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Ahh so this is where we can rant. So cathardic!

addictionconsultaaddictionconsult Posts: 23
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:49 AM in Depression and Coping
New here I guess this is where I can vent a bit.
I have been working on acceptance but it is not going all too well. My forearms are burning like lighter fluid is cooking in them. Neck hurts so bad.

I had full coverage BC/ BS and they could not find anything wrong. They were worried about a pending PI lawsuit which caused my injury, so they do not look for problems.
Now that I lost 2 businesses and about to lose home and have no insurance they find things wrong, but still no answer.
" They" even testified under oath that nothing lasting is wrong with me. Now I am faced with this. Its like being paralyzed; and watching vultures pick away the last of my flesh.

The pain I have endured has been manageable though It is excruciating. I sympathize with those on here who live with it; as I do.
But the " not knowing" and the skeptical glances you get from the docs almost pushes me over the edge. I am more frightened and worried that something else really bad is going on. They have no answers. Which only scares me more.

I teeter between wanting to give up and going completely ballistic. If I am dying please let me know, If not get me some damn treatment that works. I do Not want any drugs,, They do not work. But I have to know whats going on and why they can't treat it. Or don't want to.

Pissed Wow what an understatement... Just knowing I might have to go to ER again, I cannot stand the thought. But I know i have to go if the pain gets too bad. It's an embarrassment to even show up there. Then the push me to the rear of the list and serve sniffles and sprains ahead of me. *&%$ **&^% and #@$!

I ultimately know in the end. I will do as I have been taught, Seek acceptance and try to calm my emotions, Look for some good and try to take things each day and no further. I might even find some peace and Love if I look hard enough.
But for right now I am angry at God ( if there is one) , angry at docs for missing my neck injury or ignoring it because I had a F'n lawsuit and they thought I was trying to get paid, or malingering. ( Just that word could put me on a rooftop with an assault rifle ...**** Note just being descriptive I dont even own a BB gun) Now they know; not faking it, But still they stall.

Well dont know if venting helped Kinda enjoy angry more than depressed.

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Comments

  • Hi Robert, Maybe I missed it on another post but I'm wondering what caused your injury and what tests and doctors you have seen. Burning feeling in your arms should be pretty easy to trace back.

    If you have posted all this already just tell me where to look.

    As far as the emotions.. you aren't alone. Many here have lost everything through no fault of their own. It takes only a moment to change your life. Have you looked into getting some counceling? I know it may seem unnecessary but often a good psychiatrist can prescribe something that will help you get yourself together so you can cope with what is going on.

    Looking forward to hearing more from you.
  • Hello Khris:
    I was injured by ( of all things) a bathroom stall door falling clear off it's hinges and hitting me in the face Knocked my head against the rear wall.. unconscious . We sued for 1.5 mil down to 300K and ultimately settled based on doctor reports there was no lasting injury...for 20K just to put matter to rest.
    Have had MRIs, EMGs, Cat scan, Been to 7 Primary care, 2 Neurologists 1 NS, PM doc and 50+ ER visits.
    I did feel great after the first epidural; cervical injection but the pain returned and the 2nd shot only hurt ( I could tell during the procedure they missed and had to reposition the needle: One doc to the other" move it towards the railroad track. " I figured that meant they missed coupled with agonizing pain of the needle. I never got any relief from that shot.)
    It's weird how steroid injection and Valium, or morphine IV at ER makes me good as new, The burning just goes away.
    I think they ought to be able to figure it out also. Much more internet research I might find out before them. ;)
    I agree the shrink might be in order. I do not disagree, I actually work with a lot of them for others. I respect their work greatly.
    I am fearful of the really bad things stroke, vertebrae basillary insufficiency , paralysis ...
    It seems they miss a lot. I do not have any faith or confidence in my medical providers.
    Went to ER the other night 7-10 in pain and told doc about the burning.
    He checks testicles and xray of stomach asks me to go home with colace.( I wonder if he ever bothered to DD possible causes for the constipation, Like all lumbar levels damaged. ) I had to remind him about the pain level and beg for a shot of toradnol. He did finally allow that.
    Was going to talk to my PM doc and my insurance was canceled.
    I have a new business and can make good money But cant get up to do the telephone work.
    I have to have something happen.
    Thanks for asking. I look forward to being a part of the community as I am able.
    Take care of yourself too.
    Rob
  • Just an update:

    Went to ER in pain ( neck swollen) and the forearm burning escalated to unbearable. They actually fast-tracked me ( my guess was to get me out without tests or the usual cardiac work-up.) I was actually pleased as Doc did check neck swelling and came and talked to me.

    He said: Pain is nerve related and there was no evidence that symptoms are indicative of any spinal cord changes. He recommended follow up and prescribed Lyrica and gave a shot of Decadron before I left.
    It worked and today pain is better and forearm burning is 4 /10 . I have yet to have the lyrica filled but will today and get with Family doc about seeing the surgeon and getting second opinions.

    I just wondered something and probably should go in a different topic. But I do not want to have too many posts...

    PM doctor: First ESI was a gift It worked for a little over a month, then pain began to return.. Doc scheduled a second injection..... during the procedure.... He told another to;" move the needle: ' closer to the railroad track" when they moved the needle I almost came off the table from sudden sharp pain.

    I went home with really bad pain at injection site but waiting for relief like the first injection gave... It never came... In fact the deep pain lingered, and all symptoms worsened. I called their office and they told me It had nothing to do with ESI.

    What I wondered after reading on here: I heard about "sweet spots" It seemed like the first injection hit it and the second missed it..
    I wonder if the second ESI needle might have irritated a nerve which is why I might be worse than previous to it.

    I am still feeling pretty good today. I will track down my doc and try to get some appointment scheduled and maybe get back with surgeon NS and or second NS opinion.

    Thanks for help community.
    I wish you a pain free day!
    Robert
  • I was going to ask if you had seen a neurologist since burning pain usually means nerve pain. Not always but it does for me. There are lots of drugs that they should have been trying on you for this including neurontin which is often the first line approach. Then there are the neuro-inhibitors like lyrica or cymbalta. That's where I am now..it can take a while to find the right med at the right dose.

    So you have arm pain but what else? Of all those tests what exactly did they find? Again only a doctor can diagnose and treat you but by sharing someone might spot something they have gone through which will help you get to the right doctor.

    Glad to hear that you are feeling better today.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,065
    and it can be subjective at times, I am confused as to what your problem really is.

    Is it spinal in nature? Some other problem? You identified you had many diagnostic tests. What were those results and what have the doctors indicated as the correct action plan?

    The neck swollen thing has really throw me off. I am not aware of any spinal disc condition that would leave a person with a swollen neck. Many other problems, yes, but not internal spinal.

    It is good that your law suit settled down to the number that was reasonable and acceptable. So many of our medical coverage has been twisted by large and unreasonable lawsuits.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I wish I knew for certain.
    I Really do not know for certain.
    Thats part of the frustration.
    Isn't all pain subjective, If it could be measured objectively We'd have it made.. wouldn't we? No more stupid 1-10 questions sort out the fakers...
    Some years ago I broke my arm at work, Did not take off work finished the day out and returned to work the next day.
    The only Doc who recommended surgery was the NS he did this after having the most current Cervical MRI, and noted spinal cord changes and impingement.
    The other docs and neurologist thought there was simply some nerve complications but did not think spine was involved.
    My entire lumbar area also has collapsed discs and they have not even looked there, since the MRI tests revealing such.
    Ortho said Hip Joint needs replaced and AVN on right hip.
    Rheumatologist thinks there is arthritis, In my knuckles.
    Me Im just the patient with no idea what is exactly going on with them. I have no idea the number of tests, Just that in the end Nothing was found..
    I could WebMD the symptoms and come up with a diagnosis, ( Probably not a good or correct one) But It would be a heck of a lot cheaper than all the tests and useless consults which have me still wondering as you do what is wrong with me. I'd like to answer that for you and for me. If you know, Please tell me.
    It is my sole opinion and you might poll the other members. But if you are involved in any type of lawsuit. The Docs seem hesitant to say definitely what is wrong with any conviction. They automatically assume malingering for money and larger settlement. That is plain sad.
    I had full coverage and excellent insurance and had to beg for referrals. Remember They ( Docs) said nothing was wrong.
    I paid cash for all types of alternative relief ( massage, Diet, counseling..)as well as the heavily inflated co pays even with BC BS insurance coverage. Then at the end of all this, I am left to guess what is still going on. In agonizing pain and lost two businesses and now on medicaid.
    To go outside of the Medical discussion and address one point I believe to be erroneous: The cost of services has very little to do with Lawsuits. My lawsuit was against the business place where the door ( defective) came off the hinge and knocked me out cold: concussion and what the NS believed caused the disc problem.Only he opined this after we settled.
    It cost $4000.00 yearly to insurance company to have a bond on writing Oil and Gas Leases, The worst some one could end up with is a lawsuit over how much money or land was transferred in interest. Thats for $250000.00 coverage.
    Maybe now I'd be driving up to cost of others coverage But I think they ( docs) should have found it in the two years and over 130 visits They billed me for. Maybe my expectations are out of whack.
    See an attorney on Monday anyways.We are going to look over all the records and try to get the right treatment.
    On the first part you bring up exactly why I am fearful to just get a surgery done. The burning...is nerves as I have heard from too many docs, and even the ER docs. They do think it has anything to do with Spinal damage or cord conditions. But they do not tell me what is causing it.
    I could tell you with reasonable certainty, That it is also not the hangnail on my right big toe causing all the problems. Would you pay for my opinion?
    Mind you I am ranting here. Nothing personal, But I must say the anger at the one comment did take my mind off things for a moment.
    How pissed would you be if you did not know but had your symptoms? ( You need not answer me Just ask yourself)
  • I was reading back through the posts and noted that
    I did get a bit frustrated and I am not certain why.

    I am really worn down and perhaps the most frightening thing is not knowing what is going on.
    I think your post was expressing that and I take things way too serious. I am trying to work on that, But it has been an unyielding nightmare for me and my family.
    When I first read your post It sounded a bit like the Doctor's I have seen.
    They asked me what is wrong with me?

    It drove me crazy; as if, it was not obvious, .. That was what I entrusted them to find out. What was wrong?
    If I knew I would take care of it I suppose or at least be able to tell someone; some what intelligently what is wrong with me.

    I was thinking: this is a great forum and I like the people I have met here so far.
    I do not know you at all and I offer an apology for being argumentative.

    I am trying really hard to get to:
    It's not me... I's not them... It just Is.

    So, I will wish you well.
    Robert
  • Howdy Robert,

    If there is one thing most on here can understand, and too, relate too is "frustration, short fuses, angst" etc. Pain, and too lack of a definitive diagnosis is extremely frustrating. Even when family is supportive, they can't answer that important question. "What is going on? What is wrong with me please?"

    From all the appointments and such, that at least tells *me* that you are doing your darnedest at being your own patient advocate. Don't give up on that trait for sure! Hopefully you will find a doctor that can figure out most if not all of what is going on, and thus then a game plan to reduce pain, and address medically what is going on. Please let us know how it goes. Support *HUGZ*

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Hello Robert,
    Any change in circumstance is difficult to cope with and especially when its does go on longer than expected, we may have thought that this would improve over time and together with daily coping is where the frustration starts.

    We should use this forum to express out displeasure although that has to be a finite expression and continuing past a reasonable duration, persistently complaining is counter productive. We all have that expectation of a satisfactory conclusion where even that simple objective is not attainable at times and part of managing our situation is managing ourselves more effectively. Who is not frustrated ? it would be abnormal if anyone here accepted this imposition without some emotional and reactive movement.

    Many experiences here are blueprints of each other and the outcome of enduring pain that is where we have some commonality and shared experience. That shared notion that somewhere others too are going through similar tribulations does make us feel less isolated.

    The idea that we can be repaired is beneficial and I would always question that in the notion of finding the right practitioner, even where the news is not what we wanted to hear, we have to acknowledge the reality, even if we are unwilling to accept any element of truth, when my professor said that’s it Mr, no operation is going to fix you, then it was disappointing. However much zeal I had for improvement denying reality was not optional and we all adapt to what we can do now rather than historic achievements.

    Getting that angst out is better than containing it, that pressure builds over time and we all try to cope with challenging and difficult circumstance. People here are willing to help and support each other and it is refreshing that together we are stronger

    Take care.

    John
  • I agree with the other poster--so many of us are frustrated and angry and argumentative. It's so hard, but that is the way it is.
    Rom is always good about asking questions and providing guidance. He is very knowledgeable, and is a good resource for directing you to helpful articles.
    I was angry and rude in a post yesterday, and feel bad about it. I apologized, and hope that everyone involved will understand. As I have said before, I feel like I could "meltdown" over any little thing.
    It is a terrible way to feel.
    Right now, I am working on educating myself on my condition so that I will be more informed when I see my doctor. I am still flabbergasted that many of us have to find available and reasonable treatment options and suggest them to our docs.
    Even though I joined this site to learn how to take control of my condition, I continue to remain "outofcontrol" most of the time. I do believe that educating ourselves is the best answer for most of us. I hope to continue to work on that and hope that things get better,
    Good luck with all you are going through.
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