How much longer can I live like this?
I have a big sales meeting this Friday- I have been spreading the prep work out so I would be able to manage set up Thursday and the meeting and clean up on Friday.
Today my co-worker helped me load my mini van and tomorrow she is going to help me set up at the hotel (Thank goodness). Usually my manager comes up from out of state, but not this time. Even with her helping me I have been very close to level 8 pain since we started at 10 am.
I was actually crying about the meeting last night, I know how much pain I am going to be in and I am not looking forward to it. Panic is what I feel about it. I see the Pain Management Doctor tomorrow afternoon but I doubt any changes will be made (to meds) that will be effective in 24 hours or if I even want to risk it.
Today I was actually sent home from PT because I was in too much pain. I was hoping for a message and she was like do you want to work out? NO- I have been lifting box's all day I am in terrible pain.... She said maybe you should re-schedule when your feeling better (I was already on the books)... She is not the compassionate one (I see 2 PT people). Last time I was there the other gal was trying to have the talk with me (we don't know what we can do for you). I think they want to drop me.
I did finally get called back by an attorney yesterday or rather his assistant. She took down all my information asked loads of questions and then said for me to call back after I see my NS. He needs to tell me I was injured in the MVA otherwise their is no case... I wasn't told that by him. I was called by one of the billing offices that did my first injection after the accident and they said my health insurance wouldn't pay since my NS said this was the result of a MVA. So now I have to try to nail that down.
Yesterday was a super easy day. I spent my entire day in meetings. All I had to do was pay attention. One of the chefs also had back problems so we had to take a break every hour and I took my self to the sofa and layed down. It didn't make a bit of difference between my pain yesterday or today. I am hurting pretty badly no matter what I am doing. I wake up around level 5 and it quickly goes right up to 8 and just stays there.
I feel like I am stuck in a nightmare and I cant wake up. I feel like a big broken record. My daughter asks me what is wrong since my eyes are watering (holding back tears) and I say nothing- just my back hurts... Every day it's the same story.
Upper back pain spreads from my bra closure area in a circular map outward the epi center in the middle of my spine. Some times it goes numb or feels numb but under it still hurts like h3ll. Some times- maybe 50% of the time the pain wraps into my ribs in the front. It is hard to explain- but it feels hard to breath (even though it really isn't). I don't quite knnow what is going on? My hands are really bugging me with various places along my arms/forarms either burning or hurting. Sometimes holding the steering wheel feels odd/ my arms are really weak. Add in the tippy top of my shoulders (new) burning. My feet/legs are newer. Sharp pains going into my toes and arches with what feels like bands squeezing off the circulation around my calves and intermitten sciatic pain in either leg. The neck feels fine other than lots of cracking and popping and the lumbar feels good to.
I think I am going to change my middle name from Ann to Agony.
Sorry for the rant- I can't talk to my family and friends about this. I feel like there is no one to unload on. When anyone asks me " Hey Julie how's your back doing" I am so close to the edge that I just say "great". I am afraid to tell anyone the real story. #1 I am afraid I am going to loose my composure and #2 I am afraid I am going to scare away my friends/family.
Julie Agony- Spine Health Nut!