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How do we say thank you?

angieouchieaangieouchie Posts: 48
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:47 AM in Lighten and Brighten
And as I pondered through all of these thoughts I've had over the last couple of days I came to a conclusion just as my hubby pulled up to the Neurosurgeons office to pick me up today...

Maybe I had it rough, and maybe i am broken and just falling apart, but I sure am lucky now. I just have to say thank you to my man for being so great, strong, handsome, and supportive. We are the lucky ones.

I'm not sure if i show him enough appreciation, ar at least let him know how much easier my live is because of him.

Has anyone got any Ideas? I am sure I am not alone in this.. I would like to hear what everyone has to say about this topic, maybe we can just throw around Ideas or recipies, or a story about something they have done or want to do. Just to say thank you to the person who supports us most in our lives.

Whoever that may be.

PapaRon's Post was one of the most positive posts I have read and it got me thinking..

After reading another members posts, I really feel blessed to have my family. I mean, we fight, don't get me wrong. Everyone has their ups and downs.. but overall, wow it's good.

Yall have any positive plans or ideas or stories?


  • Angie this is a great thought. I usually tend to be a everyday type person meaning that I say TY to my husband and family everyday by doing all the things that need doing to make their lives the best they can be. To me everyday is xmas and I buy things when someone needs them not just because it's Dec 25th.

    That said I find that I am going out of my way to do everything possible for my husband and my kids. My son who has been helping me with errands and around the house got a used car when he got his license. My daughter who has been helpful in so many ways has been horseback riding more than ever. And my husband has been enjoying his favorite activity of renovating our vaca house.

    These things might seem strange and I know that most of us have financial issues that plague us. but for the most part there is some reward for me and I am happy to share the settlement I received for the accident with the people who have suffered along with me.

    I truly believe that love doesn't have to say "I'm sorry" or "Thank you", it does that every minute of every day.
  • Yeah, wonderful, thank you so much for sharing.. I can totally relate to that way of thinking.

    See Kris-NY, you are one of the lucky ones too, huh?

    That said, I don't have any money so I do make a lot of desserts and homecooking, when I can. When my hands aren't on fire I give him foot/leg/backrubs.

    He does that stuff for me, it's only fair to give back when I can. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I am gonna try to incorporate that more into my daily life :)
  • First off, have him READ what you just wrote to us! I am serious. He might get the full impact seeing your comments and questions, not to mention heart felt feelings to us about your special man!

    I've taken my hubby out to dinner, or made dinner at home for him as a "Thank you." We share the remote most times, but when I feel he's done a bunch of good, I let him have the remote, even if it means History Channel! ROFLA!! But really, have him read what you just wrote!! :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Angie,
    Ours is a unique situation. My husband is permanently disabled he has a heart condition and in 1998 was diagnoses with pancreatic cancer. He underwent a surgery where they removed part or all of 5 organs. This was to prolong his life as without the surgery he was given 3 months to live. After having this horrendous surgery which in itself almost took him the surgeon came to us 4 days later and said "well turns out he never had cancer it was a cyst" This changed our lives forever. He then because diabetic due to the removal of part of his pancreas. The stress from the surgery caused another heart attack and he continues to be closely monitored by several doctors. He is now stable and believe me we were elated he did not have cancer. We truly felt we had our lives back although he was unable to work I had a good job and we would be fine. Who would have ever though I would then be injured several years later. I have had a cervical fusion where unfortunately my rt vocal cord was paralysed. I have lumbar problems. Several surgeons say the chances are I would be worse off with surgery. I have a retorn rotator cuff and alot of nerve damage. Even found out I have nerve damage to my rt eye and palsy. I am not complaining and sorry for the long post. Although much has happened to us I could my blessings everyday. For many years I was the primary caregiver, now it's my husbands turn and he is the most gracious, kind and understanding patient man I believe I will ever know. Its as though since he has been through so much himself he knows exactly what I am feeling. When I am down he is there to pick me up. When I am having a mood swing he is encouraging not judgemental. I try to leave him little notes and let him know just how much I appreciate everything he does for me. It is so difficult sometimes as I feel so guilty that he has to help me so much. I do not get around very well and due to lumbar issues I am not very ambulatory. Yet this man never complains. God blessed me truly. I think since we are all going through our own medical issues we are inclined to be understanding when someone else is going through a rough time. How I wish I could do something wonderful for him to let him know just how much everything he does for me means to me. I only have words and so I do not let a day go by when I don't tell him how much he is loved, appreciated and how truly blessed I feel that God brought us together. I also have a better understanding of what he has gone through in the past, yet his was of a much more serious nature.
    I see so many posts where one spouse is so cruel to their partner and I wonder how they would want to be treated it someday something happened to them.
    It doesn't take alot to show your appreciation for those who care for you if it comes from your heart.

    Angie nice post and really makes one think!
  • you guys make me tear up. For myself, I don't want the big gestures from my hubby. I don't need the gifts. He displays how thankful he is every day in little ways and that means more to me. I'm just glad to see my guy out of pain and back to his old self despite his limitations.
  • Good point. I wish I was thankful for hubby's help but it hasn't been easy. I wanted to say your Avatar is cool. It looks like a stainless steel modern color for your collar but sure it's more comfortable. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • your courage through everything and the living you two have had to do, my goodness. thank you for posting, what a truly uplifting story masked in the dark muck of combined pain and fear.

    your hubby has walked this horrid ol' path before. I am so thankful the two of you are still together and strong.

    I wish we could all have such luck in love. I do know that isn't the case, but with hope, one day maybe those who don't will.

    Thank you again, Jan.
    Be Well,

  • I'm sorry girl. we should talk more, PM me ok?

    Thank you for the complement, but truthfully it's plastic.. it's an Aspen.. but it really is comfy, and when my neck isn't hurting too bad I can totally fall asleep sitting straight up. It's the best we can do right now. hey, as long as my head doesnt pop off my neck, I'll wear an elephant around it if they tell me to..LOL

    hope you are feeling okay today. I hadn't heard from you in awhile :)

    be well,
  • I'm so glad he is out of pain, and you are happy and you guys are good, that's the best thing we can all hope for, you know?

    You know what we deal with on a daily basis, and you are appreciated! Thank you for doing all you do!

    In my mind there is no harder job than watching your loved one in pain and taking care of them. No other job would we jump to do faster, or with more care and precision. As much as we hate that it is happening as much as it hurts us to watch, nothing could slow our conviction to be there. although it can sometimes be thankless, messy, and the hardest thing we ever do, but there is nowhere we would rather be. Taking care of your husband, wife, soulmate, parent, child or sibling who is in terrible pain and disabled or, God forbid, dying is a gift and a curse all together.

    Thank you for your post! I am so happy for you that he is feeling good! thank you thank you!!

    Be well,
  • Aww,if i let him read all this then he wouldn't be able to leave the house cause he could'nt get his big ol' head out the door..LOL Naw, I'm just kidding. I try to tell him all the time thank you, I love you, you mean the world to me, I couldn't do this without you. I try to remember at least once a day.. maybe even to the point of it just sounding like any given adult on Peanuts..wah wah, wah wah wah wahwah.

    I am gonna try to come up with a more tangible thank you.. I am learning a lot right now. I'm getting wonderful Ideas from all of you guys. I want to try to do something to wow him. I've been an old-fashioned type of girl for the past 2 years.. I am home all the time, I cook dinner from the market, not a box. I like to give him his choice in how we spend our time, and I take care of the kids.. well, until recently..

    that's the thing, I am hurting so badly right now, and it's all I can do to hide it from the kids. He is taking on a lot and I don't want him to get tired of it.. not that he would, but just maybe...

    I appreciate your help, advice, and friendship, now and always Brenda.. :)

    Be well,
  • I am like you Angie as I have the best fiancee/hubby that anyone could ask for..

    He does everything around the house, comes to all my Specialist appointments and never once utters a word of complaint..Im so blessed as there are not too many genuine, caring and loving partners out there.Particulary the ones that stand by us thru thick and thin, good and bad and sickness and in health..

    You are truly blessed to have found such a wonderful hubby..

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,856
    I believe the best way to show him how much his support has been to you is something very simple.

    Just get him aside, hold on to his hands, look into his eyes, and tell him just how much all of his support and love during your difficult time has meant to you.

    The love and feelings you show while saying this will mean so much to him.

    To me, there is no better way to show this.

    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Hehehee... I hear ya woman about the hubby getting a big head! (G) In all honesty though, I've had my hubby read some of my posts. For example, he wasn't totally convinced that "me and the new RV" really were happy. I let him read my posts of what it has been feeling to me, and what doors it opened. I know he read the posts vs scan them, as he came up with watery eyes and hugged me!

    See, he gets mad at me because I "hide" pain or push past where I shouldn't. He can't always tell if I am just going along if you will. I was using his laptop the other day, and guess what I found in *his* favorites? Yup, "Spine-Health" !!! Maybe having him read that thread, maybe that was a 'communication' venue breakthrough? Hehehe...I actually found a huge smile on my face when I saw he bookmarked this site!

    Angie, (mischievous giggle)it might be worth a big head...no? :) It's odd sometimes what gets through to our loving man!!!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • That is a truly beautiful way of showing your feelings..

    Thank you for sharing this.
  • I have never understood the mentality of loving someone, until they get sick.

    I know I can be hard to deal with sometimes, and I hope he never leaves me, Well, he was raised old school. He thinks he should take care of me. My job here is to raise the kids and take care of the house. So if I can't to that, he has to take on everything. (Until he depolys) But he does it. and he suprises me everyday.
    Do you do anything special for him to say thank you? I decided to give Kevin Bfast in bed and a cream foot rub. my hands were good to me, It didnt start hurting at all, just really tingily, til after I was done.

    We are so lucky. thank you Shelly for posting :)

    be well,
  • Yeah, now all I gotta do is get his attention, maybe on a commercial break, between college football games and highlights..HAHA

    That is a great way of saying thank you.. and that is something you can do no matter how much pain you are in. One doesn't even need to walk or anything.

    thank you for the suggestion, that one fits us all.
    and it is so sincere as well as emotionally meaningful. >:D<

    be well,
  • Angie,

    Here is something I just started doing since the hubby and I sleep at different times. Sticky notes! A sticky with a smile near his car keys. A sticky near his phone wishing him a good day. A sticky on the door thanking him for ?? he did yesterday etc. He gets a kick out of them. I snuck one into his wallet last night, so when he opens it to get lunch, he'll get a smile and a "I wuv you lots".. :) Simple, but he likes them!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • thats something i used to do alot and havent done in a long time..

    When he would deploy, I'd put little notes in his seabag, like in his rolled up socks or something like that.. write notes inside the margins of a book he is reading... LOL he gets a giggle and sometime a ribbing from his pals..

    i used to pack his lunch all the time and wrap a note up in the napkin that was wrapped around his fork..

    Yeah, he's leaving Sunday unless the NS says we need to do surgery in the next month, I will find out Friday if we can wait til November.. 30 day deployment. Then he returns early Nov, until next year.. he could be gone as long as 8 months.

    It's not the first time he's had to go like this, But it is the first time with 2 kids and all this going on. I did that fun stuff for him this week, but i gotta figure out something for before he leaves.. I wish I had a babysitter! I don't know anyone around here. boo!

  • Angie,

    Hehe..you're posting to a woman who still has the napkin my then "new friend" later my hubby wrote his phone number on from almost 21 years ago!!! :)

    My hubby gets a kick out of the notes too, because it kind of reminds us of when we where 20 years younger! Not that we want to be younger (no thanks), but it was a more personal touch than the IM's, Text Messages, cell phones etc. Technology can dampen fun sometimes yeah know?

    So now with that knowledge, I am trying to remember some of the 'kidzy' things we did back then to get and keep each others attention. (G)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • I haven't spent a lot of time around here, so have missed some of these. This one was worth bumping up again!

    My hubby has been amazing throughout our 32 years of marriage; my pain issues started about 28 years ago, and he has stuck it out with me through thick and thin. Every now and then I would feel a little tension and assume he was made at me or upset because we had to make yet another trip to the ER, but I soon realized that what he wanted was to "fix it", and he couldn't. I now recognize it when he gets that way (though it isn't as frequent!!), and acknowledge how frustrating this process is for him AND me.

    A couple of months ago, our roles were reversed. My hubby came down with a bacteria and ended up with reactive arthritis, which is extremely painful. It ended up being ME taking HIM to the ER for treatments, ME taking HIM to doctor's appointments, etc., and ME taking care of HIM in general. I have to say it felt good to be able to do that for him, especially because I felt good enough to be able to do it!! When he recovered about six weeks later, he told me that the whole experience opened his eyes as to what I go through, and I understood how hard it is to be the caregiver at the bedside.

    I do my best for him and my friends, who are so supportive, by doing little things when I can. I love to bake, so if I make a batch of cookies, I share them with friends and neighbours who have helped me in so many ways. I also try to "pay it forward" by providing support to others who suffer from chronic pain; with all we go through, we become great teachers!

    I am very thankful to have the love and support that I have from friends, neighbours and family....not all of us are so lucky!

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