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depression, pain, anxiety

elviseelvis Posts: 79
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:43 AM in Depression and Coping
i am sitting here crying again i am on meds for depression and other things i feel like crap and dont know what to do i love my husband so much and last night i said to him the door is there if you want to go i was only joking with him i would be lost with out him as i love him so much and i know he love me but the thought of me hurting him is killing me i know he as if own problems as well but the thought of him walking out on me i wish i could take back what i said to him last night but i cant and that is killing me we have been together for 35 years and have always been happy


  • Why not take back what you said?
    It seems you could use what you posted here.
    You tell him "Listen, I didn't mean what I said. I would be devastated if you left me". Then tell him the only reason you said it is because you feel aweful for making him endure the 'for worse' part of your wedding vows.

    But then you tell him you vowed to be with him through better or worse and you meant it. Tell him, you are sorry and right now, your situation is causing a lot of pain and depression and guilt.

    I have to say, I've often felt my husband of 5 years is getting a bum rap...but he loves me. He doesn't always understand why I'm down and thinks "this too shall pass" but sometimes I'm overwhelmed and just wonder if he is right and if he isn't, he didn't deserve this.

  • Yes I agree tell him you didn't mean it literally that you just wanted him to be happy if that means without you. But he won't be happy without you. Who can understand a love between a couple and physical disability is part of the vows in sickness and in health that are made on your wedding day. Unconditional love should be part of a marriage outside as long as there's no abuse involved. That is so wonderful you've been together for 35 years and your love is still strong for each other. It's so hard to see your Spouse go through this when you're in pain but we can't understand the overall plan of things but know he's there for you no matter what. That's the real test of love. Please let your Dr. know these feelings and he may be able to help you. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I agree as well, simply tell your husband that you said it out of pain/anxiety & you feel absolutely terrible about it. Ask him to forgive you (he will!), and remind him that you took vows with him "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness & in health; till death do us part" and that you have every intention of sticking by those vows. If he 'doubts' your sincerity (meaning your apology), then drag his ass to the computer & show him this post you wrote! ;-)

    Look hun, we ALL say things when we hurt, be it physically or emotionally, that we wish we could take back. I'm sure hubby has done the same to you at one time or another, so surely, he will understand. But I wouldn't just ignore this-you really should apologize & explain; it'll make you both feel better, K?

    Hang in there hun...chin up! We're here for you, we all understand-we've all been there too. It's going to be OK *hugs*
  • Just tell him how you really feel!

    I lost my dog, yeah, I know, no comparison to a husband, but still very hard to cope with after 12 years together.

    My wife will burst into to tears, not that I don't. I finally drug what was really bothering her out of her yesterday. She knew it was time as he could not walk, she asked him to please die as she could not bear to have him put to sleep, which we did have to do next morning.

    What we say in times of stress can haunt us. I told my wife that Chewy could not possibly have understood all of what she said and that even if he had he would not have ever been mad at her for longer than 1 minute.

    Don't let your words haunt you, tell him how you feel and how bad you feel. After 35 years I expect he may already know.
  • Your husband loves you no matter what and I'm sure he doesn't plan on leaving you. You are still the person that he fell in love with and wants to spend the rest of his life with. For better or for poor, through sickness and in health...you'd stick by his side if the tables were turned. You didn't ask for this, it's not your fault. Both of you have to stick together- that's the only way you guys can survive this.

    There will be better days and bad days. It will not be bad like it is now all the time. The pain will let up just enough for you to get up and around. It's like living on borrowed time and I know this fully well, and you should make the best of this time before the pain flare storm rolls in. I like to use the analogy of storms when it comes to the bad times because the pain will subside and the sunshine will break through again. You CAN ride this out. Tomorrow is another day.

    Know what to do to survive a bad pain flare. Use an ice back to numb the pain and alternate with a heating pad. If you have back and leg pain, put the ice pack on your back and use the heat on your legs; this helps me with muscle spasms. If you have a hot tub, by all means get in and have somebody with you to help. Take your meds on time so that your pain doesn't spiral out of control. Distract yourself by listening to music, watching a comedy, talking to someone, flip through a magazine..whatever comes to mind. Go ahead and take a nap, don't fight the sleepiness. You need the extra rest.

    The pain will be around but you must do what you can to take hold of it and not let it defeat you. All we can do is manage it and get by, even if it is just to get through the day.
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