I just got back from my moms in the valley. Me and my siblings trade time doing 24-7 care taking of our mother. She has terminal cancer. And it was my turn for 4 days. Obviously my chronic pain takes a back seat to her loosing life. It seems to really magnify my pain to watch her die a little bit more each day. I've only lost my way of life. She is loosing her life. And to be there, to me is like going to visit a loved one on their last day before they die. And having to deal with the sadness of the loss. But it is like a DVD is stuck on that seen, and plays it again and again. And the depression from that causes more pain. And because I want to do things for her. I constantly exacerbate the pain by doing physical things that I have no business doing. And being to oldest boy I'm the "go to guy" who has to run everything. When most of the time I can barley run my own life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's a badge I wear with honor. I just sometimes I wonder how I'm going to "fake it" into the next day. Sorry for the whining but it has followed me home. And I just can't seem to get any down time.
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You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!