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Question for all the ladies

angel4laricciaangel4laricci Posts: 44
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:52 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi girls! I am a 41 year old who has had DDD for 10 years.
I want to ask you a question but before I do I want to brief you on who I am and what I deal with in regards to pain. It started with a herniated disc in late 2001 early 2002, and every known treatment and medication they offer. From acupuncture, Laser treatments, massage, hot therapy, cold therapy, Tens Units, Spinal blocks, Epidurals, weeks and weeks of Physical Therapy. Finally a failed Laminectomy was what happened.
Along the way I developed Arthritis, as well as Fibromyalgia which is the absolute worse pain on top of this crap I can tell you. Throughout the years, and after having a failed surgery which left me with a very bad taste in my mouth for surgery ever again. In July 2010 I found my entire left side (leg and foot) completely numb, and I couldn’t walk at all. I basically collapsed. I then had no choice as the DDD was so bad the L4-L5 deteriorated completely leaving me to have to have a disc replacement as well as a discectomy and fusion, cut front and back in an 8 hour surgery. One and a half hours of the surgery was completely dedicated to scrapping out arthritis from the failed 2004 surgery.
I take an enormous amount of pain medication obviously or I would be bed ridden.
I am so not tooting my own horn here at all. I just want to see if women are going through this specifically as only a woman could. Years ago I lived in Las Vegas (before this happened) I worked as a cocktail waitress in some of the finest clubs there. I was something to see. I have picture that absolutely blow people away. Since this has happened, and I don’t know if its the pain or the medication, but I never even put on makeup anymore. I wouldn’t leave the house without lipstick and my hair being done before this all happened. I have lost the entire routine I had in the past. Wake up shower, blow dry hair, do an hour of make up and get dress. Now I take the hottest bath I can, and put on sweat pants, I have really long hair and I throw it in a bun. I NEVER go out, and I never EVER dress up, do my hair wear high heels, and trust me while in Vegas I wore heels to work every single night. I feel incomplete in a way, as I have completely lost that woman. I have gained weight, not only due to the meds, (***which has a huge part to do with it), being over 40, lack of activity, having 2 boys, and obviously someone in this type of pain of course cannot do crunches or cardio anymore. I exercised my ass off back in the day. I would go on a 4 hour hike in the mountains outside of Vegas with my black lab three times a week. Don’t get me wrong I go to physical therapy now, and it helps me tremendously, but I have not worked out-worked out since this happened. I just want to know if you all have lost the whole beauty thing as well or is it just me. It is very depressing to look at those pictures. I wish I could get more motivation...to be at least somewhat back into taking care of myself the way I did. Now I see how women let themselves go, when I was that beautiful woman I judged women who let themselves go.........man have I learned a lot since then. Anyway does anyone have any thoughts or motivational tips to make me feel like doing those things again in this daily hell I live, or does anyone want to share similar stories?
Its a very sad feeling and I have a strong feeling I am not alone.


  • Of course, I cannot speak for anybody else, but for me personally, everything I have EVER done over the last 6-odd years [living with chronic back pain] has all been in an attempt to get back to the person I used to be - to get back to the 'normal' life I used to have - to get back to doing the things I used to enjoy with the same enthusiasm and stamina I used to have.

    BUT......... After everything I have tried to help myself with, i.e. all the treatments, numerous injections (facet joint and epidurals), discogram, 3 spine operations, physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, radio frequency ablations, TENS, swimming, gym, MBT shoes, losing 5 stones in weight, buying expensive equipment to help improve my back, Ice/Heat, electronic gizmo's - EVERYTHING, I have now come to the very sad conclusion that I cannot go BACK, ever! - I must only try to look forward, but with a different set of goals to achieve.

    I must be honest and say that, for me, I never did do all the make-up routines, beauty treatments, have beautiful clothes/shoes, go to fancy places, posh restaurants, wild parties or exotic holidays (you know what I mean), but that's not to say that what I did do, I enjoyed 100 per cent nonetheless. I have to accept (and it's so blimming difficult) that I will never be the same as I used to be. And, as I said before, I will have to learn to ADJUST (I think is the right word for now) to seeing things differently and accepting that my body just won't perform the same as it used to years ago.

    I'm sorry, but I haven't got any tips or any words of wisdom on how you can move forward Angella, I can only tell you my own experience and hope that perhaps it will help you a little. Also, I'm hoping you will get loads of replies to your thread and therefore other people will be able to spur you on and fill you with the hope and zest for life that you have (temporarily) lost OK?

    I'm not going to give you a sermon or anything like that, but will share that I became a Christian about 15 years ago. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and living with faith is so difficult because it makes you question every little thing that you say, do, feel and think!

    I am only human and obviously I get really depressed sometimes, frustrated and very angry with the chronic pain I have to endure on a daily basis. Some days it's worse, some days I can cope with it much better. I am on strong pain medication, which again I increase/decrease as the need dictates. I often come on Spine Health to vent away (as you have done) and am so appreciative of the support I receive in return. I was told only recently by my doctor that [in his opinion] he thinks I will have this chronic back pain now for the rest of my life, and whilst I'm much older than you (54) and have a very young mind, I find this latest news extremely difficult to come to terms with.

    I know it's too easy for me to say, but try not to feel grief for the person you USED to be - you've had numerous life experiences, had 2 sons - which is the most difficult/rewarding job you could ever undertake, done loads of different things - this has all shaped the person you are NOW. I dare say, without having had the experience of chronic pain, you still might find it difficult to get that Las Vegas lady back right now. All the life skills you have acquired could be put to good use in other directions perhaps.

    I think you've been so honest with your thoughts and I can really understand how you feel you have LOST your old self, but try to focus on what you CAN do now and not on what you can't. Does that make sense?

    In a few years time, with all the life skills you have picked up on the way, it wouldn't surprise me if you were able to think about becoming a volunteer or something like that - someone who helps other people to cope with the very big changes to life that you are experiencing right now. Perhaps, in a few months time, you WILL go out somewhere socially and put your lipstick on before you leave the house - I know it's not the whole beauty regime you had say, 20 years ago, but it would be a start.

    I really wish I could say something to you that could lift your spirits up high and help you to feel so much better immediately, right now! but I do believe that when we feel so low, something will happen or someone will say something to you that'll help your low mood to lighten, if only by a little. I know everyone says that there are loads of people worse off than ourselves and I do believe this to be so very true - it's just that sometimes we get so overwhelmed by what's happening to us personally, that we don't always see the bigger picture and cannot always see things from other people's perspective.

    Can you try to take very little steps forward? Try and set yourself some very easy goals. Do you have some great friends you can confide in and let them know how you're feeling?

    I really hope other people will contribute to your thread. We know how you're feeling! Someone else, I'm sure, can say things much better than I, but please don't feel that you're alone, OR that it affects ladies only!!! I know of a few men who grieve for the lad they used to be because they are not physically able to do what they did in their youth.

    Angella - take a deep breadth, have a lovely hot bubbly bath, put some soothing (or heavy metal) music on [whatever is your whim], read a gripping book, whatever. Have some "YOU" time - where you can devote perhaps a half or a full day on yourself, indulging in exactly what you want to do (even if it has to come with physical restrictions due to your pain). I really hope you can find some peace at the moment and just take one day at a time.

    I'm sorry for writing such a long post but I'm really concerned about you Angella! If you're feeling very depressed and think you cannot 'shake it off' easily at the moment, are you able to chat to your doctor about possibly getting some professional help? I've done this in the past and was amazed how helpful the process was, even though I was very reluctant at first to agree to it.

    Perhaps you could let us know how you're doing in a few days/weeks time, OK?

    2 x Microdiscectomy 2005 / PLIFusion 2-level 2010 / revision surgery 2011 / NEVRO Senza spinal cord stimulator implanted February 2013. I WILL NOT GIVE IN / UP !!
  • I don't think that you're alone in this at all. It's hard enough just to get up and take a shower, much less do hair and make-up and the whole bit. On days that I don't have PT i usually hang out in my jammies...not much sex appeal for the husband. But on days when I leave the house I do put on make-up - partially so I don't look so frazzled, but also because it makes me feel more 'normal'. I would maybe take baby steps. Of course no one expects you to look like a runway model for PT, but maybe just a little make-up. Or if you are having a good day, get all dolled up...what the hell. It might make you feel like your old self again ;)

    (And if you're wondering - I'm typing this in jammies, a ponytail and not a stitch of make-up) :) Keep you head up babe!
  • Angella, I have been a member here for a long time but I don't think I have ever shared this story. Like you, I was 'something to see'. I was very popular, lived in a small town, never had to be dateless (unless I chose to). I considered myself a big fish in a small pond. I was a health nut, in great shape, and not too bad on the eyes either. Now I live in pain and take medication every day. It is very hard to remain motivated and I can't say that I have done so. I am trying very hard to get my mojo back and I realise that I will never be the girl I once was. It is very important to understand that we are so much more than what we look like, but who we are and what we have to offer is even better. I still think that looking nice feels good, but I would not trade my age now because of the wisdom that has come with it. Yes it is true that I have my bad days, my sad days when I still look back and grieve, wishing I could still dance like I use to, and I can't remember the last time I turned a head, though my BF will say that someone was looking at me (lol- I really think he says that to make me feel good). Truth is, I don't even need that anymore..not gonna lie, it would be nice, just doesn't matter.
    Just try the best you can to focus on the you that you are now. The older wiser you, and remember that we are all in this together. We earned every battle scar, every ache and pain, and every thing we have that got us where we are and who we are today, and who we are is something to behold and to be proud of.
    You are not alone... ;))

  • Angella,

    Like the other ladies, I was easy on the eyes - sort of still am, but not what I was. I was a very active person, pilot and law enforcement officer. My spiney travels forced me out of many outdoor activities and sports, and forced me to retire from a job/career that I loved.

    I saw the term "mojo", and that is a great term. Part of what keeps my mood up is that I have adjusted and 'accepted' my new normal. I know I have more surgery coming, and though it doesn't thrill me, it might give me some of me back. I just know that I can't control what is going on with my spine, and with that I try "try" not to compare the present me with my old me. It's almost like speed mode to old age or something! What I have day to day is what I pictured of me in my 70's or 80's!

    It is hard to let go of our past, especially knowing it is that...the past. Like many, if I don't have outside plans, I too sit in my comfy shirt, sweat pants and socks. I have never worn makeup, so can't speak to that. My common with hair is a pony tail, or a head band to keep my hair out of my eyes. I have always been a 'tom boy', so makeup, dresses, heels..never been my thing.

    Since (mojo here?) my travel is restricted, I adapted and got an RV. That ability to travel with my 'little home' made a remarkable change to me and my mood. Driving is limited, so I adapted again, bought an above ground pool so I could exercise at home. We don't go out to eat as much (my physical issues at times, hubbies work schedule at other times), so I am teaching me to cook better - self satisfaction there. Expanding my hobbies on my schedule. I guess what I am saying Angella is most of us adapt to do what we can with what our physical conditions allow?

    If you hold onto the past, it is hard to look to the future. There are many that are worse off than all of us, so I guess I take some of that to be more positive? I even went to a psychologist to be sure I was handling things correctly. Counseling is not a negative, and might help you understand more of what you're going through. Everything you posted, many of us went through via our paths in life.

    I hope you find answers, and can find a place that works for you. I'm sorry you're going through this stage. Please vent to us, ask questions, laugh, cry, etc. We get what you're going through. Support *HUGZ* to you, and welcome to the site!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Thanks for being here and bringing this topic up it's very good.Yes I can relate too. I hardly ever wear make-up anymore or contact lenses in the past 3 years since I injured my back and have a numb leg and foot. Sometimes I do put on mineral make-up if I'm going for a walk and may go to the coffee shop but pretty well just stay in. I also gained some weight not working and it's very hard to lose even going for walks in the summer. I think I stopped dressing up because now I'm not working and don't have to look perfect and I don't feel perfect anymore.

    But one of my resolutions was to try and get more fit this year and just remembered I made that resolution but forgot until now. Those darn meds. Lol. Starting with the warm weather coming up I'm going to start going for walks again and maybe we can encourage one another to get moving a little because those endorphins we release while moving make us feel better about ourselves. Hope to see more of you here. Take care. Charry

    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I forgot until you reminded me I dont wear my contacts anymore either,,,,LOL! and I hate my glasses. I feel that I am not alone with this anymore, and it loos like there was quite a responce to the post, so maybe we can all help one another get moving to get back to where we were despite the damn pain!!! Its something we can help and push one another with!
    Great chatting with you
  • Firstly please don’t apologize for writing a long thread. Your thread has brought me somehow and yes that easily to a new understanding and given me some sort of strength. Now if I could only quite smoking before it quits me! Anyway your words are so true, and genuine. You seem like such a sweet and caring person. My God here you are yourself in chronic pain and to take the time to put down into words, exactly your thoughts. Amazing! You too are a warrior as well as a survivor. I may not be as beautiful, but your rights there are so many other things with my mind and my mouth I could do something to help those who haven’t faced with their "new" position in life. It is a very hard road that others defiantly do not understand unless going through. And you know what if the day comes I need to throw on a bit of makeup to go somewhere if that ever happens LOL then I will put it on and go. Until then who cares. Its not important, and there are other things that are more important. Yes these boys are a blessing but MY GOD in this position they are work, and for at least the next ten years (again ) if I can quite these cigarettes they will be a lot of work to raise in this condition. In our 20's and 30's things that are most important seem to fade out anyway in our 40's and 50's. I think the chronic pain and the fatigue of feeling the meds keeps you in a fink, and there is a woman in there that wants to get out break free.....it’s hard, fighting with yourself on importance. I have seemed to gather a different perspective reading your thread, and for that my new friend I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have made a difference, and at this moment, I actually feel a bit better! Thank-you so much! I feel you have the gift of making others feel better as well my new friend..Something for you to think about as well if you already (obviously) haven’t been told this many times. You are a DOLL!
    Thanks for encouraging my day!
  • Thank you for your encouraging words. I do feel gult for the hubby thats a whole new thread..but it is what it is!~ What the hell can I do?
  • Thank you so much, and yes therapy is something I am getting into now. As it is never a negative. Talking to someone that is an outsider just as this website has made possible changes peoples lives for nothing but the better. I feel you are a convident woman, educated and one that is strong. I wish you blessings beyond! Thank you so much for your kind words!
  • If I didn't get up and do my hair and make up and look good everyday - I'd really feel like EDITED. I already feel physically crappy, if I looked that way too, I just couldn't handle it. I actually am impressed with people that can do whatever and not worry about what they look like. I couldn't do it. I have some issues, no doubt about it. I wouldn't drive to the gas station for a pack of cigarrettes without my hair and make up done - no way!


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  • How old are you, this has a termendious amount to do with the vanity. As we age, and have children we "tend" to let go a bit of the vanity due to age. I was the most vain person in the world. Health nut ate raw fruits and veggies everyday and hiiked about 15-20 miles a week in the dessert terain. I was really into "myself" after having children, I started wearing less makeup and shaking the baby "fat" was a B@&#ch. BUT.....getting sick really did the trick. And no my friend it is you I admire, in pain everyday, and still pushing enough to put the damn war paint on!!! COODOS To you...Look beautiful and if it makes you feel beautiful then DO IT!! I just wish I had the streghth
  • LOL, yes, Marion (Mouse) and I have had this conversation before... I never wear make up, maybe once in a while for a special occasion, but even then, rarely... I also have very short hair (like the way Halle Berry used to have hers) so that doesn't take much to do either. But, if I don't get up and get showered and dressed, I find I feel worse. Don't get me wrong, there are days that I do just hang out in my jammies, but I try to limit those, as once I am showered and dressed, I feel more human and do feel better in some way. It's a tough rut to get out of once you're in it.

    Something that Brenda said is something that I truly believe, you can't hang onto the past, it will just drag you down. I try to focus on today, and what I need to do to get through to tomorrow and still feel like a human being. I try to focus on the positive things, not dwell on the negative. And yes, I do feel the guilt you spoke of earlier too, when it comes to not feeling up to, or just plain not wanting to be intimate with hubby. It's something that pops up (pun intended LOL) between my hubby and I often as well. For the most part, he is understanding, but he does get frustrated, which I totally understand, and wish that it wasn't an issue at all. I think it's very common with a lot of us.

    I hope that you start to feel better soon, maybe once spring comes in full force (we just had a weekend of more snow...) your spirits will be lifted. These last couple of months of winter hanging on is hard on most people I think. Just know that you're not alone, and we're all here for you!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • You have some very nice young singers coming out of Straton lately! LOL That Bieber Mania...
    And yes I agree today is all I can worry about...
    Ah yes sex.....which will be the next "ladies oonly" Possibly men as well. I would DIE to get their perpective on all of that.
    Sex is something the Cymbalita (Antidepressant and Fibromyalgia treatment makes me NOT WANT AT ALL. I have to completely force myself. I am so sore, and musclar achy, that it is actually displeasurable. Until that moment, if you know what I mean. But to get me to actually want to carry through with it is far and few in between. I feel very bad for the hubby. Because he is the complete opposite and would do it everynight if I would. HE is very understanding about the make-up and the heels, even with the weight gain. Could care less. But the sex....man does he want the sex. He is not much for wanting to hear me vent though....hes not the type..so I am happy as hell I found you guys :)
    YUK tough spot!
  • Yep, I'm on that, too, and it is so true. I actually didn't even think of that until reading your post, and realized that since I started it is when the other shoe dropped and I haven't even had the desire for it, let alone the not wanting it because of the pain, and then dealing with worse pain after. hhmmmmm... makes a whole lotta sense now!!

    and Bieber, who's that? ROFL, I actually had no idea until just a couple of months ago, I always wondered who this Bieber person was that everyone was making such a fuss about!! And now I wish I didn't know... LOL
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Older than 41 for sure. I'm still a pretty vain B'eotch - no doubt about it.
  • Personally, I'd rather take extra pain meds than give that up either. Seriously - what is life without sex girls? Wild, crazy, and fun...
  • I read your post last night and it brought me to my knees (figuratively that is!) Your feelings are one that I too have been struggling with and it was as if you were saying what I am feeling. I've always been the it girl, whether it be looks, grades, work, dancing you name it. Not bragging hear but ive faced much jealousy in my life, from both men & women - and nothing was ever easy for me I busted my butt & worked since 13 to be the best at everything and in doing so I have walls of plagues & awards. But I allowed myself to get lost in the game of being Ms It girl and only now know at 43 I lost a lot of my life living up to expectations of others.

    Again don't get me wrong I only have myself to blame I had the need to be better, smarter, prettier, quicker, break every record at work, better dressed, more expensive car then others. Shallow I know. It for me was more about proving these things to myself all the fuss was just icing on the cake. I am the 3rd of 6 girls. (Close in age 6 girls in 8 years!) so i grew up craving attention and never out grew it! Very competitive!

    I goaled myself to impossible levels and achieved much. I worked hard and played harder! Lots of traveling & adventures, I had a great life for who I was then...

    I was the life of the party you know the one who arrives fashionable late and the moment I arrived the party officially started. Well this past
    Saturday I got dressed, make up & all, minus my heels *sopping* and went out for dinner with some girlfriends, and there is NO amount of make up to mask how I feel. looking at myself I was so complexed, very confused! who is this chick in my clothes, in my skin?? Where did she come from???

    Its sad that I can't sit through a meal without excusing myself every 10-20 min to make sure my legs still work or to walk off a cramp, a pain, a spasam. Sad to not be able to enjoy a cocktail with my friends : -( I love my martinis & miss them.

    I'm glad I went as I have distanced myself from everyone & everything NOT GOOD. I did set ground rules NO health conversations. I enjoyed those few hours but it proved how different of a person, of a woman I am. Ahhh ACCEPTANCE : -) its a hard swallow but one each of us has to face at that precise and live altering moments, I guess its also part of growing up and maturity, the wisdom that only experience can bestow on you. So for me its adjustment time... relearning what my new bests are & trying not to compare my new goals & accomplishments to my former self. Sounds good - hope I can pull it off!

    Not meaning to hi Jack your post but man, Angela gotta say THANK YOU for posting this topic! I really NEED to thank Sue, Robin & Brenda for your insights, wisdom & encouragement and SISTERHOOD as I know your replies were intended for Angela BUT WOW Ladies you really helped me get some perspective when I needed it badly!

    The woman on this forum are truly the most generous and beautiful ladies I've ever had the privilege of getting to know and not only do I admire you I applaud you all!

    Angela I wish you all the best and I am so pleased to meet you.

    Warm well wishes to all!
  • Mouse I am in too much pain for all that. I wish I could be back where you are. Taking all the extra pain meds, makes me drowsy and funky feeling; sleepy...So its just too much for me to deal with.
  • Mouse I am in too much pain for all that. I wish I could be back where you are. Taking all the extra pain meds, makes me drowsy and funky feeling; sleepy...So its just too much for me to deal with.
  • Mouse I am in too much pain for all that. I wish I could be back where you are. Taking all the extra pain meds, makes me drowsy and funky feeling; sleepy...So its just too much for me to deal with.
  • Now you have brought me to my knees. Reading your post was incredible, and yes all of the woman who have responded, shared and allowed themselves to open up and even share a topic for women who had gotten a lot of attention for many different reasons all surrounding their beauty, personalities, and amazing charisma is just such a blessing. You find the "Real" people who can hit a sensitive topic and get the best advice, you see that you are among not only those with the same issues regarding pain, but Chronic pain is so much more, and has so many other derivatives. Sue, Robin & Brenda, I and now you all seem to really relate in this. It is a huge issue for me. I think about it "much" more than I should re-live the parties in LA, and Vegas, going to Mexico in a 1 hour decision. The parties and YES VIRGINIA Martini’s are also my very favorite. After Morton's of Chicago the Steakhouse was my favorite hangout. It is so sad. We are so different. I watch "E" I love my celebrity shows, and think I could have looked as good as she does at 50 if this didn’t happen. Now the medications are actually rotting my teeth. Here I am broke, because I cannot work at all. NO dental insurance except for cleanings and some discounted work, and implants are $24,000 for my whole head to get done. I will not and am not ready for dentures. And I am in no way belittling anyone that has them at all. It’s just a very hard thing for me personally. I am determined to lose this weight and quit the cigarettes that are killing me with everyone i smoke. I know I will be on these medications for the rest of my life, and I also know that the amount I take won't be coming down much, as without them I honestly cannot function at all. I would be bedridden....so it is what it is. I have my sons. I have love, and I am interested in going through a more settled time. I will get through it, especially with new strong friends like you. Things will grow, and change....in different ways. I have to realize like it or not, it is time to move on from that time in my life.
    Thank you All so much….. Virginia, Sue, Brenda, Robin and everyone who replied to the thread.
  • It is hard to want to have sex, when even the slightest of touches feels like he has just punched me. Not a big turn on at all. But hopefully one day, Angella, they will find something that doesn't attack our libido, and something that will take care of this pain that makes us cringe to even think about having a roll in the hay...
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Well I am going to be the dark hoarse in this thread. I have never been one to judge anyone by the clothes on their back, what they have, what they don't have, or by looks. First off anyone can drive the most expensive car there is, and the repo man just waiting to catch up with him/her. As far as "best looking" there are a lot of very good looking people out there in life, whom I wouldn't trust with roll of pennies and have some serious issues. I guess the point I am making is if anyone thinks those are things that define you, that is not healthy. Sure I ran with some of the more wealthy in my city, and the ones I ran with are still in my life and would do anything to help me out. They are not shallow people, they are what I call good people. We never sat around and gossiped about oh look at that girl she is over weight or she needs her hair done and blah, blah, that would just be wasted time. We did sit and plan what charity events we were going to be involved in or which runs we could make that month. I just was never anyone to dress to impress someone else, did it to feel good about myself. But I am the girl who would get up Saturday, run to the bank and do errands in a pony tail and a ball cap and sweats. Might even land on the soccer field teaching autistic kids how to play the game. Or you could find me slinging a hammer for habit for humanity or a black tie affair in the evening raising money for more homes. I can eat in a dive or be in a 5 star restaurant. But it didn't change who I am. The point is I am not who I am for someone else but who I am for myself. I just don't give a rat's behind what anyone thinks of me, never have, never will. I just need to know whom I am and be comfortable with myself.

    I do get up everyday and shower, shave and get dressed. It might just be sweat pants I am putting on, but it is what I want to wear. I loved playing sports and being active so it doesn't bother me one bit to wear these clothes. Tomorrow I need to go see a attorney, just ironed the T-shirt I am wearing and laid out the sweat pants. Also got out a pair of matching footies. No one is going to see the footies but me. That example is what I am trying to say, it don't matter what others think about you, it matters what you think about yourself. You should want to impress yourself, not someone else. Life would be good if all I had to worry about everyday was my looks, but that is not reality. The biggest thing in my life I miss is all my charity events and work for all of those whom truly need it. I also miss all the people I meet every weekend doing all that stuff. I miss that high in life, and how good you feel doing for others.

    I could be standing between Miss America and a another person and i would address both of them the same. Cause you never know who the other person is and what they have to teach you in life.

    I am telling you to take pride in yourself but do it for yourself. But keep in mind the old saying beauty is only skin deep is so true and I have met some incredible ugly people in life who had all the best looks, clothes and what not, but were so ugly and I wanted nothing to do with them.
  • Its not about being a dark horse. My post wasnt to be judgemental about others,or meant to say I dont understand all those valuable points that you made.I have a huge heart and that has been an incredible weaknessof mine in life for getting taken advantage of many many times. If you read my whole post I stated I hiked 15-20 mles a week. I wasnt drinking or drugging. I was very health consious. The thread wasnt poated to make poeple who are "into" weraing makeup and getting prettied up feel less. It was meant for those who have a passion for beauty. And having that passion doesnt male you a bad person, everyone who wears nice clothes isnt stuck up. Some of my girlfriends were butt ugly. I dont mean that in a way that is negative, I mean it in a way that I didnt not hang out with you if you didnt want to look a certian way. I am not and never was stuck up. I fit in with all walks of life. This post was meerily meant to bring up a subject for those whom enjoy getting dolled up and goibng out all dressed up and find themselves not being able to anymore. There are millions of beautiful people and If I named them all that are beautiful and have incredible hearts, are not judgemental BUT still love beauty.Tantum I think you missed the point I was trying to make here. I respect yours, but its not at all the message I wqas sending, or one that I got back from any of the girls. Its just women who enjoyed getting dressed up, and going out on the town thatno longer can.............and that is and was the entire meaning of the thread.
  • Oh yeah...I forgot none of my girls were stuck up. They were more like Kendra from the Girls next door. We didn’t associate ourselves with prissy ignorant people. We weren’t interested in the drama. We lived to have fun. We went to Cabo Mexico and LA, and traveled around and had a blast, but there always were those who did envy me because of the beauty I once possessed. I had to learn to ignore negative comments from those who didn’t know me at very young in life, kind of like don’t hate me because I’m beautiful slogan. Because I was nice looking doesn’t mean I didn’t have other great qualities as a person. You can defiantly like both worlds, and enjoy the things you like in life. I Because someone has a great time, wears nice clothes and travels in great crowds, don’t make them less, or stuck up, there are a lot of woman in the world and each is beautiful in their own way....I never judged anyone for what they wore or didn’t wear. I want a "I had to have this designer" outfit. I couldn’t afford all that. I dressed nice, and liked the way it made "ME" feel. And there aint a darn thing wrong with that I am glad God allowed me to experience all that. If not maybe I would be really bitter, and sore about the subject you know what I mean. Everything happens for a reason, but I am a very well rounded person. In my post there was nothing said in any derogatory way about those who don’t care for wearing makeup, or heels or clothes? It was something I ENJOYED for myself, which again doesn’t make me any less. I haven’t the right to judge anyone.....I was just a girl who loved her lipstick and loved a nice outfit to go dancing in. It really was as simple as that.
    Thanks for bringing up some good points; it helped me clear up what my post was not about for readers to come.
    Hope this helps you understand where I was coming from.
  • Its not about being a dark horse. My post wasnt meant for people to take things in this way. Because someone is good looking doesnt mean they are all judgemental about others,or meant to say I dont understand all those valuable points that you brought up about life. I am almost 42 and I do understand all that. The post was only meant to bring up a very important issue that some women face not only as they grow old, but as they are strucken with sickness as well. Loving differnt styles, and make up doesnt make you a bad person. I though every woman who answered the post took their time to be so sweet in their words. And all of them are cool chixs, that I would have hung out with for sure.
    I have a huge heart and that has been an incredible weaknessof mine in life for getting taken advantage of many many times. If you read my whole post I stated I hiked 15-20 mles a week. I wasnt drinking or drugging. I was very health consious. The thread wasnt poated to make poeple who are "into" weraing makeup and getting prettied up feel less. It was meant for those who have a passion for beauty. And having that passion doesnt male you a bad person, everyone who wears nice clothes isnt stuck up. Some of my girlfriends were butt ugly. I dont mean that in a way that is negative, I mean it in a way that I didnt not hang out with you if you didnt want to look a certian way. I am not and never was stuck up. I fit in with all walks of life. This post was meerily meant to bring up a subject for those whom enjoy getting dolled up and going out all dressed up and find themselves not being able to anymore. There are millions of beautiful people and If I named them all that are beautiful and have incredible hearts, are not judgemental BUT still love beauty.Tantum I think you missed the point I was trying to make here. I respect yours, but its not at all the message I wqas sending, or one that I got back from any of the girls. Its just women who enjoyed getting dressed up, and going out on the town thatno longer can.............and that is and was the entire meaning of the thread.
  • I have to agree with TamTam in many areas. Just because you look and dress well doesn’t mean your worth a nickel. I also agree that it is what is inside that truly counts. I just happen to have some issues that’s all. I don’t look down on peeps that don’t wear make up and fix up everyday – I just can’t do it. I envy people that are comfortable enough to just go out as they are – I can’t do that.
    I have to have my house spit shinned too, inside and out. I’m very OCD about it. I can be in the worst pain ever and there is no way there would ever be a sink full of dishes, carpet not vacummed every day, my bed not made when I get up, etc. I have some problems and it’s hard to keep to that ridiculous standard in all honesty. Drinking helps… LOL!
  • Well, everyone is different, but just because you look nice doesn't mean your not beautiful on the inside too. One of the reasons I was such a big fish in a small pond was not only because of the way that I looked, but I was active in the Special Olympics, PTA, and other interest groups.

    Just as a person should not assume that an unattractive person is not beautiful on the inside, the same can be said for an attractive person, regardless of the way they dress or other outward appearances. Of course none of these things are what make us who we are, but if you take a person who never cared (or could not afford nice things)about their appearance and suddenly they changed the way they dressed, wore make-up, had their hair&nails done and suddenly felt popular (think Pretty Woman), it may change the way they feel about themselves. Maybe not, but when we lose so much in the world of CP and the years creep up on us, this is just an example and just another way to examine those feelings that reside in all of us.
    I don't really think it matters what we look like, what car we drive, or where we hang out, but we are all the same in that we have to adjust to a new 'us', or a new normal, for lack of a better term, for one reason or another. Great thing about age and the wisdom that sometimes comes with it, is knowing that it has always been about what's on the inside that mattered, but getting it noticed sooner was usually through the eyes of those looking, and looking good got you noticed. Sort of like the squeeky wheel gets the oil.
  • Where this post went sideways ?? I read a raw post from a woman coming to realization and to terms with her former self and her new chronic pain self. This was very real for me as I posted. As I mentioned I am at a point in my life where I have to accept my new reality which effects all aspects of me, not just the work me, the mommy me, the wife me, but also the alone crying to herself all of me.

    I feel bad that perhaps the "looks" thing has been misinterpreted somehow, and it saddens me. As i said it was never, for me, about keeping up with the Jones, but rather an inherent desire to be the best ME! To prove I can.

    I shared some personal things about myself that I once found important but no longer do, which I think is human nature and part of the never ending cycle of life for all of us. I also shared that I busted my butt to have the nice things I wanted, no one ever gave me anything, no life of privilege, but no regrets either. : -) we are made up of our experiences. We all change, grow and outgrow.

    I think or at least what I got from the thread were women coming to terms with themselves, how empowering is that and I wanted to be a part of
    that sisterhood.

    Much love to all the Women of SH !

    Warm well wishes for pain free days!
  • First I have to say THANK YOU to Angel for posting this topic :hug: It really helps to not feel alone!!!!

    Second - I hope any disagreements and/or misunderstandings don't stop this topic from going on, as I think a lot of women can be helped from haveing a spot to talk open about this.

    Third - s*x - I tell hubby "I am not wasting my pain meds on s*x" lol We now days settle for - just get it over with quickly - I lol BUT the truth is it has become a chore and one I don't like any more as of the pain. Now that I had a bilertial knee replacement done, I am really worried about the pain.....sigh ( I just had both my knees replaced on 3/15/11 so have not delt with the s*x issue yet since surgery ).

    LAST BUT NOT LEAST - I can not tell you how many times I say I will shower, do hair, do contacts, do make up and put on something other then sweat pants.

    What usually happens to me on a daily basis is - as soon as I wake up I take my pain meds and log online and wait for about an hour for meds to get pain under control. Then I shower. By then it's time to start life and I have no time for hair, make up etc.

    The few times I have done the beauty thing it hurts my back from leaning into mirror, holding up my arms doing hair etc etc. and then I regret it as my pain returns sooner then normal :(

    So I tried doing it in steps a little here and then wait and do a little more. Truthfully that seemed like too much effort and BS for me lol

    So now I am trying to be patient and grow my hair into a style that is super easy - like 3 to 5 minutes to do. I have went through my make up and tried on different looks that are quickies to do, instead of the 20 minute make up face I use to do.

    I guess to sum this up I am TRYING to adapt to what I call my new normal.

    I can't go back but I don't need to throw myself under the buss or at least look like I crawled out from under one ;)

    I do treat myself to nails. My fingers have become my new make up and jewerly lol and I only have to get those done 2 times a month and I sit on my but while they are getting done.

    As many have said we can't go back and there is no sense in being in pain trying to look like we can/have.

    BUT we can all make a new normal that we are happy with and can enjoy just as we did before our spines/necks changed our lives :)

    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
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