Knowing when to stop future intervention is always a difficult decision even when we have all the perceived facts before us, and we are driven with that just one more attitude, that we all need to survive. Although it is understandable to perceive that eventually a satisfactory outcome is possible just for the want of trying, that reality is not always possible. From my experience the more opinions you get only seem to confuse the issue and rather that bring a collective agreement, we go with the expectation that the next review will confirm the last one and each consultation at times brings another complexity to the issue, rather than any conformation we expected. The desire for any improvement does sometimes cloud our judgement and every intervention has compatible balance of success and failure initially.
We would all like to think that we could be improved and perhaps we are looking for an opinion that agrees with us rather than the truth, it was not easy for my professor to tell me that this would be my life and any additional surgery would be of no use.
I admire all those who have tried in challenging and perhaps limited chance of improvement for trying, it is not easy to keep going with the same enthusiasm when consecutive and accumulative surgeries prove ineffectual. Pain is about us and we should not be grab any option at the risk of making things worse, we all try to be positive and that is necessary, we should not blame ourselves when things go wrong we have to live with the consequences.
Knowing when to stop has to be right for you and this is my life and I am trying my best to live it, however progressively restrictive it is, I take some comfort in what I can do and am mandated to endure. Stopping was empowering and getting off that constant pressure to find an amicable solution, it has not been the easy option and I have no regrets. The talk of improvement was not always matched in reality as the hope faded and the pain increased. It is not defeatist or resignation to the inevitable, it takes equal courage and resilience to stop in knowing more of how the future will be, irrespective of our expectation or projected fears.
It is right that we should use every option available to us in finding a solution and getting the expected improvement from any surgical intervention is hard fought and eagerly awaited. Every day I am reminded of the decision I made and always think of how things may have been different or even less painful, my pain is not managed at an adequate level and I am questioning the reality of my ability to continue to work where standing up is becoming increasingly problematic.
I wish everyone well in trying to find that illusive improvement be that surgery, PM or treatment, I am evidence that surviving is possible and making the best of difficult and challenging days, now and in the future.
Take care John.