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SEX

LasVegasLLasVegas Posts: 95
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:48 AM in Depression and Coping
Prior to car accident, had a very active sex life :)

However, the lumbar pain has limited sexual positions.

The pain pills have limited male arousal.

Lumbar Pain + Pain Pills = Minimal Sex/Relationship Issues :(
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1

Comments

  • Sorry LasVegas,

    Regrettably, a lot of us are very restricted on them ummm... (G) activities. Because of my issues, we found the pool was a good place, but now the water is too cool to go in. Sniff... You just have to get inventive is all - does that work for all of us, nope, but life is an adventure. :)

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • =D> Hi there
    When the pool gets too cold to go in, the Hot Tub works quite nicely. Nice and warm too. Plus when you get out into the cold. (Mine is outside) Your pores tighten up really great. =D>
    We had to figure out something:
    I have my back issues and hubby has
    Carpal Tunnel and RA in his hands. :T

    Remember- desperation will spark your gentle healing hugs.

    Dot
  • Sex - remains one of those things that does flip the endorphin button. I keep active and explore!

    I have had issues, related to this for 8 years, yet I am happily married for the last 13. Communication and an open mind is key!

    One thing I would encourage -is exploration of energy play - and gentle forms of play. One thing that does not help - is impact. So - it is about being gentle on ourselves, in all ways.

    Key - in our situation - is always being my partners friend. If there is something up - either of us can just look at each other - and say "I need to talk to my buddy". That is something that we both protect for each other, as such - ANYTHING is on the table for discussion. Not argument - discussion! We had those kinds of things, with our X's. We do not do that to each other.

    Trust is something very important - we have to know that we can talk about anything. I know, that there have been times when I have not wished to chat, because I am afraid of the answer. What I have discovered, is that I am placing too much -on what I think will be the answers, rather than just trusting my gut, and talking it out, with my partner.

    Have a discomfort reduced day.
  • We've toyed with putting in a hot tub. Since on my retirement annuity I am paying for our new RV, if one is to be put in, the hubby gets to fund it. I do like the concept though. :)

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • she prescribed cialis and said it is common for pain meds to have this negative affect on men regardless of age. she ordered a ekg for my heart because cialis may have some side effects related to the heart. other than that, she wants to see me in a few weeks and says she guarantees my sex life will improve :)

    any guys here use this cialis before?

    any women here have experience with guys who have used cialis?
  • No - never used it. Dont need to.
  • Be very careful when using the Hot tub and pool for these activities. I'm not going to say don't do it, not even going to say I never have :D

    There are very real risks involved, especially in the Hot tub, lots of little nasty things love to grow in hot tubs and they can kind of get, shall we say pushed into places they would otherwise not get a chance to visit...

    Pay close attention to the correct chemical levels in the tubs and pools and if something seems to burn, itch, or whatever outside the norm. GET IT CHECKED!

    As for the original post, I can 100% fully commiserate. I have been pretty much chemically neutered by this whole mess. At some point I intend to ask about Cialis, in fact I did once upon a time but my doc would not give it to me till he researched all the possible interactions and I have not been back to see him, so...
  • What you need to do is have your hormone levels screaned, expecially your prolacin and testostrone.
    Long term use of opioids causes a drop in your hormones.
    You can get twice monthly injections or now there is a gum out to use that will bring your hormones back up to normal. The gum is called Striant.
    Also have your vitamin D checked. If it is low your Doctor will start you out on a treatmant plan then you can awitch to over the counter vitamins.
    Long term opioid use can bring on osteroprosis.Your Doctor can treat this also. It will also bring on early menopause in women.
    Once you get your hormone level back up you will feel so much better. You will be less tired, hair will be thicker and you men will feel like an 18 year old again!!
    Your PCP can do these tests for you.
    I am amazed PM's never tell their male patients about this. Ladies need to be screaned too.
    Best of luck everyone
    Patsy W
  • patwhite101 said:
    It will also bring on early menopause in women.
    Oh good grief, just another thing I get to look forward to? lol

    Anti depressants especially, opiates and pain wreak havoc in the libido area, not just in men, but women as well. Just ask my hubby... I wish I had an answer (and so does he!!)
    Kelly
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Yes Kelly....Women too, need to have their hormones screaned.
    Pain meds do wreck your libido. Your Doctor should help you out there.
    There is help for men AND women.
    With proper treatment you should begin to feel like your old self again.
    Also have your vitamin D checked and a bone scan done.
    Talk to your Doctor about all these tests. He can do them or will send you to someome who will.
    Extended use of opioid can wreck our bodies.
    But it can be treated.
    Best of luck.
    Patsy W
  • Also have your vitamin D checked and a bone scan done.

    Just wanted to correct this Pat - would be bone densitometry to check for osteoporosis.

    Vitamin D deficiency is a big concern now with people avoiding the sun more and using sunscreen. It is also important for those of us in the northern part of the US and those in Canada. This vitamin deficiency can affect joint pain and stiffness.

    Have a great day!

    Marianne
  • I have been dealing with such issues for over 7yrs now. I tried changing up my hormones (with the Dr's approval & rx's) That part worked. Another thing that my husband & I have done is different positions. We with chronic pain have to be creative. :)
  • I have been having issues lately, but mine are that my G/F is scared she will hurt me, and doesn't want to participate as often anymore.

    I have not had any experience with Cialis, but have taken Sildenafil products before, with good results. Worst part was trying to time things right, which should not be a problem with Cialis. I would assume that your doctor will make sure there are no sensativities with other meds that you might be taking. Good luck, as I am sure that this is one activity that I don't want to lose in my life............
  • I got frustrated and decided i'm not taking pills and am not going to feel pressured for sex giving me guilt trips, etc. with her lack of understanding that I can not be the porn star she was used to, lol. So I told her to just go find some other guy to satisfy her and move out of my house ASAP!!!
  • I'm sorry, LV :( That doesn't sound like the solution you were hoping for.
  • Have you had your testosterone and prolactin levels checked? That is what you need to do and a shot every 2 weeks should take care of these....not pills.
    I uge you to haave these 2 hormones checked and start the injections. I think you will be pleased with the results.
    I also urge ALL men and women to have their hormones screaned.
    Good Luck..
    Patsy W
  • Relationships are just another casualty of our battle with spine problems. LV I would imagine that it is more than just the lack of sex that is causing problems between you and your GF. I'm sure the fact that it was her car you were in and that her insurance is going to be paying you is part of the problem. You never mentioned if there was damage to her car but I'm guessing there was. Also the change in your personality due to the pain you feel and the meds you are taking.

    Relationships are so hard without our spine problems. But when you throw in this stuff it's downright impossible. I'm sure you have read posts from other members who are having trouble with their spouses and their reactions to us. I hope you and your GF are able to talk this through. Maybe speak with a minister if you are religious. Just getting the feelings out can help.
  • LV, I'm sorry to hear about that. She's obviously not right for you if she can't understand the situation. You'll find someone who is i'm sure and it will be perfect love like you've never experienced!!!! ;-)
  • We are still together, we just don't have sex often due to these pain pills have created lack of sexual interest and also erection problems. Either the pills stop me from getting erect or if I do get erect, I can't climax as she tires out before I do. The pills either make me feel like i'm 18 or 80 depending on how many I take, what time of day I take them, etc. We have added and varied many positions and unfortunately all seem to give me pain the following day and day after that. I don't feel any pain during sex, but the following day or two I regret acting like porno Superman, lol. So sex is not every night as we are used to, it is more like once a week, sometime once every two weeks, incredibly frustrating for both of us and life is boooooring without daily sex! The worst part about the whole situation is we had such a fun, better than average, daily sex life until this car accident. Hopefully the pain areas are temporary like all of the doctors had estimated a 6 month recovery, but only time will tell.
  • Wow, porno Superman was daily?! I'm like once a fortnight if i can be bothered! lol and that was before my back went downhill in March. I guess my labido had taken flight aswell. Its easier for girls though because we can fake it if need be...guys can't really.

    I wish you luck with your recovery, hopefully it won't take 6 months. fingers crossed.x
  • Thanks Mer,
    nice shirt in your photo, lol
  • ... then you need to take the Cialis. After a few rounds of taking Cialis she'll ask you to leave her alone... LOL

    The back issues caused me lots of headaches and the ED part was one of them. A little blue pill from time to time solved that for the most part. So they can work but no guarantee. If the nerve problem is that severe then it might have no effect, other than giving you a headache.

    Maybe you can loan Mer your Superman cape for a day so she can be Superwoman. Then she won't have to fake it ;-)

    You should also consider what Patsy said. That is very common to have Low-T levels. When I went through the worst part before the back surgery. My T-level was way too low. Now it is pretty normal for my age and the ED issues are all but gone. That is 1 year post-op. So as your spine heals things might return to where they should be.
  • LOL, i have my own cape thanks. ...all neatly folded at the bottom of my drawer just waiting to get out! ;-)
  • hey Vegas thanks for this post! I thought i was the only one experiencing this! I can't tell you guys how nice it is to know this is not happening because I'm doing something wrong. My poor boyfriend is ready to strangle me because I keep attempting and am unable to get where I'm going, if you catch my drift...and when i can I'm pretty much crippled for the next 2days. If anybody has any tips for the girlie side of this please feel free to message me before i'm single...it's been 2 years of very limited activities
  • Not just anyone....

    I'm overweight, she's overweight, it hurts, I don't feel most of the "ending", sort of a ripoff, like a flat bottle of champaign, well, not really as with flat champaign you can at least cook with it...

    I don't even think either one of us can muster up enough gumption to admit it either does or does not matter to us. We just are.

    I can remember the good ole days, and sometimes that just has to do.

    I need a new PCP and I can't muster up enough courage to ask the clinic to reassign me! My doc has been my doc since the 80's, however he has M.S. and is very, very unstable. Have you ever had to prop up your doctor so he does not fall over? I have and it is not pleasant at all. He really should stop seeing patients and just teach. As all of us know, life can suck, but you got to either play the hand you been dealt or feel around under the table to see if a better card is stuck there...

    That last line makes very little sense, however I like it, so in it is staying.

    Have a good, something or other!
  • Wrambler: I am happy you left that last line in too. I liked it too.

    People on pain meds really do need to have their hormone level checked. It can make you feel so much better in a lot of ways plus get the ole libido up and running again.

    Good luck
    Patsy W
  • Oops I forgot to add to my comments.

    If anyone wants to check out my information about hormones, type into a search box "OPIOID EFFECTS ON HORMONE LEVEL". You will find a wealth of information on this subject.

    Also wanted to add that what I have read also states that low hormone levels can make pain worse.

    As important as this information is, I do not know why PM's do not discuss with their patients.

    I am not a Doctor but I had to learn of this on my own and then ask my Doctor about it.

    Good luck
    Patsy W
  • Since all of my problems began, I have no sex drive at all. In fact, due to nerve damage, I cannot even feel the penetration. I tell my husband to go ahead and take his own pleasure and I just kinda lay there and take it. I promised him I would never fake it, just to get him done. Unfortunately, he is one of the few men who actually cares that I enjoy it, and that throws a wrench into it.
  • but since 2007 there has been an action in our bedroom due to my problems .with constant back pain and the inability to obtain an erection due to nerve damage .and the fact that we both have put on weight and dont like our bodies ! sex is a no no ..thankfully its not a big issue kath is too knackered from working 60 hours a week and i am on my recliner more than in my bed so sex even as good as it was is just a distant memory now .i dont even get the desire to have sex because pain always wins ..its robbed me{us } of so much ..i would rather go walking up mountains with kath and the dog but we can't even do that .thankfully we have done it in the past ..so we have some nice memories to look back on ..again this is another facet of chronic pain that the outsider wont understand
    t
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • What is Sex? can your physician prescribe this? Does it come in a pill form? is it for back patients only? is this a surgical implant? Do I need to buy a hot tub or pool to benefit from this new technology? should I ask my physical therapist if she will offer this to me for my treatment? I would like to find out more about this. sounds like every one knows about this "SEX" except for me.
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