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What do you miss?

daisy maeddaisy mae Posts: 109
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:46 AM in Matters of the Heart
Hi everyone. I'm not sure if I'm putting this in the right place, so I apologize if I'm not.
Since all this has happened in my life,back/neck issues are half of the insane bad stuff I'm dealing with, I have come to miss a lot of things. Don't get me wrong, every morning I wake up I am grateful to be alive but I have to push past the pain that I'm certain you all know and then I have other 'rather sensitive' gynecological things happeneing. I find that I have grown to be a very bitter angry woman of 34. I think about all the things I miss alot and I thought I would list some of them.
I miss playing with my kids, rolling and crawling on the floor with them, taking them for walks, piggy back rides.
I miss being able to turn around in the van to look behind me, or actually even being able to ride withut making fists to support my lower back. Constant squirming and swearing.
I miss my husband biting my neck or smaking my butt.
I miss having wild sex whenever and however I want.
I miss being able to sit down.
I miss doing P90X.
I miss opening cans, mixing with a wisk, mashing things for recipes, making bread.
Ohhh, I suppose I could go on. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a rambling fool. Tomight I'm very sad and feeling a lot of pain. I have a surgery this Friday (gyn) and I had to stop ibuprofen and the muscle relaxer and I hurt like hell! Can't stop crying. Thanks for listening...


  • Oh my!I just re read this post..I apologize for all the typos!!
  • I try not to focus on things that I miss. Instead I try to find new and safer (meaning no more harm to spine) ways to do the things I love to do. There's no guide book for how a person is supposed to live their life once they begin to suffer injuries such as many of us here have. So I have given myself the liberty of "writing" my own guide book as I go along each day. There's always room for more pages and if I need to, I can always start a new chapter.

    I know that it is easier said than done, but the first step is always the one that seems the hardest and yet it is the most important.

    I hope things turn a bit brighter for you in the days ahead. You can write your own book or develop your own screen play. You do not have to conform to someone else's ideas or hide from life. After all it is your life and it belongs exclusively to you.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,865
    you should do a Search for the topic area you are creating. They must have been at least a dozen threads with the exact same time and information that you just created.

    Now, there is no problem in creating a new one, but to read what people have been saying for a couple of years now regarding the same subject will give you more information.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Thanks. I wasn't really looking for information but just a point of view or perhaps I was just 'letting it out'. I will be sure to do all my research before posting again, thank you :)
  • Totally understood. Don't hesitate to post if you feel you want to or need to. Sure there are subjects and questions that come up time and time again, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't post or vent should you feel the need to. The search function is cool if you are looking for specific information, but if you are in need of personal feedback, by all means please start your own thread!

    I had to chuckle when I read your "I miss my husband biting my neck or smaking my butt". My husband is one that has always loved to smack me in the backside. Well now that I have a battery implanted in one side just about where his hand would hit, he starts the motion then realizes "oops that's where the implant it" and hesitates. That moment of hesitation is my opening to strike first. It's pretty comical at times.

    Hope that you had a better day. Thanks for the chuckle.

  • hi! :) after enough years all those things will begin to fade away and you will no longer miss them.. they will get stored with your memories and stay there to be pulled out every once in awhile. thank goodness for memories daisy.. i am over 50 now and find the things i miss now are so different from what i missed at 30.. but i still have the memories! with every age i guess?? so feel sad for your losses and then put them away.. keeping them around just hurts too much.. good luck daisy! Jenny :)
  • I just read your post and reminded me that I wish my husband was playful like that. We don't joke around anymore or be playful at all. Actually for me we don't even sleep together anymore because my husband kicks in his sleep and one time I got bashed in the head and couldn't stand to be kicked in the back as well as I don't sleep at night anymore. Yes I miss that. I miss my job too and my co-workers. I miss the freedom I used to have even being almost obsessive with cleaning the house.

    I'm just trying to do what I can and finding other ways to do things I can do and enjoy that. Like walking around the block and listening to the birds sing and enjoy the warm sun on my skin. I'm certainly more reflective on my feelings now being so inactive like I once was. I use 'Positive Affirmations' now to get ahead and that helps me deal. I hope your back and neck issues resolve on their own and you feel better.

    I hope your surgery went well today and wish you a speedy recovery. Prayers for your healing. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I miss going all out in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and getting out all of my frustration. No matter what was bothering me, after getting choked out then choking out some muscly high school kid I would totally feel at peace and generally happy from all the endorphins. Now I enjoy my disability hobby, my breadmachine, I am so proud of my french bread! I also miss working my miserable job, felt good doing something I didn't like doing, felt like all my responsibilities were being taken care of.
  • I miss "Me". I have become a stranger to myself. I don't know who that person in the picture is. The pain has slowly taken away who I used to be. I miss sewing quilts because now it hurts to sit for any amount of time. I miss being active. I miss working and relating to other people. I miss the joy of outdoors. Now the pain just won't let me enjoy life or people.
  • i missed dressing up in high heels and a dress and going out for the day to run errands all by myself. well, today,i got all dressed up in a dress and heels and had my husband take me to the grocery store!! well, needless to say i fell on my butt and the shoes were off the feet!! LOL!! so, even though we may try and regain those old memories, it seems their time is past and cannot be made up.. :X i would rather remember myself strong and beautiful in a dress in shoes than on that old market floor this morning!!! LOL!! anyway, i am fine and life moves on!! just a thought! Jenny :)
  • Thank you ALL SOOO much for your replies! It really makes me feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way. I figured I was silly for wanting to do all that I used to..hell I'm only 34 I should STILL..we ALL should still be doing those 'things' we did and enjoyed. But time and life still goes on and I am thankful for everyday I wake up to my husband and 3 children.
    Thank you all so much, you have made me feel at home!
  • I used to go out to dance and have a drink with my husband and really live it up! Last time I went dancing was New Year's Eve 2007 seems so long ago.

    Daisy Mae-Let's hope one day more money will be put in spinal research and chronic pain and hope that technology will have a cure for all of us one day. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Hey there...I only visit the boards a few times a week. I don't always make it over here but I have to say that you are not alone. And, yes, we can focus on what's good but every now and again, it's ok to be sad and vent.

    The person who said "I miss me" is the tough one. Because yes, a year ago, I was a different person. I'm trying very hard to still be that person but like others stated, things changed. When I used to be overwhelmed or stressed, what made me happiest is my runs, my hikes, chasing my dog, giving my nieces piggy back rides or twirling them around, or even picking them up. Yes, with my husband, the playful carefree intimacy is not what it once was.

    This past weekend, after a terrible week of pain, I enjoyed a friends wedding. I just smiled through. I wore a pretty dress, skipped the heels, but even "danced" one song. I wasn't my carefree self on the inside but to others, I was sure not to let them worry about my pain, not that night. And, for a moment, I got a glimpse of me again. My husband even told me...he really enjoyed seeing me enjoy the one dance. I got teary eyed and pretended it was the 'wedding' that moved me but in fact, I think it reminded me of what I missed...things I've loved and lost.

    With that I smiled for the new things ahead and the great memories I have to remind me of how fortunate I've been in my life.

    It is people here that remind me I'm not alone. I can celebrate good days and vent on bad days.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,865
    well, there are so many different things I could write here, but that only serves to look at the negative side.

    I like to look at all the things I can do. All the surgeries and chronic pain may have eliminated some of the things I do before, but as the years go by, even without any spinal problems, I wouldnt be able to do them anymore.

    I enjoy life, I love living day to day the best that I can. I find things that I can do that do not impact or cause any physical problems. Quite honestly, I feel I am richer now because I had to look at life in a different way.

    On the old Spine-Health site, there were two individuals that I always admired for their determination in doing what they loved.

    STEVE: He was a NHL professional referee. He then had some major spinal surgeries. After a long recovery and hard work, he was able to return to the job. It didnt last all that long, because it was grueling, but he DID IT. Now, he spends time working with younger kids and helping them with their game.

    HAGLANDC: Our "C" I am not sure how many of you know about "C"s background. Besides the military, she was quite a diver and did a lot of water photography. Her and husband had a published show on one of the travel TV stations. She loved to dive, but she also had some major cervical surgery.
    That probably would have keep most people from ever returning to dive. Not "C", she worked and worked and did what was necessary so that she could dive again.

    They were and still are some of my Spine-Health heros!

    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • hearing about the spiney "heros"..thanks for that!
  • hearing about the spiney "heros"..thanks for that!
  • my job as a commercial electrical engineer
    also sex
    being normal
    going out to see gigs like kd lang /level 42 /pink floyd {or dave gilmour as it is now}
    having money
    and being pain free
    none of the above are in any order!
  • going on amusement park rides which I will never be able to do again..boo hoo!

  • DM,
    Over time the things that I though were important to me have faded and perhaps in my restriction the most important things have come to the surface, many aspects we can no longer do, although we have used that knowledge to develop new ways of doing similar, if that momentary reflection creates ideas for the future then it has proved beneficial, it should not be used as an opportunity to dwell or wallow in the past that we can no longer do. Pain makes us become more creative and find alternative adaptations to previously achievable tasks, and gives some priority to the most important, based on the facts that we are now mandated to pick one from many.

    It is of no use beating ourselves up for the things we can no longer realistically do and we all let go through gritted teeth in the hope that we may in the future be able to do comparable tasks. In having to go slower I now see things I missed in my rush and haste of old and it has brought varied experiences that would never have happened without the aura of chronic existence. We always surmise that the healthy us would be having more fun and that is a selective observance; although pain does take way many of the decisions or our capabilities, it can never erode who we decide to be now and how we live our lives.

    As Jenney said, we can with some adjustment feel the person we once were, even if for only a short time, CP can restrict our function before our time and age, the key is to try even if you fail occasionally, I try not to miss out on my future, its the same me inside. My condition is only part of me and not the whole, I do not let it dictate who I will become and use all my energy to show the real me. We all try to present who we would like to be rather than what our pain may infer, finding some balance in all that list of things we miss is not easy, that rawness does fade with time even as our accumulative list increases, I am with Ron here, pain has given me life experiences unattainable without the associated pain and developed me into a more considerate and empathetic person, all our positive traits are missing is the world of pain-free society, so we must be doing something beneficial, we should brand it and sell it. ©

    Onwards and upwards.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.


  • Being able to go for a surf daily like I used to as this was "My time" to relax and unwind as the ocean brings me great peace.

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