Its just been 6 1/2 months for me with this constant pain (was sporadic before) and I don't know if I will ever get used to this new life I have to live. Its the day to day stuff that really bothers me. I can't stand up long enough to cook dinner or wash dishes, can't sit to watch a movie with SO and the kids, can't go out for a walk on a nice day... these things are so basic and yet it hurts so much even on pain meds. Last night I did sit for an hour painting with SO's 9 yr old daughter; had to lie down for an hour after that. Then we had plans to go out to eat after kids went to bed. Spent about 1.5 hrs in restaurant, got home and I was in so much pain I couldn't sleep. My back of course was killing me but also pains shooting down my legs and my feet, hips killing me. Took my meds and sprayed my back with pain spray (menthol). The spray felt like it was burning through my back and just added another log to the fire as it didn't help but hurt. It normally helps a bit.
I don't know how to handle this most days. I feel useless. I can't imagine living all my life like this. Just keeping my job is a challenge. I have been working at home pretty much since July 4, 2010 when this happened. Ideally they want me in the office but they understand. Right now I am safe until April when I see the specialist. Then work will expect some kind of action plan to get back into the office or go on disability. I haven't been able to sit up for more than 20 min. with reasonable comfort in months... I sit longer but it causes terrible pain and I pay for it some times for days after. My whole life is turned upside down, I can't do the things I enjoy, can't even spend time with people in a 'normal' manner. We were playing cards with the neighbors a couple nights ago and I had to leave in the middle of a game because I just couldn't handle the pain any longer. I was almost in tears not just from the pain but from the situation and thinking how this stupid pain has placed such strict limits on what I can do - I hate it so much!
How do you deal with this emotionally? How do you change your mindset so the pain doesn't control you - even though it does control so much of your life? I don't know how to cope with this.