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today is a bad day

jade10025jjade10025 Posts: 42
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:46 AM in Depression and Coping
i am having a rough time dealing with the post op crap. I have very little money, and while i love my job, and my bosses have been beyond awesome, but my schedule is now too reduced to support me financially. it seems pointless to try and go on interviews with a major back brace. Why would anyone want to hire someone you is so visibly broken? I was offered a different job doing massage as well, but i would need to start up a clientele and pay rent. I cannot give up the job I have now for it. I wish I could. I need to stop doing massage as my main job as well.

I need my family to drive me everywhere and they are sick of it. They have been helping with my bills and now money is tight for them too. I feel guilty. They can afford it, but they shouldn't have to.

Depression is setting in now, and different than ive had it before. I think the meds are contribution. the anxiety and panic attacks are not a blast either. and my overactive imagination has been a cures of bad thoughts the last few weeks.

I just cut my meds in half and now I am feeling the pain. I think some of the depression today is because of the decrease in my system.

Physical therapy isnt helping, and my insurances allowed amount is almost up. so then i need to decide if i pay outta pocket with money i dont have or deal on my own. yay for that one.

My family is pushing me to get off the meds completely. I dont think they have a clue what it feels like to have all the crap i had done to my spine. 2 replaced disks, 6 screws, 2 rods and a 3 level fusion is a lot to recover from. I had no time to mentally prepare for the surgery either. I met with the surgeon one week after my chiropractor told me to, then was in surgery the next week. i didnt know they could rush something that fast.

I am a little lost right now. I am thankfully recovering well considering. I just dont know how long its gonna take and what i am gonna do in the meantime. I hate the unknown more than anything.

just needed to vent. Thanks.



  • I know you hear this all the time..But gosh you are super early in your recovery. The 1st 2 months were the worse for me. I had a 2 level fusion on March 1st of this year. I am STILL out of work and have pain everyday. My mobility is slowly getting better but it takes alot out of me to just do the dishes.

    I understand the financial burden. I am on long term disability and I am only bringing home 50% of my pay. I am behind on my mortgage by 1 month and they call all the time. I lost my insurance because I could not afford 600 bucks a month after my short term was up. Who could?

    I am not trying to out do you or anything. Just want you to know you are not alone in your struggle to recover. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Thankfully my family doesn't harp on me about getting off of meds. Of course I don't even live in the same state as any of my family...so..lol

    I cried quite a bit during my 1st 2 months of recovery. But that got better. Some people here are on Cymbalta and it helps their nerve pain as well as depression issues.

    I am looking for a new job as well. I am a nurse so you would think getting a job would be no problem. However, I can never go back to hospital floor nursing or any nursing that requires me to lift patients. So I am limited.

    Please hang in there. If you want drop me a PM and we can chat if you need someone to talk to. I am a 38 year old (as of tomorrow) female..married with no kids..fyi.

  • thank you

    today is a much better day. and honestly, i am very lucky my surgery went well and things are going good. im just stressed out. there is a reason i moved outta my parents house, lol, and now im stuck there to add family drama with recovery. i really thought id be home alone in peace by now. at least they mean well. and while my dr did a awesome job, and is a cool lady, she made the recovery sound pretty fast and easy when we discussed it. she even said i could go back to work after 3 weeks. so when i barely walked around at 3 weeks i realized i have no idea of how long this is gonna take.

    i hope you get a job soon to help pay your bills.
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