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I just need to vent-

rolltiderrolltide Posts: 6
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:46 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi everyone,

I rarely post on here, I read posts all the time-just to remind myself that I'm not alone...but today I have just had it with people (my family) begging me to be "normal". Really? You don't think I WANT to be "normal" like I used to be? I want to work, I want to walk half marathons like I used to. I want to be able to sit through an entire movie without having a numb leg or pain in my back. I WANT to travel like I used to. I want to be able to go to concerts and enjoy the show with the great spots (I NEVER sat down) I WANT to shop and not think...oh no, I've been gone for about an hour...I better get home before the pain hits. I WANT to be like I used to be...I do, I really do...but I'm not. I most likely never will be. I want you to understand this isn't by choice...I didn't wake up six years ago and think..."well, lets see....let me hurt myself and have 5 surgeries on my back in 6 years". Not what I wanted it just happened.

I haven't worked in 5 months, I rarely do things with friends anymore, because they simply don't understand my limits. My husband keeps saying..."I understand"....well, he doesn't really. He placates me.

I'm so sorry this sounds so negative...it's just been a bad day.

Thank you all for listening....and I know that you all do "understand".

Roll Tide! (I can't wait for football season, even if I won't be going to many of the games....like I used to)



  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    And welcome to the forums. Type in "a letter to normals" in the blue box at the top of the page. And click on the first one. It sums things up verry nicely!
    If they haven't walked a mile in your shoes. Then they just can't comprehend. And it's foolish to try and make them. Please read that. It will do you good!
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • I'm with you sister. We understand your pain and limitations. I'll be thinking about you and hoping the family starts to "get it" for your sake. Best, mel v. :?
  • I want to do the same things you do...it is difficult to come to terms with the loss of your life as it once was.

    Maybe we can just go out to Bryant Denny Stadium and scream to the top of our lungs while the team comes out on the field...then leave... :-)

    War Eagle!!!

  • You are absolutely not alone, I am right in their with you. I have difficulty with more than 30 minutes of sitting, and pretty much have lost all friends over not being able to do what I used to do, not going out to eat, sporting events, even sitting through church. I too had to stop wprk, and dreading the financial consequences. And you don't even after tell me - I can tell you are a L5-S1 spiney at the least.
  • I am new to this forum and I am 29. I have Hernieted discs L4 and L5 and ignorantly I thought there was a cure. That one day I could do all the things all my friends could do. Now after much research and appointments I know that likely I will be in pain for life. I understand how frustrating it is sometimes I get so angry!! Once I was in shopping mall and each time i walked I got this unbearable shooting pain that made me want to be sick...I felt so mad like I wanted to smash up the whole store!!! Its normal its like your body is a prison and the drugs they dope u up on dont help with your emotions either. I can understand your frustrations and I am not as disabled as you are. Sometimes u feel there is nowhere to run nowhere to go nowhere to hide and if small things go wrong its much harder to deal with. I dont know if u believe in God but I pray all time I know he cant take pain away but he can help me cope with it. I feel for you. Not any advice I can give but recgonise how strong a person it takes to live in such crippling pain know that you have inner strength and you can overcome the days when it all seems to much.
  • the letter to a normal and the spoon theory is a good way of explaining to others just how you feel..WE know as we feel the same way but i know myself that many dont understand or dont want to understand what we are going through ..they just can't understand chronic pain .i have the same problem with my mother she thinks that i am weak and thinks that there is nothing wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!!! that must be the joke of the century even when she has read all the letters fro the surgeons and sees me taking my oxycontin and lay on my recliner she still wont believe me ..mind you she is a hard cow !! she thinks because i am youngish 44 i should be doing what she was at 44 ali get it {when i was your age i was blar blar blar } then when i say mum i am very ill i just get a look of disapproval ..some people just wont except illness
    good luck
  • Chronic pain is hard for someone who doesn't have it to understand. To have worked hard all you life and get to a point where some days you just can't get out of bed is difficult for some to understand. This forum is a great place to vent, get questions answered and also help others. Keep a positive attitude and believe that tomorrow will be better than today! God Bless from Vernon, Al !
  • There comes a time when you need to accept that you can't do all the things that you used to. Sometimes it comes bit by bit and sometimes it hits you like a tidal wave. Sometimes the change is because of age or money or children or geography. And then sometimes it is because of health.

    Not matter what the change or what the reason we need to constantly change our preception of reality. YOu may mourn the things you used to do and you may work to regain some of them. When you understand your new reality you can concentrate on getting on with life.

    As far as family and friends they either get on the bus or you leave them on the corner. But the best thing about accepting your new reality is that you will make new friends along the way.
  • My husband's thing is "Well, such and such won't be so bad, will it?" I used to go along with him and end up in agony, now I just say Ugh, YES! It will be bad!

    I can't even count the times. The trip to Universal Studios with not only my bad back but a broken foot? And the 2 hour stampede line to go on the tour? Oh, that was fun. The tour was fun too, with the hard seats and the bumpy cars.

    My kids are 12 and 10 and see my pain better than he does. I want to give them medals. He gets a kick in the pants.

    (except he really is awesome about a lot of stuff and I love him, but he's blind as a bat about pain).

    Signed, spent 3 days at my daughter's girl scout lemonade stand and won't be able to walk for a week... yes, I want to be normal too!
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