im a 26 yr old singleish mom of 2 very young children. i have a 3 yr old little girl and a 22 month old son.i have wat they think is ddd in my lower back. hereditary not a injury.most days now the pain is so bad i have to force myself to get out of bed every morning when all i want to do is close my curtains and cry myself back to sleep. dr has given me numerous pain pills over the course of the last month or so - none seem to work.im in pt which im grateful for - starting pt gave me some hope that maybe i could maintain it....however there have been no signs of improvement.this is killin me - im sick and tired of feeling like this and seeing the pitying glances thrown my way when ppl see me hurtn so bad i cant hardly bear it. my boyfriend is just as lost as i am - everytime he sees the dr gives me new pills for pain he hopes they will work - when they dont he hates it...he wishes he could make it all better for me but he cant - i know he is tryn to figure out how to be strong for me but he doesnt know how.i wish he didnt have to.i see my neurosurgeon for the first time tomoro and im absolutely terrified.im scared he will get tired of having a girlfriend who is hurting all the time...i wouldnt blame him for that really but it would break my heart in a whole new way that idk if i could bear.i just want to be "normal" again...be able to play with my kids and go camping and hiking and riding and all the other wonderful outdoorsy things i used to be able to do. but idk when or even if this will ever happen again.i havent told my bf yet my dr has already told me if healing doesnt start soon to get all thoughts of future children out of my head.that right there is sending me into a downward spiral of depression.im from a large family and have always wanted alot of kids, but my dr has told me not only will it most likely cripple me but it could possibly kill me to have more.i havent told my bf this yet.im too scared.what would he want with me then?he wants a big family like i do. i would lose him i think.this is a curveball in my life i was not expecting. i dunno how to even begin to deal with it all - its overwhelming me and i just want to disappear.
im sorry for venting...i just needed to let it all out a little..