In advance. Sorry for the whiny nature of this but I can't think of another way to illustrate my situation atm.
I'm so tired. I have had this stenosis for roughly 8 years that I am aware of. I'm a US Coast Guard vet and use VA. I spent maybe 3 years going to VA in order to get to this diagnosis. It burns and fells like a nife wound some days and like a broken bone and icey other times. The MRIs came up empty handed for a while. Eventually they saw minor stenosis. Now some 8 years later I think they call it moderate. The pain however is not mild or rarely moderate without pain medication. I am surprised that the barely recognizable SS could hurt so bad. The pain is nearly 24/7. Was that way from the start, 8 years ago when they could not see anything. I have gone through a horrible time with the VA and pain management. They struggle to give me meds then they finally do. When they do they flip-flop and don't renew on time. I go through morphine or oxycodone withdrawals several times a year waiting for medication due to their indecision of whether I am worthy or whether they can just get it filled in time. This is taking a great toll on me psychologically.
I know that there are many people in more pain than myself. What I do know is that the pain stopped me from being able to do most of what I value in life including, relationships, simple errands, exercise. Exercise makes it hurt more so I stop. The VA says that they are considering surgery yet I wait and wait. My life is on hold. Anxiety adds to the physical pain so as I write it gets worse. I dream about suicide but really I don't want to. I'm going to try but ...how?
What can I do? Any advice? I can fill in details if anyone needs to know something I'm an open book. I tried to download my health records with their new download service and it was oh so VA. I only got some meager 2 years worth of what meds I take. I'm going to try and get all my data some day when I have the energy to look into it.