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Lost

lilac100llilac100 Posts: 180
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:50 AM in Depression and Coping
I suddenly feel lost in my pain. I thought I had hope. I thought great the hardware block worked, but it only worked for a day so doc says that can't be it. He suggested a branch block so I did that. It had absolutely no effect. I've never had an injection with no effect at all. I've had legs go weak, numbness in the wrong area, but no effect at all? What is that? Not to mention it was ungodly painful getting the injection and everyone that says versed makes you not remember anything are speaking for themselves. I remember every painful jab of the needle. I remember the rude nurse talking about not liking geometrical shapes like my tattoo. I remember the music playing in the background although it seemed much louder when I was in the recovery. I don't know what his plan is now. I avoided the phone call thursday when they wanted my pain log from the shots. I'm so depressed and my back is flared much worse. I had to admit how much pain I was in Friday and leave work. I've never given up and left work. I don't think I can do my job anymore, but I'm so scared that I won't be approved for disability that I keep trying and dying a little every day. I do nothing anymore. I come home and camp in this freaking recliner. My husband has no wife anymore. How can I be a wife if I won't only not sleep with him but sex is a very distant memory? What kind of mother am I when I try to make dinner and cry while they eat because I hurt too much to eat?

I'm sorry this was long and rambling but I am just so lost now.
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Comments

  • Lilac I'm sorry you're going through this. I know that it feels like we get lost in our pain sometimes, especially when nothing seems to be helping. Have you discussed your meds with your doctor? It may be time to do some tweaking, or change of meds. Maybe taking a little time off work might help too, if that's a possibility for you. Hope you are feeling better today.
    Kelly
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • hi there,
    sorry your at wits end but there's always things you can do.
    get new doc,maybe kellys right take sometime off if poss.
    and really it's not a moms job to cook or clean..
    if your working your family should be helping out...even if your not working assign some tasks..
    i used to work 2 part-time jobs and run my house and take care of everyone..well i can't go much of the physical anymore but i still am a good mom..
    and a great wife...i alot of times feel the way you do...hopeless..but when i get that hug or thank you from my kids for simple things i can do....its worth it
    i can't work outside the house..and my hubby lost his job...my 87 yr old mom moved in with us, and if somedays i can't make dinner, i still instruct others how they can or least help....i felt so useless and well somedays i still do..
    but my family has pitched in alot...and i told my son as he gets older his tasks will be more..
    please try get a new doc...injections were waist of time and money for me....and i have tried alot of diff.types...
    docs want to what they suggest or tell us to do to work cause thats ther jobs to fix..
    hope you can get a plan from a new doctor..
    keep us posted
    mary
    neck,bone spurs pain started 04, back issues and fusion l4,l5 06~hardware removed.
    good few yrs. 09 pain sharp, numbness feet,legs, diagnosed fibro, neurop. legs.lung issues.
    daily goal do good thing for someone.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,941
    I, too, am sorry for all you are going through. It's not easy.
    Re' your disability concerns... Everyone needs to decide when "enough is enough" for pushing through and trying to work.
    I finally went on disability one and half years ago.
    My experience has found that there is a need for a lawyer in order to get accepted for disability.
    And the laws make it so lawyer only gets paid if you get disability and the money doesn't come out of your pocket.
    I received benefits within 6 months of request, so my lawyer didn't make a dime from helping me.
    So a lawyer...win - win.
    Now I am able to focus on my health...which is like a full time job. :)
    Take care!
    Sue
    Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

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