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kyadog115kkyadog115 Posts: 266
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:46 AM in Depression and Coping
I usually post in the back/neck surgery forum. However, I just saw this topic so......I'm a 51 yr old male,twice divorced,no children, basically no family. In 08 I had a 3 level acdf c3-6...I developed a apinal fluid leak during the surgery and they installed a lumbar drain. Upon removal, the metal tip broke off and slung shot way up into my back. They rushed me to exploratory surgery to try to find it,but couldnt. I was still leaking fluid at home so i called them ,now they did an mri and found it,hence another back surgery to remove it. I fused well and ahead of schedule. Now I need a L5-S-1 Lumbar fusion and its scheduled for 9-20. I'm so depressed and afraid. I dont have any friends in this area. I just bought a house for me and my dog(whom i love dearly) she's my best friend. Ive tried every anti-depressant thru the years and nothing ever helped me.I pray that the Lord will one day send someone into my life, but it hasnt happened yet.I'm thinking perhaps i'll die on the op.table. I guess it wouldnt matter cuz life is not happy for me and hasnt been in a very long time.Thanks for reading,as I have nobody to discuss these things with


  • You do have someone to discuss this stuff with. There is almost always someone here.
    If that is your dog in your avatar she is very pretty. I suspect she will lend an ear anytime you need one also!

    Are you sure you have tried EVERY antidepressant? Are you sure that is really what you need? I am not a doctor, nor have I played one on TV, but I'd like to, I hear they make pretty good money...

    Anyway, I was diagnosed with major chronic depression in the 90's. Cognitive Therapy, all the meds thrown at me one at a time and generally I'd find one that worked, I'd feel better, we'd taper off the meds and a year so later I'd be down in the dumps and do the same thing, again, and again, and again.

    One day I stumbled on some information about Bi-polar Type II, which is the depressive side of Bi-polar disorder without the manic side or in some cases manic will occur, but only last a day or two max, sometimes only hours.

    Guess what I have :D I'd put a frown there, but since I am doing better then I have in a long time I won't. The wonderful thing about it is all the meds, or the majority of them are ancient science. My co-pays are $10 a bottle I spend $40-50 a month max on my meds. heck even that helps me feel better.

    My point is, and again I am not diagnosing or saying you have this or that, that sometimes we get so caught up in one diagnosis and miss the true root of the problem.

    If, you're feeling really depressed, PLEASE try again. Maybe a fresh start with a new set of eyes?
    Even working on the depression diagnosis we found that the OLD tricyclic meds worked better for me than the new designer meds.

    One last thought, If you're depressed now, please be sure your doctors know and you find someone to talk to and help you out after the surgery. The sedatives can mess with your mood. Just stay aware that it may be the stress before and the meds after when you are down. It won't last forever and I suspect that your dog will surely be anxious for your return home.

  • Thanks a lot for taking the time to write that. They diagnosed me w/major recurrent depression,and other Dr's said it's bi-polar disorder. I really dont know myself,but it does seem to come and go. Yes, that is my dog in the avatar,her name is Kya.I do have to try to get a hold of myself cuz at times I reach dangerous levels mentally. When u say tricyclic meds....such as? I'm not sure what meds are classified as that........i can google it.
    I do need to look with "another set of eyes" as u say.But I'm retired,disabled, alone,health declining and facing another major surgery....i guess it could b worse , i'm not homeless.I get a pension and ssd, so i at least have an income...but I just wish I was happier.
    Thank You for your input.
  • Like Wrambler says above, you are not alone anymore - you have us, and you do have your beautiful dog! You said you pray to the Lord - do you belong to a local church? If you're up for that, I bet there are many people there who would take great joy in giving you help and support (they would be doing God's work, after all) - perhaps you could set up some people to help you with grocery shopping/laundry, or even just a visit when you have surgery. Don't worry if you don't know anyone there - reach out - because when you join a church, you instantly more fully become part of God's family.

    Do keep on with your Drs to help you work out a way to manage your depression. This will be really important, especially as you have surgery coming up - surgery makes pretty well everyone at least somewhat depressed - some individual or group counseling could also help you (if you can manage that physically).

    And just keep posting when you feel lost/down. Read other people's posts. We all have our good days and bad days. Sharing our experiences is not only a gift to ourselves, but also to others. What you say, makes a difference for others who read it too. And although it may not always seem like it, God loves you - all the time. God puts the love in our hearts - keep an eye out for Him! Be prepared for miracles!

    All the best. Peace be with you.

  • Stefany,
    Thank You. I have just purchased this house and I'm somewhat new to this area so, I have not found a church yet. I have been considering going to this one close to my home,but I just haven't went yet. Believe this or not, I feel a sense of embarassment or guilt when I first go to a new church. I did not leed the life of an angel earlier in my life(probably why i'm alone today)...and I would hate to go to that church and start asking people I dont even know to help me out right away, as the surgery is Sept 20.I do believe God is w/me though,but I dont know why he doesnt help me. I know "Gods ways are not our ways",and he has a plan,but it is painful for me at this point.
    Thanks for the reply.
  • Do you have a support place in your area? It's the same place where they have Meals on Wheels. I found a place in my city under my city +support and they have reasonable cleaning services and other services for disabled people. We're here to support you through this. Good to have your ex helping you out also. Once your surgery is done you'll be doing PT and meeting people there and maybe a Tai chi class or something in the future. Once you're having less pain and feeling happy in yourself you never know when you'll meet someone...Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Ugh, I can feel so much emotion coming through in your posts. I've never had to deal with real dark depression or depression that I couldn't work my way out of, but I do know what it feels like to worry about always being alone.

    A strange thing happened one day and what it was, was I made a choice. I figured that well if I'm going to be single the rest of my life, then I might as well enjoy it. So I set out on a daily mission to do what ever I wanted and to have a good day. This allowed me to be myself and lo and behold I was soon surrounded by some very wonderful friends. I then met my husband and the rest was history. So I basically gave myself permission to be me and not to worry about being what I thought others wanted me to be. I hope that makes sense.

    I wasn't battling injury at the time, I was simply battling me.

    The others are correct, you always have us, and we're here round the clock every day. We may be the most diverse batch of friends that a person ever had, but friends none-the-less.

    We will be here waiting to hear from you after your surgery and here to help you through the recovery as well.

    Best to you and Kya

  • Charry,
    Thanks for that, I
    m going to look into meals on wheels and see if they have or could direct me to other svcs. BTW, changed ur Avatar? I did really like the other one! This 1 is cool too..

  • "C".
    Thank You sooooo much for the support

  • First off, you need a big hug! I am giving you one through this computer! Second, I have severe depression/bipolar disorder along with panic attacks. There is a lot of meds out there. You just have to find a good doctor that will help you, I actually have a cocktail of sorts for meds.

    I have never been on my own, and I can't imagine how lonely it would be. The others here are right, you do have us! I so do understand the deep down, just down right horrible depression. It is very dark, and I have been there many times. I am here if you need someone to talk to. Your dog is beautiful!!!!!! I have three of my own. I have a pitbull, boston terrier, and a chuhihu (cant spell it, lol).
  • Heidi,
    Thank You for the "Hug".......much appreciated. It is hard and lonely. Sometimes.(like now)..I feel so isolated and that life isnt worth living. When we are in chronic pain,it only compounds the depression. I'm afraid to undergo surgery but i must. I have to hope and pray that it helps. Perhaps I than can move forward..
    Thanks for the support..& the compliment on my dog....I love her more than anything

  • Sorry I disappeared... I do that now and again.

    The tricyclics are older meds like Desipramine and a few others. They are more of a shotgun med. The newer ones are usually selective bits of the old ones.

    Try not to feel so anxious about a new church. Our church quite often helps out people we know we will likely never here from again. Be it a hot meal or in one case $600 for a car repair so they could get home!
    That's part of what makes a good church in my book. If you feel they are not supportive, move on. I'm not much for Churches, but they do good deeds and people tend to forget that it is more than just a place to go on Sunday!

    I hope you are feeling a bit better.

    Take care
  • I am sorry about all the spinal problems you are having and the pain and grief it has caused. Please don't feel lonely; you have so many friends here who know what you are going through. Any time, day or night, I'm sure you will get a hold of somebody. I have my family but my spoiled Pekingese always keeps me company when I'm all alone during the day (see picture). Anyway, I hope you feel better soon and please keep us updated. Hugs, Meydey
  • Wrambler&MeyDey.
    Thanks to both of you for the replies. I will keep you all informed. Sept 20 isn't far off now.I gotta go thru w/it.

    Thanks everybody

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