After what is seeming more and more like a failed fusion, I have found myself in a dark place. Obviously, the first step would be to talk to someone about it. My only problem with that is, if I talk to somebody about it, I am afraid I will get my meds cut-off.
I have gone the anti-depressant pill route to "mask" it, but I find myself thinking about it more and more.
I also have quit drinking altogether since that is what seems to make it worse, but it still seems to be on my mind a good amount of time.
At the end of all of my "thoughts", it always ends up the same. I would never do that to my wife, ever. I could never burden her with that pain.
The main problem, I suppose, is just the recurrent thoughts, over and over. I have picked up some hobbies and such, but even when I am doing those, it is still there.
Any pro-tips from those going through the same thing? I would really appreciate it.