Well, I just need a place to vent tonight. So, let me sum up the last 6 years or so of my life:
My dad died 6 years ago, had a heart attack and collapsed in front of me (I was 25 at the time). Two months later, my grandmother died. A year after that, my mother-in-law died. My mom got remarried 2 years after dad died and was ready to start a new life. Fifteen months after their wedding, doctors discovered a brain tumor and last year after fifteen months battling that, my stepfather died.
Around the time my stepdad's brain tumor was discovered was when I ruptured my first disk (L3/L4) and then later the L4/L5 and L5/S1.
Last September I got swine flu and missed a week of work with doctor's notes. The day I came back, my boss fired me. Said I was faking (refused to look at doc notes) and ALSO said I was still too sick to return to work and was risking his life. Whatever. I worked there 6 years!
Still unemployed, barely making it on my unemployement plus husband's salary.
Had the microdiskectomy on May 26 because I finally decided to do it while I had the time if not the money. My mother has offered to assist with the med bills but that just makes me feel worse.
So here I am. Financially dependant on the goodwill of my mom (and i am 31 years old!). Unemployed. Totally isolated already but even more so now that I can't even drive.
I just feel like bursting into tears all throughout every single day. I don't even want to get out of bed. Ever.
I have tried to make good choices and to fix my problems and right now it seems like no amount of effort makes any difference so why try?