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Lizz TLLizz T Posts: 5
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:43 AM in Matters of the Heart
I lost my job when the ortho surgeon told me strict bed rest till my sx.(couldent take a FMLA as I can never go back to group home work)
I am splitting up my family,
I am recently separated,
Had 3 of mine 4 of his,plus oldest's boyfriend who has Polio, plus middle childs friend whose family have large drug issues.
now I have 3 of mine, my oldest's Boyfriend, and one step son
I have NO INCOME and am moving to a friends house tomorrow, surgery is May 24th
Im taking two kids with me
and praying the oldest land on there feet, and worried about my step monster, as his father (my soon to be ex) is going BOOTS ON GROUND to Afghanistan on June 11th and he is glued to my hip now more then ever
When ever I get denied any aide, I want to say forget the damn surgery and just go back to work
but that is no longer possible, as I can barely walk and cant drive so forth so on.
I try to stay upbeat for the kids sake
but my heart is breaking .
Ive lost pretty much everything when I lost my job

I applied for Disability thru social security but hear that can take a long time to come in

So Until I can get on my feet again, I am living off the charity of others. and I USED to have a large pride, but can no longer do for myself.

sorry needed to vent,
the food bank has become my friend the past two months that Ive been laid up and waiting for may 24th to come. The pain is overwhelming most times, and all I can do is lay here and breathe deeply. and try not to cry.

I am on anti depressants and an anti anxiety med, but maybe its time to reevaluate???
I just needed to get that all off my chest, i do have a dear friend (the one who is taking me in) who listens but Im so tired of moaning and complaining, that I have learned to put a smile on my face and say OO IM OK, same ole same ole.

I try to put on a brave face.But the closer i get to sx the more scared I become, what if?? all the what ifs?? and complication issues are running all thru my head.

Ive been in pain 20 years ten years ago started to get worse, 5 years ago, I began to have trouble just standing up rite, 6 months ago, I began to learn what true agony is!
the meds dont help, (vicodan/muscle relaxers)

so I dont scare the kids any more then needed,

and dont have any one to vent to or shoulders to lean on
so thanks, even if no one reads this, it is good to get it out.



  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,877
    for so many of us its a lonely and hard road to travel.
    The best I can offer is just to say that you need to be your best advocate.

    Turning whatever is negative into something more positive is so helpful

    When we start to go down that downward spiral staircase, it is hard to climb back up.

    No matter how bleak things seem, its only you that can change the mindset. The physical aspect is in the doctor's hands, your emotional control is for you alone.

    Its easy to say just have a positive and upbeat attitude.. But you know without that many times the medical field can only go so far
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Mama, you hang in there and fight!
    you can stop the infernal spiral and fall of depression and angst.
    you have the tools to fight this, you are already showing the fighting spirit it takes to make it through the darkness.
    asking for help happens, were human and hurt.
    there is no shame in reaching out when it does, thats what we do, us Spineys, we reach out for one, for help, for the hand to reach in to the pit and pull us from there. we run to those who cry out in the night!
    Then one fine day, you are the one reaching out for the wounded ones and you are thier angel.
    keep that chin up,there is no shame in being hurt, only in not fighting, not trying to be on the outbound flight to freedom.
    You will be there one fine day, with the sun on your face, sanding shoulder to shoulder with some of the finest people in the world.
    thats the Spiney's hope.
    to win this..
    You never give up
    You never give in
    You fight with all your heart and soul to win to freedom, this outbound flight to somewhere, somewhen,
    we dont know when its coming, but we know it is.

    Someone said
    When you cant run anymore..
    You walk.
    When you cant walk anymore
    you crawl
    When you cant crawl anymore
    You reach out and find someone to carry you.

    Dont be afraid to ask here
    were all of the same kind
    but were all here
    waiting to hold someone in their time of need, up

    Lizz, you stay strong as you can
    You fight as hard as you can
    and dont be afraid to ask...
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • hi!!! for being in so much pain you should have your pain medication reevaluated.. you could be made much more comfortable with some of the other pain medications out there. please speak to a pain medications doctor or your doctor about this. you do not need to suffer so!! good luck to you!! Jenny
  • when they get older will tell you life is a battle. you are now in the battle. but this surgery may lift you up and better days lay ahead. you have all of us here giving you support. we are behind you no matter what

  • When we are poor in one area, we are usually rich in other areas. Your friend you're moving in with is part of those riches! Hopefully things will settle and ease up a bit for you, and too hopefully the surgery will put you back on the road to recovery, and thus back to where you can work and feel back in full control. Sending positive energy your way!!! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • hi lizz
    reaching out is a great step.
    ranch put it nicely stay strong you shall over come..
    i also try put that smile on for my kids..and i feel so down alot and alone..but reaching out to all these great ppl in spine-health is way i get thru..
    I write in my journal daily and often write down and do something good for someone else..even a nice note or make some muffins for a person whos down...
    takes alot out of me to do a small task but wow if feels good to help someone..
    i know you will over come this bump in this road of life..
    i'm sending you my prayers and good thoughts..
    your very lucky to have a great friend to help you..
    i wish you the best with your surgery
    take care
    neck,bone spurs pain started 04, back issues and fusion l4,l5 06~hardware removed.
    good few yrs. 09 pain sharp, numbness feet,legs, diagnosed fibro, neurop. legs.lung issues.
    daily goal do good thing for someone.
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