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Can't take the nerve pain anymore!

ameuzeaameuze Posts: 3
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:53 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi Everyone,

I just need someone to talk to, because I feel sooooo alone, and no one seems to understand!

Right now my ulnar nerves in both elbows are so bad that it's making me insane!! It's controlling my life, and probably ruining my marriage, cause he does not understand!

If I even touch my elbow I'll jump through the roof from pain, and my job is typing all day long, which makes it so much better...ughh.

Not to mention the constant pain in my neck. I work 8 hours a day, and then come home, and still have to make my husbands lunch, dinner, etc.. while I can barely do that. I yelled at him last night, cause he said "well I had a bad day too, and I'm in pain", but he just doesn't understand that nerve pain is different. :-(

I read something yesterday online, and this lady described her nerve pain as walking through broken glass with bare feet... yeap that sounds about right, and then some.

I hardly ever tell anybody that I'm hurting, and usually keep it to myself except for I tell my husband, but maybe I should just learn to hide it? I sit here every day at work with burning, stabbing, prickly, and crawly feeling nerve pain.

Am I just being whiny, and a crybaby, and should learn to suck it up better? I don't know anymore. I know that I'm SICK OF IT, and I've been hurting since 2003. It gets beyond old!

I did tell my husband that he should find himself a more useful wife than a broken complaining one.

I don't know if I can do this pain thing anymore.


  • Ameuze,
    It sounds like we are sisters when it comes to our husbands and what we say to them! I always..ALWAYS tell him to go find someone who isn't broken and can do normal 35 year old things..like have spontaneous sex..take the kids to the park..reach the pots and pans by her 'big girl' self. Oh yeah..I hear you loud and clear hon! And then when they mention about being in pain..pain huh? What we wouldn't do to JUST have a headache or a simple backache! I yell at him all the time and say "buddy you don't know pain..imagine being in my body and still doing what i have to do in a day..cook clean, take care of all the kids..etc" (we could go on and on couldn't we)?
    But he pointed something out to me. He said that he always keeps his pain and discomfort to himself pretty much anymore because he doesn't want to "whine' to me. He said that I make him feel like the worlds biggest a$$ for ever mentioning feeling bad and that while he DOES'NT know how I feel he can see it on my face, my walk , my moods. But he said that it isn't fair that he has to surpress his feelings and worries and he needs someone to talk to too. *Red Light* for me..that made me really worry that if I never stopped to listen to him and start hearing him that he may very well move on to find someone who will. I'll be honest, when he does complain I still think he has no clue wht real pain is but I let him vent.

    You are NOT a whiny baby at all! Nerve pain, back apin, disc pain etc, is all HORRIBLE and I believe that pain really mucks us up not only physically but emotionally as well. Atleast for me it has. I have changed from super easy going and always a happy person to someone so angry and jealous and just nasty anymore. I cry constantly and I am so sad that this is wht I am at 35. So..maybe we're both whiny babies ;) But we can be in it together!!! Lol
    I have asked my dr for referral to talk to someone about how angry I am. I know it's not healthy at all and I wear it like dirty shirt! I have some good days where I feel 'ok' but I always think about this being IT for the rest of my life and it always brings me down.
    I'm here for you, cry on my shoulder if you like *big hugs*
    P.S. I have msn if you ever want to chat :)
  • I'm right there with you. I work 10hr shifts and take a lot of meds just to get through my day. Had my surgery and although I am happy to feel my leg again, I wish I had gotten more pain relief. I wake up in pain and usually go to bed with pain. Lately I have had the pleasure of that blinding white light, make you stop in your tracks pain returning. While my wife is supportive of me, I rarely say more than to mention that my back hurts. For me it's what's the point. She has heard it for years, and its not like she can do anything to help. I am so grateful that she does everything except work. That's the only thing I do anymore, so I have to keep going or I feel I would be worthless. I admitted to a couple of ladies I met here at SH that I was thinking about going back out on medical leave, but after us chatting about it I realized that I can't do that. Maybe I'm stubborn or too proud, but "it is what it is". So I guess I have no insight to offer except to just tell you I am here too, trapped in my crappy body with my lovely crooked painful spine. Hang in there. That's what my PM tells me. I almost deleted this as I don't think it helps you out, but I took the time to admit it. I guess that is somewhat therapeutic, who knows. I don't feel any better, but I hope you do!
  • I get the nerve pain and how it makes you feel, I have it from my butt to my foot, and it makes me irritable. I do try my best not to be, but I am also working full time, and I am a single mom so there is no other option but to work and suffer thru it. Between constant pain, a stressfull job, and 2 boys 12 and 13, mentally and physically it is a struggle everyday.

    Can you take any of the drugs to help with nerve pain, I don't have the ulnar nerves issue, but I would think that the drugs would work the same. The two I know of are Lyrica and gabapentin, the last is which I am on, and it is helping me.

    I have no advice on the relationship problems. 6 months after I was injured the man I was with(and had been for years) could not handle it. Now I am glad that I found out that he wasn't strong eneough to deal with major issues, however at the time it was crushing.

    Have you read A letter to a normal? It is in this section of the forum and it does a great job of explaining pain to someone that does not understand. I think that if you enter that in the search box it will come up.
  • Just wanted to let you know (again, as others have said here) you are not alone. Glad you found us, vent away, because we all understand. Like snookie, I can't really comment on your personal relationship, except that getting into the old pissing match of "my pain is worse than yours" usually doesn't end well. Listening to and supporting each other is key, as with any relationship, and it does take two... I wish you luck, and like I said before, we all understand here!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Who can you vent to if not the people who understand the best? That is why we are all here. To vent, to listen, to learn and most importantly to know that we are not alone in our suffering.
    I have nerve pain and it is, for me, the worst pain to endure and the hardest to explain. There is no rhyme or reason to mine and my day can go very quickly from the best to the absolute worst in the blink of an eye...literally. Almost the worst part about it is the lack of understanding from those around me. "Oh how convenient...you were well enough to do what you wanted and now you are in pain" as if debilitating pain could ever be considered a "convenience"
    So rage and roar and howl at the moon if that is what you need to do to get through the day...we will always be here to listen and console, for tomorrow the roles may be reversed and it will be our turn to howl
  • WOW can I just tell you all that you brought me to tears, and made me feel sooo much better!! I always think that I can do it on my own, and I'm too stubborn to get support, but I really really need it.

    Daisy Mae, thank you so very much! When I got home I remembered what you said, and it helped me bite my tongue when my husband said that he was in pain too. It's true what you said that I can't make him feel like his pain is just trivial even though he will never understand my pain. I can sympathize with the angry part, because I am getting more and more angry, and very resentful, which is really not like me at all. I definitely do my share of crying, and try so hard to not do that at work, but sometimes the tears just start flowing. I usually have good weeks, months, and then I do too much (like typing, which is really hard right now, but my mental status is more important) and then my neck, muscles, and nerves get really inflamed, and it takes forever to calm it back down. It's such a vicious cycle. I would love to chat msn. How do I find you?

    Norm, thank you, and I know how you feel all too well by going to bed with pain, and waking up with pain. Sometimes I'd just like to go to the ER, and have some morphine just so that I can feel no pain and relieve for the 15 minutes to half an hour that it helps. Yeap my husband has heard it for years too, and I do feel bad complaining about it. I hide it pretty well most of the time, because I am so used to the pain being there. I talked to my Mom earlier today, and she said "Are you hurting that bad still", because I just don't tell people most of the time, but I think that is how I'm getting resentful by bottling up all my emotions. I'm so glad that you didn't delete your post, because it helped me tons! It's amazingly therapeutic to put this into words, and have people actually understand, and make you feel like your not crazy!

    Snookie, wow I am so sorry that you have to go through this as a single Mom (I should be thankful that I'm married), and that the man you were with left you, because he could not handle it! That is so tough... I can't even imagine. I did read the letters to normals years ago since I've been
    going through this since 2003, and it did help a lot, but it just gets old, and family and friends don't really want to hear it anymore. I have been on many many medications over the years, and the side effects most of the time outweigh the good that it does at least for me anyways. Cymbalta almost did me in completely! It helped at first, and then I didn't really care anymore about anything including bills, and I started to pick my face (it increased my OCD), and when I tried to get off of it I almost committed suicide, because I did not realize what was happening, and I ended up having to take off a month from work (can't even really remember why). My husband actually suffered a lot watching me go through all my ups and downs, and after taking medicine for so long I'm not sure who I really am anymore, and if I'm behind door#1, 2 or 3. The only thing that has really helped is Indomethacin, which calms the inflammation down quite a bit. Thank you, and sending you lots of hugs.

    Kelly, I read your profile wow... that's a lot to go through when you are so young. Thanks for your post, and reminding me about the pissing match...lol that is so true! I'm so glad that I finally found a great support group!

    kperaway2, Thank you, thank you. Nerve pain is brutal pain, and like a horrid toothache that just won't go away, and it will literally make you crazy! Hmmm I know exactly what you mean as far as your day can go from great to horrible in the blink of an eye. That's what my husband has a hard time with, because I will leave happy, and then after typing for 8 straight hours I'll come home cranky, and it makes me just that much more angry that I have to stand there and make dinner, and lunches for the next day while he is watching tv! Wow that is exactly what he said to me yesterday "hmm if you are in that much pain then how are you sitting there typing on your laptop".....
  • Take turn making lunches and dinner. We are in 2011. Nerve pain is bad and everyone needs to uderstand that. Normal hurt is not chronic hurt as nerve pain is. Just dump dinner over his head . Git-ir-done
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • Ameuze:

    Trust me you are not alone. I am new on this forum, but without knowing what you have tried so far to lessen your pain it's hard to give you a quality answer.

    I would seek a neurosurgeon; get their advice and take whatever tests needed. I do not suggest ANY steroid injections (they are full of bad side affects and rarely work).

    I feel the same way, I do not verbally complain to anyone regarding my daily pain, but if I did mention it, I get attacked and told to suck it up. I know that if they were our pain, they certainly would not being appreciate us telling them to suck it up!

    Please see a dr. and if you have one and have exhausted any means of relieving your pain, then find another neurosurgeon! This is a matter of quality of life and you deserve to have that. I wish you the best. If you want to sound off just send me a message. Patty
  • Ameuze,

    Sorry you had to find yourself here, but too glad that you did, as *we get it* more than most any group of people (family, friends etc.).

    My hubby and I hooked up 5 years after my crash, and somehow he seems to get it. I've even caught his sniffing the net when I have a new surgery, or results from different tests. He knows he can't 'fix' me, but is there for me 95% of the time. Those other 5% is where he gets "his time", and a break from all of this. He's not too good on helping with housework, but he can tell when I am having a bad day, and he will cook dinner or lunch.

    On some of my appointments where either surgery is on the table, or a lot of diagnostic information is going to occur, I bring my hubby. I think that has helped him understand more of what is going on, and what is the future.

    So far over the years we have been pretty good about keeping open about what is going on. Just knowing whats going on I think keeps resentment or anger towards each other from occurring.

    Fortunately for me, Lyrica takes care of most of my nerve pain (legs and right arm), but of late some has been sneaking past my Lyrica umbrella!

    I hope you two can find a way to communicate what is going on, and what you can do (and he too to help you) in a non confrontational and supportive manner. Please vent away if needed, as again, "we get it." Gentle support *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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