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Running out of strength

ScottMSScottM Posts: 54
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:44 AM in Chronic Pain
I hate admitting I have a problem. I just sit and suffer. I'm not the kind of person to get dramatic and tell other people I can't take it. I've given up a lot that I used to love to do.

On good days, I can accept and live with the pain, but some days are really bad. I go to Pain Management and they do what the can do for me.

What really makes me sad is the lack of support from my job. Yeah, after the doctor filled out several forms I finally got to work from home. Two other coworkers didn't have to do anything to get to work form home. I try to work very hard and work overtime which causes me more pain, but I don't give up. I haven't called in sick for my problem ever.

The two coworkers I work with are bullies and treat me horribly. The one I work with treats me like I'm one of her servants. If I stand up to her, she runs to the other bully, who complains to my boss and I get in trouble.

One time she wanted to go into the office one day the next week. I said I would (I hate saying no). When the day came, my neck was bad and I couldn't make it in. I emailed her to let her know. Later in the day, I had a meeting with her and another coworker. Instead of the other coworker, it was the other bully project manager. I felt like I was on trial. My reason for not coming in was not acceptable. The project manager said, I wasn't going to get my way and would have to come in another day to make up for it. Later I get chewed out by my boss for inconveniencing my coworker for her coming in and not me. He just said that if I can't make it into the office, we have a problem.

I work on a project with the coworker and she treats me as incapable of doing anything right. Few people can live up to her standards. I'm insulted on a regular basis. I've told management, but they are afraid of her. Lately, I accidentally overwrote a file. The file is backed up nightly with the server. My coworker also had the file to give me. A few weeks later my manager is chewing me out for overwriting the file. I guess she turned me in. I got my first verbal warning ever.

I try to do everything she tells me and end up working long hours. This causes me a lot of pain. The pain is very distracting and very hard to cope with in the high stress environment. The meds don't help with my concentration either. I'm beginning to think my condition is incompatible with my job. I have such a hard time keeping up. My boss likes me, but the project manager dislikes me and the other coworker is just going to get me in more trouble every chance she gets. It's very difficult to be in pain and deal with this.

I wish I just didn't care and be glad to get a paycheck while I can. I have a feeling they will eventually get rid of me. I'm so depressed working there.

I could look for another job, but the doctor does not want me to drive. I'd be very uncomfortable starting a new job in pain and taking the meds I take.

I'm just panicking because I feel cornered. It's not the best life to live. I've thought of just quitting.I sold some stock and have enough money to pay off the house and have some left over. I'd still need medical insurance. I don't know what other type of job I could do.

But any ways I'm reaching the point where it hurts too much and my job is torturous. I feel like I'm going to breakdown. Sorry for whining.



  • I'm sorry about your work situation and your chronic pain. About 3 months before I went on short term then long term disability, for 3 months I pushed through the pain and worked hard sometimes without a break and made my physical condition worse until I wasn't able to get up from the couch after 3-12 hour shifts. My Boss even called to say I was taking too many sick days! The Union wasn't pleased my boss called me while I was off sick. It didn't matter as that was the last time I went to work. That was over 2 years now. I hope you'll be able to go on with your situation and can only hope it gets better for you. I hope venting has helped you. Have you ever spoke with an Employment Counselor for a different type of job?

    Are you able to take vacation time? I had 5 weeks owed to me when I left and I'll never get any compensation for that time. I wish I had used my vacay before I left work. Best wishes and prayers you'll find the strength to manage. If you can get your vacation time in sounds like you need to rest up. Have you tried Physiotherapy for your neck yet? I found when I had neck pain the PT would do some ultrasound and gentle traction to help me through the neck pain. My issues are mainly lumbar. Stay strong but take your time to rest if need be. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Scott you aren't alone in dealing with miserable co-workers. I have a few of those and they were that way even before my problems started. In the past year they have only gotten worse and have been recruiting others with stories about how I am inconvienencing them and the company because of my medical problems.

    That said I have to wonder why you don't have surgery? I'm sure you must have a good reason but I am wondering. Especially since you have health insurance now and with the way this country is going you never know what the future will bring.

    As far as laying you off there are many laws to protect you. The forms that allow you to work from home are proof that you have a need and a medical condition. They would need to show proof that your condition made it impossible for you to perform your duties or they are risking a health discrimination suit for firing you. Sounds like they know this. If you start getting written warnings you better go to HR and complain about harrassment. I hope the coworker uses email because that is excellent proof.

    And the most important thing for you to consider is the future. Quality of life is greatly affected by our work life. I have left jobs because it just wasn't worth the number of hours or stress or co-worker issues. Of course you have to balance this with financial and medical insurance needs. That can cause stress as well.

    Take a deep breath. Maybe a few days off. Write down the pluses and minuses. THen think carefully. What looks terrible today may be better tomorrow.
  • Kris-NY,

    I know it's been 4 years since I saw the neurosurgeon. At the time, he told me he would have to remove the disc at C6 - C7 to get to the bone spur. There's no guarantee of success and he said it would most likely lead to future problems. He recommended against surgery.

    If I'm not overwhelmed with stress and don't have to sit for hours, I can tolerate the pain. With that said, I don't want to risk surgery.

    Each time, I take vacation, especially a week at a time, I'm really really depressed about going back.

  • Perhaps you should see another surgeon for a second opinion. It sucks that you are being treated so poorly at work. Bullies just make me sick. I was told nothing could be done for me, but the pain and immobility were so severe I couldn't accept that answer. I'm glad I found someone to help me. Fortunately, I had a much better work situation.

    Hang in there. Don't let the turkeys drag you down.

    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • I can so relate.. Unfortunately, when you have been in a place for a long time (30 years with the gov for me) you are foolish to go when your so close to retiring (6 more long grueling years). There are no options. Our medical retirement is a joke, not affordable for me. I too work with a bunch of jerks. I was allowed to work from home for two months after a shoulder surgery about a year ago, and it was heaven! I have chronic nerve pain from spinal fusion/arthritis and struggle every morning to get up, get to work by 6, it is awful. While I worked from home for the 2 months, I did everything I needed to ahead of schedule, I did my job and I did it well. When I returned, my co-workers were so pi$$ed that I had been allowed to work from home – I couldn’t believe it. Some of them barely speak to me now even. My boss told me how upset they were – tough. I really don’t care anymore. I begged him to let me work from home even a couple days a week, I am on FMLA, he knows I have severe pain issues, and his response – well if I let you, everyone will want too. My response, well I’d gladly give any one of those individuals my back, a$$ and leg and skip to work everyday happily. I went thru EEO, and all other avenue’s, even to his boss and her boss in Washington because there is no good reason that I cannot work from home. There is not one thing I do hear that cannot be done from home. They don’t care.. It stinks, but I don’t know that there is anything you can do except bite the bullet and let your boss wonder why you won’t go to any of the monthly “group” luncheon’s with the rest of them.. Gosh, I wonder why???
  • Well 4 years changes alot.

    I would seek out some other opinions. Both your body and medicine change constantly. I see you already had a fusion but that was over 10 years ago. If you still op out of surgery then they might be able to do some other pain management.

    Leaving this job might releave some of your stress but it won't get rid of the pain. If you leave do it for the right reasons, at the right time and with a great escape plan.

  • I know I should probably get another opinion. I can make up a lot of excuses why not to have surgery. The main reason is fear and the uncertainty of what to expect after wards. I hate the thought of losing another disc, especially when it is OK. If I have a chance to relax (as in away from work for a couple of days or more), the pain is manageable. When I'm total stressed out and depressed it's worse.

    Each year pain management sends me for an MRI and luckily, there has been little change in the past 4 years. I don't know if the MRI shows everything, though.

    I've had physical therapy, epidural nerve blocks, trigger point injections and just yesterday, facet joint injections. The epidural nerve blocks do help for a while.

    At work, they've created an environment of fear. Ever since 2001, they've had layoff after layoff. Each time more jobs go to India. I'm sure this brings out the worst in people. My company is certainly not a place of opportunity, it's a place of survival. My bully coworker's husband was laid off from the company. They lived a pretty extravagant lifestyle. Now she has to pay the bills. Better to make yourself look good by making others look bad. She was never that nice to begin with. She intimidates people to get her way and it works.

    I'm just so tired of being bullied. I'd never treat anyone like that. I just can't do it. I'm sure that is negatively affecting my health. Who wants to be humiliated? All that matters to her is her well being. My problem is just an inconvenience for her. Sorry, it's just a depressing place. The only good thing is I get paid and have close to 4 weeks vacation.
  • You really need to quit your job. Chronic pain-as we all know, is depressing enough. Having to cope with bullies at the workplace is so stressful-its stress that u DONT NEED. My boss is so patient and great-i love her like a mum. I always thank my lucky stars that i have a wonderful boss who i can rely on. You say they insult you. What do they say? You say your really depressed working there. Why are you putting up with it? You DON'T HAVE TOO. YOU DON'T HAVE TOO. YOU DON'T HAVE TOO. I live in Australia, so i cant give you any numbers to call for support. I know that here in oz, if we are getting harrassed at work (which is illegal) then we call the Department Of Fair Trading. The medical system is usa is a joke. Are you on antidepressants? I really feel for you and i am sorry that you feel cornered. If i were you, i would quit my job. I am sure that there are other jobs that entitle you to work from home. Do you have any other qualifications? If not, i know i would personally rather downsize my home then put up with that illegal crap
  • Scott only you know what is best for you. If you feel you need to leave find another job first. Any chance you have STD and LTD? That could give you a nice vacation and a chance to look for something else.

    I would not quit just because it lets them win. The worst they can do is lay you off and you get unemployment.

    I've felt like you do and was convinced I was leaving. But a few days lets things settle down. So take a deep breath. Go in and rub it in about how rested you feel!!
  • sorry...his work wont change-he has already complained and management are too "scared" to do anything about it. They shouldnt be in management then....but yeah, do what u feel is right...but i think you already know :)
  • and if u do quit-so what if they "win" you wont have to put up with them again!
  • Yes, I do have STD and LTD. One of the other members here explained how STD and LTD works before. I'm just not sure how to get it. Is it something I need to mention to my doctor or do I wait until the doctor asks me about it?

    I've only gotten to see the nurse practitioner the last several times at PM. I brought up the problem, but there was little she could offer. Weird thing, is my PM is a group of doctors. I've been going there for 4 years and I'm on my 4th doctor. Every so often they switch me to a different doctor. The last couple of months I had a new doctor. I don't get to see the doctor that helped me to get to work from home. I liked him as a doctor. I've asked specifically to see him 4 or 5 times and each time someone else walks in. The last time, the nurse practitioner said I could wait for him if I like. I waited an hour after she saw me and he never showed up. So I guess, I will not be allowed to see him again as a patient.

    I know not to quit my job. Not without some way to take care of myself. I don't have a lot of debt and I've saved, which helps.

    The bullying started 3 years ago with the project manager. I think she had a crush on me at first. She seemed to treat me too nicely and made comments. She got mad at me because I worked with another female coworker on a project without her knowledge. We were all working on the same project. That blew up out of proportions and she got me in trouble with our manager. After several months of me kissing up to her, we recovered. That is until I got sick and missed two days of work. She blamed me for our minor project being a week late. We sort of recovered from that, but I was rewarded with some unkind comments in my review.

    She complained about everyone in the building. No one was as good as her. All we heard is that she had 3 degrees, so she knew everything. I sat near her so I heard all the nasty things she told our manager about everyone. She had a bad temper. She had told me that men oppressed women and now it was time for a change.

    We reorganized and I was no longer under her, but still under the same manager. Her new team consisted of my bully coworker another woman and 3 guys. The guys were referred to as the 3 stooges. This is when she teamed up with the bully coworker. Now the coworker was on the same team as the project manager, but I was on another team, the opposition. Now the coworker got whatever she wanted.

    To this day the project manager still controls the group. She's totally empowered my coworker to do what she wants and she does. I've been upfront with my manager about the situation and nothing happens. I try to do my best to please everyone, but it's impossible. This just makes my medical problems worse.

    Sorry for writing all this. I don't really have anyone to listen to me or provide emotional support.
  • really sorry to hear about that. Well, i hope it works out for u. Have u sat her down and explained to her how she is making you feel? be assertive. Its so hard having to stay in a job that you hate, just for the sake of money. Its unfair isnt it..anway, tc
  • Scott,

    Is your employer aware that allowing another co-worker to harass you is illegal? Are they really more scared of her than a lawsuit? I would pull out all of the big guns, do what ever you have to do to get this egomaniac off your back. I'm sure your employer has been told of the actions of these women and have allowed it to go on with others as well.

    Go to PM and ask to be placed on std/ltd leave. Your HR dept has to provide you with the company info for STD/LTD claims. And yes, you usually need a physician to provide medical records, etc to support your need for leave.

    For your own well being, I would not allow anyone to get away with the bullying and hardship these shrews have caused you.
  • Scott, Trasee captured it very well. Me I am a "type A" personality even though only 5'3" and female. I've had bully types and just like when we were in school, I tire of them, and let em have it! They usually try to find some other fish to fry, but that is me!

    Your company has to provide you the information in order to file for either short or long term disability. HR or your Office of Personnel Management will have that info - info by the way your supervisor also could have directed you too! If you are in the US, I would recommend the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) be read. There are what is called "reasonable accommodations" they have to give if reasonable if that makes sense. Obviously if they had to install a 100k of equipment that might not be reasonable, but working from home if applicable to your job, change in chairs, work station etc, reasonable!

    I would not quit, as that most likely will cut you off from a lot of benefits you should be entitled to. Keep records, or better yet "document" these bully episodes and too your manager not assisting you. If it ever goes the legal route, that is a plus in most hearings. Please keep us posted on how it goes. Support *HUG*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Scott call your doctor. Explain that the stress of work is affecting your pain levels. You can tell them you are realizing this now because you have been off a few days. Also you just had injections. You could use that as another reason.

    Do not tell them about the co-workers. That is not a reason to be out and might make them say no.

    Tell them you need some time. If your company is large enough they have to give you FMLA which guarantees your job for at least 12 weeks. I would plan for the 12 weeks. They usually pay about 2/3 of your pay so it's decent. In that time you can look around. Also they might be more willing to let you tele-commute when you are out for a while. Make sure they know the travel and office space is what is causing this leave.
  • You can grab a sound recording device from just about any electronics place in the USA. The RCA 512meg recorder is able to record about 100 hrs of high quality sound. It can be set to Conference setting, in which it will record all sound in a room. You can also drop it off to a PC and burn to DVD for record keeping.

    In my work and my location - I use it to as a tool to ensure compliance and the issue is that as long as one person in the room is aware of the fact that it is being recorded, makes it legal. otherwise, its wiretaping and you must follow your specific legislation. It is useful in a whistle-blower situation.

    It seems that these people believe that they need to make their candles burn brighter, by blowing your out. It can be extremely difficult to live through, but just hitting record -locking it and slipping it into your pocket may allow you to have a much different attitude toward those who are treating you unfairly. Using this might allow you to feel a bit better about it. I usually have a bit of fun with it, and see how rediculous, I can move people in thier words, without me have much negative to say. Trust me! It is most interesting to walking into the CEO's office and ask for 15 minutes and lay out the treatment.

    Cheers to you and yours - C458
  • I know work is affecting my pain levels. In the past, I was just willing to accept it, because that's the way it is if I want to work. I work at a computer all day and sitting and holding the mouse causes the pain to get worse. Working lots of overtime, even more so. I'm supposed to take breaks, but I don't, because I have too much to do. Of course once the pain level gets up there, it becomes hard to concentrate. Last month, I was off for a week on vacation. I had a relaxing visit with my elderly father. By the end of the week, I felt much better. I know at the end of my work week, the pain level is worse. Then by the end of the weekend it is getting better. I repeat the cycle each week.

    My recent visit to PM was due to my concern that I had overwritten a file at work and received a verbal warning for doing so. I am very conscientious and make every attempt not to be lazy or careless. I was concerned the meds and/or the pain was causing the problem. I only got to see the nurse practitioner and she wasn't of much help. She just said it could affect my work. I had told them that I had gotten in trouble for not going into the office that one day, because of my pain level. I was just afraid that I was going to continue to get in trouble and it might be out of my control. I haven't seen the actual doctor in several visits. I have my monthly appointment in 2 weeks.

    Kris, I already work from home.

    Is there really anything I can do about these two women? I went to HR before and they said there was nothing they could do unless more people complain about them. My manager looks the other way. As a matter of fact, what I had told him has gotten back to them. My coworker said she knew what I had told him, which made matters worse.

    Also, I thought it was unfair that the two women got to work from home without doing anything, while I had to get the doctor to write a letter and fill out forms. They were very stubborn about letting me work from home and the other two didn't have to even ask. Besides these two, my entire team, including my manager is in CA. I'm in FL. I would have been going into the office and sit there with no one from my team. I thought it was very unfair that they were allowed to work from home and I had to work so hard. My manager just told me it was up to management to pick and choose who worked from home.

    I will bring this up again if I get to see the real doctor. To tell the truth, I feel kind of guilty asking for STD. Not that I wouldn't need it, but because I feel like I'm supposed to work until I drop dead.

  • One other thing...
    COBRA is $519.36 per month
    Retirement Ins is $772.94 per month

    That would be hard to afford.

    STD is 100% salary for 8 weeks, 66.6% there after.

    Pain management likes doing procedures for the money they receive from the insurance. By putting me out on STD or LTD, I would probably have no insurance. I would pay for my visits and meds, but couldn't afford procedures. They would probably think it was in their best financial interest to keep me working.

    I know they are supposed to be doing these procedures for my benefit, but sometimes I wonder if it is for their benefit.

  • Here is what I do, I do my job, and I do it well. I am ethical, professional to my jerk co-workers, and my boss. I treat them as I am required to treat them irregardless of the crap I hear from them. At the end of the day - YOU know you did your best. You know that you did not retaliate to those that have hurt or abused you. Make sure you cover your own back (because nobody including your boss is gonna do that most likely) and save every e-mail and every document. Keep a log and document date and time of incidents, but keep it to yourself. If sometime in the future something big happens, you have that and you can use it. My boss threatened to lower my eval this year, I have had straight 5's for over 10 years, the best you can have. When I asked why, he could not list one performance issue - it was "others" perception of me. I told him, well sir, I hope you have good back-up because I have saved every e-mail that you and everyone else has sent me thanking me for an outstanding job on short notice, numerous powerpoints, spreadsheets, databases, on very short notice - SO, I hope you have something to substantiate what your saying because if you cannot prove I have not performed, I will do whatever it takes to protect myself. He said, oh... Then he said well, i wasn't really gonna change it anyway. You have to be kind and professional, but don't take any shi$ from your boss - he/she is the only one that can really hurt you. I had to take a stand with mine on certain issues a long time ago, and he knows I will bite back. I cover his A$$ constantly because he's a moron and he knows it. I cannot force him to let me work from home, but I can force the issue of treating me fairly. One day he told me "others" are watching me. I stood up and told him courteously, but loud enough that the "others" could hear it. I don't care if others are watching me or not. I do my job and I do it well. If I am late because of pain, it has no effect on anyone in this group so it should not matter to them. I also told him I was tired of him telling me that so and so said this about me and so and so said that about me - he just about died because he knew that "others" heard me say it. He stopped at least and it is a little more peaceful.
  • I checked into a medical and it would cut my wages in half and then some - no way are they getting away with that after 30 years of public service! I deserve better. That is what upper management suggested during one of our "work from home" conversations. My husband being in construction is just about bankrupt in his business with this economy and I am not about to lose everything I ever worked with because I hurt, or my boss is a jerk.
  • When I had my own consulting firm I worked from home. It was wonderful. I worked so much more because I wasn't bound to 9-5. And everything in life was so much better. No worrying if kid was home sick, no leaving early for doctors appt, no stressing in bad weather about traffic.

    I would gladly work more hours or even take a pay cut to work from home. But my job won't consider it even though we have other field people who do that. I think it's a combination of poor managers who are afraid you will take advantage and the jealousy that comes from others who don't have jobs they can do at home.

    Mouse it's funny but those same "others" must work here too. Almost two years ago my then dept manager finally did two years of annual review at once. We sat together for 3 hours! He tried to tell me that there were customer and co-worker complaints but he couldnt tell me from who and even though there were supposedly several I had never had even a verbal warning. I took it to HR and everything blew up. His boss and head of HR met with me and him for another hour. They basically said they don't believe him, but... Next day I came in to find coffee grounds accidentally spilled on my desk and over the wekend they moved my files out of the file cabinet without saying anything. I complained and they moved me to another department.

    This year my review had references to "how others perceive my comments". When I ask who once again they can't say. I told him that going forward he needs to tell me at the time because I can't address the problem if I don't know what it is. I'd be happy to change if I am doing something wrong but I can't do that if I don't know. Bottom line is his office rat is feeding him lies.

    I know I can't change them. I wish I felt better about what I do but for now I am stuck here. I won't give them the satisfaction of quiting because that is what bullies want! So for now it is another day another dollar.
  • I recently made the choice to go the disability route at least until things get working better. It has been a very difficult transition. I, too wrote software and the sitting you do all day long would just kill my back. Now I'm playing mom and my wife is working. Its a difficult adjustment to make. For 1, waiting on an insurance company to kick in LTD is a time consuming process. Then you have the fear that they are watching you every second to jerk the rug out. Fortunately, Its very obvious that I have major problems and will have a very difficult time doing much work ever again so my LTD went through pretty quick. It pays me 60% of my salary I believe until SSD kicks in then they just pay the difference that SSD doesn't cover. I had saved up some money and didn't have too much in the way of bills so once the LTD money started coming, things aren't too bad. I was also very fortunate to get the government subsidy for my COBRA. They pay 60% for 18 months and if I am declared disabled by SSA, they keep paying for 24. That kicked my COBRA for myself, wife, and kids to just over $150.00 / month. Waay less than I was paying while working there. lol

    Anyway, hang in there. If you're in decent financial shape, you might be alright on LTD at least until your back can heal properly. I think sitting at my computer desk hurt me more than physical labor did. Also, check into any programs the government has regarding to people losing their job undeservedly. They might still have some stuff floating out there to help out with COBRA and such. Only you can make the decision. If it gets too rough, take your STD leave and get feeling better. If that works, great. If not, you have to consider your options.

    As far as programmers working from home and such, my job treated me much the same way people in here are describing. When I was terminated due to FMLA running out, I filed with the Labor Division and it looks like they have accepted my case. They're going to go after them as to why they wouldn't accomodate me in any way. Can't wait to see how that turns out.

    Good Luck! Try to keep your head up.
  • Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. They really help me to sort things out. Regular people don't really understand.
  • What is interesting, is I used to have 7 federal agents I worked with and it was the best job I ever had. Then we got this moron new boss, he hired a bunch of gals, and holy cow it went down the toilet! I used to go to break with them, but stopped because they began to talk about whoever wasn't there that day - it was unbelievable. These gals go out to lunch every single day together and act like best buddies, but if one is gone, they all swoop in and it is horrific the things they say. I don't do that type of thing, I steer clear of gossip and BS. It really has no place in my life, I have bigger fish to fry as it were.. I also recall one of them having a medical issue a couple years ago and the others (her good buddies) asking ME because I do all their payroll, if she had leave to use, etc., etc., I said, I can't disclose that type of information - would you want me telling other people your personal information like that? They were mad that I wouldn't tell them. What is wrong with people? No compassion, no caring, the only thing they want is something to discuss. It really bothers me. Do you know these gals Kris? LOL! Sorta sounds like about the same thing... I did enjoy one day a couple weeks ago, one of them came to me to tell me what a jerk the boss was, he had actually lowered her eval. I said, oh really. Well, the only negative I can say about him is that I got so tired of him telling me, well "her name" told me this and this about you, or "Becky" said this and this about you and "Sarah" is watching everything you do, the look on her face was priceless! I said, you know I just told him I don't really care what you guys think, I just mind my own business and do my job. She walked off and I am pretty sure that "was" the topic of conversation in the breakroom for several days. I kinda killed two birds I think, they will be more careful about telling the boss crap since they know he tells me and also tells who said it. LOL! What a hoot. It was actually one of my more enjoyable days at work...
  • To be fair most of us look normal. Unless you are wearing a brace or limping terribly no one would know anything was wrong. We don't carry signs and we don't look different. So how can we expect others to understand what we are feeling? No one knows what meds it takes to function. And they have no idea about the treatments we endure.

    I've had two surgeries in the past year. Neither of my bosses ever said anything more than welcome back we missed you. No how are you or do you need anything. The other day my top boss asked if I was OK on the phone. I must have sounded awful. I gave him a brief update. I don't walk around complaining and only two people here have any idea of what I've gone through.

    At work you have to remember that privacy is very important from the companies stand point. If they are large enough to have an HR department you can be sure all bosses have been told not to ask personal questions.

    So before you get mad at someone put yourself in their shoes. There may be a very good reason they don't understand.
  • Hi Kris, Maybe instead of saying regular people don't understand, I should have said members on this forum are more likely to know from experience what it feels like. That's what I really meant. People on this forum can relate to each other. I hope I have not offended you.

    Back when I was in no pain, my coworker was still a nasty bully. I used to go to breakfast with a guy from another team. Then my coworker decided to tag a long. After 2 times, my friend stopped coming with us. When I asked why, he said he couldn't take the way she talked to me. I thought she was my friend and I confided in her when I started feeling bad. If he thought she talked badly to me then, he should have heard her through this project we worked on together. She was the subject matter expert for the software we were using. I had to rely on her for training. One time I had emailed her an example and a question. Later, I called her to ask her about it. She just yelled "stop sending me these worthless bullshit email". And I was helping her with her part of the project. This type of stuff happened on a regular basis. I'd get replies like, "let me stop doing what I'm working on just so I can help you". I could just imagine her snotty tone. I didn't expect her to feel sorry for me, but at least treat me decently.

  • I didn't mean to imply I was insulted. I was just pointing out that most of us appear "normal" to the world. So we shouldn't be so surprised when people can't understand how painful and difficult spine problems can be. Until you have walked in the shoes you don't know how they feel.

    Your co-worker sounds like a witch in general. If she was nasty and felt put-upon before she is only going to be worse now. The world is filled with people like her.

    Whenever I feel ready to quit I stop and think "what will the next job be like?" We never know the answer to the question but if you think it might be worse you should think carefully before acting.

  • Dear "name"

    Your psychiatrist called and you have missed your last 3 appointments. He is afraid you may be out of your meds and becoming Joyce, Jill and Bob again.

    He asked that you phone him to avoid a repeat of last time.
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