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Embarrased about being emotional, crying.

pepeguapoppepeguapo Posts: 57
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:47 AM in Depression and Coping
Reading some of my posts here has given me a new perspective on how over the top I am at times. I have overwhelming emotions that I have a hard time keeping in check, and sometimes I feel like I'm not in control. I just went to a new group to get out there and meet people, and when they asked me to tell them about myself I started crying. Everyone was very nice and I was able to stop and finish my sentence. But afterward a guy who had been through some crazy stuff himself came to talk to me and I ended up sobbing and getting overwhelmed talking to him. I feel like I was a downer for the whole group. I know it is just being who I am, but I feel embarrased about being this vulnerable depressed person. I wish I could do a better job of keeping my emotions in check until I feel comfortable and can let them out at a time of my choosing. In fact, I have been feeling much more in control of myself and that is the only reason I felt safe enough to go to this group. Now I feel ashamed for being unable to keep my cool, and I am worried people are going to be scared of me and not knowing what to do. I am used to getting rejected for being so intense, and I am having a hard time accepting myself right now. Anyone else feel isolated and unsafe around others because of wanting to cry all the time? Thanks for reading.


  • Hang in there. I know how you are feeling. I can barely talk to anyone about how I am feeling without crying. I am so overwhelemd and scared about getting surgery and being out of work..along with the pain..and meds it makes you an emotional wreck. My son is so sweet and super worried about me which makes me cry all over again.

    You have come to the right place for support.

  • Pepe,
    Crying is release of all those pent up emotions that you have been unable to tell others who you thought should understand, we all have differing experience and competence and you should not feel guilty for this occasional trait.

    With chronic pain it is a wonder we ever stop crying, it has helped you recognise where some help and support may be needed and is a reflection of the help you have not been getting. Uncontrollable emotion may be a symptom of the need for professional support and guidance, have you been to your doctor and told them. We are all a work in progress and each differ in how and why we react and I would rather see someone cry and let it out than target those around them with frustration and inappropriate behaviour which can become part of the coping process.

    Many here, have been where you are now and learning to developing those coping mechanisms, it does take time, experience and the correct support. Acknowledging that things will get better is the start and now you have to find those who can help you reach this objective, chronic pain is a team event and we all need encouragement and understanding.

    Chronic pain makes me cry even now and I am more adept at when and how to show these emotion and to those who can help.

    Take care.


  • Thanks for your understanding. I am trying to be okay with where I'm at but it's tough. Thanks for saying that some might respect me being able to show my emotions, I always assumed the opposite. When I broke down I was having an especially rough day and I am waiting for the chance to see them again and show them that I am not just feelig sorry for myself. I am anxious to be around them again and have myself together so that I can be fun to be around. I am getting worried about low back pain that I have been having. I am scared to death that I might have another injury to worry about. But I know you guys are right, that even with more pain things are going to get better because I am going to feel better about who I am. I am going to fight to be the best man I can be, despite the emotions and pain.
  • I am so happy to hear that you value the group that you just met. Yes, maybe next time they will see another side of you. As I've said before, you are obviously very intelligent, and with that comes some complexity. I'm sure that they will enjoy getting to know your multi-faceted personality. Oh, and don't be surprised if one or more of them breaks down and cries now that you've made it clear that it's okay to be yourselves!

    Best wishes,
  • Pepe,

    You are not alone. My daughter has had a terrible neurological disease (RSD) for the past four years and I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times I have cried in front of all of her teachers, in church groups, in front of her team of doctors, and at work when people ask about her. I think my wife gets embarrassed because her father was a big tough Marine and she was always taught that men don't cry. That's bull$h17!! He just hurts people when his emotions get out of control.

    Go ahead and be a real man and cry. We all need to at times. You might be surprised by how many people actually admire you for having the courage to share your feelings.

    Also, please don't be so hard on yourself.

    Take Care,

  • it can save your life ! if you feel like crying then cry my friend ,that's all i have to say {you normally can't shut me up but i am very pissed of tonight }
  • I go to bed each night hoping that I will fall asleep fastly and stay asleep for the duration of the night. It doesn't work that way for me any more. I seem to get an hour here and an hour there. Then it's morning and time to get up any way. So another day of lack of good sleep to run on. (I am on Ambiem, but it doesn't seem to work any more) Every night I plan what I might be able to accomplish the next day. The next comes and it is the same as the day before, pain, lack of energy, and sadness, and then beat up on myself that I did not accomplish anything again. I am getting overwhelmed trying to educate myself on the benefits of a pain pump. Something has to be better than what is happening now. I have to function to feel worth and I am not functioning real well due to the pain and meds to help with the pain. Even when I push myself I pay dearly and in a sick way I think it is worth it because I accomplished something at least. Sometimes the payment is pretty severe but for that few minutes I was living again. Trying to get some house stuff together before winter sets in, like new carpet, new door, new tile flooring, The house has been tore up the whole summer being painting and such and I don't think that helps mentally, but it will be done with in a month or so I hope. Then I can wipe all that dust and clean and put away and reclaim this house again. Maybe that will make me smile again and not want to cry. I want to cry because I am frustrated, I want to cry because I feel lost. I cry because I feel alone sometimes. I wonder if I just one day decided to check out of life as I knew it and why and that makes me cry. One day I was a happy hard working woman that actually liked my job, loved my home, loved my family, my friends. I loved to sew and do yard work, hands on projects. I loved to take trips, and my biggest passion was to hunt wild morrel mushrooms every spring. Now it's like everything just got pushed to the side and is ignored and I hate it, I want my life back somehow. I know I am older and can't do some stuff that I did years ago but even things I did 2 yrs ago would be nice. Let me see, as long as I don't sit, walk, ride, or lay longer that 10-15 mins I am good to go. You see now I want to cry again. What keeps me positive is others who can't walk, or hold their grandchildren , then I cry because I am selfish that I still can do things yet. Just my pitty party day.......I am going to invite frustration, tiredness, and my friend lonelyness over to help celebrate. Then tomorrow maybe I can have a function day and feel something other than pain. Have a good evening, I am ok, just feeling down, Beth

  • Pepe, don't worry, you're not alone. Not sure if you've had surgery, are anticipating surgery, or are living with chronic pain, but I can relate to what you're saying. I was about a week post-op when my surgeon's PA called me back (at my request). I wanted to apologize for something I'd neglected to say and instead of my apology coming out as I'd planned, the moment I started to speak I started bawling. I knew I'd been emotionally on the edge but never expected that to happen.

    When we're coping with as much as everyone here is, it's a wonder we don't have more emotional problems than we do! Or, maybe we do and just don't post about it. Anyway, like Straker said, if you need to cry, CRY. Don't be ashamed and don't worry what others will think about you. >:D<

    2009 Foraminotomy C6-72010 PLIF L4-S1Multi RFA's, cervical inj, lumbar injLaminectomy L3-4 and fusion w/internal fixation T10-L4 July 17Fusion C2-C5 yet to be scheduled
  • I will tell you, that I have cried like a little baby, and recently have wondered if I was running through another wave. Maybe - maybe not - I'll know for sure, in a few weeks or months. It is to know, that I am sure that all of us, would answer that we do have times of emotional turmoil.

  • Hello everyone,

    its really a nice conversation about our feeling.
    i agree with you all.

    i have just few words to say
    "Tears are words the heart can't express"
  • Quite few times, It was usually on my home from a late night of overtime, then for a while it progressed to the point I actually cried on the way to work!

    That was when I knew things were really out of hand.
    Not a thing wrong with tears, I try to keep them to myself as my people worried enough about me, they don't need to worry more.

    I kind of think I don't much anymore as I have come to terms with this being "it". I just try to take each day as it comes. Even today, the sun is shining, no clouds, beautiful out, yet I have a sharp toothed little demon trying to chew it's way out from under my shoulder blade. I wish it would either get out already or get full and go to sleep for a while.

  • Pepe,
    First let me say you found a place where you can fit in and be you! I am sorry for all your suffering, I hope relief finds you soon.

    It's all been said above. I cried a lifetimes worth in the month of September alone, which for me is rare, I used to swallow it all and absorb it back into my sick aching body (not good). The release of tears is like a drug for me, (just like laughter) after a good healthy cry I often feel a lot better (not always, but mostly).

    We cry for so many reasons, pain, hurt feelings, rejection, loss of control, and for terrible things, like a an ill child or a death of a family member or friend. As long as you know why you are crying, then cry, cry again.

    I have had to learn lately how to control my emotions at times, which was a great self help therapy, just like crying is.

    Are you seeing any mental health type professionals? I am not ashamed to say, I do, started in early Sept and it really has helped me understand, why I am crying and that its ok, identify it & let it out!

    Best of luck to you.

    I love therapytribes quote!
    "Tears are words the heart can't express"

  • Yes I am getting help from all directions. it's nice to know I am not alone struggling with physical and emotional pain. I have been feeling better lately. Able to get through physical therapy without feeling sick afterwards. I am so grateful for doing better, everyone is happy for me and wants to see me get healthy. It's tough to realize that most of it is out of my control. I can't forget that I could easily be doing very bad right now despite all the effort.

    Just today I told someone how my personality has changed so much over the last few months. When I came out of surgery I was very limited in my fear and desperation. I wasn't aware of what was going on around me, of other people and of my own moods. Agony held my attention and played my emotions. I am happier today because I am in less pain. I like who I am more than who I was during the suffering. It's hard for me not to base my self worth off of what I am accomplishing. I am learning to think more about my intentions and character.

    I can't be the person I think others would love right now, so I am forced to live with who I am and drop the nonsense. It is difficult being down and out, and it is worse feeling bad and not being able to change things. I am fortunate to be doing well, and hesistant to commit myself to another dehumanizing, rat race. It is painful facing reality but it is easier than doing the impossible. I feel a new peace having let go of some of the requirements for my own self-worth (job, money, pride, health.) And thanks to people like you, I am starting to accept myself even when I am vulnerable and out of control.

    I hope you guys are feeling better too, and finding some peace with your burden.

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