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Spineys and Adoption

kazmistress28kkazmistress28 Posts: 9
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:50 AM in Matters of the Heart
Hello all!

I found out a few weeks ago that my chances of conceiving a child are very very slim. I could go through Clomid, In-Vitro, or Surrogacy, but they are so expensive and multiples CANNOT HAPPEN TO ME... WE live in a small two bedroom house with 2 cats and more than one child would be very hard to deal with. Plus add into that my Dual Fusion, DDD and SS... So my husband and I have decided to try adoption. Here are the problems that might pop up:
1.) We live in a mobile home park( it is much cheaper to live here on the money we make than an apartment) I know there are certain stereotypes that come with that.
2.) I am morbidly obese (BMI 42) due to not being able to exercise so much with my congenital back problems. I do not, however, have high blood pressure,diabetes or any of the other co-morbitities associated with it.
3.) I have a L3-L5 Spinal Fusion due to Spinal Stenois and DDD that I inherited from my family. Even if I was normal weight, It would still be this bad. I cannot run or do any really vigorous activity (without serious pain afterwards)
But, I have picked up a baby, changed diapers, fed, played with children, etc even with these.

I was one of those people that was meant to be a mom. It is all I have ever wanted to be. I have a great rapport with children and could give a child a loving, nurturing home. But with these odds, do you think it is even an option? IF any of you have adopted while being a spiney, please share your story with me. I need to know what I might be up against.


  • Adoption, anyway you look at it - is usually a 50-100K cost.A friend just did it in China, the costs he said where about 75K, include 2 trips of 3 weeks each in to China.

    But there is a huge need for foster parents. However, the problem with being a foster parent is you may lose that child to a "permanent" home. Then again, depending where you live, and the circumstance of the child, you may be able to eventually fully adopt after a certain number of years or proving you "parenting" and ability to provide assessments.
  • Depending on your circumstances, there are MANY programs to assist with the cost of adoption and the gov., gives some tax credits in addition to that. Here, there are many children of various ages that are up for adoption, and it tells you rather it is for permanent placement or if there is a chance that the parents could get them back so you know in advance. I actually contacted a caseworker a couple of years ago, we were considering it and got quite a bit of info. After family discussion however, we came to the conclusion that it would not be fair to our son, he was 14 at the time and a great kid. The one that I fell in love with was also 14 and had a pile of trouble he was bringing with him, so in the end we didn’t do it.
    Here is the link to the place I was looking: http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer
    There is a gallery of children with their pictures, etc. You may be talking about a much younger child, I have no idea – just sharing what I know.
  • I would like to adopt domestically, which is much cheaper. I would prefer a small child, under 4 or so. Race, religion and things like that dont matter to us. I just could not foster and then have to give the child back. I would have to take in a child that would not have parents that could take them back. I don't mind an open adoption in the right circumstances, however.
  • There are a boatload of kids out there looking for forever homes and they are all ages! Good luck...
  • Whelp, I'm a Spiney and adopted! Lol. I'll be 59 years old next month. I was adopted when I was 7 years old. The family who adopted me took care of Welfare children. I was one of them.

    They started taking care of me when I was 13 months old. My adoption papers say at 13 months I was in poor health and a psychological mess. I had been through about 7 or 8 homes in those 13 months. My birth mother was single at the time and just could not take care of me.

    When I was 6 she advised the family taking care of me to adopt me. As far as I was concerned they were the only family I ever knew. I remember going to the judge. I remember him asking me if I wanted them to adopt me. I was very excited about the prospect and said, "Yes!"

    I am very thankful for the family who raised me! I was very fortunate. Since then I did meet my uncle (my birth mother's brother). My birth mother has passed on several years previous. I also met two of my aunts and learned about my birth family history.

    By birth I am Cherokee Indian with a touch of Irish.

    Back around 1959 when I was adopted the costs were not so prohibitive. I wish all the best to those wishing to adopt and to prospective adoptees!
  • I'm sorry I do not have an answer for you but My husband and I are weighing the same options. I have not had a surgery but I am a borderline candidate. My husband wants me to have our next child. I am just really scared of how that could turn out. It is going to put more stress and pain on my back. That is a given. I would be limited in my pain management. On top of that I already have a 2 year old to take care of (my back injury occurred a few months after he was born). When I had my son I developed preeclampsia. I don't know if I would be able to handle the preeclampsia, back issues and raising a toddler. I think adoption is a great option however it does cost a lot and it is not something my husband is very interested in for good reasons. It's hard to predict what could happen and not be afraid. I want to offer you good luck in your decision making as I know I need it as well.
  • My husband and I went through the entire process to adopt a baby domestically. We were matched last year and although the birthmother decided to parent; it was an amazing experience.

    I remember being so nervous about the homestudy and thinking that no one would pick us to adopt their baby becuase of my previous back surgery and we were not a very sporty couple. But they did!

    I would encourage you to think about how the possible difficulties you've mentioned can be turned into positives. For example, how does living in a mobile park fit with what you value in life? Living within your financial means is not a bad quality! It's not an easy process but it really can happen!

    Best wishes to you on your journey to parenthood!

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