I just keep asking myself why? Why do I have to live this way. From 31 till this second at 41 years old its been nothing but pain that no one gets! How did I go from being so active, and healthy (besides smoking) which is the only bad thing I do. I should be shot for doing it and find myself smoling more due to the pain. Anyway, how did it get this bad. Day in and day out. It's like I am dreaming, this horrible dream, and can never wake up. I am also anixous I am going to die. I think about it constantly. Its just such a hard life. I see normal people and it truly confuses me on how they can be that pain free.
What in God's name will happen when Im 65?