Please don't lecture me but I'm reaching out for support.
Am a struggling smoker 4 weeks post PLIF.
Am so mad at myself. Am stressed over our new financial situation and find myself reaching for the cigs to deal with the stress. Had planned for the day before surgery to be my final cig. Was in hosp 6 days, and had no desire for them. About a week after I got home, hubby had a fit over the reality of our new financial situation and the downsizing we were going to have to do, and being my codependent self, I reached for the cigs. Am shameful and guilty.
I feel like a waste of human tissue at this point. Am almost 4 weeks post lumbar fusion and am just worried about everything. I absolutely have too much time on my hands and need to get back to work.
I think I am having a very bad day and have so much regret about ever having this surgery. Not to mention guilt about leaving my students mid year, stress over finances, stress over why the heck I am not being a "good" fusion patient.
I have x rays and followup on the 6th and am praying for a