I lost my job when the ortho surgeon told me strict bed rest till my sx.(couldent take a FMLA as I can never go back to group home work)
I am splitting up my family,
I am recently separated,
Had 3 of mine 4 of his,plus oldest's boyfriend who has Polio, plus middle childs friend whose family have large drug issues.
now I have 3 of mine, my oldest's Boyfriend, and one step son
I have NO INCOME and am moving to a friends house tomorrow, surgery is May 24th
Im taking two kids with me
and praying the oldest land on there feet, and worried about my step monster, as his father (my soon to be ex) is going BOOTS ON GROUND to Afghanistan on June 11th and he is glued to my hip now more then ever
When ever I get denied any aide, I want to say forget the damn surgery and just go back to work
but that is no longer possible, as I can barely walk and cant drive so forth so on.
I try to stay upbeat for the kids sake
but my heart is breaking .
Ive lost pretty much everything when I lost my job
I applied for Disability thru social security but hear that can take a long time to come in
So Until I can get on my feet again, I am living off the charity of others. and I USED to have a large pride, but can no longer do for myself.
sorry needed to vent,
the food bank has become my friend the past two months that Ive been laid up and waiting for may 24th to come. The pain is overwhelming most times, and all I can do is lay here and breathe deeply. and try not to cry.
I am on anti depressants and an anti anxiety med, but maybe its time to reevaluate???
I just needed to get that all off my chest, i do have a dear friend (the one who is taking me in) who listens but Im so tired of moaning and complaining, that I have learned to put a smile on my face and say OO IM OK, same ole same ole.
I try to put on a brave face.But the closer i get to sx the more scared I become, what if?? all the what ifs?? and complication issues are running all thru my head.
Ive been in pain 20 years ten years ago started to get worse, 5 years ago, I began to have trouble just standing up rite, 6 months ago, I began to learn what true agony is!
the meds dont help, (vicodan/muscle relaxers)
so I dont scare the kids any more then needed,
and dont have any one to vent to or shoulders to lean on
so thanks, even if no one reads this, it is good to get it out.