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Not to often do I

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,065
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:42 AM in Matters of the Heart
have a chance to post as a member and not as the System Administrator.

I fully understand it is very difficult for anyone to separate me as being a member and me as being an official here.

I have grips and problems just as many other members do.

I've been on many different forum sites before and I know that when I've come to a point where I felt that my presence was being questioned or because of what I believed in I was being attacked, I made the decision to leave.

And thats just it, Leave. I never hung around telling others how I felt, and if I ever did it would be via one on one communications and never in public. To me, it served no purpose except for the site to see I was just being bitter.

But, thats just me
Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
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Comments

  • Ron, is that aimed at me?

    I just want to post as a member and be able to have an opinion. A few months ago I was told to get cancer and die from about a dozen members. These same members also told me they hoped my family would get cancer and die as well. It took its toll.

    I've said nothing about you in PM nor in puplic forum but I do know this is aimed at me.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,065
    No
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Sometimes it's easier said than done, but it truly is the best way to communicate and resolve any issues a person may have with another person.

    Give it a try. Perhaps a message is taken the wrong way and can be easily rectified by talking things over with the other person via PM.

    We are a great group of people here at Spine-Health. We really do care about each other and want to help during times of troubles. This includes troubles within our Spine-Health family members!

    If someone has hurt your feelings or has angered you in any way, please try working things out with the other person through private messages.

    We draw strength from each other here at Spine-Health. For those who may be quarreling, please try to reconcile with one another. If you need a time-out from each other, take one, but please don't leave the site.

    Hoping for resolutions soon, between any members who may be having troubles with one another...

    Tammy

  • If I received a PM of this nature... I would report it to either Ron, a moderator or an authority member.

    That is going WAY too far with your words people!

    Chances are... these statements WILL come full-circle and bite these people back. Wash your hands and be done with this particular group, TeddyDog.

    Please people... think before you speak!

    Tammy

  • I am totally appalled that anyone would say such a thing to you. I can relate a bit. When I worked in a Tax Assessors office (not a popular place) I had one irate resident tell me that they hoped my husband would drop dead. It was so upsetting. Other not-so-nice things were said, usually when the tax bills were mailed. But here, where we are all looking for support, make it doubly upsettling.

    I hope this nonsense stops. Take care, Lisa
  • It's just cruel for anyone to wish an illness on you because you're or were in a position of authority. Those people have no right to be in a community where others are here to help and give and receive support. Your strength should be in the majority and if you have any doubts, go over it with other Authority team members or even the population of long time members.

    Even though we all come from different backgrounds and spinal conditions there will always be some challenging post that may willfully or innocently attack a fellow member and with numbers there will always be some dispute resolution going on. It may be hard to separate yourself from your own opinion and that's where the others in the Authority and long time members can give you support so you won't feel so alone in your decisions.

    Sure we may misunderstand at first when a member is banned but when we hear that they were intentionally cruel and disruptive we get it. It's hard to brush that off and not have feelings when you do what you have to do. Being a Manager or Administrator is a tough job especially if it's volunteer. But if not you then who could do the job? Why not you? Keep strong and know you're not alone. Let's hope good wins after all. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,065
    way Paul was. We are all humans and I know that Paul may have annoyed some people as I know over the years I have annoyed many people.

    But that is not a green light to say some of the things that were said to Paul. Even if they were in private messages. Paul was here doing a task that takes time and can be somewhat un-nerving.

    To me, if those people were brave enough they would have said something in a public forum. But they knew that if they did that they would be gone.

    Several years ago, this happened to both Miki and myself. On the public forums, we were told that we should die and our families should die. That person was banned permanently by the Owners of Spine-Health.

    I guess I will never understand someone that can go to those extremes and wish harm on anyone.
    Those are the people I believe are in need of some serious help.

    What happened to Paul was a gross injustice. He is a good family man. In no way did he deserve some of the treatment he received.

    But this goes beyond that, no one on this site or any other site should be subject to that type of treatment
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • that to you Paul, it's just not right.
    But getting back to your original point Ron, I have watched this happen a few times lately and I think the reason is people just want to be heard.
    A lot of people who have said that they won't stay here anymore, have been talked into staying by others that care about them and I think that, whilst posting a gripe is not always a good thing, it is a good thing that others come to the person's aid and help them through what is obviously a rough time for them.
    We are all imperfect and have many faults, but we all have a common theme, chronic pain. Chronic pain came make things seem worse than they are and can make you feel pretty irrational at times.
    It's during these times that we need others perspective on whether we should stay or go.
    The person you are referring to is a good person and has done a lot of good here and helped many of us. I would hate to think that because of a disagreement they just up and left without letting us know they were going.
    I have no answers on the best way to let people know you are leaving, but there is always three sides to every theirs, the other party/ies involved and the truth.
    Kylie
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,065
    We have been mulling this around a bit today. When any member states that they have had it and dont want to be part of Spine-Health, I believe there are two actions we can take

    1 - Keep the thread going and allow others to voice their opinions, either pro or con

    2 - Change that members password, since they expressed that they didnt want to be here anymore. And if by chance, the next day or the next week they change their minds, they can always request a password change.

    I think #2 should be put into place immediately.

    My rationale, and it has nothing to do with how this post got started. When you have a member that is dis enchanted for whatever reason, we also open ourselves up for attacks and mean spirited posts.
    I have seen that way too many times. Some feel that on their way out they can cause as much disruption as possible. That is something I need to prevent.

    And there are so many members that say they are going to leave, but never do. And that is fine. Everyone is entitled to express emotions. And I know that here, dealing with so many people living in chronic pain, we allow that to happen.

    Recently there was a member that wanted all of their posts/pictures/etc removed from this site.. But they wanted to stay on this site under a different name. When people have come to me with requests like that, I always ask them to wait 24 hours and then if they have not changed their minds, I will do as they requested.

    Nothing is easy, but what makes things easier is when people work together towards a common goal
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • number one, but that's just me.
    If the person specifically pointed to the person or people involved in their gripe, then I would probably agree, number 2 is the best option.
    But I really feel in this case the person was just venting their frustration and looking for support from their SH friends.
    Kylie
  • The problem with option #1, is that friends and acquaintances of the person that is expressing a desire to leave, don't ever seem to stop and ask why. Instead there seems to be a fervor that brews until it overflows and it is like an angry mob that has no idea what they are angry about or why they are even protesting. So good people get drawn into doing something they normally wouldn't, simply because they didn't stop to investigate.

    option #2 gives all parties time to think things through and work things out if they are workable.

    "C"
  • please understand i'm not being argumentative just for the sake of it.
    I can truly see the problem AND i'm removed from either side as I haven't been here that long (and I know that might be why I seem naive).
    But if I had an issue and my password was changed, I would view that as a good bye and good riddance ie. I said i'm leaving and you haven't even bothered to try to talk me out of it???
    I probably don't know what i'm talking about, so i'll bow out here, but I can see it's not an easy issue to resolve, I just worry about the consequences of doing that to someone who is probably already in a vulnerable state.
    I hope your solution helps everyone involved.
    Kylie
  • I would say that a good 95% or more of the members expressing the desire to leave in this manner, have already been conversing via PM with the moderators or administrator.
  • see there you go, I am naive 8>
    Wouldn't have guessed it was such a high percentage.
    Thanks C
    Option number one now makes sense to me.
    Kylie
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    Hey everybody,
    I really hate to see this stuff go on here, The time and effort the moderators and authorities put in here and this is what happens, why would anyone want to do it. Who needs the extra stress? Then it pits staff against each other.
    I have a lot of respect for the people that put their time and effort into this website. I have been guilty of getting amped up on a subject or about someone who has flamed me here and I have been kindly reminded to take it back a notch by moderators here, and rightfully so. I hold no grudge.
    We all have different personalities, mix in some meds, and you never know what will happen. But no matter what threats have no place here.
    Ranger
  • Paul, it upsets me that someone sent you that kind of message, one of the reasons i havnt posted on here much lately,is because when i disagreed with a certain topic,i received alot of hate mail from other members and i felt threaten,so people who ingage in that kind of behavior should be banned....
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,732
    Any reason to do that to anyone!(not even my ex wife) image:)" alt=">:)" height="20" /> I've been upset by different people on here a few times. And if someone throws a stone you can bet your a$$ I'll throw one back. But to wish that on anyone is just sick. and that person should be turned in and baned!
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
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