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Regaining Self Respect

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,865
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:46 AM in Matters of the Heart
I know that most of us have been through hell and back, probably more than just one time.

I saw my real productive time with IBM start to dwindle as it became more and more painful to work on the computer. When last year they were trying to get rid of some of the 'older'
people, I saw it as a great opportunity to leave and retire.

When I first went into the retirement mode, I became a slug!.
Didnt do a thing around the house. Before that I would do the food shopping and making all the meals. That basically came to an end. The less I did , the more I didnt want to do anything.

It was easy to dwell more on my physical problems and to an extent whine and felt sorry for myself.

I didnt like who I was becoming and I know my wife was not happy with me, nor where my grow children.

When I started my current part time work at a Wine Shop, I started to feel better. Now almost 6 months into that job, I have been fortunate enough to work with the owner and making changes. After all, before my computer career, I started in the Wine business (1971). Right now, I am doing what I love... I get to talk with people about wine and many other topics. Many times I tend to talk to much. I make it a point of knowing so many of their first names.

I do hurt, standing on my feet 20 hours or so a week, has put a strain on my body. But it is a discomfort I am so willing to put up with. I feel now as if I was given a second opportunity.

But most of all, I have regained the self respect and feeling of being worthy again.

I cant tell you how great that feels.
Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com


  • As for companies cutting back on their most experienced workers really ticks me off. Someone who is more experienced and older has a lot to teach the younger or newer to the business workers and both can work together in a productive way for the company. I's great to hear you're doing well with your new job and bet it's quite different from the work you were doing as it gets you around people and it's something you enjoy.

    I was never a wine drinker but have tried ice wine from Niagara region close to where I live and just love it. Inskillin white wine is the name I believe. I like sparkling white wine and not fond of dry wines at all or red wine due to fear of migraines. I hope you're able to cook again, I hear there's some great recipes including wine. I used to watch the Galloping Gourmet just because of his love of wine. Do you remember him? Thanks for sharing how you're getting your life back. Take care and cheers. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Oh Charry I grew up on him. My mother and sister loved to cook exotic (for the time) foods. I inherited one of his massive cookbooks - mainly because the recipes are too rich and unhealthy for my sister's taste. But I love to read them. Now you have me thinking about making sorbet today..yum

    Ron you are so right about regaining some self-respect. I'm still working on identifying my issues and finding what my level off place will be. But once I am pretty comfortable with the treatment and meds it will be time to figure out "what next".

    Contact with people outside your family is a very important thing in my opinion. Whether it is going to church or joining a book club. Or volunteering or getting back to work. That's what i miss the most right now.
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    hey ron,
    Over a month ago one of my neurosurgeons suggested and enlisted me in a physical therapy program called SpineX. It is a nationwide program that aims at building core strength and muscle around the vertabrae. The PT assigned to me was sort of skeptical that this would benefit me much due to I am very fortunate to be working and active now but said to go ahead and see if it works out for you. Well I just want to say what a great motivation SpineX has been for me not only physically but mentally. It has helped me push myself even more than I normally do within my limitations and safely without causing further damage. My attitude and (self-respect) has also been kicked up a few notches, not that it was bad before but now I seem to be floating, my wife will attest to that. ;-) So if any spiney's out there have access to this program in your area clinic or hospital I would highly recommend it if indeed you would be a qualified candidate. It is not for everyone and your doctor would have to recommend it along with a certified SpineX PT.
    Take care,
  • Ron,
    It is understandable that as the things we hold most dear are mandated away we can begin to feel less, although that is something that we readdress over time. Self diminishes in little bits and sometimes goes unnoticed in the whole picture of survival, the importance and weight of that collective loss makes us feel less at times and that in reasonable given our situation. CP is not a career enhancer and requires that we present normality while enduring simultaneous angst, only in this respect would I acknowledge that experience is part of that knowing process, we are not then measured in the things we once did or who we were, rather the perception of the things we can no longer do and what we have become. Self respect is an inner measurement and current achievements can be valued with equal validity as the ones we achieved historically, it is about perception. All our achievements are valued here, as we know how hard they are to attain.

    The historic healthy me would find it difficult to live my new normal; the things I now measure myself against have changed even without my consent or encouragement I value what and how I am achieving. I know how hard that daily ascent is and encourage the effort required to do even the simplest of things some days. We should not feel that we have to live that little life and only we can change the perception of what is possible and develop a just do it attitude. Self respect is knowing that we did our very best and it is not for others to judge our effort, everyday I think of what and how my children perceive me, what would they want me to do, it is not always the list I have devised. In looking for some acknowledgement from others for my unseen achievements I am already focussed on the wrong objective, I know how successful I am and that has to be sufficient at times.

    It is without question that if others knew how difficult living in CP can be that in itself would be sufficient to glean some praise; self worth is about doing your very best and challenging yourself on a daily basis, devising new and inventive ways of surviving and thinking of others. Not doing the right thing is only a phase, a learning progression to knowing better, when we have more knowledge and understanding our behaviour changes, if we decide not to change, even when we know more we let ourselves down.

    We are hard on ourselves and expect unrealistic improvement at times, in always wanting more we have to accept that even keeping our head above the water line is progress and should be acknowledged as such. Pain is learning about who you are, this takes time, experience and patience, to adapt every day to the new us We owe it to ourselves to develop a strategy of coping that is conducive to improvement however slowly that transpires, change what you can, try not worry about the things you have no influence and what you think is who you are.

    I have over the years developed the me brand as much as possible and taken advice from those wishing and able to help. It is our objective here to make individuals feel good about themselves, address the fears and apprehensions we all have at times and move forward, they will develop into the unknown person, those skills are already inherent and just need some tender support and encouragement to help create the new us.

    Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your achievements.

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