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Pain, depression and trying to cope

SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:50 AM in Depression and Coping
I am so hoping for a lift to my spirits by sharing with people who understand...you guys here.
My chronic pain has been since 2008 and doing nothing but getting more intense and out of control. Even though I am seeing a pain management doctor, I am so deteriorating.
Before the narcotics, I was in the ER every month or so, just for pain relief. Now, it is about every 6 months... pain is so out of control, it's as though my body needs to be "rebooted".
I struggle with depression and feelings of worthlessness.. to society, my family...I don't know why I'm still here.
It seems everything my body is doing is annoying...but not fatal...only feels terminal...and more times than not, I wish it was.
I'm trying to accept this part of myself as a "someone" who needs care...and I'm doing my best. I'm just SO tired.
It may not sound it, but I have strong faith, so I would never harm myself...but I feel the need to express the thoughts. It feels better to share.
My vascular system is all messed up...vessels spasm..also FMD...any activity, eating, walking, body demands blood to body for functioning. My vessels struggle with providing that blood circulation.
Also,clotting disorder..heart attack at 49...several strokes..most recent few weeks ago. I'm 55 yr old and on disability. My entire right side of my body is in pain and feels that it doesn't belong to me. I just drag it along.
My gut...low motility...had ischemia to large intestine.
That's the most major stuff.
Thanks for "listening".
Spine-Health Moderator
Please read my medical history at: Medical History



  • sorry your having pain and other health problems, what sort of treatments/meds have you tried, have you talked to your PM dr about your pain not being well controlled,as there may be other modalities which could help you

    what area/s of your spine are affected, and what diagnosis have you had

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    Thanks for helping me to be more clear. Fact is, I can't name things properly. There's so much to take in.
    My lower spine has quite the thinning of disc and spurs? Cervical spine .. some stenosis and arthritis more spurs.
    I've had epidurals... and they are ineffective and I don't know how but cause me to be quite nauseated...something I struggle with daily... and increased abdominal pain.
    The spine is in addition to the initial circulatory problems. The blood vessels integrity compromised.
    And, yeah, I have appointment with PM doc next week. I need to let him know breakthrough pain med is being used throughout day. Pain is out of control...life of its own.
    Even if you don't know me, the communication is good. I hope to do better. After recent stroke about 4 weeks ago...I'm somewhat worse and feel more alone.
    Try to talk with adult kids, but "You'll get better" "You look great" even though no one has seen me since stroke.
    Everything is texting... not even their voices. I know they are busy... I don't know. I have two great friends, so I need to remember my blessings.
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I am so sorry to see that you are suffering from so many health problems. I hope your doc is able to help you get things sorted out and to get your pain under control.
    Be thankful for the close friends that you have--you need help and support and just someone who will listen and try to understand what you are going through. I hope you can find support from the members here, and I hope you will be able to get the information you need from this site for your spinal issues.
    Take care and keep us posted.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    Thank you for your encouragement! I am feeling better... inside my head... my thinking and my depression.... feeling so much better. :)
    I don't know exactly how this site and communication is helping... but I'm not going to analyze it. I just plan to stay connected and take advantage of the info and experiences of others. Thanks! Hope you are well today. Take care
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • box top of page , you can type in to search for info for spine probs, theres a lot of info written by drs.

    yes, it can be daunting at first,learning about the different spinal problems, but you will soon get a reasonable knowlegde with a bit of reading

    some people say they get good relief from the injections, while others do not, as for the nausea, i would also mention this to your PM dr as they might give you an anti- nausea med for this, i absolutly hate feeling nauseous

    as for the texting, yes the young ones love it, heres something i thought was funny
    will put link in next post

    take care and good luck at your PM appoitment, keep posting
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    That link is great! I love it! I can't stop smiling :) Thanks
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • Throw in the towel! You never know what tomorrow may bring.

    Story time, gather around the fire....

    My dad had a stroke at the age of 57, he was at work and someone noticed he was just sitting on the steps by his bay in the dealership he worked at. They asked him if he was ok and he just stared. Since they lived close they called mom and she ran down. When she took his hand he stood up and followed her. Still not talking, she took him straight to the ED. They were clueless as he seemed normal, he just stared and would not speak. As luck would have it there was a lecturer at the hospital who specialized in strokes! she heard a nurse and Dr talking and knew instantly what was wrong with dad. She plowed into the dr and nurse and started belting out orders as to what to treat him with and to life flight him the 60 miles to Pittsburgh, Pa ASAP.
    Dad was in the hospital for over a week. On day two the did a brain scan, I have no idea as to which technology they used. They found his inner ear had collapsed and block a blood vessel. they inflated it and kept him till the end of the week. He slowly started to regain his speech and was dizzy if he turned his head right to left fast. But even that eventually cleared up.

    Dad will be 81 in August. He never touched another cigarette, the one he had before the stroke was his last. He said that whatever caused the addiction and want in his brain must have been taken out by the stroke. While in the hospital mom took him a carton of cigarettes. He said "what do I want those D#^n things for" and gave them to the guy in the next bed!

    Story time is over.

    I don't think any of us knows where we will end up at. I'm glad you have your faith. Hold onto it and nurture it. Texting may seem impersonal, but if it was not for texting I would not hear from my oldest for weeks at a time. He is in college and in the same town, but still not around often. With texting we stay in touch.

    While my parents are close they do not call or visit either, so I know how that feels.

    Hope you find some good new and cheer soon.

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    Thanks so much for all the encouragement and words of reason. This site and all you guys and the posts...quite helpful.
    I thought I had a better handle on my life... not to escape responsibility, but I think this last stroke really got me to crying and I lost my grip on things.
    This pain and complications it brings.. I know my spirits will be up and down.. at least, for the first time, I feel I can share it with people who know what it's like.
    And I've become aware of how ignorant I am about my spine being messed up. Just so much pain..I didn't care what doc did.... All my issues, just so overwhelming to me. This site has helped me put my mind in better order.
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

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