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is there any hope for me?

PennylanePPennylane Posts: 2
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:51 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi everyone,

Im new here and dont want to start off as someone who is just whining..I guess I just feel I have no hope left. Ive been living with this pain for so many years now I have forgotten whats its like to feel pain free and normal. Im not the same person i used to be, I have become so fatigued from medication, depressed and unmotivated. My focus is always on getting through the day and easing the pain i feel.

As if the back and neck pain arent enough along with the migraines and depression, several months ago i started have pain in my left arm that is almost as bothersome as the back and neck...sometimes i can barely lift my left arm up and being left handed that makes things even more difficult.

I just got the wheels in motion for a new doctor. I dont have anything against the doctor i had who did my cervical and spinal fusion surgeries, he was very nice but I dont think he helped me. Out of desperation I asked him the last time i saw him if i could have a total disc replacement like ive been reading about and he said that i am not a candidate for that surgery and to be careful about these radio and tv ads that claim they can fix these type problems because they cannot. I sort of gave up after that.
Pain medication mixed with anitdepressants and sleeping pills because i cant sleep without them have turned me into a walking zombie. I found myself missing several appointments with my doctor because the effort to get there only to leave feeling the same just didnt seem worth it.

Now I am waiting to hear back from this new doctor if he is willing to see me. I feel it may be like a mechanic, in that when they know another mechanic has been under the hood taking things apart and attempting to fix them the dont want anything to do with it. I asked the triage nurse taking my information if that was the case and she said thats why they ask all the questions, so the doctor can decide if he wants to attempt to help...

I feel like if he says no I am destined to live like this forever. Right now that seems impossible.

Thank you all so much for listening to me,



  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,841

    For a Spine-Health Site introduction, Click on :

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    In addition, you can always contact any one of the members of the Authority team Neck of Steel or Cath111

    The Spine-Health Web site offers so much more than these Member Forums.
    Check the various tabs at the top of the Spine-Health page and you will find so much that is offered here.

    Please remember that all information you receive from members on this forum is NOT
    formal medical advise. You should always consult with your doctors.

    To get back to the Forums, you can always click on Forum Home

    Please feel free to contact me at rdilauro@gmail.com or send me a message
    You will soon find out after reading the various posts and threads here that you are no different than so many others here.

    There is a line that separates them.

    The ones that give in to their pain and only look for excuses and the instant magic pill

    and then

    Those that will work hard, research, turn over every stone to find ways to make their lives more comfortable. Even those that are severely disabled, can find those golden ways.

    Hopefully, after reading some of the posts here you will find out different ways people did that. In the end, its up to you to find that way.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Hello lisa, and welcome. It's ok to whine or have a bad day(s), I don't know too many that have not.. just try not to stay in that frame of mind. Obviously you are trying or you would not be reaching out here to others, and I know from experience that it helps to *connect* with people in similiar situations who have the ability to understand and therefore offer some compassion. On our bad days (sometimes) that can be enough to spark the fuse that pushes us towards higher goals, or at least feel a little less alone.

    You mention your focus is "always on getting through the day and easing the pain", and while I understand that, it is very important to try to find somewhere else to put your attention and take your mind off of what can only bring you down. I know this is difficult, but it is necessary for your emotional well being.

    Hopefully this new Dr. will be helpful, but it is also important that you keep your appts with him/her. If you don't take your care seriously and treat yourself with the respect that you deserve, nobody else will, and this may include any Drs that you see now or in the future.

    It's hard for many of us, and some people have different ways of dealing with things. We have a huge impact on our healing processes and our outlook really does make a big difference in how our recovery can progress, and staying upbeat every day can take it's toll too. I think that is where the forums come in handy and the support here can be so helpful.
    I hope you are feeling better soon.Please keep us posted as to what this new Dr says.
  • Most of us on the forums at one point or another want to throw up our hands a scream.
    I agree with Robin about making sure you go to all your appointments and that you actively advocate for yourself. You can't just wait for someone to hand you an answer, it won't happen.
    If you aren't satisfied with the care you are receiving find a Dr who will listen to you. I recently fired a pain management Dr who had provided no relief for me in 2 years. My primary dr ordered an mri and lo and behold I have more bulging discs and a ruptured disc in my neck.
    Thank goodness the spine dr who is treating my lower back is willing to help with my neck.
    It seems to me that having the pain in your left arm and loss of strength would be a big red flag that something isn't right. Hopefully this new Dr will help you find out what it is.
    Best of luck in your journey.
    Most of us here are on a journey to get our lives back from pain. That doesn't mean we will be pain free but we don't want it to control our lives anymore. There are answers out there for you, I pray that you find them.
    laminectomy c4/c5 2008, ACDF c4-c7 Jan 20 2014 sched
  • I hope the new Dr can help you with treatment. I've struggled with neck and elbow pain also and found manual traction from a Physical Therapist and ultrasound helpful. I hope you get the right treatment with this Dr. Never give up hope. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Join us for a "whine", anytime! We all know how you're feeling, because most of us have been there. Is there any hope? There's as much hope for us as there is for anyone.

    As Ron says above, the question of whether there is any hope is ultimately up to us. You'll have to make that decision (and we all HOPE that you make the right decision - of course there's HOPE - for all of us!)

    I went to 4 surgeons - 3 who said they couldn't help me, one who said he would, but I didn't trust his reasons for surgery. So although I have suffered severe, debilitating pain for the past 3 1/2 years, I have not had surgery. I'm having a break this year though, from the endless appointments, needles, MRI's and other diagnostic tests. I've had enough for a while. Not giving up yet (even though I wrote a post here a year or two ago, entitled "hopeless case").

    Living this way is so strange - the complete oppostie of how I used to live - with my endless "To Do" lists, running around like crazy, working 70 hour weeks.

    Now life is TV, computer (Spine-Health!), soduko, sleeping, waiting for the pills to kick in, heating up TV dinners, and community life is limited to short trips to the local stores. And Sunday church, when I can make it.

    I feel like a burden; the days of my life just slide by me, uneventfully.

    Still - it's not only that. Sometimes I have fun, friends visit me, or when I visit them, they let me lie down on their beds/sofas. I'm still searching for help/relief, still searching for meaning in my life.

    I wondered if you had a pain management Dr. When things are ambiguous or untreatable - I feel a good pain management Dr is key to helping manage life. My one sure helps me - and he tailors things to my needs. He's been my key to maintaining some activity in my life, and also - he's stuck by me - doesn't get bored with helping me (like many other Dr's have).

    I also thought you might need some help with how down and hopeless you're feeling. A lot of people here suffer from depression(I know I have!) - and get counselling/therapy and/or meds for depression. A therapist could also potentially help you map out a plan for yourself, and help you get "back into your life".

    I would keep going with looking for surgeons - if you want surgery - until you find someone who thinks they can help you and you trust. As I said, I have not had surgery - If someone is going to cut into my back, I want them to be pretty confident they will reduce my pain - not increase it. But you'll see that all the Dr's say different things - which will tell you there are rarely clear cut answers to our issues. The spine/back/pain are still largely a mystery - otherwise there wouldn't be so many people in pain.

    Finally, keep looking for "comforts" that help you manage the pain (not just seeing surgery as "the answer") - the ice, heat, comfy seats, comfy beds, physical therapy, massage, etc.

    I wish you all the best - hang in there. For me there is always hope - that's pretty well all I have - but I think that's all that anyone has, chronic pain or not. As long as there is even one little spark of love in the world, there's always hope!
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