home I was staying in. Make the bed. fold my towels, help with the dishes, etc. He is recently out of the Army and going to reserves and I really think he needs some counseling after his Afghan tour. I am completely freaked out about the things he said. AND I know he cannot possibly love me and feel this way. Or if he does love me, its all in the wrong way. I can never ever marry him. I can never trust him again, and I know that now. If he is willing to allow me physical harm, then I know he himself is capable of physically harming me. And he is black belt in 2 different martial arts, so getting in a brawl over towels would be death to me LOL.

    I have to pick up a few things from his house, but I will not be going alone. I am calling my muscle, for back up. I really think he is a lil whacked out.

    Better now than later as Norm said.

    Thanks my friends,
  • He sounds like a little boy, not a man. Better to learn this lesson now than down the road when you have invested more of your precious time with him. Marriage and relationships are hard enough when both people behave as grown-ups, but when one partner is so immature and incapable of empathy, it is dead in the water.

    Concentrate on your healing and things will look better when you are feeling better.

    Hugs ~
  • I'm sorry you are so upset. The good thing is that his true colors came out for you to see and you know he is not for you. (I'm slapping him upside the head right now), but of course you are still hurt and upset, and rightly so.

    There ARE good men out there, maybe you'll find one, if he's lucky. In the meantime take good care of YOU. I'm hoping for better days ahead for you.
    Take care, Lisa
  • There is a saying that when someone shows you their true colors, believe them! Marriage isn't easy, then you add in morgages, bills, in-laws, and children. It's vital to have a solid foundation to build a life together on. There is someone out there that will respect and honor you! You can thank him for the gift of showing you that he is not the one! Importantly, now you need to protect yourself and your healing process. Stress can really interfere with healing! Don't let anymore of those free radicals loose!!! Be kind to yourself, call your girlfriends,try and pamper yourself!! Hang in there girl!
  • I can see it now....a small, slow moving, shuffling army of spinies ready to defend your honor with our canes/walkers/ect.... <):)

    In all seriousness, I know it hurts to find this out about the man you love, but it IS SO MUCH BETTER to know now! (from someone who knows)

    Have a safe day,
    and know the spinie brigade is here when ever you need us :D >:D<
  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,364

    Not trying to down play your siuation at all but .... 6 weeks post my second set of surgeries ... my wife of 18 years announced that she was divorcing me.

    Just as we struggle with our new found limitations - there are significant others in our lives that are unwilling or uncapable to "deal with" or "accept" the new limitations that have been caused by our situations.

    I do ask that you do not condemn the entire male gender in whole, and simply understand that there are many of the opposite sex (on both sides) that don't have the compassion, bandwidth, capability, or WHATEVER to deal with, understand, and continue to support people in our situation.

    Your life (as a whole) hopefully doesn't suck ... some ... many?, and certainly this aspect of your life is less than optimal right now.

    You may benefit from an excersise called a graditude list. Write down all the positive things in your life. You maybe suprised at how many positive things yo do have going on.

    Just as we pray that our conditions will stabilize, now medications and treatments will become available ... I continue to remain open minded about the potential of a relationship with the fairer sex in the future.

    Not all people are like your or my ex, please don't give up on love, life, relationships, hope, and prayer.

    Spine-health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!

  • Thanks again for all the kind comments, I know in my heart he is not for me. I refuse to be treated that way ever again. I haven't given up on the whole gender yet. I know there are good men out there somewhere and many of you guys on this forum are great and I know from posts you have great families. Congrats on that since it really is an accomplishment.

    Gwennie, Thanks :) You are so right. And LISA!! LOL @ smacking him in the head. I really wanted to do that myself. I "heart" you.

    You are all a hell of a support system!!! Canes, walkers and all. LOL Hopeless, I don't care what anyone says, this group is definitely one to be reckoned with :)

    D, I just cannot understand how someone can do that to anyone. I don't even care if that person no longer loves their mate. I would still get them on the road to recovery before springing the divorce thing on them, people really can be heartless as I am finding out.

    On a sad note, my best friend of 10 + years, who took such good care of me after my fusion, is in the hospital battling pneumonia, and due to some irregularities on her xrays, is awaiting a cat scan to check for lung cancer. She is 46 yrs old. So my week is not off to a good start. Hers is even worse. I am concentrating all my good vibes to her, she is more than a sister to me and I love her. So, I have someone to look after now. Strange how life forces you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Any prayers are welcomed.

    Sorry for the long post, I had to get it all out now. I am sure the next few days will be very busy,

  • Several people on here have listened to my sob story/pit party about how my gf at the time treated (or really mistreated) me before, during and after surgery. Just so you're not alone...I had been with my then gf (who has had 2 back surgeries herself) for only a few months when I injured my back...in fact it was moving into the house she and I bought together that injured my back. If not for her insistence I might not have gone to my PCP about m back much less gone to an OS (who performed one of her surgeries coincidentally). But unfortunately for me, that's about where her compassion ended. After a year of struggling with conservative treatments and ever-increasing pain (and all of the fun that goes with it like medication side-effects and depression), I scheduled surgery. On my 30th birthday no less, with her beside me telling me she couldn't understand why I was scared and telling me to "suck it up", even though she herself is terrified of fusion and cries at the very thought of it. And by the time surgery rolled around she was already all-but cheating on me right in front of me, denying it all the while. My last night in the hospital, she yelled at me for not being able to decide on what to eat because I was sick from morphine withdrawals. And on my first 2 nights home from the hospital she left me alone to go to the bar (from about 8 pm until 4 am). And that was after telling my parents, while I was in surgery, that they need not worry, nor stay with me because she would take care of me.

    Anyway I left out a lot in the interest of keeping it short...but you get the gist...she sucked lol and because of that I packed my things and moved out less than 2 months after surgery.

    Sometimes there are people in our lives who are just toxic, and the only thing to do is put yourself first and get them OUT of your life. Trust me, I know it's not easy, and it sure hurts like hell. But no one deserves to be treated the way you have, and we all deserve patience, love, support and understanding. Sometimes it just takes some of us longer to find it.

    And well guess my post supports "D"'s post too since it proves that women can be just as bad haha it's about selfishness and lack of compassion which women are not immune to either.

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend, best wishes and good vibes to her as well as you! Hang in there and remember you deserve better, and to take care of you first!


  • Sorry to hear about what happened, there is no excuse for what he did, angry or not you should never put another person deliberately in harms way.
    Just remember chivalry is not dead, it just likes to hide in strange places. In other words, don't give up on love because of one a-hole.
    Right now though focus on yourself and getting better, did you stir your back up carrying all that stuff?
  • Healing thoughts for your BF and remember to take care of yourself. It's been hard on my marriage this back pain and not being able to work. I have to stay away from hubby and looking for answers. Hang in there. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Your life does not suck!! Your life will be so much better now with that jerk out of it.
    Believe me Traci there are some great guys out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve. DO NOT go back to this guy. DO NOT do that. I was married to a very abusive man. It took me 3 loooong years to excape from this monster. I had to go into hiding for a long time. I ran the first chance I got with nothing but the clothes on my back and never went back!! I stayed in shelters while he searched for me. I am sooooo lucky.
    I am in a great relationship with a wonderful man who has been trying to find me since I was 19!! He had never forgotten me and was hoping to one day to find me again.
    You do not need this jerk. There are some womderful men out there looking for someone just like you.
    Keep the chin up girl.
    Cheers :H
    Patsy W
  • Thanks again, you are all kind in ways this man could never understand.

    Kylie, My back was fine after the effort to carry all that junk. It was just a little sore.

    Pat, I thank you for sharing. No one should be in an abusive relationship. I don't intend to go back to him. We are obviously not a good match. I am not sure that therapy will help him. He really has no empathy. For anyone. He seems to only be kind when it will shine a good light on himself and that is so fake.

    Andre, Thanks also for sharing. He is toxic and I cannot imagine going through that crap ever again. And a follow up on my bff, she saw a pulmonologist, and he is of the mind that she has severe pneumonia. He is keeping her in the hosp, on antibiotics and clearing her lungs before doing any further invasive tests. Just x-rays over the next few days so that is such a relief I cried again.

    So the world goes,
  • L) L) BUTTHEAD!!!!!! L) L)

    Doesn't he know you are the winner of "America's Top SPINEY!"-- Fool! :D :D

  • I am so sorry you had to deal with such a uncaring butthead! But I am glad you are away from him. You deserve alot better than that. There are alot of compassionate people out there, and I am sure, in time, you will find that special one that treats you like you deserve. Want me to hire Guido and his friends to ruff him up at bit? =)) =)) Just kidding. Men like that make me mad. But on the bright side, you are away and safe and heres a big hug >:D< for all you have been through. I hope that you are resting and feeling better. I am glad you saw through him before it escaladed into something worse. You Go Girl. You are strong and will be fine. And when you are ready, there is that careing person out there for you! One that will treat you like a princess and take care of you in your time of need. Take care, We Love You! Robin
  • I am SO sorry I missed this, I haven't been on here much at all lately! Traci, are you holding up okay? How is your friend doing? I agree with everyone else who said above that you are much better off knowing this now than after the wedding. I know that doesn't make it feel any better though. Being single is not the worst thing in the world, at least now you have more time to focus on strengthening your body & mind : ) You are a great person and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you posted this at first.

    It seems like when it rains it pours, I know, but things will get better and there has got to be a damn rainbow or sunshine at the end of our storms. I'm with Lisa though, I will smack him on the head or beat him senseless if you want. My lifting maximum is 20 lbs now, I can lift a pretty heavy barbell over his head, lol!

    ****hugs**** Please let me know how you're doing xoo
  • Trasee, I just want to say you should be very proud of yourself. Most women wouldn't realize so quickly that that relationship was/is toxic.

    Controlling "his" house? If he loved you, he wouldn't care b/c he would start seeing things as shared. I have terrible OCD (which my husband is seeing more of now that he has to help me) but we laugh about it. I drive him nuts but he doesn't lose his cool. The most I get is a snide comment of "I got it the 5th time you told me". So now we have a joke phrase when I really need him to do something...and we just giggle about it.

    You will find a man that respects you as a partner and a team mate. And one that doesn't need to put you down to make himself feel better about himself.

    I know not everyone is religious but that passage about love in the bible is so true.

    "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
    -- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    (If this isn't appropriate and needs to be deleted, I totally understand) but just made me think...this person doesn't understand what love is.
  • Awwwwww DNice I cried when I read that passage. It has been a long time since I have seen that. I am not a religious a person but that is sooooooo true and exactly what love is. This man will never understand that.

    I am not perfect by any means and I have been a raving "b" at times, especially in the last few months. But it is my time to move on, and on I go. Being back at work is making my days go by quickly and not enough time to worry about this guy. Nights are a little harder.

    Andrea, My friend there is nothing to apologize for. I know you have a lot going on and haven't been posting much. I miss our chats girl and hope you are doing well. Hugs!!

    BFF was released from the hospital today, with follow ups scheduled. She feels crappy and I just hope they didn't let her go too quickly.

    Thanks to all for your concern. I am getting by fine and taking my drugs and heading to bed. :)
  • Well I'm far from religious, agnostic in fact, but I really enjoyed your post. I don't think you have to be religious to appreciate a passage such as that.

    And Trasee...glad to see you are doing better. Healing after surgery is hard enough, but healing from the damage of a toxic relationship can be so much tougher. Hang in there, like everyone keeps saying, just remind yourself that you're better off and deserve so much more!

    And so glad to hear your bff is doing better! Pneumonia just sucks! Hope she keeps progressing and feels better soon!
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