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Having a sad day :(

LisaRachelLLisaRachel Posts: 286
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:48 AM in Depression and Coping
Hi guys,

I'm having a bad day! I finally broke down and cried for about an hour. My family are so not supportive and I'm not talking to my sister due to her selfishness. I'm having a big surgery and feel they think it's nothing and I should be back to work ASAP! I'm having a FUSION for god's sake!!! I'm single and feel that I'm going to do this alone. I do everything alone now but this is different, Oh well I have my cat who loves me no matter what.. Why are people so mean in this world?

Thanks for reading.. hope u guys are ok..



  • ******HUGZ****** <--- I hope that one helps! Yeah family can be hard to deal with, especially if they don't really understand what is going on. Cats, yes, I love that unconditional love and the rub byes!! I'll send you positive thoughts and happy energy. *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Big hug! We love you!
  • Thanks for the hugs! right back at you! xoxoxoxo

  • You have a very large spiney family here, and we will support you through this.

    You can do this. :0) >:D<
  • HUGE (((HUG)))Lisa :)

    I am so sorry you are going through this alone.

    I m adding you in as my buddy, please accept my request ;)

    I can not be there with you in person, but myself along with others here will walk this part of the journey of life with you - you are not alone :) Beth
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Maybe I should try to get up to TO sooner!! ;)
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Kelly, your so sweet! :* :-* :kiss:" alt=":kiss:" height="20" />
  • i feel so much for u i hope ur operation went out really well n u wont ur partner some where in the hospital
  • Welcome to SH. As others have said, you are not really alone, you now have a spiney family to help get you through your surgery (before and after).

    Whether you are feeling sad, scared or just need reassurance, we are here for you. Please feel free to PM me anytime, for any reason.

    Take care,

  • We are all together, some of us are a little different, Some don't like each other, some don't seem to like themselves, doesn't matter at all.

    We all stand, or sit or lay, on common ground.

    Hope you get the support you need. >:D< (gentle hug)

    There are very few people here who have not had to go through many different procedures. We all understand that alone feeling.


    Generally just coming here to read makes my life not seem so bad.
  • I love my spiney family! thank you all from the bottom of my heart...
  • How ya feelin' today? Hope it was better for you!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Hey there... **BIG but GENTLE HUG** to you!

    It's tough when family doesn't understand. I am lucky that my family did understand. However, before my 2nd fusion, my husband struggled with my decision NOT to opt for lumbar fusion. I took him to several appointments with me and shared a lot of what I was reading here....and he finally understood.

    You just need one of them to understand...or a close friend. If not, we all do.
  • Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you today. I hope this missive greets you in better spirits. *HUG* We are still here whenever you need us! 8>

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Thanks for all your gentle hugs! >:D< >:-D&lt

    I have talked to my friends about this web site and they all feel that's it's great for me. I am feeling better. I still have not talked to my sister. I got mad at her because I invited her to the dinner I'm planing for my 40th B'day. She had a very bad excuse not to come and that was that! Also, a few weeks ago, when I was telling her I was going to hire someone for 2 weeks for after my surgery she told me just to get CCAC to come in and not be a burden on our father.. CCAC is paid as part of the homecare after surgery but it's only 1 hour a day and they don't clean.. that won't be helpfull and my father said it was his pleasure to help me. What has me so upset is My father has lots of money he even paid for my sister's tummy tuck! and for all her kids to go to camp. He has been helping me out since my accident but I am also getting a large sum soon from my insurance.. I think my sister's jealous she's also my "big sister" I have lost a lot of respect for her.... No one in my family understand what it has been like for me. The pain, and that my life is totally different. I want to stand up for myself now and take charge of my life and who I want in it! I feel that I only want people in my life who treat me the way I treat them!

    Sorry for the story.. LOL

    Hope you guys are well.. xoxoxo
  • I just wanted to say hi and send you some love >:D< :X

    You are NOT alone!

    Your family may surprise you. I cancelled my surgery on 7/7, a couple of days out, not because I wanted to but because my family was so against it.

    But we re-grouped and my family rallied behind me and I rescheduled and had their blessing and support!

    I hope you are in a good place today!
  • LisaRachel said:
    I feel that I only want people in my life who treat me the way I treat them!
    That is how it should be,but the disillusion can be painful.This is how I chose to live my life too and I am a much happier,peaceful,more content person.I have learned that it is not the quantity,but the quality of people I surround myself with that make life more enjoyable.

  • Lisa,

    For a lot of reasons, I don't associate with any of my immediate family. Let's just say, my sister (3 years older) is her "mothers daughter" as they say! Life is all about her and to hell with everyone else! Like you, I don't associate with those who can care less. I know I don't need that stress, nor do you! My hubbies side of the family are theeeee best! :) It looks like you know the good, the bad, and the ugly. That's half the battle woman! Good for you! Your dad sounds like a keeper for sure! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Take the offer from your dad and just ignore sis - it's not her place to tell you what help to accept ;)
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Brenda, my sister is 6 years older the me! I also have 3 brothers who are older too. I talk to my eldest brother who is 14yrs older then me. Yes, I do not need the stress or always made out to feel worthless and not good enough. It had been a major problem through out my life. This up-coming surgery has made me really think of what I can do to make sure I will be happy. I'm sick of being dissapointed from people no matter if they are friends OR family! My dad is a keeper he's a great guy, but he has a wife that I don't like. The other day I was talking with her about my surgery date because they plan on going to Europe in the middle of Dec. I asked her what would happen if my surgery got bumped to that date when they leave, I said my dad would stay then she said we would have to think about it and I said WHAT my dad would not be here while I'm having a 8 hour surgery and she just rolled her eyes. So nice! I'm not going to be treated this way!!

    Thanks for your support Brenda, Robin and Virginia,

    I do feel supported here and enjoy supporting others..

  • Ms. Lisa,

    Please make sure you tell your dad of that wonderful (NOT) conversation with *his* wife. That was cold to say the least! Grrrrr...Sorry, had a few "steps" growing up, and I was never impressed - they never had the option to be that cold though!

    A bit of the reason they and I don't get along, I was the youngest, and despite them, I was very successful in my career and life's choices. When their attempts to mooch money failed, I became the loser! In a sense I was "I got to lose them!" Rofla! I know, not funny in its direct sense, and I did go through a "mourning" period, but that passed. I am much happier for it, and my hubbies family as I said, they are like the Cleavers from "Leave it to Beaver!"

    I know they say we can "choose our friends, but not our relatives", but we can choose who we let into our little box called life! You're doing great Lisa, so proud of you!!! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Get really ticked at my parents, I did the whole therapy thing to which my mom replied, " I don't think we have anything to be sorry for".

    I always wanted a closer relationship, so I worked on it anyway. Once I got closer I realized that I do not really like the woman, I know that sounds horrible, but she would rather tell me about the 90 year old neighbor lady's ills then talk about her grand children!

    On Saturday I got a letter from a cousin, that did some not so nice things to me when I was about 12. Anyway, He actually wrote a letter begging for money as he needs a second lung transplant. The things he did were a little over the line, but not as bad as it could have been and we have kind of moved on from that. However he has never, ever called or sent a Christmas card and now he wants money!

    So anyway, try and forget about what you don't like about siblings and parents and just do your best to live your life as YOU wish to do. Well as well as people with spine problems can anyway!

  • Wow~I don't know a single parent that can honestly say that they haven't done one single thing that they regret.I know I have,and I used to wish that I could go back and do it all over again,but I know that I would still make mistakes,only different ones..but maybe things would end up worse,like The BUTTERFLY EFFECT :OO

    I talked to my sons and tried to apologize for the mistakes I feel that I have made in their lives,but they always say that I was the best mom..which is not true IMO,but I'm glad that we talk about things.My mother could never talk about certain things,but I forgive her because nobody is perfect.

    I can't get along with my sister (4 yrs my senior),the only living relative in my immediate family no matter how hard I try.. and I have tried so hard.My Drs think that it would be in my best interest emotionally to cut her out of my life,and I have,but she will let months go by and find some reason that she considers a crisis (not really a crisis),to contact me again.I always reach out to her and listen to her problems,but 10 minutes into it she forgets her reason for calling and the game continues where it left off.I put up with this only because she is the last of my siblings and I have no parents,it is not that frequent,and I know that she must have some type of personality didorder and must need something from me when she does the things that she does.
    Whenever I read of others trials with their family members it really helps me somehow.
  • Lisa, for various reasons we're going through this surgery without any family- we meaning my husband and I, but we won't have my mother or his parents to help with the kids.

    I gotta tell you, it's kind of traumatic. My husband and I were both close with our parents growing up, and somehow have ended up with me completely estranged and him just distanced (his parents divorced). We have an incredible network of friends, but they are not close enough to be of help, say, to run one of the kids to school, or grab dinner and bring it over.

    Just knowing that is such an awful feeling.

    I wish I were closer so I could help you out... for a few days at least!
  • Thank you for your kind words.. HB I wish you were closer too. Reading all these posts makes me feel better in my sistuation with my family. For the first time in my life I want to have nothing to do with them. I want to take control back and not coward around these people anymore. I wish you all were closer.. xoxo

    Thanks for sharing it has helped me a lot..
  • Thank you for your kind words.. HB I wish you were closer too. Reading all these posts makes me feel better in my sistuation with my family. For the first time in my life I want to have nothing to do with them. I want to take control back and not coward around these people anymore. I wish you all were closer.. xoxo

    Thanks for sharing it has helped me a lot..
  • You're doing good, it took me 44 years!
  • Wow, Lisa, I just read all of this about your family! I agree with everyone else, and kind of keeps with my post about removing all the negativity in your life, and just surrounding yourself with people who make you laugh. It definitely isn't worth feeling badly about yourself, no matter who it is. My sister and I were never close because she always made me feel bad, always made fun of me, always criticized me (she's almost 4 years older). She was diagnosed with MS about 12 years ago and our relationship did get a little bit better. She ended up having a benign tumour that was wrapped around her spine which they removed, and I had my surgery about a year later. Since then, as we now have something in common (pain), and although we aren't THAT close, we actually do call each other every once in a while. That never would have happened otherwise.

    I wouldn't worry about what she says about your dad paying for the home care. She has no right to, if your dad wants to do that for you, it's his choice, not hers. Really, it isn't any of her business.

    Too bad there isn't a way you could come down here after your surgery!! As long as you don't mind cats and dogs, LOL. But I do promise to come and visit when I'm up!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Lisa, I've been there yeah, its great and know what, they have GUIDED TOURS, tell your step mom to have a nice trip! Sad, really horrible way to act. I am sorry you had that experience. Your dad won't take an 8 hour flight while your on the OR table.

    You know Lisa, my first surgery date was canceled due to pressure from a family member, out of concern & lack of understanding of my procedure ALIF, anyhow, I took her to my last visit to NS prior to my July 7 surgery date, I was 100% ready & committed to going forward, she ambushed the NS and got my husband all worked up. It was awful, one week out and now everyone was freaking out for me not to proceed! They WON, I cancelled 3 days pre op!
    Long story short, the 10 days or so following that visit was pure mental anguish! Anger, hostility, fighting, crying, and finally acceptance.

    My husband & made our rounds, had several more NS consults and then rescheduled my original surgery, had to wait till 8/24 to resemble the surgical team.

    And you know what, the family member who created the mess told me 2 weeks prior to my new surgery that she was leaving for Europe! And wouldn't be here for my surgery! All of a sudden she was taking a 2 month trip to Europe! Talk about feeling slapped in the face! Then we lost a family member in a car accident on 9/11 and she returned home and cut her trip short. I got passed my anger and I understand why she did what she did, but its amazing how much influence family has. You do need support.

    I am glad your dad is there and I am sure the rest of your family will rally too! (not to sure on Dad's wife?) But she is not a pivotal member...right!
  • My dad and my stepmother have been married for 35 years, and my stepmother never did get it. She has no kids and she's a nice person, but just doesn't get it.

    So other than the fact that my dad has only passing interest in my surgery, I can totally see my stepmother doing that to me.

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