I hate admitting I have a problem. I just sit and suffer. I'm not the kind of person to get dramatic and tell other people I can't take it. I've given up a lot that I used to love to do.
On good days, I can accept and live with the pain, but some days are really bad. I go to Pain Management and they do what the can do for me.
What really makes me sad is the lack of support from my job. Yeah, after the doctor filled out several forms I finally got to work from home. Two other coworkers didn't have to do anything to get to work form home. I try to work very hard and work overtime which causes me more pain, but I don't give up. I haven't called in sick for my problem ever.
The two coworkers I work with are bullies and treat me horribly. The one I work with treats me like I'm one of her servants. If I stand up to her, she runs to the other bully, who complains to my boss and I get in trouble.
One time she wanted to go into the office one day the next week. I said I would (I hate saying no). When the day came, my neck was bad and I couldn't make it in. I emailed her to let her know. Later in the day, I had a meeting with her and another coworker. Instead of the other coworker, it was the other bully project manager. I felt like I was on trial. My reason for not coming in was not acceptable. The project manager said, I wasn't going to get my way and would have to come in another day to make up for it. Later I get chewed out by my boss for inconveniencing my coworker for her coming in and not me. He just said that if I can't make it into the office, we have a problem.
I work on a project with the coworker and she treats me as incapable of doing anything right. Few people can live up to her standards. I'm insulted on a regular basis. I've told management, but they are afraid of her. Lately, I accidentally overwrote a file. The file is backed up nightly with the server. My coworker also had the file to give me. A few weeks later my manager is chewing me out for overwriting the file. I guess she turned me in. I got my first verbal warning ever.
I try to do everything she tells me and end up working long hours. This causes me a lot of pain. The pain is very distracting and very hard to cope with in the high stress environment. The meds don't help with my concentration either. I'm beginning to think my condition is incompatible with my job. I have such a hard time keeping up. My boss likes me, but the project manager dislikes me and the other coworker is just going to get me in more trouble every chance she gets. It's very difficult to be in pain and deal with this.
I wish I just didn't care and be glad to get a paycheck while I can. I have a feeling they will eventually get rid of me. I'm so depressed working there.
I could look for another job, but the doctor does not want me to drive. I'd be very uncomfortable starting a new job in pain and taking the meds I take.
I'm just panicking because I feel cornered. It's not the best life to live. I've thought of just quitting.I sold some stock and have enough money to pay off the house and have some left over. I'd still need medical insurance. I don't know what other type of job I could do.
But any ways I'm reaching the point where it hurts too much and my job is torturous. I feel like I'm going to breakdown. Sorry for whining.