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I hate to be negative I really do

angel4laricciaangel4laricci Posts: 44
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:52 AM in Chronic Pain
I just keep asking myself why? Why do I have to live this way. From 31 till this second at 41 years old its been nothing but pain that no one gets! How did I go from being so active, and healthy (besides smoking) which is the only bad thing I do. I should be shot for doing it and find myself smoling more due to the pain. Anyway, how did it get this bad. Day in and day out. It's like I am dreaming, this horrible dream, and can never wake up. I am also anixous I am going to die. I think about it constantly. Its just such a hard life. I see normal people and it truly confuses me on how they can be that pain free.
What in God's name will happen when Im 65?


  • STOP beating yourself up its NOT your fault i know exactly how you are feeling as i too feel the same way {and i smoke too!} i was fit /slim healthy and a none smoker.or drinker always at he gym ..then came the crash and life changed for ever .lost my job/divorced /operation 1 .then pain clinics then operation /them more pain clinics and strong pain killers .thankfully i now have a very kind wife {14 years} nice home and car .but my health is very poor and i am in pain all the time ..so you have my support .healthy people that have the occasional bit of back pain ..don't have a clue as to what we are going through .i have not slept for more than 2 hours in the last 5 years due to pain .i also worry about the future and what will i be like if i get older {i have major ALIF fusion surgery to get through soon} if i am going to be in so much pain and have such a restricted life for every whats the point ? i hope that you are feeling better than when you wrote this post .contact me any time as we seem to be on the same wave length
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • O feel for you both so much. Please read my last post if you can find it and the response from Downunder. She really said many comforting things, to which I will respond. You both sound like me and I have only to hope that what she said is the norm of things to come. God knows it hasn't come from my surgeon.
    I'm only 8 wks post surgery, with little information to my future. She's a blessing to know there is light further down the tunnel.
    I imagine we're all not told it's 12-18 months as none of us would say yes to surgery, and the surgeons wouldn't make millions.

    Oh, I sound much more negative in all my emails posts! LOL Good Luck to you both!
  • its ok, vent away, really this spine stuff can make you crazy at times

    i no , coz i feel like im going crazy now, and im a rational person , but this stuff can get so overwhelming

    hope your feeling a bit better
  • flower said:
    its ok, vent away, really this spine stuff can make you crazy at times

    i no , coz i feel like im going crazy now, and im a rational person , but this stuff can get so overwhelming

    hope your feeling a bit better
    I agree. That is exactly why I have recently registered here... to vent. I have discovered that people who do not suffer back pain CANNOT empathize with those of us that deal with it daily. I was just thinking this morning, "Can I really do this EVERY day?" The surgeons tell me it is not bad enough for surgery. But I crawl out of bed in the morning and hobble around all day. It is hard. I feel your pain. Vent, Vent, vent all you need to.
    And then... go off and try to realize that life is full of blessings.
    Sending you good vibes... :)))

    And I am wondering if any of you have tried the McKenzie Method. I have been doing it for about 2 weeks and don't seem to see any progress... ???
  • I am venting away...I just wrote to the lady OUCH2 in awaiting pre-surgery. It all makes me very mad. I haven't heard of MacKenzie.
    Bye for now. sigh
  • read every PoSt And wow I feel I have truly found a new home and people who truly care. Normal people don't have a clue of what It is we go through in the least. Its so hard to even hold even a relationship down. Children don't get it either. Life as I knew it ended in 2003.I have pushed on through for 9 years. I have had a Lamenectomy,discectomy,a disc replacement as well as a fusion. I was rear ended two months after an 8 hour fusion and the accident tore disc in my cervical spine and bulged the disc above the fusion my hands are numb my wrist and left arm
    are sore ,weak and numb on top of all the other issues I face. I have lost everything. My business,,my Home, truck, and have no income. It is entirely and absurdly difficult to get through a day. I am hppy I found this group and want to thank you for all your support and I am delighted to be apart of this group more than you can understand.
    I wish you all peace.
  • You can really be honest with yourself and other people. Living with chronic pain everyday is so hard to come to terms with (I don't think we ever do really), but what I find is sometimes much more difficult, is trying to cope with it all when your family/friends/workmates are around.

    What I mean is....... we know how we're feeling - like rubbish!!!! Every day is the same (more or less) and we're usually fed up to the back teeth of thinking about it or having to cope with it. When people ask "How are you today?" do you find that most of the time your answer is NOT an honest one? I tend to just say "Fine thanks" because I DON'T want to talk about it - I'm fed up with myself and so, therefore, feel everyone else is too.

    Chronic pain is the pits. We try everything the doctors suggest. Different medications, alternative treatments, physio, injections, buying expensive shoes (if it helps our spines and/or back pain), electrical items that give us a 'buzz' - anything to avoid surgery if we can possibly help it. Then, to find that surgery hasn't been 100 per cent successful is so disappointing. To go through everything and then to be told that you're probably going to have the pain for the rest of your life and to keep having pain meds is soul destroying. But....

    For me personally, I have to remain as positive as I can. I know I get my down days - and this forum is amazing for sharing information, getting advice/support or just having a good old moan, but on the whole I just think of all the other people I read about or see on the TV and I think they've got far more health problems than me. At least I CAN get out, I can drive, I can walk, I can rely on my sense of humour, I can do a lot of things if I don't push myself too far and pay for it afterwards.

    I'm sorry that some of you are really having a tough time at the moment. If you cannot share all your feelings with the people around you, then that's where this forum comes into its own.

    It's OK to feel like SH*T. It's OK to have a moan. It's OK to offload. It's OK to shout at the world. But when you're having a much better day, it's OK to support others who are going through the same thing.

    We've all been there, we know how you're feeling, you're definitely not on your own!!!
    2 x Microdiscectomy 2005 / PLIFusion 2-level 2010 / revision surgery 2011 / NEVRO Senza spinal cord stimulator implanted February 2013. I WILL NOT GIVE IN / UP !!
  • Dear Sue,
    It was refreshing to see someone that does understand my situation can find time, strength and then to take the time to make me feel better. What a person you are. It is amzing to me you took the time to write all this to me even though you are in pain as well. I apprecaite all your confidence and support. I look forward in future converstaions and being uplifted from your spirt.
    thank you
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