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Signed my D papers today....

sagehenssagehen Posts: 221
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:49 AM in Matters of the Heart
Actually I don't know why I'm on here....I haven't posted for awhile...
I signed my papers today.....after 33 years....man am I a slow learner! It's been coming on for quite sometime....but I gotta say, going thru a few surgeries, and feeling like C&*% everyday has forced me to accept my own reality. Laying on the sidewalk in anaphylactic shock ,and having to tell him to call 911,wanting me to find my own ride to the hospital then leaving me there (in another town) alone for 3 days,are a couple of my realisations.....
Every appt with any of my Drs addresses the issue of stress....and this marriage is a jumbo stressor.
I'm just interested in touching base with anyone going thru the same thing. I have figured out why it took me so long to accept the fact that this guy does not care for me...it's not there,and I spent 3 decades believing that I could do,say,work harder,etc...something, anything to make him care. (codependancy anyone?)
I have been living with a perpetual 17 yr old....
I hope to feel much better real soon....Sagehen



  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    Hey sagehen,
    I can only imagine the hurt you have going through. That is a long time to put up with what you have. Hopefully this will be the turning point in your life when you will move forward and enjoy a less stressful life with a lot
    less pain both physically & emotionally. I found myself that we are each responsible for our own personal happiness, we cannot depend on others.
    I wish you the very best, be strong, you can do it!
  • You said you don't know why you are here....You are here because we care. There are no words that will make it easier. I can only hope you find peace now.
  • Sagehen,

    Glad you let yourself reach out and share about a major step you took for a ending what was not a loving, fulfilling life. I'm sorry it became necessary to end your marriage after 33 years. I know what a courageous step you took to do so. I divorced my husband after 26 yrs and remember it truly was starting my life all over.

    Hope each day allows for you to focus on what you needs are right now and that your heart and spirit finds healing from the disappointments and the hurt you know the lessons and blessings you have and truly take with you.

    Do something very special and meaningful for you this weekend to nurture your thoughts and feelings.

    Trust that there is good and a more satisfying and fulfilling life to unfold for you!

  • my sis also dumped her hubby when she was going through chemo for breast cancer. He had always been an uncaring, aloof man and she was the hardworking and often ignored wife. The final straw came when he accused her of getting cancer just so she could have all the attention. Six years later she is in a so much better place both health wise and emotionally. She said she did not realize how much stress she lost when she left him. Better times are coming girl!
  • WOW!! I thought my hubby was a jerk - lol sorry I just had to say that ;)

    I am so sorry for all you have been through ! :hug:

    I hope the other side of this time in life goes much much better for you :D
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Taunya,

    You've done what is best for you and that's so important. My best to you for a better life, both psychologically and with your back. Thank you for sharing with us. Stick around and let your friends here give you some of the love and support you were not getting at home. :)

    2009 Foraminotomy C6-72010 PLIF L4-S1Multi RFA's, cervical inj, lumbar injLaminectomy L3-4 and fusion w/internal fixation T10-L4 July 17Fusion C2-C5 yet to be scheduled
  • I knew I would get some encouragement here, thanks for that everybody.Sometimes ya just gotta have a pity party....
    I know there are so many people in the same boat.It's true, we are each responsible for our own happiness.Unfortunately,some of us have went thru life thinking we were responsible for the other guys happiness too! The harder we work,look better,clean up the messes,find the solutions,pick up the pieces,tell ourselves NO,keep a nice house,bring home a paycheck....will never be enough for someone that does not shoulder their own responsibilities. They will never be happy,because they think it's everyone elses job to make it happen for them.This is my realisation...And I am much happier in knowing this. Thanks again for the strokes.....have a good weekend Sagehen
  • Sorry you going thru this.
  • How is your sister doing Beaver? What a rat her H must have been.I can't imagine how she must have felt.It's sounds like she too was married to a spoiled child. I hope she is cancer free and doing the happy dance! I'll do one for you both! Have a nice weekend. Sagehen
  • hey sagehen,
    i am so sorry to hear about your relationship ending after so many years, but maybe now you can think about your feelings and how to get started with this new phase of your life.i really hope you feel better soon

  • I'm glad to see you back here, but am so sorry for the reason why you needed to come back. Like others have said, you are very courageous in doing this. 33 years. Wow. You are also a very strong woman to have stayed with it for that long. You already know you can go it alone, as you have been for so many years, so don't be afraid of that. I divorced my husband after only 10 years, marriage was the only thing I knew for my "adult" life, as I married very young. Once I moved out, my mom and step dad said they hadn't heard me sound so good in a long time. I hope you're the same, that you feel like you've lost (insert how much he weighs here) lbs!!

    Go forward, enjoy your new life, where all you have to do is focus on you!! I had the best time of my life the years after when I was single, bought my own house, decorated it the way I wanted to, got a cat and a dog, didn't have to clean up after anyone but me (and the fur kids, lol), just did whatever I wanted to do!! Sometimes now, I wonder why I'm still not single, lol. But that's a different story...

    You are a strong woman, to have come this far through all that you've had to come through, and I think you will enjoy life a little more now that this stressor is gone. I think after so many years, we get caught in the trap where we think we need to be in a relationship, but really, we don't. We are perfectly capable of making it on our own. Just remember, you are strong, and courageous, and you have a new chapter to start, enjoy it!! Everything will fall into place as you go along. And you will feel better!!

    Just writing to you now, has actually made me realize that I need to remember all of this as well, I guess I've forgotten about all of these things myself and need to listen to my own words! Anyways, we are here for you when you need us!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Just reading your post and I know I do not know you but I just want to congratulate you on your decision. It sounds as if you believe in humankind! Nothing more or less. So now you know that there are humans and only some are kind.

    You can do this and I suspect you find an entire world of friends and family that were keeping their distance just because of him.

    We are all here for you.
  • numbskull posts reminds me of something I use to say many many years ago after divorcing x ( re married since then ) I needed to lose weight and use to say after divorce "I lost over 200 pounds and it was all ass!" :rollinglaugh:

    Hope you don't mind a humor post about D :hug:
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Dnice..you hit the nail on the head,I have been isolated..and that breeds depression...not anymore though...I have a 7 year old,and she needs family and friends in her life....I have spent the last 3 years preparing for this,can you believe I actually did not know I could get alimony? And like the last 3 decades,believed I had to be the one to take it on the chin,give up my house,deal with all the details by myself...I don't think so...I have also spent 3 years getting myself emotionally stronger,counseling,medication,and education on the affects of emotional and verbal abuse being vital.
    I have let my hair grow...for years I would cut my hair when I was under pressure,(that made me feel in control and I saw immediate results)My hair is to the middle of my back...that is an enourmous thrill for me! I wear earrings everday,I let my dogs in the house and take them in my vehicle (bitch all you want bucko),I don't need to answer "what time did you do that?" anymore.Uuuhhhh!I make pancakes for dinner! And all because I educated myself about my own behaviors,how I let another person affect me.I started telling people about certain things,you cannot build a support system if people don't know what's going on.
    Ms Humpty D..that is funny...thanks for the chuckle.
    My sense of humor is still here,a little dusty,but getting stronger every single day!My daughter and I have some good crackups...she's pretty funny.
    Life is good...painful,but good!!!
    Have a good day all....Taunya
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