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cessccess Posts: 12
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:42 AM in Depression and Coping
I am just curious how supportive is your family towards you and your illness/injuries?


  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    There are days when my family is very supportive and there are days when you can tell they are just sick of it. For the most part I dont think i would of made it without them
  • I get into the my pain is worse than your pain, my situation is worse than yours, you dont know how it feels...deal from my family.
    The problem is they havent had long term pain, theirs has been reletivly short, so its not had time to sink in that its here, deal with it.
    This whole competetive pain thing sucks.3
    hope yours is supportive?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I have a great suppotive family, even after 3 1/2 years of pain, and 14 months out from a 2 level PLIF that is still giving me alot of pain. My Mother in law, constantly asks how I am, and if she can help me with something. Why do you ask? How is yours? Take Care, Robin
  • Well, I don't exactly know what all is wrong.
    I'm pretty sure mine is fairly dysfunctional right now.

    My wife and one son have pretty much decided I am fine, all fixed. So when I don't feel up to doing something they get mad. My other son seems to care more.

    My wife broke her toe Sunday night and the mean nasty side of me wants to say, " feel that? now, imagine that NEVER stops hurting, ever"...

    I'm not that mean, so I don't/won't I cooked supper last night, washed the pots and pans, etc,

    This morning on TV while getting ready for work they were talking about couples fighting over money. I said we never fight, she said oh we can fight if you want...so, I am apparently in trouble for something.

    Right now, I'm too depressed to deal with a fight over an unknown subject. Still I asked her about what and she would not continue.

    I must admit my Vulcan mind meld is not working, I can't seem to read her mind..... :/
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    I believe I would not be as emotionally sound as I am today and I do know I am better physically if I had to have gone through all of this alone.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Hi Cess,

    I have mixed results with immediate, and extended family. And let not get into friend, because for me (all but my cyber friends) just don't get it. My mom gets that I'm in pain, and realizes what happens to my body when I over do it. How I pay for just a few hours of trying to do normal every day things. She can always tell when I hurt. Now my dad doesn't understand my pain condition, and I would of thought it would of been the other way around. Reason I say this is my dad has been disabled with a pain condition, and other issues for over 20 years. He feels I will get all better, and be able to do everything again. He has said that I'm useless, and other mean things like that to me. What can I do, I'm not going to win with him. I've have fail back surgery, that and some other thing has lead to me also having the complication of Adhesive Arachnoiditis.. All of which can not be fixed, and I have only pm left.

    The same goes with my extended family. One aunt gets the pain I'm in, and can also tell when I'm in bad pain. Hmmmm? Could it be because this aunt is my mom twin? LOL My other aunt thought all would be so much better if I had a wheelchair or scooter. Trust me, this wasn'ta miracle answer.

    To get people to understand our condition, let alone family, is real hard. There is no magic answer, or explaination. I'm just so grateful that my mom understand, And to me, that more important then anything. This is all that really matters in my world.
    Bobbi Jo
  • My husband is very supportive (he had a fusion 30 years ago and no pain). He helps so much around the house, but I feel like there is a little bit of annoyance when he is tired, etc.

    My MIL plays the game of "I've got more pain than you". My Mom is completely supportive and is there whenever I need her. My own sister never sent a card or called. I guess she got her info from Mom.

    I know these people are not family, but have dissapointed me nonetheless. Friends or aquaintances ("Pre-school Mommy friends"). I have made meals upon meals for these people due to a sickness or death in the family. Not one returned the favor, or even just sent a card after my surgery. I don't do these things to be "owed", but I guess its just disappointing to do nice things for others, while in my own world of pain, and then feel ignored during my time of need. I hope that didn't sound too whiny!!
  • with both my family and friends. My husband is pretty good with taking care of things and is watchful over making sure I don't lift too much and over do it. My kids are helpful and understanding. My friend call regularly to check on me and are always there if I need something. I feel totally blessed in knowing that I have a great family and friend support system, without them I could have not of done it on my own!

    I sure hope you get the same support!

  • I'm fortunate to have a good support system for the last 6 months. I think my family knew how much it devastated me to go from being so active to not being able to do much.

    I know my husband gets it b/c he sees me daily. He actually saw my pain before I did when I re-herniated and wanted me to call the doctor. He knows I have a high tolerance for pain and if he can see it on my face, he knows it's bad. On my recovery from revision microD. He is determined to have it work because he doesn't want to see me go through a fusion any time soon.

    My family (sisters and Dad) and extended family (in-laws, etc) are very supportive. They rely on me to tell them how I feel but some are far away so I don't want to worry them very much so I don't fess up to everything.

    My work tries to understand but they do not. Luckily my work medical contact does understand and she is telling my boss daily to back off and when I return he needs to take it easy with his demands.

    So for now I'm fortunate but I can tell you that it's hard for folks to understand b/c back surgery is very different than most other surgeries...it's long recovery and you are never 100% again.

    That's why I'm here...I am here to remind myself that I'm not crazy or over dramatic. I hope you all know you have a group here that is supportive.
  • My BF is quite supportive. Sometimes he gets grouchy or snaps "Why can't you do it" at me - then I remind him why I can't do it and he's usually fine. He has helped me a lot but I think he forgets how much pain I am in on a daily basis. I don't talk about it much because I feel like it could too easily become whining and would get to the point where I don't even want to listen to myself. I think this is also a product of being raised by a mother who always thought EVERY sickness was a bid to get out of school.

    The rest of my family is somewhat supportive. I don't ask much of them or keep them very updated (as I said, I don't talk about it much). They do inquire about it periodically though and my Dad loves to give me unsolicited advice based on his very different back pain experiences. I was also "amused" recently when my stepsister, commenting on how I was walking with my cane, said I was walking a bit like she walks (since she became pregnant). Then she proceeded to tell me how her back pain was ALL the time, though. I just kind of looked at her. She was quite serious. I guess since I don't whine about it like she does ALL THE TIME then mine can't be as bad ;)

    Anyway, that's it in a nutshell. I wish all of you lots of support from your families. I read posts a lot and always feel so bad for those who have to go through this with such a lack of support :(
  • My family is very supportive almost to the point of annoying. What I mean is that they think that I can't do anything. My husband and 18 yr old son are the worst, they won't let me do hardly anything. I tell them that I have to at least try and if I can't do it, I will be sure and let you know. My 10 yr old step-daughter is now doing the same, I will squat to pick something up and she yells for my hubby. Sheesh!

    I have told them that I would never attempt to do anything that will further aggravate the pain.

    I have to say that I am very blessed with a very caring and supportive family which includes my extended family as well.
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