Well I am here again looking for encouragement. This forum has been so good to me and so much help. I am reaching out again. It is only 21 days until my 2 level PLIF and I cannot go to sleep tonight. As it approaches I get worse and worse. It is so not like me. I think that all this anxiety is even making my legs and ankles hurt worse. I know that it is what I HAVE to do to move forward but then I keep asking myself do I really NEED to do it. Is that crazy or what? I am a nervous wreck. I have a loving husband who is retired and can help and a daughter that is precious and lives next door (sorta county next door - a short ride though the woods on a golf cart) and her husband that fits our family like a glove but I am still scared. I have a very firm belief in God and have been praying alot but nothing seems to ease my mind. The pain - the slow healing - the pain - the dependence on other people - the pain - the inability to do for my family and instead them having to do for me - the pain. Thanks for letting me get that out. I have only said this same thing about a hundred times to my husband and he reassures me each time but I hated to do it again tonight so instead I decided to say it to my forum peeps. Thanks again.