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I don't know what to do....

NumbskullNNumbskull Posts: 1,526
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:54 AM in Depression and Coping
I honestly don't think that I'm depressed. I've been there before and it was nasty, I actually was diagnosed with severe depressive disorder. After trying many different anti-depressants, I started Cymbalta last year, for both depression and anxiety, although I really was only dealing with anxiety at that point, and it has been the best med so far for me.

My problem now, is that since my surgery a couple of weeks ago, I don't have the use of my left arm. It is so frustrating, I'm finding things daily that I can't do and I just took for granted before. The biggest things are the fact that it is so hard to get dressed. I've been able to figure out how to put on a shirt at least, but I need someone to help put on my bra, and to pull my pants up properly on the left side. I also need someone to apply my anti-perspirant on the right side, and to help dry off after showering. It is so degrading and humiliating, even though it's just my boyfriend or mom helping me.

I'm waiting to hear back from the hospital about getting in for another MRI and appointment with the neuro that my surgeon ordered and referred me to. But I'm so afraid that the neuro is just going to say, it will take time, which is what everyone else has said so far. I'm also waiting to hear back from home care, they have authorized home pt for me. What if time and pt doesn't heal this? To think that i have to live like this for the rest of my life is so scary to me.

And then there's the pain. Constantly shooting from my shoulder down to my fingers. And the muscle pain on top of that. My meds don't even touch it. My bicep has completely atrophied, there's nothing left of it, it's like someone deflated a balloon inside my arm. I can move my arm a couple of inches to the side, bending from the elbow towards my body, but it doesn't even reach as far as my belly button, but I can't move it away from my body, or lift it, and can't control it when it drops. I try to think of the positive things, like at least my hand still works, but that's getting old pretty quick now. It's good to sit here and type, I just have to move my arm over with my right hand and set it on the laptop. But I can't do other things like cut my food up to eat, it all makes me feel like a 4 year old. It's so hard to get showered and dressed, so tiring. By the time I'm done I've used every ounce of energy in me and I need to lay down again, due to being exhausted and of course, in more pain, which really sucks when I have to go somewhere after.

The big thing is that, as some people know, we are moving back to Whitehorse at some point. My bf will be going back ahead of me, probably next month or August. I actually told him that he should just go, that I was giving him a "go straight to home" card and to cut his losses and go with a clear conscience, because especially now, I'm facing months of physio and who knows what else, and what if it doesn't even get better? There's such a lack of medical resources there, I would have to fly to see any sort of specialist. He said not to be silly, that I should stay here, get fixed up, then move up when I'm better, he can stay in the in-law suite in his mom's house in the meantime.

I just don't know what to do, about any of it. The pain, moving, should I just stay or wait and see? It's all getting to me and I have that mother of an anxiety attack looming over me, I can just feel it. I'm almost getting back to that "why me" stage, which I got over a long time ago. I actually never really got into that, just accepted that it is what it is, and just deal with it. But now, those thoughts are starting to creep in and I don't like it. Well, really, I don't like any of this. I'm 38 years old, I should be enjoying the best years of my life right now. It's all getting to be a little much to handle.
APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own


  • Kelly,

    With all that is going on with your arm, and too coupled with still pretty fresh out of surgery; I would stay put for now. You have the surgeon there that did the surgery, you also have other specialists nearby vs flying somewhere.

    Nerves regenerate at around 1mm a day. That isn't much in the grand scheme of things. If you go north, your stress levels might well go up (or mood further down) since in the back of your brain, medical specialists would be so far away. You need to take care of yourself first. Your boyfriend can take care of himself just fine, but you need to get yourself as healthy and healed as you can.

    Just my thoughts ....*HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Thanks, I know Brenda, I'm pretty much set on staying, just worried about the outcome of me staying and months of separation. It hasn't worked out for me a couple of times in the past when I had to go away on tour. I'm also really worried, because the nerves that got damaged from my first surgery that caused the Horner's syndrome, still haven't completely come back, and it's been over 2 years. I know I should be hanging onto the fact that partial permanent paralysis is better than complete, but it's hard, you know? I've always been a positive person, but it's getting harder and harder to keep that...
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • You need help put bra on? I only know how to remove sorry. Its always easy to say just takes time and relax but nobody ever gets use to this kelly. Frustration gets the best of all of us even when we know it don help our situation. Just do your best is all you can do and dont feel bad about needing help geting dressed or anything else, none of us can stay positive all the time even when we sound positive posting somerimes. Hang in there wooo hooo
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • kelly,

    I know it sucks what your going through, been there done that. I will tell you with a lot of work I got some of mine back. It is not perfect, but I can do most things I need to do to take care of myself. When I lost mine it was the whole arm and hand, so lots of work getting it back functioning.

    The mri is a good idea to be sure nothing is on the nerve. You need to worry about what is in your best interest at the moment, not everyone else. Also if you have any of those elastic ropes, you might begin putting it around your foot then pulling with the little motion you have in your arm. Remember baby steps and measure your success by the week not the day.

    I really am curious about the mri, as you shouldn't be in this much pain post surgery. So hopefully something is on there and is the answer for all of this. Keep me posted.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,865
    and I knew what I wanted to reply back to you.

    I am sorry that you are having this pain and are down because you feel so dependent right now.

    I know first hand what you are feeling. Last year when I had both of my shoulders replaced, there were a number of things I could not do myself:

    - Shower
    - Wash my hair
    - Put on deodorant
    - Dress
    - Put a belt on
    - Put socks on
    - Cut my food
    - Take care of other personal hygiene
    - And a lot more

    I felt so down and depressed, not because of the pain I was going through but because I realized how vulnerable I was. I felt like a little baby and had to depend on my wife for all of the above.

    But that period ended and today, my shoulders are better than normal and I can take care of myself. So, soon, someday quickly you will be able to take care of all of those things yourself.

    Now, regarding your BF.... When I read that you told him to 'move on', it made me feel so blue. Here it is, a person who served her country and has continued to do so. Putting your own needs and wants aside and to think for others, that other being your BF. I think most people in your situation would be complaining that their significant other does not understand or feel for them. You are a good solid honorable person.

    I am lucky to have befriended you

    Things will turn around for you and there will be brighter days ahead.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • The first thing that came to my mind was "people who have completely lost a limb find a way to manage quite well." I'm the type of person who looks for ways to do things instead of reasons why I can't do things. I enjoy being creative in that regard and now I do so many things that are so routine and normal for me, I forget that at one time they were new and ingenious.

    Your situation isn't a great one, but it doesn't have to be the worst one either. 38 years old with a lifetime ahead of you. That's awesome! So start working on ways to make today a good one. Adversity to me is a challenge. Necessity breathes life into invention or creativity. If you are embarrassed by the fact you require assistance, then figure out a way to do things on your own. Whether by modifying what you wear or how you put it on or take it off.

    You're a very smart individual. You have a great personality, are caring and empathetic to others. You have a wonderful sense of humor and and a genuine regard for others. In my book that means you have a hard time accepting help, because you'd rather be the one giving it. It's okay to accept help and if it makes it less daunting, then think of it as accepting temporary help until you figure it out on your own.

    I hope this makes sense. There's so much I'd like to say but it is jumbled up inside and I don't want to spend 3000 words trying to say one or two sentences.

    Things get better and things heal. Hang in there!

  • I hope that you get the call soon regarding your MRI. They need to get you in for that right away to see if there is a nerve trapped or what is going on to cause you all this pain, numbness and lack of mobility.

    I too think that it is a good idea for you to stay put and have your BF go up north ahead of you. So many more specialists here. You are a strong woman to make this decision to stay and have him go, but I do believe it is the right one.

    You have to keep on, keeping on. Time does do wonders when it comes to nerves.Hopefully PT will be in touch with you soon, to give you ideas for stretching,etc.

    We are all here for you, just as you are always here for all of us.

    BIG >:D< Karen
    >:D< >:-D< : Karen
    L3-S1 herniation and bulges, stenosis, mod facet,ddd,impinged nerves,coccydinia
    discectomy/lami July 2011-unsuccessful
    adr L5-S1 Feb 2012
  • Kelly,

    Sorry I almost missed your reply!!! My bad!

    If your BF is *really* true to you, he will understand and be there for you. Just like being deployed (I am ex Army), if he could handle that, then for sure he can handle you taking care of your health??

    Soldier or not, we "women" tend to be the care givers, and too, tend to think of others before ourselves... While in the abstract that is wonderful and honorable, in the end, "we" have to make sure we too are okay and taken care of.

    I have nerve damage from when my C6/7 disk went - 3 nerve conductions over 2 years...ain't coming back. For 3 months most of my right arm didn't work (C7 nerve), but I got like 45% or so of it back. I can hear your sadness, frustration, anger - I really can. I (Like C mentioned) have learned tricks to take care of things my right arm won't allow. I have new bras that are 'slip ons' verses the hook - though before them, I locked half with my crappy arm, used the good arm to insert the hooks, slid it around, and popped my arms in. Like she said, we just have to adjust - sucks yeah, but creativity can be fun too!!!

    Again, I hate echoing another member, but C has it nailed. Instead of getting bummed that you can't do this or that "normal" due to lack of use, take it as a challenge and be constructive to find a new way to do things. In the shower (for me) I have used a (ummmm...) bathroom buddy with my scrubby to use to get to my back. Yeah, suppose to take care of business down there, but you can attach a sponge and take care of your back and too, yes cleaning down there!! Undies,...or pants, let your good thumb be the guide!! See, there are ways to adapt, and then hopefully in the near future, your arm will wake up. Just try to give it time - I know, it's hard.

    I'm facing at least 3 more surgeries this year - bummed, YUP, but too trying to stay positive. Remember, judge by the week, not by the day - that will drive you nuts woman!!! Big support *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Thanks all, you are all right in what you have said, and I appreciate it all. Trust me, I have been experimenting and finding new ways of getting things done, like in the shower, I have a "poof" that is on a long handle that I can use, however, when trying to use it on my right side with my right arm, doesn't quite get the job done, so still need help with that. Also, drying off. And the bra thing, I've tried so many different ways, but when you can't lift your arm, and even if I rest my arm on my high dresser, by that time (after showering, trying to dry off, etc) any strength is gone and I can't move my arm even the inch or two that I normally can move it. Plus the fact that by that time, I'm covered in sweat anyways from working so hard to get things done, which has completely negated the shower I just took and the bra just sticks in place making it pretty much impossible to slide around even if I am able to get the hooks done up. I actually ripped a bra this morning trying. I've tried sports bras, but again, not being able to lift my arm, doesn't quite work out either, and I still need someone to help pull it down. And my "girls" (Debbie and Donna - get it, the double D's?) need all the support they can get, so going bra-less is not an option LOL.

    I also have figured out a way to put on my deodorant, but it doesn't quite get the job done for my right side either, so need help with that, too. Even with pulling up my pants on the left side, can't lift my left arm to pull them up all the way on that side, and my right arm doesn't quite reach to get them all the way. And everyone seems to take great pleasure in doing their best to give me a wedgie when I ask... sure, funny the first time... :| Or to do the button, it's very hard, and if I've tried a couple of times already, my arm is too weak to lift it up that far. Sometimes, there just isn't a way to do it on your own, no matter how hard, or how many different ways you try, and trust me, I've tried many different ways to do everything. By the time I'm done getting dressed, I'm dripping with sweat and completely wiped out.

    C, you're absolutely correct in that I hate to ask for help, that I'm normally the one helping, so it is so frustrating, because I have tried everything I can think of to do everything by myself, also much to the frustration of the people around me, because I'd rather wear myself out trying than to ask for help. Ron, you hit it when you said you felt like a baby and vulnerable. Cutting food, omg, my mom, sister and nieces went out for lunch today, and trying to cut my food was awful, with my mom and sister continuously asking if they could cut my food for me. I was like, what am I, 2? I got it done, messily and hurting, but done. My mom kept saying that I am and always have been too stubborn for my own good, lol. I guess you can add impatient to that, too. That's probably the majority of my problem, eh?
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I must admit that I had to smile when reading about you cutting your food! You sound so much like me! Stubborn, impatient, independent, oh yeah and stubborn!

    I'm not making light of your problems because I really know how you must be feeling. I just wanted to see if I could make you smile and have a little laugh. Oh yeah, I'm jealous of the fact that you need so much support (Debbie & Donna you know!) Even batteries come in bigger letters than mine--you know AA, AAA, all I get is a single, ah well....hehehehe

    Hope you're feeling better soon. Mentally and physically.

  • I had a partially dislocated shoulder and required surgery and was unable to use that arm. It's easier to put on clothes by putting your sore arm in a sleeve first(the affected arm) then your good arm afterwards and keep icing your shoulder and neck.

    I'm glad you have your Mother and BF helping you though even though it must be hard to be so dependent on them right now and hope it's only temporary while your nerve calms down. Did you take a round of steroids yet? Sorry I can't remember if you said you had.

    What may help for your 'girls' and in fact every woman should be wearing a good sleep bra at night especially a large size woman. The one I wear is so comfortable I don't even notice wearing one and it does up in the front and much easier to put on.

    It's okay to feel frustrated in the position you're in now and your Mom would be better to cut your food up first before giving your plate to you so you'll feel more independent eating and more dignified. I hope you're getting the MRI of your arm soon. Praying your arm gets better. Charry. gentle >:D<

    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • omg Debbie, you are too funny, thanks for making me smile :)

    omg Charry! That must have been so painful, I can't even imagine. Yes, I do put my bad arm in first, put my arm through, then pick it up and rest it on the top of my dresser which is really tall, get the rest of me in and straighten everything out. It's a process, for sure. I did take steroids, the first week after, but that was it. Thank you both for your posts, I really do appreciate them!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Have you tried searching the Internet for suggestions for arm amputees? You may be able to find out some good tips and tricks on how to do everyday things.

  • No, I haven't, I did think of it actually, but figured because they can move their prosthesis normally it wouldn't really be relevant. I should look for semi-paralysis I guess. Thanks, C!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • First things first, I am sending you a hug and a prayer. You are so sweet and have been awesome chatting and supporting me. I want to support you also. I am glad to hear that Cymbalta is helping you manage your feelings. The aftermath and healing time is stressful and especially so for a person who has always been very independent and does not like to "lean".
    coming from a person who has a very hard time asking for and accepting help and has been accused of "working the superwoman" thing :) I think I understand a bit :)
    You must be so frustrated and maybe a bit angry about the lack of use of your arm. I hope that time and the pt help. I have home pt with 2 great therapists who switch back and forth. I also had pt, ortho and home nursing after my first surgery this year.
    I awoke from my second (TLIF) surgery with my right arm not moving. I regained movement, though limited and still have pain and numbness in the thumb and first finger. they tell me it is all nerve damage and hope it will regenerate. Wish I had a great way to tell you to address the bra issue. I need some assistance in dressing and self care but have not come up with any great tips. I think searching the internet sounds like a great way to go.

    I was so sad to read about your decision with your bf. At this time you really do need all the support and help you can have. Can I ask, when you told him to go ahead, how did he react? is this what he wants to do? I don't know anything about your relationship, but I am hoping that he can let you know if he can stand by you or if he just can't.
    I am blessed, married when I was 20 and now at 51 we are still together and have weathered many stresses, though I will be the first to say this one was something that we could not even begin to forecast. He tries and has been helpful but he just does not want to talk or know the details. an example would be that when I had to go to speak with the surgeon and discuss the details of each surgery he said he would take me, but couldn't go in and hear the details, it just makes him too nervous. He said he can be stronger when he doesn't have it all in his mind.
    I am lucky, I know. I wish for you the very best in a bf and hope yours may be able to be there for you or at least honest with himself and you.

    It seems like it would make the most sense to stay where you are. I am not familiar with the area, but I have a tough time being just 60 miles from my doc office. I would hate to see you have to travel more than you can manage.
    take good care of yourself Kelly!
    we are here for you,
  • Thanks so much for your post. It really does make me feel better to hear about others who have gone through the same thing. I'm so glad that you've got at least some of the mobility back in yours. I just told someone else that I don't care if I get 100% back, as long as I can lift it, I don't care. It hurts to have it just dangling there! I do think I got a little bit more mobility in it the past couple of days though, and, I was able to move my bicep a little today! Took a lot of concentration, but I did it! I have a question for you, with yours, did you get hot spots on your arm? I get them on my upper arm just below my shoulder, one spot that will be super hot to the touch while the rest of my arm is normal. Did you do any physio for it? I'm still waiting to hear when they can arrange the home pt for me.

    I called the hospital today (Monday) and they got me in Tuesday for my MRI. Which is awesome, but left me scrambling to arrange a driver to take me, but the base hospital pulled through and got one for me. The hospital that I had my surgery at, and where these appointments are is a 2 hour drive away. They got me in on the 7th to see the neuro that the ns referred me to. So, hopefully in a couple of weeks I will have some answers. But I'm pretty sure that I will just hear the old stand-by "it will take time". Seems to be their catch-all phrase when it comes to damaged nerves.

    As for my bf, well, it was our plan that he would go ahead of me anyways, so I told him just to go, he'd be better off without me dragging him down anyways. He told me not to be silly, that everything would be okay, and if it took a few months for me to get up there, then so be it. He has work waiting for him up there, whereas here he is not working. Which has been so great to have him home with me. He has been so great with recovery with this surgery, so helpful. Too helpful sometimes, lol. But he's been wonderful. That's so great that you've shared such a great marriage with your husband. I too was married at 20. And divorced at 30, lol.

    Anyways, hope you're doing okay, chat soon!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Guess who?

    Geeze how I have missed SH!!

    I just read what everyone posted and I agree, wholeheartedly, with what has been said.

    I have been through the not being able to do anything... wondering if my muscles and nerves will come back to life... throughout my entire core and the waist down. All I can add is that I am now 70% there through PT, my home exercise programs and aqua therapy.

    The bra thing? I can finally wear one, but HOLY COW... bra's just aren't for me anymore and I even went up in circumference, so as not to hit my problem thoracic bones. I still use the shelved bra tops and just layer my shirts.

    You are ALWAYS the giver, caretaker, make everyone happy, gal. It is YOUR turn now to be taken care of while you recover. You are LOVED and your family wants to help! YOU DESERVE TO BE PAMPERED!!!

    I pray that your arm improves, Kelly. I know that scary feeling of "What if these muscles and nerves don't wake up" VERY well. It does raise our anxiety levels, but when it's time for PT sessions... you just do your best and stick with it. Take each day as it comes.

    Thinking of you, always.

    Love ya sis,


    (((HUGS))) to everyone on this thread. I have missed you all.

  • Great you're getting your MRI soon! I'm happy you moved your bicep and hope your whole arm improves soon.

    Hey Tammy-Great to see you! I hope you're doing great. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Thanks so much Tammy and Charry!

    Well, had my MRI done Tuesday night. I see the neuro next Thursday, and back again the following Tuesday to see the NS. Hopefully will have some answers, but I`m pretty sure it will just be an `it will take time` answer. I also got the phone call from home care yesterday, my physiotherapist should be coming within the next 2 weeks. I can`t wait to start that, my muscles are really painful. The past 3 days have been horrible with the nerve and muscle pain, I`ve finally got a grip on it and it`s settled down a bit.

    I was talking to one of the guys from my support group, he had the exact same thing happen. He told me that it was 3 months before he started getting any movement. So, after talking to him, and everyone here, I feel better about it, knowing that it won`t be permanent, but still have that little but of fear tugging at the back of my mind.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Hey Kelly!!

    It was great catching you in chat!! :)

    Like I mentioned and it seems your friend bears it out, nerves heal slowly, so you don't want to give up, or really get bummed yet!!

    Now if this happened 2 or 3 months post op, yeah I would worry more, but 'fresh' out of surgery, I am still thinking the nerves will come back. Sticking with ya woman!! *HUG*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • So, I have a little good news! Today, I am able to bend my arm at the elbow, and lift my forearm up to about a 90 degree angle!! I am sooo happy about that. I still can't lift my whole arm up yet, and can't trust my arm to hold anything spillable or breakable yet, but baby steps, right? This sure gives me hope now, for the past month I have to admit, I've been excreting bricks from that place where the sun doesn't shine, which is actually a tough feat to accomplish when dealing with constipation all the time :D
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Kelly,

    Huge smiles of happiness for you and your now pronounced progress! Hopefully the improvements will continue as your nerves wake up. I am so happy that you *are* now seeing progress. I'm sure that is starting to cut your stress "I don't know" levels down. So happy for you!!! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • thank you thank you!! <:P
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • That's great news Kelly! Good stuff... soon you'll be flippin off folks with that arm. Sorry about those bricks... ouch...
  • Congrats sweetie!!!! These seemingly "little" things are actually huge things and mean so very much!!!
  • Thanks ladies and gent!!

    Clutch, I'll be practicing on you at night in the chat room ;) lol...

    Sue, thanks so much, I am excited to tell, and to hear what the neurologist has to say!

    Miki, it's so true, sometimes the little things are bigger! This really has lifted my spirits!

    It actually didn't even bother me so much when my bf brought up something about him moving back up north, about needing to get boxes because we don't have enough luggage to send all the things he would need. But, I've come to settle on the "everything happens for a reason" attitude, so am just going to take it as it comes. He did say that with him working up there, we might not need to sell the house til I'm ready to move up. I'm just going to try to not worry about that stuff, and just focus on getting my strength and ROM back. It's all I can do right now!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Great to hear! Little by little, step by step so happy your arm is moving a little. I'm praying you get stronger every day I know it's hard work. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Hey Sue and Charry, thanks so much!

    so, I saw a neuro today and he did another EMG. He says it's nerve damage at C6 mostly and a little at C5, and will just take time to find out if it's permanent or not. But, he said that with the bit of prgress I've had the last couple of days, it sounds good. Funny thing, it was the same neuro that I saw 2 years ago after my 1st surgery, and I woke up with Horner's Syndrome. Even though I saw the resident for the most part and just saw him for a couple of minutes at the end, he remembered me, and laughed and said "you just have the worst luck, don't you?" lol. He also, without actually saying anything, kind of eluded that the neuro I saw the other month for the EMG was not the greatest either, so that made me feel better, because that guy, was a jerk and made me feel like crap, told me there's no way I can possibly have any pain because I didn't have any nerve damage... Anyways, so we've got the answer, I see the ns again next week (hopefully for the last time ever) and physio should be calling me soonest to get started with that! I'm happy with the answer, at least we know the source, and time will tell!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • So. Saw the ns today. He showed me the MRI, and it's showing the C6 nerve being completely trapped, the opening is almost completely closed up on it. We knew it was not good before surgery, but the other levels were worse, so he didn't touch that one. I guess the surgery just triggered something to cause my arm paralysis. Anyways, he wants to go in again. My mom (who drives me to my appointments) and I just looked at each other. I do not want to go back under the knife, especially so soon! Not that this recovery has been bad (other than the arm issues, of course) but post-op pain has been a walk in the park compared to the last time. I told him that I had spoken to a couple of people who have had this happen to their arm post-op, and it got better with physio (which I started yesterday). He said that very well could be my case too, but the risk of causing permanent damage is bad because of how severe the stenosis is.

    I'm just at a loss. I go back to see him Aug 23rd, so we'll discuss more then I guess. I see my primary on Thursday, so I'm going to ask what the wait time will be to get in to see a surgeon here in Kingston, so I can get a 2nd opinion. What else? Oh, the effects of the SI joint injections are gone now, as the pain in my lower back came back with a vengeance yesterday, and just over 4 hours in a car today didn't help that any. Okay, now I'm just whining, lol.

    As for how everything is going with my bf, well, he will be moving back sometime in the next month, definitely by the end of Aug anyways. Today just kind of cemented it for me, I know that moving there is not a good idea at all, especially if I don't opt for more surgery right now. My family I think is happy that I won't be moving across the country. My mom told me today that my sister said that I could move in with her family, they have 2 extra bedrooms that I could use, one to sleep in and have the other as my own sitting room or something. She lives way out in the country, around the corner from my mom, so that would make all of them happy, lol. I can not do that, that would, in my mind, be surrendering what little bit of independence that I have left. And it's too far out of town for my liking, there's nothing convenient about living out there. I would be close to my nieces though, in fact I'm sure my sister is looking at it as they would have a live-in nanny for them LOL. I just could not do that. I'd lose my mind.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Just been catching up on your thread. Was so happy to hear that you have some more movement in you arm.
    Sad news about your NS appointment today. That is so hard especially after you are now seeing progress.How did it go with physio yesterday? Did they give you some excercises to do at home?

    What surgery is the surgeon recomending for you? Such a hard decision to make. Hopefully you will have a better idea over the next month on what would be best for you. My fingers are crossed for you that you are able to get into see another surgeon in Kingston quickly.

    Healing vibes being sent your way.With the progress you have made, more should be coming.

    >:D< Karen

    >:D< >:-D< : Karen
    L3-S1 herniation and bulges, stenosis, mod facet,ddd,impinged nerves,coccydinia
    discectomy/lami July 2011-unsuccessful
    adr L5-S1 Feb 2012
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