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Will Power

naturegirl88nnaturegirl88 Posts: 18
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:52 AM in Chronic Pain
I am always a happy person. Always have a smile on my face, and laughing. Even when my back is really bothering me I try to put it to the side and live life like nothing is wrong. But lately smiling and pushing it to the back of my mind is becoming a lot more difficult. I don't feel depressed but I do keep asking myself why do I have to go through all this? I have a very strong faith and I know God doesn't give me anything I can't handle but lately it feels like everything is crushing me and I can't get one break. My insurance company didn't cover my physically therapy, I have 19 dollars to my name and I have a bill of 1087.50 dollars due next week :/ I'm not trying to sound like I'm having a pity party but it's just really hard right now. I need to use the strength God has given me to get through this and to lean on Him and have will power to not focus on the pain all the time. Thanks for reading. Please pray for me that I can make it through this tough time,that I will make a choice to be happy and ask God's help in everyday trials. <3


  • I'm sorry to hear of your medical bills and wonder if you can pay by installments or get a small loan? Can you check out a University hospital where the care is for free? I don't know if you're working or able to get some government assistance? It's good to have a positive faith to keep you going but I pray somehow you'll be able to get the care you need. Praying for you. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Unfortunately loans arn't an option for me. I'm a student and I've taken out a good amount of loans for schooling. I'm moving home for the summer so i will be in network for insurance and going to a chiropractor. My parents are helping me so I'm blessed to have them. Thanks you for the prayers :)
  • Don't take the not covered from your insurance. Push back and make them show you why it's not covered. Depending on the type of plan you have you may not be responsible for the charges if they didn't get approval before treating you.
    laminectomy c4/c5 2008, ACDF c4-c7 Jan 20 2014 sched
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
    ...is quite demanding and relentless, it demands center stage!
    That's not the fault of our personalities or faith. It's the body having things going wrong with it and we "feel" it and deal with it and it's difficult to focus on much else..my experiance anyway.
    I can relate to most everything you said. I too have faith in God and believe as you posted.I also thank Him for putting my shrink, therapist and PM doc into my life.
    My therapist helps me think when I can't focus on life's issues...when my focus is in trying to control and treat the pain. She also helps me to realize resources or options, similiar to Charry above.
    It's not easy...I so know that...but hang in there. You are not alone.
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • Don't you love it when well meaning church folk say,oh come along to our healing meetings-been to several already,why will this one be different.
    Or,oh it's your lack of faith that must be the problem -arggggh.
    My sister,only family I have left,found God a couple of years ago.She has got herself heavily involved with Healing & deliverence.
    She seems to think I am to blame for my probseg,its the sin in your life -blah blah.It seems thatchurch has made her less loving to me,while she is off praying for others .It has actually hurt my faith more to see these changes in her.
    This life is soooo crazy it does my logical head-in,LOL.
    Anyway bless you all & have an awesome day as much as poss.
    Totally get you & your pain.And it is NOT your fault.
  • Thanks everyone you have all really helped. One day at a time :)
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
    ...points. Our people in the church are the same as everyone else...most just don't understand what chronic pain does to a person and in their ignorance, they try to "help."
    People have quoted Scripture to me in the midst of my tears and I'm thinking, "What I need is medication and a doctor."
    Same thing happened when I went through my divorce. What I needed was support, not judgement re' my faith.
    Or cancer is discovered and people want you to have a great attitude and laugh.."You can beat the big "C".
    It's all like blaming the victim...as if the patient doesn't have enough to worry about. Now there is shame and guilt... and some of us are just a little too able at doing that to ourselves enough.
    Faith has nothing to do with our diseased bodies. Dreadful pain and diseases happen to children.. infants. It's not their fault.
    It's not our fault either. That's one reason why this site is great for reaching out to people who live it and can relate to the pain filled life style.
    You can vent when needed, encourage others if your having a good enough day.The ups and downs are normal.
    You can be yourself. You don't always have to be happy.
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I really liked your post. It isn't anyone's fault. It's the hand we were dealt and nothing can change it. I also like the end statement. I don't want to be "mopey" or in a funk all the time but once in a while it's okay :)
  • Well I have had enough of pain,so I have up my meds to a level where it is much more comfy.Trouble is ,now I'm worried about even walking ,knowing that there is pain there,under the medication--But what do you do--constant pain can kill you from depression if you let it.Buggar that I'm hanging onto the rope,& in a few more months all of this will pay off.Thank God,LOL.
    Hope you all are having a great day being patient & gentle,with lots of saelfr treats ,LOL.
  • My prayers are with you :hug:

    I understand you don't like to be "down" around people, but try to think of it thi way. If you really care about someone and they are always "up" and then you find out that they really felt down and were having problems but did not share their problems and/or feelings with you but pretended that all was OK instead - how would you feel?

    I guess that long winded lol post means - your true friends want to know what is really going on, so they can support you :)

    Feel free to vent here any time - everyone here understands
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Let me see if i read this right. So now these church people are saying pain is only because of lack of faith? Oh boy, I would respond to that by a good kick in the nuts and tell them, See this would not of hapened if you had faith in god,

    Someone here said her sister found god? Where was god hiding?
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • I must have a warped sense of humour this morning, because I laughed out loud at your response, and I'm not mocking anything or anybody!

    Nature Girl, something I have always said when I've "counselled" people is that it's not ME who is failing....it is my BODY failing me.

    Anybody who has never experienced chronic pain does not have the right to judge you, and I don't care who they are. The pain gets to us after a while - how can it not?

    I don't know if you have gone for any counselling or not, but it is very worthwhile (and it sounds like you might want to do it outside of your church). To be able to get your worries, your fears and your thoughts out in the open with a neutral party can take a big load off. If you get to the point where you don't find happiness in anything, it's time to see your doctor. Depression can sneak up on you and bite you in the butt when you least expect it...I speak from experience. I have a wonderful life, but sometimes the pain is just far too much to deal with. I, too, try to put on a happy face, but there are times when I want to scream, yell and cry and have a little pity party. We're all human, and it's okay.

    Keep in touch, and let us know how you're doing. As somebody once said to me, "chronic pain is a long, lonely journey".....

  • Thanks for all the advice,I do have a few people in my life to confide in and i am very thankful that they are there for me. I am going home soon for treatment i will let you guys know how it goes.

  • Thats ok tracy. I am warped every morning. I just had to jump in soon as i read about the bible thumper coments. Amen sister,,, In the name of jesus git-ir-done
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • I want to lose some weight but seem to have no will power to keep it up, even though I do have the motivation.
    Link removed

    Spam link not allowed. Removed by authority member, Cath111.

    We don't need anti-aging techniques here, we're looking for support for chronic pain.
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