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I haven't posted in a long time

j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:53 AM in Chronic Pain
And I've only logged on to the site occasionally.
I've been in my cave, licking my wounds, as my pain Psych puts it. Depressed and in pain, with one more light at the end of the tunnel put out. Feeling kinda worthless, and not caring about much of anything. I guess I could go back to my old saying "NO ONE IS COMPLEATLY WORTHLESS, THEY CAN ALLWAYS SERVE AS A BAD EXAMPLE!"
I can look around me and see much sadder stories than mine. But being on the CP "roller coaster" scince the mid eighties. I guess it's just really getting old to me.
Click my name to see my Medical history
You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!


  • You've certainly had a tough row to hoe. Depression is an awful thing and even the best antidepressants don't help much when you're dealing with the pain. Did you ever get the new SCS? I take it you've had no relief. I'm so sorry. Hope they can find something to help you. Don't give up.
    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    But that was just one more light at the end of the tunnle that went out. Although I do get some relief first thing in the morning untill the unwanted stimulation gets too bad. Oh well, It is what it is.
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Jim,

    Sorry to hear your on the spiney roller coaster again! Been riding that ride down here. I love roller coasters, but not the spiney ones! (G)

    You know we are here for you whenever you need us! Big *HUGZ* to you my friend.

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Hang in there! I'm getting surgery tomorrow for this nagging back pain, I hope it makes me feel better.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    Welcome to S.H. forums. I wish you a big success with your surgery!
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Jim, so your the person I was under my rock with ;)

    Yep I have spent most of the winter being down wondering why every day is so much work to do the basics things in life and not even wanting to do the basic things :(

    I also spent the past 8 weeks laying in a hospital bed as of having a bilaterial total knee (knees) replacement done.

    I too am slowly coming out from under the rock of depression - reaching for some sun light.

    Happy to see your starting to climb out as well :)
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • This is a wild roller-coaster ride for you and last year especially I remember. Vent away and good you showed up as we missed you but sad to see you struggling like this. And if it's anything like rainy like it has been here all week, it's dampy kind of weather that goes through you and I don't like going out when it's rainy. I hope things start looking up for you praying you have brighter days tomorrow. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • you are one of my good examples.me with only 2 years on the roller coaster from hell. i all ways look at you and staker and a few others and told(@tell) my self if they can keep on fighting this long and are still able to keep looking for new things to try and help themselves so can i.
    and you if my drugged brain remembers was in construction as was me. and figured coming from are past life of go go go getter done to slow slow do it latter.hard to adjust. i was just 3 days ago in that dark deep hole(the deepest i had ever gone i was all most gone forever. and some friends from hear and a simple meting of a stranger in a wheel chair helped pull me up. i just live across the valley from you. and my daughter sold her pony to some one just outside of town from you last month. are you getting snow to night. it looks like it snowed just above you yesterday.
    sorry the scs is not working out for you it sounded like a good alternative to all the meds.
  • I just wanted to say "Hi" and that I'm thinking of you. It's always something - who said that? I'm back at work and wondering if I can do it with the increased pain, but keep telling myself I can, so I'm up every day and out to do my best.

    I hope that your rock crumbles little by little and that sunshine starts to "invade" your life. You're an inspiration to many here, as you can tell, and I'm thinking of you a lot right now.

    Depression is a hole that you have to work hard to climb out of and I'm hoping that the ladder is waiting on you. I know how tough things are - maybe we can help more. Keep on posting and let's talk. We understand more than anyone else.

    Take care my friend. Get out the shoes and wish yourself home again. You'll get there...and life's waiting for you.

  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    I was in construction, building materials, and actually building as a contractor. But mostly driving and operating. A workaholic!
    I didn't realize anyone lived in my area of N. Calif. Are you talking about the Jackson valley or one of the others? I thought Jon "the teacher" in the Silicon valley was the only other one in N. Calif.
    I've never really been into computers or electronics. But at first I needed to be more pro active in my care. And when I found the old site and finally joined. I got so much out of it that I continued onto the new site. Trying to "give back" and always learning something as I go. And meeting so many supportive people, like the ones that have commented on this thread. And many, many more.
    Sometimes coming on here and trying to be here for someone is the only self worth I can seem to find. And I can always count on Cathie and Charry and many more to give support.
    I'm really glad you got much needed inspiration from that guy in the store. We did get that snow. And rain, sleet, hail. Where's Spring?
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • I have missed you! :H

    You have had a very rough year or so, and it is understandable that you crawled under a rock to hide for a while.

    Spring won't be far away, and with it will be brighter days.

    You have often made me smile, even on my dark days.
    There are a whole bunch of us here who want to bring back the Jim we love so well.

    I think it must be time to go off to see the Wizard of Oz to get back your smile. If you find that field of poppies, let me know, I could do with some good long sleep.

    Take care, and keep talking to us.
    We are here for you >:D< >:D< >:D<

  • across sac. valley north of Winters. there was also some one on hear from Chico area. ya i worked around sac area for 25 years. surgeons from Folsom,Davis,and Tahoe.o ya woodland.
    I hope you are feeling better looks like sun for the next week. o ya don't forget bob in the forest i think he is just out of placer ville ,he takes grate photos, and lives with the forest creachers just out side.
  • Jim, this is one hell of a ride isn't it? Just keep thinking, there are better days ahead. Hold onto that and don't give in to the pain. We're all thinking of you, like everyone has said, you've had a terrible time of it this past year, your body is now just catching up and letting you know you need to rest. Hope those better days come soon for you!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,839
    the roller coaster ride gets real old after a while. Every once in a while, you just feel like saying

    Stop, I want to get off the ride for a while!

    We all need a break from time to time. Without, it like you said, we get into our caves and in darkest only dark thought prevail.

    Hopefully, you will find another torch to put in the tunnel so you can go forward.

    My best to you and happy lighting
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Hanging another torch in that tunnel for ya, Jim. Maybe we can each put one up for you for now... you've done the same for so many others, let us give you a hand this time.

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