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standing and walking is a killer for me and when me and my husband go to his side of the family the

chronic sufferchronic suffer Posts: 115
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:48 AM in Chronic Pain
standing and walking is a killer for me and when me and my husband go to his side of the family they don't seem to understand X( that i need to sit down and can't stand or walk for very long they. also think that i don't do cleaning and cooking when i am at home because they think i am lazy. and don't want to do it when thats not true they think i make the pain up and my husband helps me so much. around our apt he helps me cook and clean when he is off work and he will make dinner when i can not stand for very. long his family thinks i should do it all by myself with no help when i can not stand or walk for very long. because when i do i feel like my back is going to break in half. my mother in law is the worse she thinks i am faking the pain and making it up she don't even think i have fibro. my husband told her when i found out i had it and she told him that thats bull crap X( . that i do not have that when she does not go to the doctors with me because she tells me i am making it up and facking it sorry venting here. i got to get what i am feeling out. i can not post anything on facebook or myspace about the pain and how i feel. when i am only trying to get it out i had her on my facebook and myspace but i had to remove her and block her from both she would make comments on my posts. and i got to where i could not take her crap anymore and i do not talk to her anymore only when we go to family things i feel like i am not welcome at family things on my husband side. but i go anyways his mom has even told me to go where i came from and go back to my mom and my dad and live with them .which is not going to happen she even thinks i like being in pain and sick all the time when its not true my husband won't even call his mom because how she is he is sick of it like i am he has told her to back off and leave me alone. she does not know when to shut up and leave it alone


  • Hi chronic,

    You have come to the right place to vent and find support, because we understand and get "it". I am very sorry about your mother in law. That is so sad, and it just isn't right. It must be so difficult and so frustrating. It is hard enough to face the pain each day, and you don't need tension and direct challenges from her on top of it. She honestly should be lending a thoughtful and helpful hand to the woman that makes her son happy in this world. On the other hand, I am very glad to hear that you are blessed with such a wonderfully, supportive husband. I know it is not easy, but if you cannot change her then maybe you need to focus on the goodness of your husband. In the meantime, I think you will find this site very informative and filled with great and supportive people that understand both your pain and frustrations with people who don't understand. Hang in there!!! Good Luck and God Bless!

    glo :)
  • We usually don't get to pick our relatives. And sometimes we need to make the decision to change a relationship with one or more. That may be a "I'll only see my sister in law once a year on Christmas" to "I won't speak with my mother in law but my husband will go on his own" to the ultimate "both my husband and I choose not to see the relative".

    We all have one of these relatives. My only advice is that although it is great that your husband supports you be careful not to get between him and his mother. What would probably be helpful is if you and your husband go to see his parents. With just the four of you present tell them how you both feel and then tell them that you cannot continue to see them with this hostility so you will stay away. If your husband shows his support you may be surprised to find that they change their minds. If not then at least you can feel that you did your best and you can avoid the stress of seeing them.
  • It is probably time for your husband to stop telling his family your personal health stuff even if they ask. And how would they know if you clean or not if your husband helps you?
  • i have noticed many post like your over the years .the only thing you can do is look after your self and if there is any abuse or and violence then start making plans to leave , just be careful and don't let people walk all over you ..you are a person and have feeling ..just try reminding them that anyone of you could walk out the door on a Monday morning and drop dead have a stroke and life never bee the same again or a car crash etc..no one know and with that in mind you family should be supporting you not making your life hell .good luck
  • Wow sorry to hear how cruel your MIL is. I know my Mom had issues with my SIL and I too but I saw how happy my brother was and somehow when your MIL is saying nasty things to you tell her when you're happy your husband will be happy and this isn't leading to any good conclusion. Even if you were able bodied she has issues. You would think she would adore her DIL as she's the one who makes her son happy. My Mother was upset because she doesn't see her Grandchildren often or see her son much. She should know better I told my Mom you can't change anything just try to be nice to her as she's the one who makes him happy. Even after the issues I went through with my SIL we have a good relationship now as I told her how much I'm glad she's in my brother's life. Maybe having a talk with your SIL she would talk to her Mother or if your husband could say let up on my wife because I love her and don't make things so bad or we'll have no choice but to be distant from you. I hope things get better for you sometimes all you can do is let your husband go alone to see his family. Prayers there willl be communication and peace in your relationship. You don't need this added emotional stress with your health issues. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I think you should BOYCOTT the MIL and the other family members that get off on making you feel bad. Life is too short. Your husband can go alone or learn to live with out them. It must be diffucult- I am sorry.

    The otherday I was in a shop and a random person started talking to me. I never met her before but I had a jacket on that advertised something and this woman wanted to see if I knew her daughter in law. I did know of her but didn't know her. This woman decided it was up to her to fill me in on what a carzy person her daughter-in-law is! OMG I will forever have formed an opinion on this Mother in-Law, her daughter I think nothing bad of other than "you poor girl, you have to deal with that?"

    I am sure there are other reasonible persons such as me who see the crap that your MIL is doing to you. She probably does it to other people who you don't know about since you don't hang with her. Try not to feel bad- consider the source- she is a CRAZY LADY :)

    >:D< Julie
  • my husband said she treated his girlfriends before me like this
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    I think that says it all. No one is good enough for her son, in her opinion! So I don't think it would make a difference if you were a spinney (chronic suffering) or perfectly healthy. She's not going to accept you. And if I were you I would just NOT accept her!...........just sayin
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • I'm in the same boat as your husband, it's my mother that doesn't like my husband, and she has said it... Nobody will be good enough for her little girl... And she's never liked any guy I've ever been involved with. I told her that what she says about him, is very hurtful to me, too, and neither of us appreciate it. She has since stopped, but he just doesn't come to family gatherings. He feels very uncomfortable, and I don't want him to feel that way, so I just go alone. It kind of sucks sometimes, but it keeps the peace, and that's all that matters to me in the end.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • she has told my husband this No one is good enough for her son inless she picks them i have heard her say this to
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