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Humble_PieHHumble_Pie Posts: 75
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:45 AM in Chronic Pain
I am still fairly new to the chronic pain issues. I have had 3 major surgeries since 2007. Fusions at both C4-C5, C6-C7, and L2 - S2. I still have major problems and constant pain. One thing I have noticed throughout all this is that my temper has changed dramatically. Where I used to be a very kicked back, easy going guy, I now have a tendency to just snap very quickly and with little to no provocation. I do my best not to yell at my family and what not but I feel the anger boiling up inside me like I've never felt before. My doctor started me on welbutrin and I think it helped a little bit but my wife complained that I seemed a little lethargic and she hates pills as well as doctors so I quit taking it. She complains about any pain meds, etc that I take as well. I have a spouse that has never in her life broken a bone or been in any sort of pain in her entire life aside from child birth and seems to have absolutely no tolerance whatsoever for me taking medications for my condition. I have a 68 year old father in law that still farms and works his guts out and I'm in pretty constant comparison.
I hope I don't offend anyone but as I think about it, I see what people who were / are tortured go through and why they break down mentally and the problems they have. Trying to use that sort of example to my better half and she believes I am overreacting to the extreme. I'm afraid my constant excruciating pain and inability to do about 75% of what I used to do is causing me to lose my mind. I really can't take it and don't know what to do. I am taking pain medications and they help but they don't help 24-7.
How do you all deal with the pain that never ever goes away? I think its really starting to get to me and if I use the medications that alter the mental state or anything else(wellbutrin, etc), I get the 3rd degree from my wife and I'm afraid she's passing the attitude on to my children. I know I need help but I don't know how to get the help I need and educate my wife at the same time.

Please Help! Thanks In Advance

P.S. Yes, my insurance sucks until I officially get on medicare.


  • I understand the anger. I can go from 0-60 in about 3.5 seconds now. And I am medicated, so I can't imagine how it must be with no medications. Have you considered taking your wife on a Dr visit? Having a physician explain your situation may go a lot further than hearing it from you. You do mention her dislike of Dr's but would she rather see you suffer? Having a spouse that is not understanding of chronic pain seem pretty common. Our significant others need to be educated, just as we have to be.

    Good Luck and count to 10 or even 20 :)

  • Could you go to counseling together? Could you take her in to your doctor for a visit? Pain alters the physical state of your brain and can have some unpleasant effects. It sounds like you feel that your wife is working against you, and you guys really need to be on the same team!
  • I'm rather new to the chronic pain world myself, but boy I tell ya... it sometimes feels like I've been living like this for decades! (It's only been a little over a year and a half for me).

    One thing I've learned along the way while living in chronic pain, is that we do go through quite a few emotional ups and downs. Anger is definitely one of them, that's for sure. You can't help but feel frustrated and angry at times, as the pain truly gets old and you feel like "enough already".

    It's important to have adequate pain control. Whether it's through ice, heat, rest, injections, PT, medications, etc. When your pain isn't being kept to a tolerable level, it can amplify any negative emotion we are struggling with. For instance, when I was 4 months out from my traumatic fall and fusion surgery... I started feeling depressed. Something brand new for me. I was crying a lot and was feeling very out of sorts. Not only was a trying to digest a drastic lifestyle change, I had such intense pain that I was trying to manage at the same time. I decided to make an appointment with my therapist right away and she started me on an anti-depressant. I'm glad I reached out for help, as that one little pill has made a world of difference for me in not feeling overly depressed.

    Like Traci and HappyHBMom have said, I think taking your wife to an appointment or two would be a great idea. You said the Wellbutrin was helping you and it's a shame you had to discontinue it due to your wife not approving. Maybe if she understood the benefits of Wellbutrin and how you felt some relief from it, she might change her mind about you taking it. None of us enjoy taking a lot of pills each day, but if it allows us to have a reduction in our daily pain and some glimpse of quality of life... hey, I'm all for it.

    There are pain counselors out there, which might be another avenue for you to research? They will talk with the whole family, from what I have heard.

    You have our support and I hope things start to look better for you real soon.

    Take good care,

  • Part of the reason you are feeling upset is because no one understands what you are going throuh. As someone mentioned above, I would definately ask her to go to a Dr. visit with you and have them explain to her that there is not a whole lot more you can do than you are already doing as far as this is concerned. Sometimes the only option is pain management with drugs. I know people that will be on drugs for the rest of their lives. One of my good friends who I consider a father to me has been in countless motorcycle accidents. He is about to have one of his legs amputated because of his pain. He is taking the strongest drugs on the market and still cannot function.

    It is unfortunate when people do not understand this struggle but you need to be firm and as others have said, educate your family on your condition. It is not fair to you that this happened in the first place so the last thing you need is a lack of support from the people that matter most to you. I have been on this site for only two weeks and already feel a whole lot better because all of the folks on here have an idea to some degree what the other is going through. First thing is first, educate your family and take care of yourself no matter what they say. Second, find a support network such as this where there are people that understand and can sympathize with what you are going through. It makes a world of difference.

    - Dez
  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,364
    This may be helpful ...


    we are here for each other and i am constantly amazed by the kindness and support that i receive from our little family here ... that gathers "round this campfire" in cyberspace.

    Spine-health Moderator
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  • Your temper is going to get the best of you, there is no way aside from the matter. It happens, and the more you internalize it, some times the bigger the explosion.
    Anger is part of the journey, sadly, and it is always part and parcel of infirmity. You have handled the issue with grace and dignity and i salute your restraint in carrying the weight by yourself, you hit it right on the head.

    some people have pain for a reletivly short time and get over it, they base their emotional answer to chronic pain with the same limited outlook. they have no clue to handling long term pain and the attendant issues of emotions.

    Hang in there and keep the lines of communication wide open even in the face of"ignorance" not a derrogatory term, just that they just dont know any better.

    It takes patience to teach others of your limitations, so hang tight and keep on keeping on!

    Its ok to be angry, find constructive ways to turn the anger to energy to fight the pain, rebuild your life in a new direction and be a teacher by your deeds, for others to look up to you, it takes a lot to be a spiney, its hard to live in the world of unrealistic expectations of the non infirm, so create your world to mirror the best you can do and exceed yourself when ya can, intellectually, physically, and most importantly emotionally.

    Learn all you can about what is getting you, become wise in the way of centering yourself.

    The steps you take now to maintain and improve what you can of your health/pain mgt skills will pay you fully as you go through time.

    Be emotionally intelligent, be proactive in keeping touch with your emotions,use the the 5w's and learn from the experience.

    Hang tight and keep that chin up K?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • first let me say i totally understand your pain and the fact that you need your medication and YOU MUST TAKE IT .my ex wife sound like your wife ,,she could not understand why i was taking medication all the time and could not comprehend pain 24/7 ..some people cant understand this and they don't do ill people .i am sorry for you my friend but my wife marriage ended and the main reason was my illness .even my wife of 12 years and she is a medical person sometime finds it hard to deal with my illness..you must understand that its very hard on the career as well as us the sufferer.maybe you need to have a big sit down talk with her and explain just how you are feeling and try and make her understand just how horrible the pain and all the problems that come with it are on you and YOU CARNT DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE THAT ...if you and her aren't getting on this wont help you if fact if may make you worse the last thing you need is extra stress because it will make your pain worse ...on the upside ..there is a device call acticare its a very high end TENS and an external spinal cord stimulator i think this may help you with your pain and i think that you should try one see acticare.com also there is another thing that may help you with your neck pain ..its a pillow like i have never seen before its a tempur one called the millennium queen and if you order on you need the ex large {it will fit in a normal pillow slip even though its a weired shape } i have 2 of them and its the best pillow i have ever had {don't think its just a normal memory foam pillow its a special shape that fits perfectly .you may also want to take to your doctor about better pain killers ? i hope that you can sort things out with your wife ..remember she agreed to better or worse and sickness and health ..you may want to remind her that ANYONE can leave the home in the morning and things can be so different by nigh fall {car crash/stroke heart attack etc } its not your fault and she needs to realise this .good luck my friend
  • I am sorry to say, my husband became disabled seven years prior to my injury and I was the person who did not totally understand. He has a heart condition, 6 bypasses, 5 stents, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer underwent a horrendous operation called a "whipple" they take out all or parts of many organs. He was in his 40's during this time. I did not understand his depression, his pain or his emotional instability. He would fly off the handle for no reason. Well thats what I thought! Then I had my accident, fell and hit my head, front of head, flew back hit the back of my head landed on my back, knee, rt shoulder and was knocked out for a short period. Underwent a rotator cuff surgery (failed) then a level II cervical fusion (failed) my vocal cord was destroyed so I can barely speak and I can barely walk due to lumber problems. My husband has been to every single appt. with me. He is understanding and supportive no matter what. If I cry, he is there to hold me. If I am in pain he comforts me. Talk about feeling guilt. I just did not understand what he was going through at the time. I think women look to their husbands as being the tough, providers (sterotype of course) even though I was a VP of a company. It did not bother me when he had to go on SSDI but I just feel I did not give him the support he deserved. Now the shoe is on the other foot. My father has always told me never judge a person until you walk one day in his shoes and I tell you those are words of wisdom. I wish I knew when my husband was dealing with all of the emotions how to help him. He knows how to help me and I will feel bad about that for the rest of my life. You never know in life what will happen and we all feel nothing will happen to us. Boy is that wrong. I also grew up with my father working two jobs my whole life so I think many of us women and I am not saying all women but if you were raised during the era when dad worked and mom was at home we have it in our heads that our husbands must be strong. For any of you men who are going through this horrible daily pain and the anger and frustration that goes along with it my heart goes out to you. I wish I could sit your wives down and have a long heart to heart as now I am dealing with the pain and I thank God every day I have been blessed with a spouse who understands and never criticizes or makes me feel less or a person for needing to take my meds, or sitting in my recliner basically 24/7. I am sorry to my long post but this really hit home and if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me at anytime. As mentioned by others get those wive's or husbands to your appointments, have the dr's explain just what you are dealing with. Somehow having a dr explain it the spouse will deal with it differently and I hope they will then become understanding and caring. We spiney's are dealing with enough without being put through guilt. This was difficult and almost embarrassing to post as I was one of those wive's and I have to live with my actions forever. I wasn't horrible I just wasn't understanding and we need that more than anything as this can be a lifetime of pain and suffering. My new approach as hard as it is, is to start each day with a positive outlook. Not easy and sometimes it just doesn't work but I am trying. I am also concentrating also on my husbands disability and his mental state. It is very difficult for a man to go through perhaps the loss of his job as society tends to measure a man by his job. I don't agree but thats how it is.
    By the way, I was put on Cymbalta which is an anti-depressant which is supposed to help with pain. I am also on several pain meds which I could not get through the day without. I now wish I could spread the word and talk to spouses of disabled people dealing with chronic pain as I have not let go of the guilt I think I will carry forever.
    Remember you have to take care of yourself also as no one else is going to!
    Again sorry for rambling but you touched my heart!
    Good luck to you!
  • just so you know after the huge operation my husband had for pancreatic cancer, four days later the surgeon came back and said oh by the way it was never cancer. He is now an insulin dependent diabetic and this operation has changed his life forever. Of course we thank God it was not cancer but so many emotions he deals with on a daily basis. I just wanted to let you know he was ok!
    Thank you for listening to my story
  • For me the snapping is how I know I'm in pain. Every few days I will snap at my kids or my husband. They and I have learned that this means I'm in pain. I can't tell you how many times I have had to apologize to them.
  • My 23 yr old son has had 3 surgeries in the last 4 years. The last surgery was 3 months ago. He keeps talking to me about his concern of not feeling "anything". I told him it sounded like the word "apathy" - told him the meaning of the word. He agreed that was it. He's deeply concerned over it. My best guess for him - was that the surgery was right at the brain stem level - and perhaps it had an effect on him. Reading your post confirms my suspicions of what I've told him. I appreciate your post. Hopefully hearing his concern over his constant altered emotional state will shed light on yours. I also hope this gets better, with time, for the both of you. I can't comprehend how difficult it must be. There may actually be logic/reason behind it.

  • I do know that emotions don't come from the brain stem. Or at least science doesn't *think* that it does. It may just be the brain's response to the trauma of surgery. My brain has responded (apparently) to trauma with Fibromyalgia - which is an altered perception of pain that isn't really there. Life phantom or ghost pain. If brains can do THAT, then it makes sense that it may alter emotions as well, ya?

  • I deal with the same issues. My spouse doesn't understand either and it is hard to make them. They can be very intolerant to how we feel, and I don't think they understand that giving up the things we love to do is emotionally devestating! I don't understand how they can't see that, or do they think we have given these things up because we want too? Jeez... I don't know what to say to you, other than there are many others in your boat and it does suck. Not having support when your down and hurting is just awful. Thankfully there are a lot of good people here that will listen and do care because they have been there - done that. Take care and do what is best for you. I finally had to just say enough is enough - either you leave or I will. It seemed to be an eye opener for him, but who knows how long it will last. It's a tough road - take care - Marion
  • My husband was angry as opposed to me being angry with pain 24/7 and I asked my PM Dr. to speak with him. My husband had more understanding afterwards why I needed pain meds. I'm learning to shake off my anger by going for walks, working out as much as one can work-out with pain. I'm on Cymbalta and Wellbutrin also to help with nerve pain and all. I feel for you and it hurts when your spouse isn't more understanding.

    I wonder if your PM Dr. may have more answers for managing your long term pain being a SCS or pain pump or meds. I hope you can find some relief soon. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Not only did I quit taking it because my better half doesn't believe in "MEDS", I just found out she had the nerve to call my pm and chew her out for being a pill pushing dimwit bla bla bla. I'm really going to have to think this over. I hope my pm will understand the situation when I talk with them. I am dumbfounded. I seriously cannot believe my wife did that. I know she has the habit of speak / yell before you think but this is was a bit ridiculous. If I get totally cut off, I will be royally screwed here. Oh, and counseling is out of the question. They're all quacks in her book. I'm gonna need to do some serious evaluating here. I'm so mad right now I don't know what to do............................................................................................................
  • I tried to respond a minute ago but my internet went down. Hopefully it doesnt post twice.

    That is completely wrong. Taking your prescription pain meds that were prescribed by a doctor does NOT make you an addict. I know it is hard to believe, but I know how you are feeling to an extent. My own brother accused me of being an addict today.

    It is almost as if we live in a world full of Orwellian oppressors that snitch on their "comrades" for the betterment of the "party" only we are dealing with a failing drug war where chronic pain patients and their doctors are the ideal prey.

    I hope that you will find the strength to deal with this even in the pain you are in. I wish you the best of luck on this. I am sure your PM will understand if you explain what is going on. Maybe he/she will be willing to help you with the education process and try to facilitate some better understanding between you and your wife. Make sure that you keep your friends close through this and get all of the support that you need to carry on.

    - Dez
  • I guess that I really just feel betrayed. Of all the people in the world I should be able to trust, she is the one. Been married 20 years and she has always been my best friend up until this point. It seems she has been explaining things to my kids in such a way that they are losing respect for me and she has too. I've been trying to explain to my children what is going on and they seem very understanding when things are explained correctly and truthfully. The way we grew up, my wife was extremely close to her family. My family wasn't always so close growing up so I have made it a point to make sure she is close to her family and friends while I have allowed us to move away from all mine. Now I just feel like I have nobody. I just need to get over my pity party and figure out how to make this a positive and find people who understand or hope she will be willing to learn a little more than she has. I just hope she didn't blast my pm to the point they want nothing to do with me and the crazy lady anymore. I'm not so sure I could handle getting shut offf cold turkey. Fortunately, my pm is actually a very understanding and compassionate person so I'll give her a call on monday and hopefully head this off at the pass. WOW! I still can't believe I am actually on here talking about this. I can't believe a loved one would actually do that. I'll try to move on to positive things. Best wishes to all of you out there and I will pray you have the support you need to manage your pain / torture. Thats really all it is ... torture and we try to make the best of it.

    Night All

    Thank you for all your support and suggestions.
  • It would be un-ethical for your doctor to cut you off based on an angry phone call from your wife unless you were abusing the medication; but I don't think that is what happened. I can see how you would feel betrayed. Just make sure that you try to keep the lines of communication open even though you are feeling hurt (as hard as that is).

    I am lucky to have an understanding hubby but a not so understanding set of family and friends. My hubby understands because he is having some problems as well so he gets what I am going through even though I am a lot worse off than he is. If nothing else, make sure that your kids understand where you are coming from. Better yet, take one of your kids to the doctor with you (if they are old enough) and have them assist you with educating your wife on your condition.

    I'm sorry you don't have anyone in your corner because you moved away from your family. I hope you will find good support/information here. I know I have. Tell that inner critic of yours to shut up, this isnt a pity party, it's real life and you are living with something that I would not wish on anyone. Take care.

    - Dez
  • Sounds like classic denial - as if she cannot really bring herself to believe that you are permanently injured. I wonder if she had some "macho" image and you being permanently injured does not fit that image she has of what a man is supposed to be? It's as if what has happened contradicts her world view. Really nasty turning your kids though and it sounds as if you have to bite the bullet and go get yourself another network - at least for this particular issue. I'm sure there must be others in your community with back/pain problems. If there is not a group, why don't *you* start one? you might be surprised. Also, if your feeling low, remember, WE do understand and because there are people on here from all over the world, theres nearly always people on the chat board 24/7.
  • I would and have felt the same way. It is very hard to understand the actions of someone that proclaims to love you, and has been your best buddy and then does something like that. Mine wanted to go with me to my doc, but it wasn't to be supportive, I know he planned on telling her she was a pill pushing nutjob too and I said absolutely not. He has never met her and he hates her. I believe in one of my posts I mentioned he told me that "this page" was a bunch of whine babies that don't want to work or have a life and I should hurry and go post something on there so I can feel sorry for myself and get everyone's support. Oh talk about pissed off! It is truly unbelievable. At least I have a lot of support from my daughter and her husband, I adore my son (he is 17) but he tends to side with his poppa and he has said a few things that shocked me too. It just sucks having little or no support when you hurt so much and have to give up so much of your life. I really feel for you. I'm sure your doctor has heard it all before, so I wouldn't worry too much. I know last time I saw mine, my BP was out of control and I started bawling. I never do that, but I was so emotionally drained, hurting and so upset I couldn't help it. Take care of you - take your meds and the family can piss off if they don't like it. What else can you possibly do?
  • Remember this is about YOU, your PAIN levels, your stress levels, and your well being. This stress cannot be helping.

    You have been given some great advice here and are undoubtedly in a tough position. I wonder if one of your children might be old enough to take to one of your PM appointments. Maybe you have to take those medicines in a way that your wife does not witness you taking them and keep them out of her sight. Not secretly, just not in your face... But still, that's not where I wanted to go with this.

    Remember this need to be about YOU. The main goal is to get your pain managed. To get YOUR condition under control. You have a 20 year marriage and I hope and pray that there is enough good in those 20 years that somehow something through all of this will work to make your marriage even stronger when all is said and done. But right now, this needs to be about YOU and getting YOUR Pain and mental well being under control.

    If you have to choose between yourself and someone else you must always always choose yourself. This is the most unselfish thing you can do. Now I know many here reading this are thinking. "What is she saying that is so selfish?" Not so! All safety instructions always remind you to assist yourself first then begin assisting others. You cannot begin to give to others what you have not first given to yourself. I have learned this. I thought I was unselfishly giving of myself to others until I was all used up. It was then I realized that I had nothing left to give to them or myself. So then what use was I to them?

    Taking care of yourself is the most SELFLESS ACT you can do right now.

    I do feel for those that do not have the emotional support they need at home. It is so critical.

    If the Wellbutrin was working I encourage you to get back on it. If not, I encourage you to talk to your PM and find what does work. Find the pain management that is right for you. For only when you take care of you and gain more control of the pain can you then address the situation between you and your spouse. As others have said, Maybe it goes much deeper and only communication will work that out. Truly only you and your wife know the answer to that.

    Until your pain is better controlled it’s possible you will continue to have a hard time determining what is a real emotional trigger and what is not. You may have a very difficult time communicating with your spouse and your children-never truly making your needs known.
  • I asked my PM Dr. to talk to my husband and booked an appointment. He spent over an hour telling him you just can't 'get over it and stop taking pills needed for pain. It was a good time for him to ask questions and get some clear answers. I don't know if every PM Dr. would do that but it was necessary in my case. It's very hard for a spouse or family to understand chronic pain or healing from spine surgery.

    One day you may be able to go for a walk, water the lawn, watch your kid play or throw a baseball, do dishes and the next day you may not be able to get out or do much.

    Even my Mother says I hope you were able to get out for a walk today and she says it everyday. It kind of just reinforces what you can't do everyday like someone without pain or weakness.

    You just have to say I need this medication (wellbutrin) or whatever it is to help me deal okay? Just say I'm trying to get better hon work with me. I know it's easier said then done but pray it gets better for you. My best. Charry

    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I feel for you I can' believe how people can be so selfish to not take a look at what is going on right in front of them. Stopping the meds when your in so much pain has got to be tough. I am sometimes short and anappy now I can't imagine if my pain levels were out of control. First and foremost you need to take care of your pain and mental well being. I would definately try and get her to a doctor's appt with you and also you should go to a family counselor. She may be having a tough time facing reality so she is lashing out at you. The fact that she is telling your kids things blows my mind. I would set them aside and have a heart to heart with them. Do not bash their mother but explain to them that you have a difference in opinion but that you are hurting and are having a hard time dealing with thinngs. Like Frog said if your children are old enough you may want to take them to a doctors appointment with you. It may be good for them to hear from a professional "what is happening to daddy". Have you really tried to sit down and have a heart to heart with your wife? I would find a sitter for the kids and talk it out. Like I said she may just be fearful and is freaking out and doesn't know how to deal with the emotions. Hang in there and I hope things work out for you.
  • Thanks for the comments folks. I was feeling the same way but now and again, things ceep into our head that makes it feel like its your fault for some reason. I know this isn't my fault in any way, shape, or form and just wonder how I'm going to get respect from my kids and wife

    Well, I fully expected to hear from my doc today based on the wild stories my wife told . I'm hoping she remembers stories past and has taken this with a grain of salt and Good luck to the rest of you. I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again... and again..... and again.... and again..... and again...... lol. I'm sure you ge the meaning you. I just hop I can return the favor some day. You are all wonderful.


  • This I think is another approach, ask her if she ever had a splinter? did she take it out? Why did she take it out? Why didn't she leave it in, was it because it hurt? If it got infected would she use antibiotic ointment? Why? Is it because it hurt?explain your body hurts like that splinter, but you can't take it out, only the pain medicine can lessen the pain in your body!

    Ask her to imagine her worse headache, she was able to use ice go to sleep but that headache didn't go away, she didn't want to poison her body by taking asprin, so she didn't. Her head still hurt, and then her speech slurred. You tell her to take the asprin, but still she doesn't want to poison her body, so she lives with her head hurting and her speech slurring. Then she can't move her arms or legs, again you tell her to take an asprin and go to ER, but she doesn't want to poison her body, they for sure will use x rays and give her medicine,so she stays home. Unfortunately, that headache was a warning sign for a stoke, is she now sorry she didn't take the asprin? Her body was telling her to take it when her head hurt, but she ignored the sign. Now she can't move, and because her loved ones know she doesn't want pain medicine and she can't talk so her wishes are carried out,no pain medication is given to her. With no speech, but tears flowing from her eyes 24-7, because of pain. Is she sorry now that she told all not to "poison" her body with pain medication when it is she being tortured by pain?

    I am not saying telling your wife a story like this is even possible for you, but it may be a wake up call if someone else can tell her this for you. Is there anyone you can ask, who is on your side, to tell your wife a story like this, or can you show her what I wrote?

    Wishing you the best of everthing. I hope you take your medicine, and just continue to hide it from your wife. If you are lethargic, tell her it is because of pain you didn't sleep the night before well....make excuses.....not easy, but she is leaving you no other choice that I can see.

    I am lucky, my husband is supportive of me.

    I wish you all the luck in the world, and I would continue to take the medicine behind her back, what she doesn't know will not hurt her, but will help you.

  • Well folks. Got a call yesterday from my PM secretary. I still have no idea what was brought up, threatened, or anything that was left on the answering machine of my PM Doc but as of now, I am shut off unless they get to speak to my spouse face to face. Lucky me... My spouse has a new job that has the exact same working hours as the pain clinic and is over an hour drive away. If anyone is wondering.... Yes. I am freaking out. First off, the one person in this life I am supposed to trust completely just hosed me. The next thing is I'm not sure why. We worked for months to get me meds that both worked to manage the pain AND made sure I wasn't a space cadet. I fill and use them as prescribed. I have a contract. I use 1 PM and 1 pharmacy. I have screaming pain in my lower back, legs, neck, shoulders, etc. I have had 3 major back surgeries in 3 years so I assume I'm not lying. I just cant imagine doing this to someone you supposedly care about. Wow. I was really caught off guard by this. I don't have any idea what I am going to do. Anyway, thanks for all the support on here. I hope I can get things figured out.......
  • Humble I would ask your wife what the two of you can do now. She created this situation so she should have a part in resolving it. Sit down after the kids are in bed and tell her what the PM's office said.

    Tell her exactly how many days supply of meds you have left and ask her what she thinks you should do. Maybe the doctor can make an appt to meet with you when she gets home.

    I just reread this whole post and it sounds to me like her family may be pressuring her. In-laws are awful sometimes. Geez my own family makes me crazy!

    I hope you can find a solution together. In my experience talking it out makes even the worst situations better.
  • Humble,
    As I said before, 20 years of marraige is a huge thing and I pray that through this, your relationship will become that much stronger.

    Many people have posted that it might be helpful if she were able to attend a doctor's appointment with you or that their relationships were much better when their spouse talked to their doctor. With that said maybe this is just what needed to happen.

    Just Maybe your PM doctor knows what he or she is doing and this face to face is "just what the doctor ordered."

    Please try to calmly have that conversation with your wife and ask her to attend this one appointment with you. Let the doctor handle the rest. I'll bet he knows what he is doing and in the end maybe it will help take away some of her fears and put some of this stress to rest.

    I really don't believe they can cut you off, something about medical abandonment laws so I believe they will work with you. (Though she doesn't need to know that.) Just keep taking care of you and get on the meds you need to be on.

    I believe her support as well as family support would go a long way towards helping you on your jouney so like I said, this may be "just what the doctor ordered."

    Take Care,
  • I cannot understand the PM cutting you off until they talk to your spouse. That is CRAZY!!! When you signed the pain contract, did it specifically state you cannot obtain meds when a spouse calls in and leaves an angry message? That is so unethical on their part. They clearly have a responsibility to you, not your spouse. They can do pill counts and drugs tests to be sure you're not abusing your medications.

    I really wish you the best. You have many issues to work on now. Trust is hard to build in normal circumstances. Rebuilding is even harder, especially in a Dr/Patient relationship.

    YOU have to take care of YOU! Frog said it best!!!
  • Humble I just re-read this post from the beginning because something was sticking in the back of my brain. I had to read it again to find it.

    Is there any chance your wife is jealous because your PM doctor is a woman? I know this sounds crazy but we are all only human. The PM doc is responsible for you feeling better and if you have been praising her for making you feel better it might be upsetting your wife.

    Here's why I say this -- Our family doctor is a woman. I will admit that I have been jealous at times when my husband goes to her. Sounds crazy but emotions are crazy.
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