Sorry for the length of this post!
My partner & I have been together many years (both in our 30’s now). After a couple of months together he suffered an accident which was the start of his spinal health issue. He has since had a huge number of spinal operations spanning over a decade. He is regularly in pain and has been on pain relief virtually ever since, most recently he is on very heavy medication (Oxy, morphine, valium, seraqual etc)
It has been many years since the accident and I really feel I have tried so hard to be there for him. I know he is the priority in the relationship and he is the one that suffers but I don’t think he has any idea of how all of it affects me too. I just feel that partners often get so overlooked in these situations.
He doesn’t let me get involved in any aspect of his health and he rarely ever takes me to his appointments no matter how much I ask. I feel very much on the outside of his health almost like he doesn’t need me so I end up living a very separate life to him and he probably thinks I don’t care when I do. I find it hard to understand something I am not part of.
I am not his main carer, his parents are. I go to work to try and make something of our future, save for a house etc which causes a lot of resentment despite the fact that he says it’s ok. He does really well on his own considering everything he has been through, he can get in & out of bed, make something to eat, shower without help etc but sometimes he has bad days. In the past couple of years our arguments have increased and although we still love each other we just can’t seem to find a way forward. I just don’t think he has any idea how hard and frustrating it is for me too and that although he is suffering more he is not the only one. I just wish him and the people around him would understand how there are so many things others have in a ‘normal’ relationship that I can’t have because my partner is not well enough. I am not blaming him in any way for the circumstance but I am made to feel like I have no right to feel anything and people think I am selfish if I do. I don’t want to be without out, I don’t want to fight but somehow we end up there.
He now blames me for his addiction to his medication which has left me feeling guilt ridden because I think everyone blames our arguments/me as the cause of his addiction. I don’t know how these medications make people feel-can anyone shed any light on this?
I know it’s very personal but I wondered how other people’s relationship’s fair under such circumstance?