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Angry Days

AnneENorthAAnneENorth Posts: 15
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:46 AM in Chronic Pain
What do you do when you have "angry days"? So many things are going wrong for me and usually I have a very positive attitude and can keep busy despite having to spend the majority of my day in bed. But today I feel like I am a prisoner in my body. Before surgery and my chronic pain, I was able to run or clean the house like crazy but now I just have to lay here and be tense.

I really have no one to talk to that understands what I am going through.


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,849
    can be very difficult.
    Its one thing on how to deal with the daily pain and the physical impacts it has, but the emotional impacts are so much more difficult.

    It makes it even more difficult when you have no one around to talk to that will really listen. So many times, that is what you need, talking with someone who can understand WHY you are angry.

    My only suggestion would be to try to keep yourself busy with things that you can do that do not cause additional pain.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I think a lot of us can understand how you feel so maybe being here will help you with your anger today. Reading through posts you find that there are some of those that feel exactly as you do right now and maybe you guys can meet in chat and talk in real time.

    This is definitely the place where everyone understands how you feel and what you're going through.

    Anne, are you going through treatment at the moment? Do you have any procedures scheduled in the future?

    Take care and keep on a-postin'. We're here for you.
  • I dont' have anyone to talk to about it either, my daughter understands and listens and cares, but I don't like to burden her with it very often. I usually come here and read others posts and then I don't feel so alone. It still is frustrating and discouraging, but you do realize you aren't the only person feeling that way.
    I have been a jerk on here from time to time because of my anger and frustration but... People have told me things I did NOT want to hear. At the time it just made me madder, but afterwards they were things I thought about.
    I have considered plugging myself from time to time, and when I first came here - I was really giving it some serious thought, and pretty much knew how and where so that no-one would find me and have to deal with that mess. After spending some time here and reading some of the posts; meeting and talking privately to a lot of nice folks; I have changed my mind about that somewhat. There are days when I toss it around, but not nearly as seriously as before. Before I was ready to go. I think there are a lot of good, honest people here that really do care and they obviously understand since they go through it too. I know I am a long way from being over my anger, but I am working at it everyday. I think this is a good place to come, not always to post, but just to read and see that you are NOT alone. We care!!! Take care :)
  • I use the anger and frustration of my injuries as a motivation and focus tool. It's too easy to surrender to the pain and feeling of uselessness, so I refuse to.

  • Anne,

    Want you to know you are not alone and I deal with alot of sadness and yes anger of late. I am so glad that you took the step to express and share. It's very hard to be alone, with no one there to care or listen, and then be dealing with the feelings (lots of them and in all range) and especially *** anger *** which most people find it hard to experience and to reach out and try to express the inner experience of it!!

    I am really glad you chose to take the courageous step and share it here and talk about !!!

    I have found from my upbringing that sadness and ANGER was not allowed to be expressed or felt - - there was always someone whose job was to make sure you didn't feel it or express it, and another's job to make sure you felt any other emotion but that !!!

    So, I know it shouldn't be stigmatized for most of us living in this culture...nor should it be so unique in it being experienced, expressed and understood and accepted when you have the courage to feel it and know why you need to feel it!!! And then as usually is the case, if you typically try to express it to someone else, they can't "handle it" or understand it needs to be expressed and there's no harm done to express it as well, the emotion changes and becomes resolved when expressed and understood, without us harming ourself or anyone else in the process !!

    That being said, please know I care what is happening for you and with only a few more lines here, my hand is going out (nerve spasms the past two weeks from c-spine compression sorry LOL!!)

    But writing about it, yelling about it (I live alone) and it's great I offend no one!! (my dogs & cat don't mind at all - - in fact it shifts into me laughing when I get out and put words to what the he** I am angry about - - I have some out loud "conversations" with God and He doesn't mind either!!

    Sorry my hand left - - three fingers are going...
    please know you came to the right place...share as much as you can on that keyboard with us...we're here and we're not going away nor shall we be offended..

    this disease or other conditions suck - - and there is loss and there are big changes to our life and how we live and how we have to now cope - - it is tough and quite a grind on top of the physical pain and uncertainty - - it's a whole lot of experience that is the hardest ever...

    Well, listen stay in touch...and know the words and hearts shared here doooo make such a difference...,

    hand going..and going wish it was in reverse like the EVER-ready battery !! LOL! Hey that's what I need - - forget the c-spine surgery !!!

    Glad you are here...

    p.s. Typing with one hand now.. but I have to say....thanks so much -- you helped me shift from my PAIN and reality today... posted earlier of going thru changes in my life/loss, with having to let go of my cat, my fur-baby, possible be adopted, it's so hard. Truly your post helped me to get out of my loss/ and focus and know how hard that is to be where you are too!

  • Hello Annie,

    Joydancer hit the nail on the head! Most on here fully understand what you're going through. It is "the other" major symptom ingredient in spine problems. It can at times seem like *it* is in control, and yeah, maybe sometimes it is, but coming here is a very good move in that many on here will offer support. :)

    I've actually "written mean letters" to my pain "beast" (beast is what the site Administrator so aptly calls it), and since only I read them, all the nasty words come out! It actually helps as some of the frustration that goes with dealing with pain and as such anger, come down a bit.

    I also find that if I go in the yard and just bi**h about it, that also helps get it out - plus a bit of exercise! I've promised myself I would NOT take it out on my hubby, but sometimes I think I do, as it takes my patience to a thin line. *sniff* I do things to distract myself from the pain, and as such (like a comedy movie to watch), gives me an emotional break. Please vent all you wish, we don't mind. You will find that we too receive support when giving it! Welcome to Spine Health Anne!! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Sometimes I get really ticked off just let some of it out here Anne. I like your idea of letters to the beast Brenda. I sometimes let my hubby have it for no real reason...oops. Maybe I'll right a letter when I need to calm down.

    Anne- It sounds like you spend a lot of time in bed...do you get fresh air and sunshine daily?? I personally feel it helps my mood and how I feel if I at least get out and get some air. Can you physically not get out of bed or is the pain to severe? Have you discussed this with you doctor? The only reason I ask is that staying in bed so much may fatigue your body and make things worse. It seems like they could hopefully get you to a point where you could live a semi-functional life. I feel bad for you and I just hope that you can get to a better spot. I hate it when things just seem to all be going wrong. Keep us in touch with how your doing. Someone did ask..where are you in your treatment? Take care!! (I'm not a medical professional in anyway shape or form. I am just speaking from my experience and feelings.)

    Mouse- I appreciate you opening up like that. I sometimes get a feeling in people's posts that makes me wonder if they are considering suicide. It's good for someone to talk about it so others know that they are not alone. I haven't been to far into that place of mind but I have tought about how nice it would be just to go away. I have small children and a wonderful hubby so I fight and go on for them. I'm glad you've found spine health helpful when your struggling. I wish you the best...
  • Hi Anne,

    I am about 8 months into recovery from 2nd 2 level fusion and have hit a slump big-time. Feeling very down lately, and angry about what has been taken away from me.

    I was chugging along, thinking I've accepted and adapted to the reality of my future (limitations and yet another multi-level cervical fusion) when BAM! I fell into the slump.

    I think its normal to feel angry, depressed, lonely, helpless, etc. I'm hoping my setback is temporary, as is yours. I think how we deal with the chronic pain also depends on many other things are going on in our lives: a sick relative, young kids that need you, losing a job and money woes, etc. But, such is life.

    Just remember, we are hear to listen and support. When I am down it does help tremendously to come to this site. I always feel a little lighter.

    Take care,


  • Thanks for all the responses and hugs. I am not a person who talks about my feelings. My family was never one to discuss anything. We laughed a lot but never discussed anything of importance. I am even now surprised (and I was somewhat embarrassed) that I wrote on here but after reading all the wonderful responses I am happy that I did.

    Lisa - It is like you said you chug along and then BAM you get hit again. Just the other day I wrote on here about how busy I was and how positive I stay and then all the problems (mainly family) hit and it is hard to help them when you are dealing with your own personal issues.

    Hagland - that is a great comment to live by. Normally I am a positive and determined person but it just seems like the past couple days are tougher than usual.

    Ron - that is part of my problem....additional activities without causing myself additional pain.

    Cath - I just went through an unsuccessful SCS trial and this past Friday got an ESI. Right now I am just trying to get my nerves to calm down from the trial. The ESI did help somewhat so I will go for my second one.

    Mouse - I'm with you in that my family listen and cares but I just hate to burden them all the time. I do feel better after reading the posts of people who know what the pain is like. It is nice to know people care.

    Joydancer - I would love to yell about my pain maybe I will give that a try!!! I have conversations out loud to God everyday. I close the door to my bedroom and just talk to him - it sounds crazy but it does help. Did you say you have to give one of your pets away? I am so sorry.

    Brenda - I will try writing letters to my pain "beast". I actually write quite a bit but never about my pain. I think it is time to actually write how I feel.

    Rwill - I try to get out for a little bit everyday no matter what. I usually run in and get a cup of coffee from a grocery store and talk to them for a couple minutes and that is my activity for the day....sounds kind of sad but I am actually grateful for that! I also believe in opening the windows everyday and letting as much fresh air and sunshine in. I have epidural fibrosis and unfortunately the scar tissue is wrapped around the spinal cord. There is really nothing much they can do. Like I said, the scs was unsuccessful. I am just addressing the pain through medication.

    I really appreciate all the hugs and concern. Wow, everybody is so wonderful. I normally never do this because I feel like such a whiner when I say anything. Thanks for listening everybody. I am smiling right now :)

  • Thats why we are here, comfort, support, comraderie, shoulder to cry on and words of hope.

    Better days are ahead. I think if we just aknowledge that rough spots will happen, that may make it a bit easier to get through them.
  • Another 'benie' of writing to the beast, and I mean truly writing to him is later on, those letters can be used to communicate to those loved ones to what exactly you are feeling and going through, and how it affects you. If you ever decide that going to a psychologist is something to do, then the letters can be in invaluable tool!

    But the *most* important is they can get your mind to where *it* knows and tells the beast what the deal will be! I hope it helps. *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • I think we all have angry days and it makes it worse when we have no one to talk to about our chronic pain. It's good that you came here to vent because we all can relate.
    I too suffered with savage, chronic pain for several years but my anger was directed at my Doctors for not doing more to help me and they were not doing all they could have! And yes...I was very angry about that but I never let them know I was angry. Not once was I rude or demanding. But I am wrambling.
    There are some medications that can make you feel angry and even suicidal. Lyrica is one that comes to mind but there are others. Have you checked all your meds for their side effects? It's just a thought. It's hard enough dealing with chronic pain without meds making thing worse with side effects.
    I never gave up hope that I would get help and I finally did! I now have my life back!! There is help out there but it can take time to find it. Get a second or even a third opinion.
    Come here and vent anytime you need to....we are here to help as much as we can and we do care. Hang on to hope.Never give up your hope.
    Sending you a hug >:D<
    Patsy W
  • Anne,
    We all have those days and although it is understandable at times, is not acceptable in the way that I behaved because of the pain, only we can decide what we are going to do and in knowing that this is a facet of the chronic pain cycle, we are mandated to seek all help and assistance where possible.

    Anger and pain go together, where those imposed changes impact on us all and the expectation that we had for our lives this was not on the horizon, part of this is getting used to not being able to do as we would like and perhaps changing the concept of our wants into reality.

    It may be helpful to keep a journal of what issues do frustrate you as they do us all and intervene with yourself before the gravity of that issues become more divisive, and the point where we may have a decision to make is where we may continue with the same strategy which initiates the same results, in changing our perception of what and why this is happening we may be able to influence the outcome.

    Many of our historic and current issues are pushed aside and the pressure of that creates some resentment and perhaps bitterness, in talking to others who have faced similar events and constraints we may be able to find suitable proposals or ideas for change. Do not be too hard on yourself and this is a developing process, the distain would be in knowing that this is an issues and continuing with that and not changing or trying to adapt, this issues build up over time and may take equal duration to address, we do have some influence over certain things and what happens and try to change those and not worry about things our of your control.

    Staying permanently positive is almost an impossible objective and however stoic we are we all have times when we have just have had sufficient of all this imposed restriction, trying to redress all of our issues simultaneously is not possible so try and break it down into segments that are easier to change, as each issue is improved you may feel more confident that you have some control however little and collectively things will improve.

    We were encouraged to talk to our sub-conscious and debate the unrealistic expectations we sometimes place on ourselves and why, rationalise a verity of options and try them, this is about making the change and we are all fearful of mistakes. Try to think or reasons why and how to improve rather than ideas and barriers which we all face. Look to the future and the bigger picture. Find someone who can encourage and support your objectives in a rational plan and stay positive, many here have and continue every day to travel that angry road and it is a learning process. I had a few angry years and did not like myself, time experience, support and encouragement has improved my own resolve in coping with the ever present facet of anger, I just manage it more effectively.

    It is normal to be angry and I would have been surprised if you were not, it is not as if I have mastered that change completely and we all continue to have those days however infrequent.

    As Cath said, we are all here for you and others, if venting helps get it our all the better, find what works for you and use it more.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.

  • What are you angry about? Cause, everybody is like mad these days.

    Spam link not allowed. Removed by authority member, Cath111.

  • Anne,
    When I was first injured at work I ended up needing a 2 level cervical fusion (neurosurgeon paralysed my rt. vocal cord) I retore my rt. rotator cuff and have herniations in lumbar area along with rt knee issues. My dr's would not allow me to return to my job after 29 yrs 11 mos and 26 days. The CEO did not file the correct Workmans comp paperwork so 3 yrs later we are still dealing with the legal aspects along with pain 24/7. Also, the people I thought were my dear friends from work all abandoned me. Heard later they were told they could not contact me or face losing their jobs. I thought I was so angry but looking back I believe alot of it was depression. My husband is disabled with a heart condition and I try hard not to burden him although he is so supportive and tells me to let it out if need be. Then I found this support group and what a difference it has made in my life. So many worse off than myself. I decided then the anger and bitterness was actually making my condition worse. Not to say I do not allow myself a few pity parties as we are all entitled to get down in the dumps at times. But I did tell myself to start each day with a positive outlook. Also if I am having a bad day I can open up to my Spiney friends and they totally understand what I am going through, as we are all basically in the same boat. Another thing I decided, I had a neurologist tell me staying in bed is much better for your spine than a recliner. Physically this may be true but mentally I think it is bad. Obviously there are days when I have no choice but a try to get up each day, put on my positive outlook face and sit in my recliner. It makes me feel like I am really trying to be proactive and positive. Good Luck to you. You will find great friends here who will help you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • i am a calm caring man {always have been} but pain can make you snappy and short with the ones you love .also not being able to do the stuff you want to can make you angry {frustration is more the correct term} i have been suffering in one way or another for 15 years and more so the last 4 years have been constant ..i thought that it could not get any worse ...it has ..and i am at the end of my abilities to deal with what i am having to deal with .i am sat here at the moment with TWO acticars on {TENS} I have been taking my pain killers on demand .i am so much pain that i am having trouble eating {the pain is that distracting ..i have my discography on the 23 and it cant come fast enough .i am a tolerant man but this would test the patience of a saint .how are we supposed to deal with it ..??? and i am used to dealing with pain !!!i even dragged my arse to the swimming pool yesterday and i felt so ill with pain that i did one length of the pool and had to get out ..much to my annoyance.then the sweating starts {after a shower} and i go through 5 tee shirts ..meanwhile i have my ex wife and daughter over here and i was supposed to be taking them to manchester airport ..but due to the fact i felt too ill to do the 40 mile round trip i had to let kath drive them ..so that made me angry and sad ..i wanted to spend time with them ..kath got her new car the other day and i wanted to {tony it!!} that means throughly clean it to within an inch of its life..i like to keep our cars immaculate my 5 year old tucson look like new .but i felt so bad kath had to tony it ..under my instruction {its a white car and it had not been polished ..so the pain felt dirty ..it now shines like a mirror ..but i wanted to do it ...so yes i understand ANGRY !!
  • I love the topic of your post! Lately, when I've been thrown into some new bureaucratic nightmare (it seems that every single bureaucracy I deal with lately is unable to manage people with disabilities) - I rage and laugh to myself - "WHERE'S THAT 'ANGRY' THREAD??!! I am dealing with problems with the IRS, LTD, the Department of Education, Health Insurance, my landlord. And when you try to resolve the problems with any of these clowns, they never get back to you - and you have no way of ever getting back in contact with them. I am totally disabled with chronic pain that the Dr's seem to have little interest or curiosity about "curing" (other than my PM Dr's who are wonderful), my husband is very ill with a chronic, incurable disease, and I am rattled by the many side effects of the medications I take (someone above mentioned Lyrica - yes - Lyrica and Oxycodone CAN MAKE YOU VERY ANGRY - Grrrrr!!! - not to mention 'roid (steroid) rage). Meanwhile - Medicare and Social Security are threatening to crumble beneath our feet - And all the poor unemployed - What shall we do?

    So - I try to keep as relaxed as possible - try to still my trembling hands and calm my pounding heart - look at it all as a job - write my "To Do List" each day, and slowly, methodically, work my way through it. I can do a bit better than you - I can get the bread and milk each day - and that's my socializing - But I make the most of it, and my sister says, I probably make the store keepers day too!

    I feel so weakened by the pain, the pressure, the fact that I don't manage pressure so well anymore, the fear of "losing everything", the endless horror of the maddening complexity of the bureaucracies we have to deal with, not being able to depend on my husband, and all the worry "out there" - OH GOSH!

    I don't know what to say to you - just - keep going, Anne, keep going. I have not been able to work for three years - I would never have believed it, but here I am. And I still have a home - I seem to have to fight for every inch - but - I am not destitute yet. And though my husband is not what he once was - I am so glad to have him with me!!!! There really still is goodness in the world!

    All the best - Thank goodness for all the good people on Spine-Health!
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