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NumbskullNNumbskull Posts: 1,526
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:48 AM in Chronic Pain
Well, I already knew by the end of the week that I had overdone it, but today got the absolute confirmation. As some of you may know, I started back to work last Monday. I only worked 2 half days (really it was only 2.5 hours each morning). So I worked Mon, Tues, on Wed I have a ptsd support group that is run by our mental health services that I go to in the mornings, it's usually about 2 hours. It always hurts to sit there. I also have another one, it's a volunteer peer support group that's run outside of military parameters. It runs every second Wednesday night. I usually don't attend both, when they are both run on the same day, but I had missed the past couple of each so decided to go to both. It's just too hard emotionally and physically to go to both on the same day. Anyways, I had to leave early Wed night, as I had a wake to go to, and ended up standing for about 45 minutes. That put me out of commission all day Thurs and not moving all that great Fri, and I had to go into work Fri, so I was pretty much done when I got home, even though I left early. Yesterday, my mom had a booth in a craft show that a couple of my friends wanted to go to, so we went even though I wasn't quite up to it, but wanted to be there for my mom. So, more standing. Then we went to lunch and to a couple of boutiques. More painful sitting, standing and walking. I was in so much pain by the time I got home, and all last night. Well, I woke up this morning, and the left side of my left hand and pinky finger are completely numb, with the "spark" type sensations and pain running down my arm and into my hand. It's been constant since waking up. It's intermittent on my right arm, only if I turn my head a certain way. My neck and shoulders are so painful. Before my surgery, it was mostly my right side, where all my problems were, but I do have stenosis on the left that he didn't touch (he would have had to cut me from side to side and push everything from the one side back over to the other to do both sides).

He did the anterior foraminotomy, hoping to stave off fusion. Now, I'm afraid that time may have come to have the fusion. Nothing before surgery ever helped really, traction only for maybe 2o minutes after, nothing in pt ever helped, acupuncture never did a thing. Even with the herniation and protrusion, and the debilitating pain I had with all of that and the bone spurs, the numbness and tingling wasn't constant. At least the pain isn't as bad, I'm sure because of neurontin (and not as much is wrong on this side as there was on the right). I do have one disc that's almost collapsed along with the stenosis.

I guess I'm afraid that the time that the NS said would come, is now here. I know I'm jumping waaay ahead of myself and am having a knee-jerk reaction right now, but I am scared. I see my pm on Tuesday, and booked an appointment with my gp last week, she's booked right up until the 25th. It's always that way, takes about 2-3 weeks to get in to see her (5000 people on base and only 5 doctors...)

Anyways, I'm not sure what my point is. I'm just really scared, and I guess need encouragement. The pain is nowhere close to what I was in prior to my surgery, I was literally bedridden, couldn't sit up, couldn't stand, had such sharp pain, I couldn't hold my head up, not to mention what was running down my arm, and into my shoulder blade. It's not that bad now, but bad enough. I've had to take breaks from typing this, and I'm laying down with my laptop. And all of this, along with my back, my hip, and my leg, which my hamstring and quad have been spasming constantly the past two days with sharp pain. At least the migraine I had last week has gone away, and just have my normal headache I've had every day the past year and a half... What more?
APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own


  • Why can't I edit? Sorry, just wanted to add, not having a pity party, just scared about what's to come...
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Pity parties are allowed when one is facing the concept of major surgery and life changes. By my decree ;)

    So, um, not to be a bully or anything, but DON'T OVERDO IT! Seriously.

    And I have an idea for your meetings. Does your hubby or can he drive you? I have this fabulous anti-gravity folding chair. It's embarrassing as hell, but I take it with me when I have to go somewhere and sit for a long time. It would be perfect for a situation like that, you'd be so much more comfortable and able to relax.

    It's OK to organize your life a bit around staving off surgery. It's not a black or white, you're either perfect or you're ruined for life situation.

    Hugs. It's also OK to be scared.
  • Thanks HB. He doesn't drive, never has had his license, never needed one living in either really small towns, or big cities with great public transit. The anti-gravity chairs are great, but we can't afford to buy one.
    I know, don't overdo things, I've said it a million times myself. I really couldn't get out of any of it, except for Sat, but even then, I know it would have let my mom down, and she had actually had brought bags of clothes from her and my sister for me to pick up as well. I guess they felt bad as I had to borrow a skirt from my mom for the wake, lol, so they cleaned out their closets. The bags are still in the truck...

    I have already changed my life so much to stave off another surgery, I don't know what else I can cut out! Except working again, it makes things worse, and I always try to keep positive about things, but I'm pretty cynical about this. I'll see how next week goes (half days all week) and if it makes things worse, that's it. I should just try to keep it at 3 half days to build myself back up, but sitting just hurts, there's really no building myself back up for that, I already do that everyday.
    Anything else I cut out, I would just be letting people down, and I already do that too often.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • The folding chairs are not expensive! I got mine on sale for $40, and it reclines into a full anti-gravity position. It's awesome!

    But it also weighs like 18 lbs, so it kind of requires someone to tote it around for me!

    As for hurting yourself to avoid letting people down- think about that a little bit. Would they want that? Your mom, especially. I know if it was my little girl, I'd want her home in her recliner.

    I've been doing this sitting thing for a bit now, and I will tell you chairs DO make a difference, as does padding and such. So play around a lot with that at work. Stand up every 5-10 minutes and stretch, walk around, etc.

    Worry a LOT less about letting people down. All of the people you're so worried about letting down want YOU to be happy.

  • I am so sorry that your pain level has climbed the roof.
    Reading all the things you have done / been involved in, you have probably inflamed everything and caused pressure on the nerves.

    Rest, rest, rest!
    Hopefully that will allow things to settle down a bit, and then the pain will hopefully reduce.

    I hope that the PM will be able to reassure you on Tuesday. Look after yourself while you wait for the appontment with your GP.

    I know that when our pain flares up, it is very scarey in case it is a sign that we need further surgery. It may be that one day it will be needed (especially if your surgeon told you it would), but for the moment, try to allow your body to get over this flare up. You may find it is just that, a flare that will settle down again and allow you to continue for a long time without further treatment. I really hope so. >:D<

    We are here Kelly, to do our best to support and comfort you through difficult days. Wishing you better times ahead. :-)
  • To be scared is only natural! I still work, but I only work 3 days a week. Monday - I go in whenever I get up and can move. Wed and Thursday - I go in. I have Friday and the weekend off - to rest. There have been times that I needed all 3 days - to get ready for that one next 1/2 day.

    I try not to get caught up - in putting myself down about anything, but I certainly can. Anything I do - is better than not.

    I was chatting last night - with someone - who is 20 years younger than me - and has been told 3 days ago, that he will never work again. As you say - he too is focused on not getting too caught up - in the very negative side of this change in his life. At the same time - he is now enrolled in a 16 week program, focused on figuring out how to live at home, of LTD and still feel productive.

    I know that every time I have hurt myself - and tried to go back to work, shortly after, I really have a hard time - getting going again. There is period when I must just feel things out and slowly - ever so slowly - the wind comes back into my sails. I start to feel better about it and it keeps moving,

    But I have also had times when it was a couple weeks to get this to reality.
  • Well, when it comes to letting them down all the time, they tend to get hurt. I had to cancel going out to my mom's on Friday (she lives about 1/2 hour out of town) and she already had lunch prepared when I called. That's happened pretty much every time, but I keep telling her that I can't plan ahead, and always try to keep it at "wait until that day and I'll let you know". But that day comes, and most of the time, I am just not up to driving all the way out there and back and sitting there for the ime that I am there.

    The cheapest I've seen the chairs here is around $80 on sale, but I do always look. A friend of mine has them and they are so comfy! Her's were about $200 each though... I definitely wouldn't be able to carry them if they weigh that much, especially due to the long walk to the buildings from the parking lots, and stairs. Unless they came with rollers! There must be a way they could be modified.

    I always play the up and down game at work. I can't sit too long because of sciatica and my knees locking up, but I can't stand too long because of my leg, and now back. I wouldn't get through the day without stretching, even at home! And at work, when nobody's looking, my feet are up on the desk ;) The first thing I did was fix my chair and desk space to make it ergonomically correct, but even with the most comfiest and ergo correct chair I've ever had, it just hurts to sit. They did buy me the chair of my choice that I take with me wherever I go for work, but it doesn't really make a difference after an hour. Sitting not just hurts, but causes that much extra pain. And once I'm down that road, the meds don't even help. I wear my tens at work, I've tried those wrap around thermal patches, have brought my heating pad, used the wrap around neck pillows. Nothing has ever really helped. The only bit of relief I do get, is those times that I can recline my chair so I can lean my head back to give my neck a break, and put my legs up for the rest of my body.

    Thanks Jelly and Centurion. I did up my activities, like those related to working the couple of weeks prior to going to work, so that I wasn't "jumping" right into it coldly. Actually, the week before last I attended a 3 day seminar, which did me in, I don't think the weekend was long enough to get over that before heading in to work. But i know you're all right. I've tried a lot of different things, have changed the way I do everything, I'm just scared that this time is going to push me that much closer if not right to another surgery. I know that Wed night and Sat's activities put me to where I am now, the rest of the week I was used to already, but what am I supposed to do, just go to work and not do anything else, if it's going to cause this extra pain and symptoms and affecting my nerves worse than normal? I'm just freaking out, because I've never had this last in my left arm and hand so constantly for this long of a period.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Sorry to hear you're having pain and wondering if surgery would help. I would tell the Dr. about your numb fingers since it's lasting too long they may want to do some more tests.

    It sounds like you're on the go a lot especially your first week back to work. I hope you can rest up. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Kelly, so sorry that you are suffering so much, hugs. I just want to suggest to go to doc asap, and get it checked, sometimes waiting for neck surgery in not always best idea, as in my case, earlier would have been better.

    Hopefully, if you do need a fusion, you will be one of the many who have a GREAT recovery, and have less issues with arms and fingers after, at least part of body have releif.

  • Kelly! I wish I could visit you! I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, but it does seems you have overdone it.

    I'm thinking of you,

  • I got really scared too, about 3 years ago, I was to go to a new physio guy. The day of the appt, I woke at 0600, swung myself over the side - dropped my legs and felt my spine slip. For an instant, I felt my spine not tighten, like it should, so I could raise myself. It was one of those times, when I should have been on auto-pilot, and the computer failed, right when I needed it most.

    I was at a 10, in pain. I was on two canes, hobbled into the appt and presented myself. He looked at me - started asking questions, and an hour later, looked at me and told me that he wished the rest of his patients had 1/2 of what I knew about how to help myself. And even with that, I messed up and put myself out for 9 weeks. It was 9 weeks, before I finally felt like I was mending. As well - it scared my Dr so bad, that he sent the whole 10 inches of my file, over to a surgeon. The surgeon sent back, if he can still walk, give him whatever meds he asks for, cause he could not fix anything that I have.

    On the family side, I have an x, because she never got - what it was like to live with me. I figure that I got the best of the deal though, I kept the kids, sole custody and raised them. My sweetheart [second wife] always knew there was something seriously wrong with me, from the day we met and she saw me limp, and tell her that it was nothing.

    As for my family - and work. They know that in seconds - I have to change my plans, Because I need to look after me. That is it.

    I am the most important person in this equation.

    If I don't look after me, sleep when I needed, exercise, feed myself, get up and move, instead of sitting, figure out what meds I need to handle the next 12 hours, have a bowl of Ice-cream and enjoy it. I know it sounds selfish as heck - and it is, BUT if I don't I LOSE. If I take good care of myself, once in a while - I will and more importantly can push myself one day, for one thing that I want.

    And I savor each moment, of that time.

    Take Care!
  • Centurion, I do remember you talking about that day before, that must have scared the life out of you! As for your last para, you are right, we do need to take care of ourselves first, because if we don't, we won't be of any good. I wish I could enjoy ice cream! Well, I do, but my hubby doesn't after I eat it (I'm lactose intolerant, not a pretty picture, LOL).

    I do savor a few minutes of Wed night, as I got to see so many of my youth friends and people I grew up with, haven't seen most of them in 20 years. And even Sat, being in as much pain as I was, had some really good moments as well. The two friends that went with me, I know separately. The one I actually just met, she and her husband were both at the same seminar I was at. Turns out she used to be in the military, same trade as me, and her husband is in my one support group. I had one of the purses my mom made which she admired, so I told her about the craft show and said another friend of mine and I were going, if she'd like to join us. Well, when we went to pick up my other friend, turns out they worked together and were good friends 15 years ago!! So the day was filled in laughter, amazement and good stories that I enjoyed in between the moments of utter pain. And I made my mom happy by going. We actually had a reporter from my mom's town newspaper take a picture of us, me sporting one of her hats and purses, lol. I wouldn't have traded the day for the world.

    Maybe I do have moments of pity parties, when I think in order to enjoy moments or days like that, we put ourselves in worse pain. And if we skip out, then we miss out on moments like that. I guess I know in my heart that I won't go back to full time work, but I'm getting a lot of pressure from my mom for some reason about it. And it doesn't even matter for now, because I'm on full pay until I release from the military, but she's pressuring me about having a full-time job set up before I get out as well for after. It's all just weighing on me.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • I am lactose intolerant too. Bitter chocolate has been my friend for years.

    It was more frightening for my sweetheart, as we had no answers and it took months, to get any. She is 8 years younger than I, and having met again - 15 years after we first met, there was a time when we both felt cheated of our young adulthood together.

    I think we all have to have rolls up and down, in our moods and outlook. It remains that I think I keep myself on the positive side of the fence more than the neg. Its not a fight, just something I push gently, and yes - I can rant with the best of them. But I try not to let anyone see that. It is just cathartic to let it out, and have a way to release it.
  • My hubs is 8 years younger than I!! But I still refuse to be called a cougar, lol.

    Cathartic. That's how I feel now, thanks to you and everyone else listening, I do feel a little calmer. Thanks for letting me have that release. I usually am positive as well, people who don't know me never guess I'm in pain, because I'm usually smiling and laughing, until they see me get up and walk. I've had doctors tell me that they don't believe that I'm sick or in pain because I'm smiling too much to be. It's just the way I am. This has just been on my mind for a long time now, and I guess with these new symptoms, which are still going strong, has me worried that much more.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • I did not know, how old she was, for a couple months after we were dating. She hung around my friends, who were my age and just a year younger than me.

    I laughingly was reminiscing, about when I was 18, and out drag racing. And how it would have been fun to have her along. She still wishes she had a picture of the look on my face when she said, "well - my dad might not have wanted me to go out with you then, I was 11."

    She was 29 when we met.

    Thank you, I enjoyed this tonight! My sweetheart is traveling back from another province tonight.
    Do take care - enjoy the rest of the evening, I have to turn in, getting late for myself.
  • LOL, I know, I get those comments all the time! "I was only seven, what year of high school were you in?" Yikes... lol
    Truly, thank you, you've made me feel a bit better :)
    Have a good rest for when your honey gets back, hope she has a good and safe trip.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Been there, done that..am there! Kelly, it sounds like your plate was pretty full there! I did that myself in preparation of our RV trip! I am so sorry you are in so much pain. As was said...rest, rest, did we mention rest? As a fellow "overdoer" <--- I know, not a real word! REST!! Give your body a break, okay. I know what it is like to try and get back to work (didn't work for me in the end). Fingers crossed that TIME will allow you to go back to it!! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Is when people ask my wife if we went to the prom together. She says, "No, they would have arrested me, he was in 6th grade!" She's 6.5 years older then I am.

    She also says the she is old and I am decrepit...That's true.

    I worked on fixing my old sheds floor all weekend.
    Day one went ok, lots of twitches and light duty spasms though. Day two was pushing it. Now I just wish I was home. I did not call in as I have done that on two different Mondays in the last 6 weeks and I usually just don't do that. So with sheer determination I am at work. My arm is on fire, my shoulder is clicking and popping like popcorn. Meds? ha, I laugh at thee...I knew this was going to be bad.
    I even bought nail guns so I would not have to use a hammer to drive nails! At least I got a few new tools out of it :D

    With my past as reference today will be miserable and with any luck people will leave me alone and I'll get home.

    Tomorrow will be a bit better and by Wednesday I will be back at my baseline. I hope.

    Oh, the other disturbing thing is the first two fingers on my right, bad shoulder/arm side are doing a curling act...I can not straighten them out without using the left hand and that hurts to do. They are very tender from the tip of the nail to just behind the 1st joint on the top only. None of my other fingers are doing it. Joy...

    Hope you feel better soon.
  • Wow your situation stinks. One thing that comes to mind though is inflammation. When I overdo things on the scale you have, I generally develop inflammation and if I don't knock it down, it continues or gets worse and then I develop all sorts of disturbing symptoms. I have learned that I have to give my body time and assistance in dealing with the inflammation. Rest, ice and a good NSAID seem to do the trick.

    Sorry that you have to wait so long to get in to see your GP. Do they have an acute care clinic that you can possibly go to instead of waiting to see your GP? With our military, I have the option to see my GP, go to the acute care clinic or go to a local ER. Not certain how the Canadian military is set up.

    Glad that you are feeling a bit better. Oh and I was wondering... Is it possible that your mom can travel out to visit you at your place and save you the disappointment of constantly canceling at the last minute?

  • Hi C, no, we only have our regular medical centre on the base, and if it's an emergency or after hours, we go to the ER for emergencies, which I wouldn't do for this. They shut down our "hospitals" about 15 year ago, now we just have basic health services centres, and anything outside of the basic medical needs gets out-sourced. We do have what we call "sick parade" first thing in the morning for walk ins, but it's not guaranteed you'll get to see your own doctor if you do have one, and like anywhere, it's usually a long wait just to see any doctor. I'm pretty lucky though, as I know the ward NCO and a couple of the medics, I used to deal with them for booking appointments for troops coming back from overseas, and they know all of my conditions, so the couple of times I have gone in for sick parade, they've snuck me in with my own doc. It does pay to know people sometimes, lol. I will start taking some ibuprofen though, can't take anything stronger, and see how that works. As for ice, my neck spasms just at the thought of it, so heating pad for me. I know, you'd think it would make it worse, but it does help my neck feel better.

    Just got back from work (2.5 hrs) and all we did was sit there and chat, and all I want to do now is lay down with my heating pad, but I have a couple of errands to run. My arm and hand is a little better, but the numbness/tingling is still there, just not as intense, so that's good. Still have the sharp pains in my neck running down, my eternal spasms are screaming at me, wicked headache, aching back and paining leg. My leg actually gave out - cramped up on my way back to my truck. I had to park all the way at the other side of the parking lot, it's about a couple of hundred metres walk. This is how I always felt after work, and why I stopped a few months ago.

    That's weird about your fingers Wrambler, I hope the spasms ease up soon. I sometimes get one in my right hand, along the outside that curls my pinky finger right up, that's pretty painful, I couldn't imagine every finger being like that! And I guess there's a few of us cradle robbers here ;) lol Hope Wednesday get here quickly for you.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • So, back from work again, the spasms in my traps and neck are rock hard and so painful. Pain going down both arms, and cramping in my right hand, as I just described above. We won't even get into my back and leg...

    So, I stopped on my way home to talk to my return to work coordinator and told him there's just no way I can go to full days next week, if I'm like this after just a couple of hours. I told him I see my doctor, who he is also in contact with, next week, and he told me to get a note from her (we call them "chits") to say that I only work 1/2 days. Other than that, he said that I need to see my case manager (they are all in contact with each other) to start talking LTD, and to start my "transition phase" from the military to civilian life, even though we're still waiting for my release package to come through from the career manager, which should be Jan/Feb timeframe, if all goes well. From then, I could get out within 30 days of that package, but most people give themselves at least a couple of months. We have the house to sell as well, so that's a big factor.

    Anyways, so that's it. I've made up my mind on that issue. I just can't live my life this way, going to work and then not being able to move the rest of the day.

    I'm also going to be asking the doc for another referral to an NS, not sure if I'll be able to see the one who did my surgery, as he's in a different city (they couldn't get me in to see one here before in a reasonable amount of time - it was a year long waiting list!). So we'll see how that goes. The tingling has subsided now, just a little numbness, but the pain shooting down that arm is intense. And the burning, I keep touching my skin to see if it's hot, because I feel like that side is on fire! I'm still freaked out about these new symptoms...

    And now anxious about dealing with my mom about the work thing. She's always been on my case whenever I've been off work about going back, and about what I'll do for work when I get out of the military. I'm pretty sure she was with my sister, too, when she was on LTD. Thankfully, her MS is not progressive, and once they removed the tumour that was wrapped around her spine, she is 100% better, back to work and off narcotics! Before I had my problems, I always felt so bad for her, now I'm envious, lol.

    Anyways, off to my pm appoinment, which I'll be telling him about evrything, too, and getting some trigger point injections to try to calm this down, at least for a few hours. I wonder if he'll do both my neck and back, wouldn't that be wonderful! Numb from head to, well, you know... lol
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • i don't think you're having a pity party at all. it's dang scary to get those kinds of symptoms, let alone after a surgery. but as others have said, please, please, please don't overdo it.
  • Even if it were a pity party - it's all good! I think we all have them sometimes right??!! I have to say, your comment above about the "sick parade" made me laugh. What a hooter, and I needed that! I can see all these sick old geezers stumbling thru, granny with her girdle falling down around her ankles and her cane scratching along the floor, gramps with his fly down, wandering aimlessly behind her, a few girls in mini skirts with bright red and blue hair sporting colds... The sick parade, what a delight! I will definately remember that next time my son needs to go to what we call "Insta care" I'm telling him we're headed to the sick parade. He'll be like, what??? Very funny!
  • ROFL, that is too funny!!! Now put all those people in uniform, lol. Actually, when I first got in, they used to make people go to sick parade in their dress uniform! They figured that would deter the malingerers from using it as an excuse to skip out of PT (army talk for physical training) or work LOL
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • My husband joined the military (air force) at 18 or 19. He said he actually started smoking to get out of having to clean latrene's! he said smokers got to stand outside and smoke while non-smokers cleaned toilets. Unbelievable! he laughs now, he can't believe he did that. He has never smoked since I've had him - I do, and he always bugs me to quit, but I can't imagine someone who hates it so much doing it to get out of something. Makes perfect sense... (Must be a man thing)! KIDDING GUYS!!!!!!
  • How that post got above this one?
  • Whaaaat?! Must be an air force thing... =))
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • So I talked to my mom the other day. I now understand that her attitude about me working was purely because she just wants to see me better, healthier and not in pain. I guess that if I'm working, that means I'm okay. I told her I was only staying at 1/2 days when she asked when I'd be going to full days, and that I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to keep up with 5 half days, but I'm going to try to stick it out through Jan, as I'm off for a month on leave for christmas starting in a couple of weeks anyways. She asked if they were ever going to be able to fix me and if I would ever get better, and I was honest and said probably not, I can only get worse, but I'm trying hard to not make things worse now. I also told her that the likelihood of me ever going back full time, as it stands now, is not very high, that I'm barely making it through the 2.5 hrs I work a day right now. She asked about money, I told her I'd be covered for that between my pensions and LTD, I'd still be making about the same as I would if I got a civi position with the government. She seemed accepting of my answers, so I think all is good (for now, lol).

    It really is a weight lifted from my mind. But yesterday, I had an appt with my case manager, and I was in a lot of pain, she was covering a lot of info, and I got overwhelmed and nearly had a breakdown in her office... When we get medically released, they offer us the last 6 months before release to either start courses, or do job placement, or if you can't work, then you don't have to. She kept pushing about schooling and working, and I told her 5 or 6 times that I've tried to do courses, and the reading sets off my migraines, and I can't even work full time now. Anyways, after I lost it, she gave me the application form to fill in my info for LTD. I think she finally got it, too. She's new to me, my other cm quit, with I'm thankful for, because the old one was pretty much useless and this one is supposed to be fantastic. anyways, it's a whole lot to let sink in all at once.

    Tomorrow I see my doctor, to sort out some prescriptions before xmas leave, sign off my disability tax credit app, parking permit app, and the LTD app for when I release. My memory being as full of holes as it is, I'm afraid I'll forget something, but I have all the paperwork in the truck already to go. I'm also going to ask her for another referral to a NS (not sure If I'll be able to see the one who did my surgery). And to ask if I can take 1 more BT med throughout the day. Not working I could get by, but I'm finding now, what I have just isn't cutting it.

    Between everything else fogging my brain and the pain, no wonder my spasms have been going full force the past few days... I felt like I just wanted to crawl in a hole yesterday and hibernate, and it still sounds like a grand idea...
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • So now I'm afraid. Maybe it's more ticked off. My hubby told me last week that his mom had asked if he would go home to help out in Dec, as his step-dad is having hip replacement. He never said yes or no, but said if he did it would definitely be after the new year. "Home" is whitehorse, as some of you know that we are moving back there once my medical release from the military goes through, probably Apr/May timeframe we'd be able to move, if not even Mar. So tonight he tells me that his mom said he should start shipping his stuff now, as mail service there at normal times of the year is slow to say the least, but a snail would win that race at christmas. I didn't even think we had even discussed it to that extent!! The thing is, his brother lives in Whitehorse!! But apparently he is too much of a bone idle, lazy, useless effing douchebag to do anything for his parents. I asked him how did he expect me to keep up the house in the winter, especially snow shovelling, etc, if he's not here, or even the mundane daily tasks that he helps me with or just does? How am I supposed to deal with the stress of getting the house ready to sell, and dealing with movers and doing the move all by myself? My anxiety has been through the roof as it is, and that I know, would just send me over the edge. I'm so upset right now, I can't stop crying and shaking. Is he being the jerk, or am I? It's so much more than just being alone in pain, too, it's my anxiety from the ptsd, from someone I'm not expecting knocking at the door to not being able to go anyplace crowded, to driving to even the phone ringing sometimes. And the fact that I hate it here too and can't wait to move. I just don't know what I'm going to do.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Have you discussed your feelings about this with your husband? I'm not here to tell you how to handle your personal affairs, but I do know that communication between a married couple is paramount, especially if one has special needs. The military wouldn't be processing you for a medical discharge, if you were capable of handling the household on your own. I wish I were closer, I'd offer to listen. I do know that it is also important to avoid knee-jerk reactions. Too many of us regret taking action without thinking it through or discussing it first.

    Try and find something to think about or to do that can give you the opportunity to bring a bit of calm to you racing mind.

    Keep us posted and holler any time!

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